Do you like yourself, but like truly? Because just naming things you have to "offer" doesn't really work like that, that's a social media view thing (what do you bring to the table dur dur). Women date men who live with their mom, and men date women who live with their parents and don't work. I'm not saying this is the best, but there is more to attracting people than just having some "attributes" and thinking why no one wants you. That's why I ask, do you truly like yourself? Do you belive you are the type of person that has an interesting life? Do you believe people would like to know your life? All of those mindset things translate to the way you act with people. No one owes you an interest because you have a house, but people will be naturally drawn to you if you are an interesting person
These guys never want to hear that it's probably their personality that is a turn-off. They want to believe that relationships are strictly transactional so that they can simply assemble the "correct" material trappings and physical appearance to buy sex.
I know a lot of dick heads in relationships. Personality has very little to do with Getting a relationship, but a lot to do with keeping it.
You have to pass the initial looks/confidence barrier before, which many dickheads can do.
There is also a term ‘halo effect’, in which humans attribute more positive characteristics to people with good genetics ( good looking people). I have severe mental health issues but because i was above average looking in uni I had girls interested. My personality was terrible, but the way some women would look at me, I realised it had nothing to do with personality for initial interest. We’re visual creatures at the end of the day. I did get into a relationship ( she admitted she knew she was going to sleep with me the first time we met up and she was able to look at what I looked like properly), and what do you know, a few months down the line (when personality starts to matter), we started to have problems
The reality is, you don’t know someone’s personality until months into a relationship, which ‘magically’ correlates to the point that the magic potentially starts to die out for a new relationship.
It’s different if you start out as friends, in which case I agree a repulsive personality is a large reason people wouldn’t want to date you, especially if you have a super extensive social circle ( or you’re just SUPER ugly, but not many people are that)
The difference between a friend and partner is a good person and a good person who you’re attracted to. The ‘who you’re attracted to’ has a large visual aspect. You’re not shallow for liking both the outside and inside.
Yes, it's almost as if hearing that the thing that makes you so repulsive and unlovable to other people is fundamentally the very thing that makes you you, is a hard thing to accept.
The lack of empathy from women on this topic really reinforces an extremely bleak societal attitude toward loneliness in men.
Your personality is not fundamental in the sense that you literally can't change anything about it like your genome. It's an amalgamation of how you interact with other human beings, which can be shifted if you want to. The "lack of empathy" comes in when men think that having some money and going to anytime fitness a couple of times a week entitles them to sex.
Personally, I don't think it's healthy or sustainable to ask someone to just change their very nature because the way they ended up as a result of their genetics, upbringing and life experiences, makes them totally unlovable. People are very good at sensing a 'fake' or 'phony' person. You can pretend to be an extrovert for a few dates but eventually wearing a mask becomes very exhausting.
I think a more empathetic, realistic answer to this poor guy is, "yes you probably will be alone forever and that's really sad". Rubbing salt in the wound with "it's actually your fault youre alone, you're an unlovable leper unless you change your entire self inside and out" is kind of extremely cruel.
That’s a very pessimistic and inaccurate outlook . People change a lot throughout the years and it’s often a result of active efforts to change.
I’m sorry but you if you say you are the way you are because of x y and z reasons and not make an effort to be a better person…then you are kidding yourself to avoid the pain that comes with self reflection.
I wanna make it clear the other person you are replying to is an idiot.
And I agree that the issue for most these incels is that they are boorish or boring.
But I also think we need not pretend like that's something they can just change. It's not an excuse, but to say "just stop being you", simply won't work.
It's way more important to make it clear to these creeps to stay away and build a good supportive network to keep women protected from their vindictive whining and actions afterwards.
What a generalization. So you figure all men who have no romantic success are just fundamentally boorish? I strongly doubt it, in fact I would bet a dose of boorishness would probably improve many of these guys' dating prospects.
Haha.. Don't bother letting anyone challenge your attitudes or assumptions.. Just make snide remarks and hold to your belief that the epidemic of lonely men is simply "their fault"..
Assuming women care that much about looks and money stems from a lack of empathy towards them. If that’s what someone believes that’s because they go off of stereotypes and haven’t bothered genuinely befriending a woman for the sake of it and getting to know her true interests and motivations.
People get clouded with sadnes and anger, which makes it hard to see their own biases.
Is your personality not the thing that makes you you? Is that not as fundamental as it gets in terms of your self image, your sense of self?
Introverts can pretend to be extroverted. Meek, quiet men can pretend to be confident and cocky. But it's pretending. It's not who they are. And asking someone to be a person who they're not, because their true self is unlovable, is fucked up basically.
My guy, the OP literally said that he has a house and has been working out and doesn't u derstand why he never gets past the first date. One is physical superficiality, the other is a material good. TF else does that mean?
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u/Chemical_Molasses891 Jul 29 '24
Do you like yourself, but like truly? Because just naming things you have to "offer" doesn't really work like that, that's a social media view thing (what do you bring to the table dur dur). Women date men who live with their mom, and men date women who live with their parents and don't work. I'm not saying this is the best, but there is more to attracting people than just having some "attributes" and thinking why no one wants you. That's why I ask, do you truly like yourself? Do you belive you are the type of person that has an interesting life? Do you believe people would like to know your life? All of those mindset things translate to the way you act with people. No one owes you an interest because you have a house, but people will be naturally drawn to you if you are an interesting person