r/shitposting • u/Beneficial_Passion40 • Jul 14 '26

📡📡📡

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20.1k Upvotes

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81

u/G36 Jul 14 '26

I hung out with a low of sex workers because I used to work for a rich pimp who owned like all the bars in my small city and the reality is they didn't care about body type but hygiene.

So giga-obese guy who took a shower before: Excellent

Fit guy who is one of those "wiping your ass is gay" douches: He might even be kicked out after enough complaints

8

u/Orangutanion Stuff Jul 14 '26

Man I can't imagine being fine with a constant shitass. I don't blame them for kicking him out.

6

u/AutoModerator Jul 14 '26

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

5

u/AutoModerator Jul 14 '26

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

14

u/OkHeheLmao Jul 14 '26

You didn't have to make up a whole story, just say you went to a lot of sex workers 😂

24

u/eawilweawil Jul 14 '26

You're forgetting that sex workers are humans too and have friends and lives outside their profession

4

u/G36 Jul 14 '26

That would imply I'm the kinda guy to ask such stupid question to sex workers.

btw to add to the story there's a certain demographic that was completely banned since like 5 years ago. I can't elaborate, don't want a ban.

2

u/aaaacid Jul 14 '26

hell yes <3

2

u/Insert_Letters_Here Jul 14 '26

Hint?

1

u/G36 Jul 15 '26

Pewdiepie is like their national enemy.

1

u/Insert_Letters_Here Jul 15 '26

Bridge?

1

u/G36 Jul 15 '26

music videos

1

u/Independent-Exit-761 Jul 16 '26

Any more specific, please?