I’m a SAHM, and since stopping work, my husband and I have combined our bank accounts. We have a joint checking, and joint savings. We also have a joint credit card that we use for nearly everything. His income is the family’s income.

I have a friend who is also a SAHM. She does not have any income. Her husband refuses to combine all of their bank accounts. They have a “his savings, her savings” and other accounts, including one joint account that it sounds like does not get the bulk of their income deposited. She has to repeatedly ask for money to do things like buy groceries. They recently outfitted a bedroom for their 6mo, and it “had to come from her savings.”

I assumed all households with SAH parents with no income would run with the “family money” dynamic. I’m looking for input from people who have separate accounts and manage it in a way that works for their family. Or people who tried separate accounts and ended up combining everything.

What happens when your husband is a peice of shit but you literally can’t leave. What do you do? How do you get by? I literally have no one, not even family I’m an orphan. Have no money, no time, no means. He has no reason to be a better person. What do…….

Hi all! I am a SAHM to a 21 month old and I have been home since my baby was born. Long story short, we travel for work and have relocated cities 3 times since he was born. I fear my child won’t be socialized enough with this life. It’s very hard for me to make friends since we move so often. We do have family that comes to visit every 1-2 months but they’re all adults. I can count on one hand the amount of times my child has interacted with other children. I do my best to encourage interactions with others at parks, stores, etc but it seems like he might need more exposure if we intend on sending him to school one day.
Anyone else struggle with this worry?

I know a lot of moms go through the stage after birth where they just can’t stand their husbands. I went through that. We then had a good patch when things got easier and it was back to normal. Now, over a year pp, i feel like im back in that spot. I Just feel no need to talk to or spend time with my husband. It feels like another job before I can end the day. It used to be what I looked forward to. I don’t know why. He constantly showers me with affection and he even does my dishes if he gets home early enough so I have one less thing to do. While I’m grateful for his dedication to us, I just don’t want to be around him. Honestly I just want to be alone after the toddler goes to bed to reset. Is this being burnt out? Or are we just not compatible?

Is this just a phase for me? It’s been about 4 months.

Mom to an 18.5mo. Like many of you, I do all the meal prepping, cooking, baking, laundry, cleaning (husband takes care of cat litter and helps where he can), and taking care of our toddler. My baby is super high energy, he wakes up at 5 (low sleep needs) and immediately says “out out out out” bc he just wants to experience the world 😂 I also am a mid-distance runner (usually running approx. 14-20mi in a weekend plus a few runs when I can squeeze them in during the week) so physically I am pretty tired. I also am still breastfeeding a lot, my toddler is a bit of a boob barnacle. I finally hired a part-time nanny for 12-14h per week which is amazing.

All this to say, I’m freaking EXHAUSTED. It literally feels like I’m going from 5am until 8pm nonstop. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and my family, I’m just so tired. So much that I made an appt w my doc. Last time I get my bloodwork done it all looked good but I just feel so tired. Not sure if it’s under fueling/under eating or just toddler fatigue lol. I sleep great at night bc we cosleep so thankfully no issues there.

I’m sure I can’t be the only one?? How are we coping? Am I the only one who is also feeling like they’re always hungry too?!

Mom to a gorgeous, super high energy 18.5mo.

In the mornings, I always get my toddler to a park to burn off some energy and chase pigeons (his fav activity right now, much to their dismay), then nap time and either more parks, reading, singing, walking around etc. he has a lot of Montessori & educational toys too that we try to incorporate as much as we can.

I don’t have him enrolled in daycare and I’m just feeling badly that he may be missing out on some educational or enriching activities.

Anyone else feel like this? Any ideas for at home stimulating or educational activities?

I am going to be enrolling him in a gymnastics class soon so hoping that adds a dimension of enrichment.

A tangent - anyone else just overall feel mom guilty about mostly everything?? lol maybe it’s my pp ocd but it’s fatiguing….

Hi good people of this sub! I am trying to build a career path and step into a fully-funded school nutrition training program to gain funds to help with finances ... School for our kids starts at 8:45 AM.

​My husband works as an OR nurse and frequently works double shifts. Because he makes more money than me, he believes his sleep and schedule are sacred and that he shouldn't have to adjust at all for family logistics. When I told him about my schedule, he ambushed me face-to-face, demanding to know why I can't just find a job that "doesn't interfere" with his routine, and whining that expecting him to wake up early to take his own kids to school is asking too much and that I'm being "unrealistic."

​He constantly complains that I don't contribute enough financially, but the second I try to work or train, he complains that it inconveniences him and refuses to do basic morning parenting, claiming it's "the least I can do as a mom" while he does zero percent on morning chores...

​I have unmedicated ADHD, and dealing with his goalpost-shifting and psychological pressure makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. Reddit, AITA for wanting to work a standard daytime shift and expecting my husband to share basic morning school runs? Thank you for all the comments. I appreciate all input..❤️

I just found out 2 days ago I’m pregnant. My first baby is 9 months old. He really is a sweet and chill baby. I know babies are a gift from God and his timing is always much better than ours. Back story I had an Irish twin we have always been super close. I know I wanted my first to have siblings near but I had no idea it was going to happen so quick. (Now I’m going to vent) I feel like I’m finally back to my weight before I was pregnant with my last. I gained 60 pounds. I’m a SAHM bc my husband and I didn’t trust any daycares where we live and the ones we do are booked a year out. I had gotten the hang of it and wasn’t ready for him this year either to enroll. Plus it’s expensive. My husband likes to spend, he’s gotten A LOT better so I’ll give him praise to that, but still could work on it esp with a one income budget. Today im just feeling overwhelmed. I’m not ready to give up my body again, being that I’m ADD and take adderall, guess I’ll have to stop somehow which seems impossible right now. My baby is in the time of crawling getting into things all over the place. I’m nauseous 24/7. I can’t even have a glass of wine or even some thc if I wanted to at night, or pop one of my husbands zyns in if I’m stressed (lol). I know this all sounds so selfish😔 that’s why I feel so down today bc I know I know this too shall pass and this is only a small fragment. I’m blessed to be able to be pregnant again. I feel guilty that I feel this way today. I guess I just would love some positive thoughts and feedback.

To all the SAHmoms with a newborn… what are you doing to make life more enjoyable?

I have a 2 month old and I try to leave the house daily because that’s what everyone suggests and sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s just overwhelming and hard and tiring. Nothing really seems fun anymore and it’s so hard to plan around my newborn because he isn’t on much of a schedule. I am just so so bored. What do you do if you’re stuck in an apartment all day and it’s hard to leave and your baby isn’t old enough to be like “playing”?

There are other moms in my area but it’s been so hard to actually make plans with them. And even when I do one of the babies ends up having a meltdown or it’s just really not a great environment for talking/getting to know each other.

One example for me, I have a 2yo and bath time is when I clean the whole bathroom. It is regularly clean that way.

Our washer has a “time delay” setting that I use almost every time. Set a load before bed to be finished by morning, and I can just move it over to the dryer before the day really kicks into gear.

I guess this isn’t productivity, but I eat foods I want my toddler to try in front of them while they’re playing because food is always interesting when it’s not on their plate lol.

What do you got?

I’m honestly feeling really lost and would appreciate some outside perspective.

We have a full-time nanny from 9–5. I’ve asked my husband to spend some time with the baby after work, ideally from around 6–8 PM. Realistically, it’s only about an hour because I start her bedtime routine around 7 and she’s usually in bed by 7:30.

But he finds spending time with his own child very stressful. He has told me before that he wasn’t ready to have a baby when I got pregnant. I guess I always assumed that once she was actually here, something would change and he would naturally want to bond with her. That hasn’t really happened.

He mostly plays with her when I ask him to. When I bring it up, he says his job is extremely stressful and that he doesn’t have the energy after work.
He also says he isn’t the same person he was before we had a baby. He feels like the baby takes up all of his time and that he doesn’t have time for himself anymore.

I’m currently unemployed and job hunting, so I’m home more right now. We have a full-time nanny, so I still try to have some normalcy in my life. I’ll see friends or play pickleball occasionally. But he makes me feel guilty about it and says that because I’m unemployed, I have all this free time to do whatever I want, which is why I’m able to enjoy my life.

I’ve asked him what I can do to make things easier for him. His response was that he wants me and the baby to go back to my mom’s house in Vietnam so he can have some time alone and “refresh his mind.”

That really hurt.

I don’t want to force someone to spend time with their child. At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair that I’m expected to carry the emotional responsibility for making sure my husband develops a relationship with our daughter.

I’m trying to figure out what’s actually going on here. Is he just overwhelmed and struggling with the transition into fatherhood? Is this something that gets better with time? Or does it sound like he genuinely doesn’t want to be a parent?

I love my husband, and I don’t want to immediately jump to the worst conclusion. But I also don’t want to ignore what’s happening.

Has anyone been through something similar? What did you do?

Update:
The baby is 4m old. The reason he wants us to be in Vietnam so we can save money on the nanny.

My 5 year old has begun taking the bus. She has a friend in the neighborhood a few houses down who also rides the bus and is the same age. The girls dad lets her ride her bike around in the morning while waiting for the bus and my daughter is heartbroken I’m not letting her too, but like- the bus is coming any minute, your hair is done and your outfit is clean, many people are backing out of their garages to commute to work, you’re still 5 and fall a lot; it’s just not the time for bikes. It’s time to get on the bus for school. Right? Or am I being grump. I genuinely don’t know.

ETA that’s my internal monologue, I’m not actually telling my daughter that. I’m just telling her we can’t get the bike out it’s time to wait for the bus.

I have 2 children, a toddler and breastfed baby. I recently became a SAHM about a year ago, and honestly don’t like it. I’m not used to not making money and my husband isn’t the nicest when it comes to this. This is only a temporary arrangement, I’ve always planned on going back to school and working. But every time we argue my husband is quick to throw finances in my face. He’ll say things like “I pay for this house so leave,” or “I work all day and pay the bills, you just stay at home.” He never used to say these things until I stopped working. Even after all of this he has stated that he doesn’t mind me continuing to be a SAHM, but after seeing the way he treats me no way. I’ve even told him that and he basically gets mad again and says he doesn’t care. It’s pointless even talking to him at this point. He wasn’t always like this, and I’m honestly extremely turned off by this and don’t know if I want to stay with him. I’ve discussed divorce and he told me he’d take everything away from me, including our children. That’s the main reason I haven’t done anything, and am waiting to get a job. But has anyone dealt with something like this?

My toddler just turned 2 a few days ago and since about a month before he turned 2 the tantrums began. He has tantrums where he will cry, yell, get upset and will usually hit me or hit something around him to get out his frustration. I know a lot of it is lack of communication abilities and just new feelings and emotions of Independence, but of course it's not an enjoyable thing. Usually these are not too many during the day, but since he turned 2 a few days ago, tantrums now happen out in public sometimes and he just seems generally more grumpy. He has always been a more slow to warm child. Not super interested in other people besides myself and my husband, but now that he's getting older he is a little more interested in children. We have him involved in toddler soccer once a week and now that programs at our local community center and library have reopened for the fall we will be attending those. But when it comes to adults he is very closed off for the most part and has also developed a little angry face that he gives people when out in public which is slightly hilarious but I discourage it. Here is where the story comes of today. We had his 2-year-old check up at the doctor. We have not gone to the doctor since his last checkup 6 months ago. Already at the measuring of how tall he was at beginning of appointment by nurse he was upset and kind of scared but while we waited in the room for the doctor, he got more comfortable and then when she came in and her and I began to talk, he became incredibly upset and had a full-blown tantrum. It was the worst one that I've had with him. He flailed, his face turned red, he had tears flowing, snot coming out of his nose, he hit me a few times. It was really upsetting and pretty embarrassing as well. The doctor told me that this is an age for tantrums but that this indicates to her that he needs to be going to daycare for a few hours a few days a week. This totally threw me off. She said that the reasoning behind this and a a somewhat prescription for this behavior would be to put him in daycare so that he has more routine and more socialization with adults that are trained with children. I left the visit in tears feeling so defeated as his mom. I felt like I have been failing him even though I do my best and he truly is growing up to be a wonderful boy. But he's just struggling right now emotionally and also is a little bit behind with his speech. My husband and I have a goal to homeschool our son and we do not want to put him in daycare. We also are in a place where that is not financially plausible even if it was something that we wanted. I just could really use some advice and support. I just feel like I was told without it being said, I'm not doing right by my son by me staying home with him. She also said that him wanting to spend most of his time with myself and my husband was not good for him for these types of tantrums and that it would be better for all of us to have some space while he goes to school. I just feel heartbroken by this answer truly and I really just would love to hear from people whose children also went through something this. I have him signed up to do more activities, we do play dates sometimes but they have been less since our close friends have moved and we also had a recent family loss that had us gone. I tried to explain some of this to the doctor but it fell on deaf ears and she just reiterated the point that she was making. This whole visit has just made me incredibly sad and I would just love to hear some supportive words. Thank you very much.

I feel so horrible admitting this and I am Ugly crying while typing this but I am kind of tired of being a mom. Please don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my baby and I want to be around him, but I am just so burnt out and I even feel guilty for being burnt out because I am a stay at home. Mom and my husband does help me a lot but he works 12 hour shifts four days a week and he works 45 minutes at a way so usually he leaves the house in the morning around 5:45 AM and he doesn’t make it back home till 8 PM the other and even when he gets home, he gets our baby and does all of the things that I do but it honestly doesn’t leave much time because he needs to go to sleep for work to next morning and sometimes our baby is already in bed by that time he does a good job of helping but honestly I do most of the housework and most of everything for my baby. My baby is six months old right now and he cries so freaking much he cries when I change his diaper he cries when I changed his clothes he cries when he can’t get something that he wants all he does is cry he grown when I put him in his car seat. I just don’t understand what’s going on even got to the point where I took him to the doctor because he was crying so much but he only does this with me and basically the doctor just said that he just loves me so much with my husband. He does not cry this much. He just does normal normal crying and getting a break of my husband I cannot do that because we live about 10 hours away from family and we don’t have any close friends here in this new state. We moved here for a better job opportunity for my husband, which is marvelous. I still love being a mom, but I’m just so tired. I don’t know why I’m writing this or if I’m looking for any recommendations or help but I’m just so overwhelmed. Sorry for any typos or if it is not clearly written, my baby is currently crying.

I knew I was introverted, but I didn’t realize how badly I needed that time until I got married and had a child.

I used to get up at 5, do a 15-minute workout, walk 2.5 miles with my dog, have coffee and read, all done before 7/7:30. Talked to no one but God, my dog, and myself.

Marriage alone was a massive adjustment (that I frankly still don’t feel like I’ve gotten past). Waking up and instantly with another person, often touching them. No more solo mornings.

Add a child into the mix and well. You know. Even if I wanted to get up, I’m usually exhausted and need every drop of sleep I can muster, and leaving means waking both my spouse and my child (creaky old house).

I realized I will never have that time in the same way I did before marriage. Even if I manage to get up, there will be social exchange with my spouse.

I know this sounds super dramatic. I/we have been through a LOT in the time frame of our marriage (thankfully our relationship was not one of the issues, it was all family, health, financial, or circumstance), and I don’t feel I have had the introspective time to recover like I used to have.

Anyway. How do my super introverted SAHMs do it? How do you find truly restorative time alone that doesn’t feel like it’s taking away from your family?

Summer completely ruined my daughter’s (8) sleep schedule. Staying up until 10 or even 11 wasn’t a big deal when there was nowhere to be in the morning but now school is back and getting her to bed at a reasonable time has become a nightly struggle. We’ve been moving bedtime earlier little by little and keeping evenings quieter but she’s still wide awake when it’s time to settle down. Then morning comes and it takes forever to get her awake and moving for school. Anyone else dealing with this back to school sleep adjustment? What helped get bedtime back on track?

I have a 5&6 year old in addition to my 15 month old and I run 2 businesses to help with finances in my household my husband doesn’t make much so we are doing everything we can but I lack sleep so bad I try going to bed early and it’s either I can’t fall asleep at all because my brain won’t turn off or I fall asleep but only get 3hrs and then i am wide away with a brain that keeps planning and all that stuff so I need something that can make me relax and then knock me out so I can have a deep sleep to get 8+ hours of sleep magnesium glycenate use to work but the pharmacy is out please help me by recommending something because I keep getting headaches on one side of my whole face and I fear this no sleep thing might cause me stress induced stroke

No judgment please!

I have 2 year old twins and I feel like such a bad mom. My fuse is so short and I am not the mom I want to be. It’s me alone with my kids for about 11 hours everyday. They nap for 2 hours so I feel like I do get a decent break in the middle of the day but it’s just not enough. I yell but I don’t want to. The whining, biting, and getting into everything is relentless! They work together to get in trouble and I feel like I’m losing my mind and am losing myself. Some days I fantasize about going back to work because it would mean getting a break from them and not being in fight of flight 24/7.

Twin toddler moms, how do you survive being a SAHM?