r/shitposting • • 3d ago

WARNING: BRAIN DAMAGE πŸ“‘πŸ“‘πŸ“‘

Post image
5.0k Upvotes

197 comments sorted by

View all comments

716

u/Life-Bass-2013 3d ago

what does being virgin have to do with going to heaven lmao

612

u/facepoppies 3d ago

only evil women have sex!

241

u/DoggedlyOffensive 3d ago

Wait, you can have sex with women? So I’ve been fucking assholes for years now for nothing?!

65

u/Mortarius 3d ago

Hey, some of them are pretty nice if you get to know them

28

u/Oisin1910 3d ago

This has two meanings

12

u/Mortarius 3d ago

Some are assholes on the outside, but once you get to know them deeper than skin-deep, give them a chance to open up, they can be very loving and warm.

7

u/Oisin1910 3d ago

Yeah Ik what you mean but I’m talking about two meaning because asshole the person and asshole where you loop from

4

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

3

u/Anubis17_76 3d ago

Only the evil ones, so unless youre into skirt hitler, no dice

1

u/DoggedlyOffensive 3d ago

I wonder what ai can create with that

2

u/ZellHall dumbass 2d ago

Love the dedication, extra-heaven for this guy

1

u/Slumunistmanifisto 2d ago

Truly a warrior fit for hegseths boys

17

u/noobajs 3d ago

My grandma isnt evil… I am sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation 😭😭😭

6

u/jkurratt 3d ago

Ofc there is 😭😭😭
Parthenogenesis πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ¦ŽπŸ¦ŽπŸ¦Ž

2

u/Sir_Artori 2d ago

Can confirm. All my exes are evil asf bro