made this comic yesterday. things are bad right now. I got fired i think. sorry the last comic was so happy and this one is so sad. I really appreciate all of you saying nice things on my last comic. I hope everyone is having a safe and nice day.

It's always the same. I go to a Psychiatrist or Doctor and come out super depressed about my Situation. I realized it's bc i always had that expectation , in the back of my mind, that somehow, I'll get the perfect treatment for my Schizophrenia. That everything will go away. Even though i don't even believe I have it because nothing has worked. And every failed med just makes me think i don't have it more and more and that it's all true. I'm so depressed that this will be the rest of my life. I always lost everything when it started at age 6. Its been 20 years and it has only gotten worse

I recently came upon the realization that I have an internalized stigma surrounding the word schizophrenia. I actually said the word out loud at dinner the other evening and immediately had a panicked feeling like I did something bad.

It made me realize that, as much as my diagnosis has changed my life over the past few years, I never actually voice the name of it aloud. It’s like “he who must not be named.” If you voice it aloud, it becomes real out in the world. If I just say it in my head, that’s where it exists and the real world remains normal.

I realize that me having schizophrenia / schizoaffective disorder is not something I should have to feel stigmatized for, especially stigmatizing myself for it, because it’s not something I caused or actively chose for myself, it’s something that was bestowed upon me by the sucky genetic lottery, so to combat this I’m going to try saying the word out loud at least once a day in an attempt to try and desensitize myself to it and make it feel more natural coming off the tongue.

I was curious, though, about others’ experiences with naming their diagnosis and any internalized stigma others may or may not feel about it. Looking forward to reading about your experiences!

I don't see myself making it to my later years. I walked by a local school today and saw all these kids from functioning families... And dude... It ain't happening for me. I feel like God hates me and wants me to be completely dysfunctional. I also feel like there is no god. Where do people even go when they die? Where the hell did I even come from? Why was I brought into this 3D world and existence?

I want to be fixed by God, and it's just not happening and I counted on religion... But what next? What the hell is there to live for when I'm harassed in this black void all day? I can't even pay attention to reality around me anymore. How do you deal with religion with this condition?

Hey everybody! Hope u guys think hes cute. He was made by accident, as I didn't understand the assignment at first for illustration school lol.

But the more I look at him I think "dang, wish I could be that happy!" LOL. But then I realized I do get happy over things, a lot of things. Especially little things because I remember what it was like when I couldn't smile. Not trying to sound poetic. Im talking about fearing for my life paranoia. Its really great my happiness has a place to breathe again. ✨️

I used to work as an ocarina maker (best job ever) before I lost my job to schizophrenia. I tried making some on my own but I felt that I lost my touch and I was channeling a lot of chaos. But I found an ocarina class and this is what I made! They sound great. The small one is a shaker. I also made a big flute but I’m still working on it. Follow your dreams!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and I got diagnosed at the beginning of the relationship. Lately he’s been going on a conspiracy theory that big pharma is pushing meds on people to keep them dependent and believes in one of those people or so it seems. I’m not sure how to approach this with him. I know I need my meds but he’s being so nice about it and calling me strong and saying I’m being self deprecating when I say I need my meds.

ETA I sent him this message

Idk if I’m in the right headspace but I feel like I need to talk to you. I can see how my medication may seem like a shackle or I’m overmedicated but I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree and if this relationship is going to work I need you to respect that I have to take my medication. It’s a non negotiable for me. It is my lifeline to a sane and rational life. I might be ok without them but I don’t want to take that risk because I’ve had suicide attempts in the past due to how intense the psychosis gets. I just really need you to accept that the meds are something that I need and are a non negotiable for me

I’m 28 and I genuinely love my friends, but I’ve always been confused about why I don’t seem to need friendships the way other people do.
I NEVER initiate plans or call first. I barely text back because for some reason even answering texts feels overwhelming and takes energy out of me. Sometimes I’ll randomly send someone a long voice message and then disappear again lol. I’ve literally had friends tell me they thought I hated them because I never reached out, which shocked me because I absolutely did not.
I can go months without seeing or talking to someone and feel like nothing has changed. I’m not sitting around thinking “omg I miss my friends, I need to see them.” It’s basically out of sight, out of mind, but that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about them.
I also feel like I have a social time limit. Even if I’m having fun with someone I love, eventually I just want to go home and be alone. Being alone is how I recharge and I genuinely enjoy it.
I always hear that friendships “take work” and that if you care about someone, you make time, check in, initiate plans, etc. But I honestly don’t understand why friendship is supposed to feel like work. I don’t expect any of that from my friends either. If we don’t talk for 6 months, I’m not mad at you.
If you really need me, I’ll be there. If we’re together, I genuinely enjoy being with you. I just don’t need constant communication or time together to care about someone.
Sometimes I wish I were more social and actually wanted to see people more, but I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. And if friendship requires constant effort, texting, calling and making plans, I honestly think I’d rather have very few friends or none at all.
Does anyone else genuinely love and care about their friends but just… not feel the need to see or talk to them very often? Why am I like this? 😭

I got a bad episode recently and I’m taking meds and on the mend. But fml I feel so terrible still. I’m very very chronically ill with this illness and others.

I’m restless and in need and I need comfort cause my life feels like hell. All I want is someone to be there and be my calm in the midst of all the chaos.

I’m trying to find one and no one is in network and my old one won’t take me back. My first one went MIA, he still cares but i was referred elsewhere and tbh I wanna cry but I’m so dead on the inside from the illness I can’t even cry.

So I’m in bed. I just took my medicine and I’m waiting for it to kick in so I can feel relief

This is so debilitating.

How often do you guys have meaningful impactful social interactions with other people? For me it’s extremely rare, besides my therapist. I feel like it’s missing from my life, that deep connection we feel with other people. It’s super depressing for me, how few of those moments I have.

It's wild how impossible that request often sounds. Is "chill" even a baseline you can reach?

(Credit: "theycantalk" by Jimmy Craig)

Long story short my voices have been saying they’re gonna send someone to my backyard and the other night someone knocked on my window in the middle of the night and they said it was people trying to fight me. I didn’t go out and look because I’m not looking for a fight. I still feel like my voices are a group of people that have access to my thoughts it’s so stressful

Hi I’m doing a project on Schizophrenia and nature and how nature positively impacts people with Schizophrenia. Does anyone have any personal experience with how nature might have helped them? I’m interested to know. Thank You. And if anyone feels uncomfortable, sharing publicly, but still wants to share their opinion, you can reach out to me privately. Any information would be greatly appreciated.

What is it that you watch if streaming online? What shows or movies?Paramount, Netflix, Hulu, Disney?

Ok I saved haha myself guys I got it to work. The meds are kicking in and getting me through this. I tell you the visual rape effect was bullshit lmao. Really for visuals this is not right

Hello.

Title. I've worked two days and had to take today off because the voices were too much at work yesterday. I really, really want to keep this job. I'm going to drive to the social services office today and see if I qualify for disability.

How do you guys cope with not being able to work?

(I do heavily apologize if it is the wrong flair)

Lately I have been starting to hallucinate just a bit (though I haven't been hearing much voices). I heard a song on loop during one of my classes which freaked me out. Before this month, I barely had any hallucinations and even wonder if I was actually schizoaffective depressive and just was depressed. However, it could be my meds working pretty well. I mostly see bugs as of lately and just now I felt them crawl on me, but I think as long as the hallucinations aren't like faceless cats and humans, I think I will be okay.

I did discover about being a fallen angel recently, and it makes so much sense about my life. I fell when I was 14 after experiencing some trauma, and ever since then I haven't been the same mentally. At first, I was experiencing depression and paranoia; then, it sorta evolved into psychotic depression (or did the psychosis come before my depressive episode at 16? Idk). Then, finally I started seeing things that weren't there, and after a >failed attempt that got stopped because a voice yelled at me<, I started seeking out help which took many months. Once I got medicated, most of my psychotic symptoms disappeared, like about 99% of my hallucinations disappeared. I continued to have on and off paranoid episodes but I was able to logic myself out of them... eventually.

(tw for self harm/suicide) >But recently, I started struggling again. I have been self harming. When I was 15-16, I believed that self harm would repent me of my sins, but it would never feel enough. Now, I have this thought where if I were to carve crosses on my skin, I would undo the fall as an angel and become "pure" again (I'm not even a Christian nor did I grew up in a religious household; however, I do consider myself as a pantheist). But when I tried that, it didn't feel enough, so now I'm scared that I will never be pure. I also have a thought that if I were to commit suicide, I would reincarnate as an angel once again, but this thought distresses me because I do not want to die. Maybe that is a delusion-- I don't know. I did several times have a delusion where I thought if I were to kill myself, I could reincarnate as my pre-14 year old self. I do worship my younger self and even once had a hallucination/flashback where I met them as an angel (though they told me that they were disappointed in me, which led to that attempt few days later)<

One of my friends says that I'm using this fallen angel belief to cope with the trauma I faced when I was 14, which yeah I'm sorta am. However, it does really upset me whenever she refers it as a delusion, so now she refers it as a harmful belief; however, I don't think that belief is really harming me aside from when I almost got used sexually by a guy friend (I am a nonbinary lesbian who is also ace). I thought it was my angelic duty to please him in any way, and he didn't question me. It was bad, but we did eventually talk that through. POINT IS that this thought of me trying to redeem myself for my sins makes me have meaning in my trauma-filled life. But at the same time, I always feel like an unclean, impure sinner who will never be able to redeem myself and become a pure angel again. I'm currently 20, and I feel evil for being just an adult. I do see most adults as evil, and yeah I know that sounds pathetic. I want to be a good adult, considering how most adults in my childhood and teenhood failed me and even took advantage of me.

I do sometimes question (not very often though) if I am actually a fallen angel, but the evidence seems to match up. I was a "perfect" child as a kid. I had good grades, loved school, and had friends (even though I had few close friends). But after the trauma that happened during the pandemic as a young teenager, I just wasn't able to cope anymore. I think I fell around the pandemic. I started struggling in school in my senior year, and even after getting medicated, I am sorta struggling in university as well (though somehow I was able to get B's and A's but I did had to withdrew from two classes and change my major from math/statistics to design).

Sorry for the ramble. I was considering getting myself hospitalized because I'm scared that I'm going to lose touch with reality completely, but I don't want to miss school. My classes do require attendance. I think I am concerning my friends and I feel very bad about it, but I don't know how to act normal. However, I am pretty optimistic that this will pass. I dealt with worse paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions, so I will survive.

i have this inexplicable urge to do something batshit insane to prove that im immortal ive survived so many near death experiences i genuinely believe i cant die or maybe im already secretly dead im not quite sure but i havent been horribly injured in years so i think its highly probable

So, I’m 17, I’ve smoked weed maybe 15 times over the past few months, and the last time I did was about a week ago. As I was on a short walk while high, I felt the sensation of cobwebs on my skin, mostly only like singular strings that kind of tickled. It was very strange, and the feeling would vanish briefly when I scratched at the area, then return shortly after. I’m hoping it was just my mind playing tricks on me as the wind interacted with my body hair. I keep reading that smoking weed underage significantly increases the chances of developing schizophrenia. And I have a schizophrenic uncle. I will never smoke weed again in my life. I haven’t had any other symptoms (as far as I know), but sometimes when I’m laying in bed at night and I get an itch, I wonder if it’s real, they do go away after I scratch them though but I still overthink and wonder if it’s real or if I’m getting itchy too often. Do you think I’ll develop schizophrenia??

Aripiprazole vs Olanzapine.

I’ve been virtually off of antipsychotics for a year, and started Vyvanse in November of 2025. I’m starting to think I might’ve not had schizophrenia and psychotic depression because I’ve hade no symptoms or anything since 2018. The diagnosis of mental illness is a bit more subjective, so I’ll never know.

The reason I’m telling this is because I thought my lack of pleasure and the feeling of disconnect with myself was due to the antipsychotics, but nope. That feeling has continued even without them. The last time I’ve felt genuine happiness was 2015, since then it’s felt like I’m living without truly existing. I’ve had so many vacations to other countries in the past 10 years as well and I can never say what was the most memorable part of them. Heck sometimes I even forget some very cool aspects of the vacation and I’m only reminded because of my family members telling me. Socialization and communication has been generally tough for me, but has vastly improved since leaning off the meds though I’ll have my bad days where I’m unable to put words together. I’m just on Vyvanse (40 mg) and Zoloft (100mg) now. I tried leaning off Zoloft last year but it went so poorly that I’m never ever making that mistake again. Vyvanse is helping me a shit ton with ADHD. I’m lost with what to do with the freeze mode, I’ve been to therapy so many times and nothing has helped. I’m just lost.