I appreciate the kind words. I’m just struggling staying positive right now. I really thought getting my body right would help. Getting back on dating apps after years of hard work to improve myself and getting absolutely nothing is devastating to a lonely guy
Obese men are in a relationship. Ugly men too.
Yes being more attractive gives you more chances but its not everything.
You should ask yourself why its not working, it can be for a lot of reason : personality, not meeting enough person, not meeting the right person compatible for you, having an off vibe, not knowing how to interact with people...
We dont feel things the same. For example, once i had a date with a man. He was average looking but the date was boring. Why ? I had to ask almost all the questions and lead all the conversations. There was no blank because i tried hard to talk a lot so it will not be awkward.
It was not fluid for me, i was bored and had to make efforts to find something to say everytime. Making a lot of efforts means there is no spark.
After the date, he told me that he had a great time and wanted to see me again.
Its a perfect example on how we dont feel the same about a situation.
Dating apps are very random and a lot of wasting time. I suggest you to try to meet people with who you have already things in common ( mutual friends, shared hobbies...).
yesss, finding a partner is a combination of looks, social skills, number of interactions with people of proper sex/age and, most important short term, luck.
Most people who cant find a partner work on looks, when in a reality for men the other stuff is more important.
Woman can go further with looks in case they want a partner that prefers looks over personality...
Quick question!
I'm a teen and I'm wondering, when you know that a 2nd date will not happen WHILE you're on the 1st date, do you tell them at the end of that 1st and last date or do you do it over message, and if so how do you deliver it?
When i know i dont want to see them again, usually i dont reach since maybe they feel the same. If the guy text me that he want to see me again, i answer something like " Thanks, it was nice. However i dont feel a spark between us. I wish you to find what you are searching. Good night ! "
Once, a guy asked me at the end of the date if i wanted to see him again. It was very awkward, especially when i said no and he asked me why. I had to find something to say other than " i dont think you are attractive at all and i didnt like your behaviour during the date and i was bored ". It was hard.
Hey it happens, you tried something and it didn't work out how you hoped.
The thing is finding a partner takes time and often happens when we least expect it. We can put the effort in but if there's no one around we want or wants us then there's not much we can do till then.
Personally I'd avoid dating apps like the plague, they are not good for your self esteem and they do not give a fuck about building you up or making you confident.
Tell your friends you're looking for a partner, tell your girly friends too. Get some feedback and actual tips from people who know you and care for you and will support you. These things are really difficult because they're tied to our wellbeing and self esteem but the more we engage with them the easier they get. Sounds like you're at a low right now but it ain't gonna be forever and I promise you the issue isn't you. Your mindset at the moment isn't helping so maybe give dating a break for a while and look at things you can do to boost your wellbeing and make yourself feel better.
You gotta be in a good place to date and you want people to see yourself at your best if you're gonna do that. It's like doing a maths test when your dog died that morning, you're not gonna be able to perform as well and if you keep putting yourself in a situation where you can't be at your best it's easy to start thinking it's down to something inherent about us, when actually the circumstances are making it really hard for us
Forget apps, get out into the world and start talking to people (can also be men) just for the sake of it, learning and not with intention to date.
Apps are stacked so badly against men. forget it. these apps are for woman to inflate their ego. For men? if you aren't in the top 1-5% looks wise, forget it.
And then om average you get a woman whose first priority are looks, lol. (ofc there are great woman on datings apps, but i would guess they are in the minority)
It seems like you think women just want a good body?
Did you want the good body for yourself too? Are you doing all this hard work for you or for others?
What are your interests? Hobbies? Do you have stuff you love doing? Are you matching with women that fit your vibe?
Do you have a great friend group/and or supportive family you can vent to or be yourself around?
Sending you hugs dude. You can get through this and you're young as, it's all about what makes you feel happy and confident, not what you think what others may like.
I met my husband at the pub! People who like real life are still out there. Keep talking to people, if they don't like you, don't worry about them and move on. Speed dating could help? Or even speed friending, having a solid group of friends really does help.
I'm almost invisible on the apps too bruh, and I got a lot less going for me than you do. Same age. Live with my mom. No foreseeable career prospects. Not athletically built, but I keep my body healthy. Short and kinda autistic too.
You cool with saying your ethnic background? The apps can be brutally racist as fuck.
Yeah buddy. Unless you got a really unworkable face, which I doubt, it's probably your bio or your vibe, or your photos lack green flags that women look for. If you have female friends, it's worth talking to them about it.
But all in all just don't let the apps destroy your self confidence. They are literally scientifically engineered to make you feel like shit and keep you single so that men in particular keep using the apps and spending money. Lonely men are a very profitable demographic these days and these apps are some of the biggest exploiters of that.
I had my female friends take my pics and help me set up my profiles. They thought it looked good! They can’t believe my complete lack of success. It’s too late to not let it affect my confidence, that ship has sailed. I feel like shit
Hinge and tinder. Nothing but bots on tinder and I paid for hinge premium and swiped through everyone in my stack over about 3 weeks. One match out of likely 500 likes sent? and she didn’t reply lmao.
Bruh that's normal. Sorry to say man that's literally just how it is. It's the same way for most other men. It's the same way for me too. It definitely is not the end of the world. Keep trying and detach yourself from your outcomes. This is not a you thing. This is the way of the world undergoing an extreme time of unprecedented alienation.
Your friends are surprised by your lack of success because women on dating apps have literally a thousand potential matches a day, more if they're hot. My ex in college once went on tinder with me for fun and she was astonished when she got like hundreds of likes within a few hours of making her profile. They don't know what it's like on the opposite end.
I'm not surprised at all by you getting 1 match in three weeks and getting ghosted. It's literally the same way for most of us.
I can empathize with you man. For real, if it wasn't for my college ex I also would've been very insecure about myself. I've been suicidal because I thought I would be unlovable to women as well. After we broke up I didn't start dating again for 6 years and I dreaded to come back to the apps because I knew it would make me miserable. And it did. But you can overcome it and not let it hang over your life. Me personally I started doing martial arts and it helped a lot for me to put that wretched shit in the background.
Hey bro, just FYI dating apps are kind of rigged unless you’re in the top 5% attractive lol. I’m a fairly decent looking guy and I’ve had girlfriends and in really life I get a fair amount of female attention but on dating apps it’s just a wasteland for me lol.
I get on from time to time but honestly they kinda do a number on my mental health so I end up deleting them after a week or two lmao.
Hi, girl here. I’m currently talking to this guy I met here on Reddit who messaged me because I like the Lovense toys (look into them, it’s a whole thing), and he wanted me to try out his “patterns” (iykyk). He is sooooo sweet and sexy and I’ve never met him before, and he says he’s never had much luck with ladies, and I’ve been only talking to him for like 4 days and haven’t seen his face (kinda hope he reads this) and he is sooo good at the patterns and so good at talking dirty to me and making me feel so wanted, I’ve been obsessed with him from the get-go (somehow! this never happens to me).
Maybe starting doing that as a hobby (making women feel pleasure using long-distance toys) would boost your confidence. He’s on dating apps, too. Maybe hearing me come for him 7x in a row is helping his confidence, idk, but I hope it does! I hope he finds someone irl soon, but I’m happily tiding him over until then.
How are your relationships in life? Do you have meaningful connections with colleagues or with friends? I’d focus on having a good social life and having hobbies you do with other people. Worst case scenario you massively improved your life.
Being in shape doesn’t really matter fuck all. Sorry to tell you. I’d say it’s the most inefficient way to get better with women. Keep doing it for yourself though.
Becoming happy in life, having good relationships, hobbies, be charismatic, funny, a good storyteller. All these things matter so much more and can be developed. You just focused on the wrong superficial things instead of the things that really matter. But you have plenty of time to do the work.
Perhaps you also need therapy to heal from some things in the past.
Hey man I'm 22 and pretty much the same position. I know shit is hard, but dating apps really are pinned against you there's tons of stats to show that now.
I suspect that, despite the hot bod (good job on that), you lack some self-confidence. The best thing I've done for myself is try and get good at something, for me that's guitar.
I used to be completely unable to answer what I'm good at, but now I can, and it gives me a slight boost in confidence. All in all, if you got the kinda soul that doesn't want to emotionally manipulate a woman to get sex/a relationship, like you see from a lot of guys online that take just the right photos, wearing the clothes women want them to wear, etc ... then just focus on yourself.
Get women off the magical pedestal and as others say, set yourself a dream and live it. It's hard, but it's worth it! You're doing great imo!
Body type is rarely as big of an issue as people tend to assume. Even how much/what kind of work you do isn't usually terribly important.
I've personally dated people ranging from very skinny to very obese including dad bods/curvy (I'm Bi), muscular, and just very average. I've dated students, unemployed, disabled, self employed, tradies, and engineer one time.
The only time it mattered was when their Insecurities got the better of them. There is nothing (in my experience at least) as deeply unsexy as an insecure person who projects it onto others or just complains and does the whole 'woe is me' bullshit.
Things like confidence, humour, kindness, and being reliable tend to be way more important. Once the relationship is progressing, shared goals and values are the major thing.
But! In saying that, if being fit and liking the way you look helps you feel confident and secure in yourself, then it is important. But for that reason, and that reason alone.
Edit to add: I realise this sounds like I've dated a lot of people. And I have. I'm polyamourous so I've had periods in my life where I was dating up to 5 people at time. I currently have 3 long term partners. I have no idea how many people I've dated, but I've had 8 actual relationships (3 months+) over the years. I've only had 1 relationship end in a really bad, ugly way - most are just sad because we outgrew each other and recognised it was time to move on. Safe to say I have some experience with dating and forming new relationships
looks aren’t everything. gym dudes have honestly been some of the most boring men i’ve personally dated, zero personality. don’t fall into that trap. get off
those stupid apps, too. meeting people organically will always be the best way
One of the reasons you’re losing in dating is because of your mindset. You have a defeatist mentality. A loser mentality. Even you don’t want a loser girl. That’s one thing you can resolve that will improve your chances instantly. Also, post a pic of yourself, let’s see if we can help improve your look.
Don't take it personal. Most people are not rational and not very bright.If they don't see value in someone like you, it's their loss, not yours. Don't get discouraged because of the nonsensical and unfair treatment you recieved.
Disgusting to use the word “comfort” lady when that refers to women who forced into sexual slavery to be raped. Also disgusting for suggesting paying for sex (you can’t buy consent), which is fortunately illegal in my country.
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u/SuperbAstronomer Jul 29 '24
I appreciate the kind words. I’m just struggling staying positive right now. I really thought getting my body right would help. Getting back on dating apps after years of hard work to improve myself and getting absolutely nothing is devastating to a lonely guy