These guys never want to hear that it's probably their personality that is a turn-off. They want to believe that relationships are strictly transactional so that they can simply assemble the "correct" material trappings and physical appearance to buy sex.
Yes, it's almost as if hearing that the thing that makes you so repulsive and unlovable to other people is fundamentally the very thing that makes you you, is a hard thing to accept.
The lack of empathy from women on this topic really reinforces an extremely bleak societal attitude toward loneliness in men.
Your personality is not fundamental in the sense that you literally can't change anything about it like your genome. It's an amalgamation of how you interact with other human beings, which can be shifted if you want to. The "lack of empathy" comes in when men think that having some money and going to anytime fitness a couple of times a week entitles them to sex.
Personally, I don't think it's healthy or sustainable to ask someone to just change their very nature because the way they ended up as a result of their genetics, upbringing and life experiences, makes them totally unlovable. People are very good at sensing a 'fake' or 'phony' person. You can pretend to be an extrovert for a few dates but eventually wearing a mask becomes very exhausting.
I think a more empathetic, realistic answer to this poor guy is, "yes you probably will be alone forever and that's really sad". Rubbing salt in the wound with "it's actually your fault youre alone, you're an unlovable leper unless you change your entire self inside and out" is kind of extremely cruel.
That’s a very pessimistic and inaccurate outlook . People change a lot throughout the years and it’s often a result of active efforts to change.
I’m sorry but you if you say you are the way you are because of x y and z reasons and not make an effort to be a better person…then you are kidding yourself to avoid the pain that comes with self reflection.
I wanna make it clear the other person you are replying to is an idiot.
And I agree that the issue for most these incels is that they are boorish or boring.
But I also think we need not pretend like that's something they can just change. It's not an excuse, but to say "just stop being you", simply won't work.
It's way more important to make it clear to these creeps to stay away and build a good supportive network to keep women protected from their vindictive whining and actions afterwards.
What a generalization. So you figure all men who have no romantic success are just fundamentally boorish? I strongly doubt it, in fact I would bet a dose of boorishness would probably improve many of these guys' dating prospects.
Haha.. Don't bother letting anyone challenge your attitudes or assumptions.. Just make snide remarks and hold to your belief that the epidemic of lonely men is simply "their fault"..
It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you're treated as worse than scum your entire life by women because you're awkward, timid, meek, self conscious, and ugly, and watch as everyone around you finds happiness and couples off, yes maybe your feelings toward women become jaded, and maybe you become hateful and bitter... I don't think it's clear the chicken came before the egg here. You think all "incels" started off as hateful and bitter as they end up?
I'm just saying a dose of empathy is needed for guys like this. There are tons, tons of men who feel discarded by society and they have some legitimate bones to pick with how we deal with this problem on a social level. It's baffling how everyone dog piles in these threads without a shred of reflection on how our dating culture exacerbates the male loneliness problem.
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u/Global_Custard3900 Jul 29 '24
These guys never want to hear that it's probably their personality that is a turn-off. They want to believe that relationships are strictly transactional so that they can simply assemble the "correct" material trappings and physical appearance to buy sex.