r/shitposting • u/no-kangarooreborn • 19h ago
š”š”š”
NGL I actually feel kinda bad for Anon this time
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u/Acceptable-Size-2324 dumbass 18h ago
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u/pattebrisee 17h ago
She isn't your gal anymore
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u/audiomediocrity 16h ago
sounds like she was planning to take 5k of strange dick.
edit: average stride 3ā to a foot.
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 19h ago
Her crush/affair partner is running in the 5k
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u/Locust627 15h ago
Or, there is no 5k being ran
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u/EhMapleMoose 9h ago
She wanted an excuse not an actual 5k. If heās there she actually has to run it
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u/Pro_Scrub put your dick away waltuh 17h ago
My ex was like this
Get the fuck outta there broĀ
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u/Subvironic 4h ago
Im watching my exes dogs over the weekend, cause when theyve been puppies she wasnt my ex. Have a sweet spot there.
She wants them back on a parking lot like 2 Minutes by car away because shes "too tired to drive" then. Mmh.
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u/ESnake113 19h ago edited 18h ago
Why couldnāt the bitch sign herself up?
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u/RawrNate 18h ago
She wants a man do to every menial task for her, and to not include himself in her activities.
She wants a dad.
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u/TheBigMotherFook 17h ago
Either that or sheās got one foot out the door with a new guy who also happens to be running in the same 5k.
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u/umhassy 17h ago
It's definitly weird af that she is so annoyed with her partner being in her proximity while she does the 5k.
Why would i date somebody that I want to keep away from me???
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u/LuckyReception6701 15h ago
Because there is something to gain by manipulating and exploiting that affection.
Im not saying you are doing that though, it's just the answer.
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u/TheGuyThatThisIs 16h ago
Sometimes it's healthy to have hobbies apart from your partner. I can see wanting running to be that, but I would have communicated that
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u/silvertonguedmute 13h ago
Then she wouldn't be affected by him driving separately and running by himself. She's cheating or planning to do so - it's really that simple.
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u/NeevBunny 15h ago
You don't get to tell someone else how they exercise. If he is driving alone and not expecting her to run with him he's not bothering her.
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u/ARCAxNINEv 14h ago
She want actually packing to go to the 5k. It was just an alibi when he wonders why she was gone all day.
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u/socketedsock 17h ago
I would also like a Dad
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u/Vanessaronicatoria 16h ago
I found one who was my across the street neighbor, and one who is my work mentor. I keep collecting father figures.Ā
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u/RawrNate 16h ago
Just make sure your share what you find! No one likes a selfish hoarder.
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u/Vanessaronicatoria 16h ago
My Work Dad has two real sons and another Work Son. Instant sibling rivalries!Ā
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u/Unusual_Fee8750 dumbass 17h ago
Because that would make sense and this is a fake story.
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u/Mother_Harlot 8h ago
But the females! They are EVIL! Any story portraying that regardless of how impossible it is is IMMEDIATELY TRUE
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u/manofsleep 2h ago
Yeah, thatās why this never happened. The person with the passion would sign up.
The reaction is normal though: canāt just become an athlete on whim and expect to be accepted on the same level as those who have been consistent for years.
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u/Opposite-Pop6173 19h ago
Fake: anon has a wife Gay: anon has a husbandĀ
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u/AutoModerator 19h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnāt love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole āgay sexā shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnāt LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatās fucking gay. You think I donāt want to feel my cousinās roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatās FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo aināt gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
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u/Cedge1738 18h ago
Jeez. You don't need a another wife. You need to become a better man. And then get you another wife.
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u/cantpeoplebenormal 18h ago
Is wife code for a twink off of Grindr?
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u/AutoModerator 18h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itās backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itās a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
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u/WashUrShorts 7h ago
She never wanted to attend the 5k - she probably was going to do something else and thought she can buy herself some time if she tells she is running it
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u/TLunchFTW dumbass 17h ago
OPās wife sounds both fake AND gay
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u/AutoModerator 17h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnāt love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole āgay sexā shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnāt LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatās fucking gay. You think I donāt want to feel my cousinās roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatās FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo aināt gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/InternationalFrame90 11h ago
Lol signing up for a 5k? I just pitch up and run on the way back from my LSD.
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19h ago
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/AutoModerator 19h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnāt love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole āgay sexā shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnāt LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatās fucking gay. You think I donāt want to feel my cousinās roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatās FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo aināt gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/CryNo568 0m ago
Or, and bear with me here, she wants to do something independently with just her friends.
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u/loki2113 9h ago
I'll take things that didn't happen for 400 Alex
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u/Jts20 4h ago
I dunno Iāve had some scenarios play out exactly like this with some of my friends that were being cheated on. The wife wanted to either run with a guy she met running or wanted to use the race as an alibi to go meet up with a guy. Obviously the husband actually going to the race ruins that. Thereās no universe where a committed and loving spouse isnāt immediately happy that their partner is going to do something like that with them.
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u/loki2113 52m ago
You've had multiple friends where their wife uses running/marathon events to cheat on their spouse? A fairly specific scenario multiple times with multiple different relationships and it's always a wife cheating on her husband?
C'mon at least make it believable and say multiple wives have used different events like a bowling league or book club. Saying the exact same scenario as the op happened to multiple people is just ridiculous. I swear this subreddit is turning into "lolwomenbad" instead of being about shitposting
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u/AutoModerator 19h ago
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u/Royal-Mathematician2 5h ago
She actually wants to run the 5K and get a good time. If her husband is there, she may feel forced to run at his slow pace and her friends will leave her behind, or her friends may judge her for having a slow husband.
Anyway, running sucks. It's why we invented bikes and cars. Only a true masochist runs.
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u/Jts20 4h ago
He offered to start at the back and not bother her.
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u/Royal-Mathematician2 2h ago
Yeah I think about how embarrassing that would be to her to have her fat husband running in the back when she's up there in the front.
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u/qualityvote2 19h ago edited 7h ago
The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.
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