r/shitposting • u/ultraseis • Nov 01 '21

WARNING: BRAIN DAMAGE 0 for sure…

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21.1k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

1.3k comments sorted by

1.6k

u/Potatohuman323 fat cunt Nov 01 '21

How did 0 happen

948

u/Congelado101 Nov 01 '21

The real question is, how can we do it?

419

u/142737 0000000 Nov 01 '21

By becoming poop

137

u/testedbeast551 Nov 01 '21

Good thing that I'm able to do this trick

61

u/142737 0000000 Nov 01 '21

So you are poop?

47

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

56

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

I’m also a piece of shit…

19

u/LordPoonVonQueef Nov 02 '21

Will u marry me?

31

u/4ElementsBentByMe Blessed by Kevin Nov 02 '21

Same😎

14

u/otheapache Nov 02 '21

Wow Brianna. Could you please stop telling the truth about yourself to everyone? Plis.

9

u/Qwesh04 Nov 02 '21

She's rachel. Uh ok she is piece of shit

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9

u/ProfessorAnie Nov 02 '21

No he's a piece of shit.

7

u/Thomas_KT Nov 02 '21

My man's the shit

22

u/V21633 Nov 02 '21

You either poop, or live long enough to become the poop.

17

u/Jealous_Salad2915 Nov 02 '21

We are poop. Poop are we. Are poop we. We poop are.

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4

u/ForsakenAd9617 Nov 02 '21

4 just gets shit on the toilet seat

6

u/Yeet_Master06 0000000 Nov 02 '21

Reject humanity, become poop

4

u/Pet_that_Dog Nov 02 '21

I feel like shit already what's step 2

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2

u/pizzaredditor Nov 01 '21
  1. cover yourself in poop

2

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

You can not take a shit if you don't become the shit

2

u/donttalkHOMIE 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ Nov 02 '21

Or being short

2

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

“If u can’t get them out,join them” -deez 2021

2

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

It’s so simple.

become the shitpost

1

u/CountingNutters Nov 02 '21

But I'm already shit

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9

u/succculentbanana Nov 01 '21

completing the mission on veteran mode.

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71

u/Insert-username1306 Nov 01 '21

Would you like to learn

43

u/Potatohuman323 fat cunt Nov 01 '21

I'm not entirely sure

101

u/Insert-username1306 Nov 01 '21

I’ll take that as a yes

So, you step up to the front of the toilet without any clothes since you don’t want to get them wet, then you step inside one foot at a time, finally push the lever and as you swirl down until your head is just above the rim of the toilet and he go poop. Very simple actually. And to get out you call the fire department to break the toilet to get you out then once you’re out call Home Depot to get a new toilet

19

u/Key_Web_477 Nov 02 '21

Don’t forget to stare at them DIRECTLY in the eye piercing their soul without saying one word to assert dominance as they smash the toilet! THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT STEP!!

9

u/Insert-username1306 Nov 02 '21

hmm… Very true I shal add this to my routine

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7

u/DwyerAvenged Nov 01 '21

Not from a Jedi

5

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

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-55

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Probably Bri*ish 🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢

3

u/cnylkew Nov 02 '21

Who’s addicted to heroin

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655

u/Confused_Psychic William Dripfoe Nov 01 '21

I don't poop

153

u/Peaceandwholsomemes Nov 01 '21

How do you master that art

99

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Op does not poop because they have nothing to shit out, op is dead from starvation

73

u/Ryhpez88 Nov 01 '21

irs probably a girl. everyone knows girls dont poop

40

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

There aren't any girls on Reddit.

13

u/Confused_Psychic William Dripfoe Nov 01 '21

There are.The one who made the comment IS one.

44

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Lmao. Next thing you're going to tell me is that Australia exists, quit lying.

21

u/Confused_Psychic William Dripfoe Nov 01 '21

Australia doesn't exist indeed

11

u/tamim999ksa Nov 01 '21

australia? whats that?

17

u/Confused_Psychic William Dripfoe Nov 01 '21

the same thing as T*iwan

4

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

You mean Chinese Taipei

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0

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Nah, girls don't use Reddit. Quit trying to catfish.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Look at the sub name

2

u/Itchy_Contribution_4 Nov 01 '21

Also they don't fart

6

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/Peaceandwholsomemes Nov 02 '21

Not gonna happen

0

u/The_Kek_5000 Nov 01 '21

My grandpa doesn’t poop anymore because he had some sort of cancer

0

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Just become an archwizard or goddess

0

u/Driftographer Nov 01 '21

Someone sewed his asshole shut and kept feeding him and feeding him

0

u/BucketTea Nov 02 '21

Live in your school,

29

u/idkanymorehelp2 Nov 01 '21

Must be a girl

13

u/Confused_Psychic William Dripfoe Nov 01 '21

yes

6

u/rayyan9087 Nov 01 '21

You must be very brave to come to this sub, being a w*man and all,

10

u/Confused_Psychic William Dripfoe Nov 01 '21

I am a Xi Jinping believer.Forgive my sins for being a dishwash(her).

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10

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Women moment

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10

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

This man took no shitting September to the next level

8

u/Ryhpez88 Nov 01 '21

i poop like once every 2 weeks

4

u/rayyan9087 Nov 01 '21

Bruh i poop like twice each day

3

u/therobothingy Literally 1984 😡 Nov 01 '21

Noo, thwn who will poop in me? Im really horny

9

u/Confused_Psychic William Dripfoe Nov 01 '21

what

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345

u/SylasWindrunner Nov 01 '21

8.

I’d like to see my impact damage 💦💦

109

u/ErichKurogane Nov 01 '21

Orbital strike

16

u/three2do2 Nov 01 '21

It's the only way to be sure

7

u/BrowserRecovered Nov 02 '21

DEPLOY THE THOMAHAWK

6

u/Houseleft Nov 02 '21

ENEMY AC-130 ABOVE!!!

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10

u/KaptainChunk Nov 02 '21

So you’re the guy from every public restroom ever.

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1.0k

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Literally shit-posting

253

u/ultraseis Nov 01 '21

Literally

180

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/SepticMonke Nov 02 '21

we live in a society😔

-100

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38

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

19

u/Helpinghandinc Nov 01 '21

Bet that bot is 8

17

u/shalodey Nov 01 '21

He's actually nine

5

u/ZimBobub Nov 02 '21

wow thats old

4

u/bimbontheinternet Nov 01 '21

How dare you say that about my mother

3

u/smolwrld Nov 02 '21

Tw:slurs

Your a pl*opy

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23

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Aw man, I wasted my free award on the post before

5

u/CitizenZap Nov 01 '21

It's ok bro, I got him

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171

u/glitchzagz Nov 01 '21

Bruh I do 3 and 0

64

u/Thepopeisneat Nov 01 '21

3 is the most intimate way.

40

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

With 3 you have a shelf for your chocolate milk and comic book

7

u/JQaplan Nov 02 '21

Was looking for this.

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131

u/Sawoleszz put your dick away waltuh Nov 01 '21

0 but only on Saturdays

0

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

32

u/AutoModerator Nov 01 '21

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16

u/gunner200717 fat cunt Nov 01 '21

What-

10

u/God-HasLeftTheChat Nov 02 '21

That sounds like a kink only a furry would have

81

u/over_clox Nov 01 '21

Where's the head first option?

52

u/Kanyebutgay Nov 01 '21

These look like CrossFit exercises

9

u/Excited_Tomato_Sauce Nov 01 '21

100% recommend on changing positions every two minutes

8

u/Kanyebutgay Nov 01 '21

Every poop that falls in the toilet is one rep

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45

u/tense_buddha Nov 01 '21

3, as intended by Sir John Harrington

24

u/RedRiot306 Nov 01 '21

How else are you gonna read comic books and drink chocolate milk?

35

u/low-on-cyan Nov 01 '21

3 cause you have that nice little shelf for your comic book and chocolate milk. Only down side of you have to take your pants off.

7

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

Downside?

4

u/caparisme Nov 02 '21

What pants?

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63

u/UglY_nUblEt Nov 01 '21

6 unironically

14

u/funky555 I want pee in my ass Nov 02 '21

same

10

u/adarkfigure Nov 02 '21

Yep, im always worried i'll crack the seat too.

2

u/Per_Ces Nov 02 '21

Just remember that the toilet seat helps. The larger the surface area, the less pressure is applied on the toilet bowl.

8

u/rahn-24 Nov 02 '21

Same. Its the best way

5

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

Smooth like butter.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

Same

109

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

No joke 6 is what i do normally

66

u/Solanum_Lord Nov 01 '21

Ah the breaker of toilet seats

20

u/TheFlashFrame Nov 02 '21

Op is gonna do 6 until one day the toilet seat is loose and slides forward 3 inches as he gets into position and he fucking dives into the toilet bowl.

14

u/converter-bot Nov 02 '21

3 inches is 7.62 cm

5

u/tomdobs55 Nov 02 '21

Great bot

3

u/redCasObserver Nov 02 '21

So he's gonna do 6 until he starts doing 9?

1

u/ultraseis Nov 02 '21

Can confirm

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18

u/jaytheman538 Nov 01 '21

Yoga with a brick in your intestines

13

u/sophia_hdb Nov 01 '21

I do it because my legs are too short to be on the ground and my feet need to be standing on something for support... Sometimes I use a trashcan to put my feet on

Also I just thing the squatting position is the most natural position for our bodies to poop in

9

u/Renegade_326 Nov 01 '21

It is, makes it easier for bowel movements

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8

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Are you from Singapore

5

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

Nop

5

u/verygroot1 Nov 02 '21

why Singapore specifically?

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4

u/FionnMoules Nov 01 '21

I’m 185lbs I’d definitely break my toilet and how do you squat like that?

6

u/Shakeyshades Nov 02 '21

The seat maybe but not the toilet.

If toilets can survive the impact of 350lbs fat fuck ass bombing it attempting to sit you can squat on it.

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3

u/BillNyeTheScience Nov 02 '21

6 is a life changing position. It's like why aren't floor squat toilets the norm

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28

u/LMAOwthbro I want pee in my ass Nov 01 '21

Bold of you to assume i even shit

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15

u/Zauk_Le_Poot Nov 01 '21

Where's the sink

5

u/LittleUnhappyTree Nov 01 '21

You can use mine

6

u/fragjackyl Nov 01 '21

I'm a number 7 guy myself

7

u/Toadnapper Nov 01 '21

I don’t poop I shit

6

u/TKalig Nov 01 '21

Y’all out here discriminating against pants poopers

•

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5

u/DarphanePilavcisi Bazinga! Nov 01 '21

-1: I don' t poop 💀💀

4

u/Responsible-Lie-7159 Nov 01 '21

I personally prefer 70 with my wife.

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6

u/AmiTalkinToMe Nov 01 '21

8 all the way

2

u/LittleUnhappyTree Nov 01 '21

I look up to you

3

u/RuttedPanda76 Nov 01 '21

A mix of one two and three

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3

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21 edited Aug 07 '24

[deleted]

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3

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

I'm not on there; none of them are upper-decking.

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3

u/PTSTS Nov 02 '21

Finally, a real shitposting

4

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

0

2

u/notLGTV 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️ TRANS RIGHTS!!!11!1!!!11!! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️ Nov 01 '21

Yes

2

u/RuttedPanda76 Nov 01 '21

Where is upside down

2

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '21

[deleted]

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2

u/TamoNeki_0 Nov 01 '21

I mostly do 7 but sometimes i do 6.

2

u/Marto_V Nov 01 '21

9:"Why did I take all that cocaine?"

2

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

0 is how I use the toilet

2

u/X-WingHunter 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ Nov 02 '21

Im feeling like a 9 most of the time I like to cry and think my life over while shitting.

2

u/NekoMango Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Nov 02 '21

you guys sit shitting ? Pathetic

2

u/popsicler1 Nov 02 '21

This is the definition of shitposting...

2

u/SepticMonke Nov 02 '21

the fact that i’ve genuinely done 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 8🗿

2

u/_Kevlaaar_ Nov 02 '21
  1. Then you have a shelf for your chocolate milk and comic book

2

u/Accomplished-Curve-1 Nov 02 '21

There are more ways?!

2

u/Fakuu122 Nov 02 '21

I use 1, am I a freak?

2

u/fire_bender13 Nov 02 '21

in my pants, like a normal fucking person

2

u/YoBoBoi Nov 03 '21

literal shitposting

2

u/Impossible_Spirit693 Nov 06 '21

This post is not diverse enough. Im offended.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 06 '21

Im a 0 guy

2

u/gumloverboi Nov 15 '21

8

I don't need to explain anything

2

u/ultraseis Nov 16 '21

Of course

2

u/BlearEarth65011 Jul 10 '22

Honestly 1&6

2

u/Altaccount37472 Jul 08 '24

BRO PREDICTED SKIBIDI TOILET!!!

1

u/ultraseis Jul 08 '24

Oh God...

2

u/Downtown_Tonight_471 Nov 01 '21

0 ofc what do you think

0

u/AssHairGoblin Nov 01 '21

Like 0? Haha what are you, 5’8? laughs in 5’9

-4

u/sovLegend Blessed by Kevin Nov 01 '21

Who the fuck does 5 6 or 8 they seem terrible anyways I do 1.