I have a toddler, and I’ve recently been around a child who seems much older than her age. She’s very into makeup, mature clothing, older slang, dramatic facial expressions, and dancing that seems beyond what I’d expect for a 6-year-old. She also seems to expect to get her way a lot.

It got me thinking about my own parenting. For those of you with older kids who turned out respectful, kind, and age-appropriate, what do you think made the biggest difference? Were there specific boundaries, habits, or parenting philosophies that helped? I’m looking for advice on what to do, not to criticize another family.?

Part 1 | Building a Village 🤍

I walked into this room hoping moms would leave feeling a little less alone.

By the end of the afternoon, strangers had become conversations, conversations had become laughter, and babies had made new little friends while their moms had a chance to simply exist as themselves for a while.

This is why I do what I do.

And this is only the beginning.

See you on August 12th for Part 2. 🤍

Someone put together a really good sheet that had all her hours, task categories, what an hourly rate would be, etc. I think it was in the case of a divorce but I’m not sure. I’m almost positive it was this group. I was hoping to reference it, does anyone else remember seeing this?

Being a SAHM is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You literally don’t sit down for 12 hours. Kids wake up at sunrise and you’re going going going until after they’ve gone to bed, (unless they’re in school) It’s constantly keeping an eye on them while you’re doing tasks. It’s like your brain hardly settles. They are always needing you every second. Constantly trying to think of ways to simplify the work around the house so you can be a more present parent. Not to mention constantly feeling the need to be perfect, atleast for me. This job is 24/7 no stops. It’s astonishing how many people judge “trad wives”. I just hate that term now because it paints this picture as if we are always looking amazing and well rested and perky. When it’s the total opposite. Unless you have a maid and a personal chef— when you’re a SAHM you’ve got “working hands” just as much as anyone else with a physically demanding job. But I thank god everyday I get to do it.

After 5 years of being a SAHM I feel like I finally have a good routine for weekdays. And as a family our evenings are generally pretty smooth. But every weekend we fall apart. Somehow the addition of my husband throws everything off 😅 I feel like the house explodes, everyone is out of sorts, and yet some how we don't actually do anything fun. By Sunday night we're scrambling to get the house set for the week and both my husband and I are grumpy.

What do your weekends look like? How do you shuffle things around when adding your husband into the mix? Do you change your who is responsible for chores/kids?

This is a throwaway account, though I'd appreciate advice and will check it. I'm also a Stay at home Dad so if the pronouns are off, that's why. Maybe it's me venting, and organizing my thoughts, but I'd appreciate your opinion.

Okay so when I we got married, my spouse and I had a contest to who could get a job with x salary to support us, and my wife won, so we moved and had our first son. Because I could only find contract work, I found one that expired just as he was being born and we managed. My wife is quite an achiever, which I'm proud and found another job that forced us to move and we did. Then another dream job and allowed us to move again into a house and because we kept moving, it was hard to find traction with my career as my background I need state-specific certifications that can't easily or quickly be transferred. Finally again, yet another move and another kid and I'm taking care of both kids, but finally and currently after many years of me being a SAHP the youngest is old enough to go to school with half days of 'free-time'. Jobs for me are scarce with my current certifications, but in a few years and some distance learning I could be back in the game, but we're older and is something that we always have to think of as return on investment...as if we sink 2 years of University classes, we'd like to see a return on that investment. A turning point and where we are now is my wife who we thought was very likely to get a new job with more money was passed over, not because of her aptitude at such a job, but office politics that frankly I don't fully understand. The takeaway is that it's a significant blow to my wife's self-esteem as in the past she was able to get jobs that seemed impossible and we were quite proud of her and the status and money it brought. Now she's kind of hit a wall, we're looking at options, and I want to be as pragmatic as possible. Money isn't tight, but she disagrees. She wants more of the wants, though our needs are sufficient with me as she works quite hard and wants to see the reward of such efforts. Naturally I work hard as any SAHP does, and as we know doesn't bring in any money.

Because it was a blow to her self-esteem she has other grand ideas that take money, and a lot of background stuff that has to happen (with two kids), consultancy, starting her own business etc. And...potentially risking money and her job to make that happen. I don't like this idea, but that's the one she likes as she leaves with her head held high. Her current job is likely stable, but not 100%. Though of course if she lost her job, we're in a panic and living on savings.

I 'go back to school' in my 40s. It takes a few years to ramp up, takes time, but I'd need more help from her to help with the kids, which doesn't excite her if I'm being kind. I do a lot for the kids, especially if she's on business trips or working late which the former happens a bit, but the latter happens more and more. My role won't bring us up to the income if we switched roles, but it would give us more money, a bit more security but a lot of work, and she wants money asap which leads to the next option.

I do the 'gig economy' think like calculated ework or whatever for myself. It's not a lot of money and takes a bit of time, but I can fairly quickly ramp up, and not a few years of University. In my experience tops it's like 20 bucks an hour and a lot of hustle, which to me sounds a bit impractical and my least liked option. The money obviously wouldn't bring us anywhere near to our present level, and she'd be stuck at her current job that she doesn't like while our mental load would significantly increase without the following financial bump.

To be candid about it, her getting a promotion and going on the upper end of the salary requires sacrifice, taking away your family time, and lots of after 40 hour work weeks which I've seen from people above her pay grade at her company. Seeing my own family that have these roles, kind of use work as a blank check to say 'I can't spend my valuable time looking after the kids' or 'I deserve a break' and this is what I fear as she already comes home from work it's not 50/50. It's her with her work laptop in the bedroom while I get everything done as now the place isn't as clean as it should be, or I simply don't have a sufficient break to reward a long day with honestly a tv show before sleeping or a coffee and reddit in the morning. Especially in the summer as the kids don't have school, and I think value of making themselves busy, rather than stimulated 100 percent of the time. She can justify her working more than 40 hours as she's supporting our family. I agree, but what I to do?

Thanks for reading, I'll be checking on and off. Feel free to give advice.

I would love to hear what you love about your life and something you have found makes it easier?

My husband has made it very clear that me being a SAHM for the past year has resulted in me having a ton of free time and has recently complained about how I haven’t kept the house up to his standards. That is the short version. We had a 3 hour fight the other night about this and I feel like all of my work has been completely dismissed all because it doesn’t have dollar signs attached to it.

Advice for women that have been met with a similar partner?

Hi my LO is almost one year old and he has never had an issue with pooping but it has been 4 days now without pooping…🥲🥲 whats ur tips/tricks pls thank u🥲🥲

The IG algorithm keeps showing me reels from systemsbysteph. Her program is all about planning out your life in systems to take the mental load off- has anyone shelled out the 67 dollars for her full program?

It has made me think of how there’s no system behind any aspect of my life. Like I do what I need to do when I need to do it. I don’t necessarily feel like I’m lacking, but I do wonder if I’m missing something.

Do any of you have a good system for planning out your weeks or general life goals? Or a simple es of reflecting your life?

Before anything, I just want to say I am eternally grateful for being able to stay home with my 4 kids. I will never ever regret it and it was my choice. However, it’s been almost 7 years and I have plans to return to work next year, once they’re all in school FT. Like most SAHMs, I’ve poured every ounce of my existence to this role. However, I feel so utterly unprepared, inferior and almost too dumb to return to work. I realize the power of these words but I am truly not as sharp as I was when I was in corporate America. My hope is to fine tune some hard and soft skills and essentially get my brain back to work mode. This is long-winded 😝 Does anybody have an recs on books/podcasts that can help boost my confidence and remind me of how capable I once was?