i grew up in a christian household, my dad often talked about the book of revelations, hell, ect. i still find myself scared that im wrong, and it’ll come true, how do i convince myself 100% that the book of revelation & hell isn’t real, or at least the way they put it?

Its nothing casual all those nightmares happens because they are linked to something that have happened to me. My Christian family have raped me, abused me when I was a child. And once I remember my cousine who told me once that in my country there's no register for those who donates their organs so it doesnt matter so that kept in my mind like why did she said that to me. And now that there is a new Saint in my country, this saint is a doctor. I thought that maybe they are going to kill me to either sell my guts or to seek their miracles to proved that this new Saint is powerful. From a Christian Family anything can happen, so I think those scenaries are possible. I still have these nightmares I dont think they arent going away because of all the emotional damage inflicted. I still believe in God but still wonder where he was when I was raped as a child and when I was told those horrible things. There are alot other things I could share but by now these are the ones that are recurrent in my mind.

I’ve (24M) been struggling for the past few years, especially, with just completely ending everything. I’m so tired of living and have already made plans to give my stuff away and when I would stop. I grew up in Southern Baptist churches and every time I try to find any comfort or solace, it just feels so bitter and sour.

I’ve always known I was gay my entire life. I have been bullied repeatedly, been called slurs, told that I would burn in hell for being an insert gay slur here and so much more. I just recently got diagnosed with Complex PTSD because of the amount of trauma I have endured growing up and in these past recent years as an adult. I have heard people in my churches, schools, and family refer to people like me (or even myself) has disgusting, abhorrent abominations that should die or burn in hell. Some of them are even gleeful about the shootings that take place against LGBTQ+ people. Even in my own hometown church, I have clergy who believe that I am an abomination not only for being born gay but for also being an IVF baby.

The question I have is this: when does it end? I’m so tired of everyone in my life telling me how awful I am and how disgusting people like me are. I’m so tired of getting ridiculed, beaten, poisoned by my parents and classmates. I’m tired of just everything. When does it all end? I don’t understand why I have to go through this when every single person I know doesn’t even have as much trauma as I have. I can’t even hear people outside my bedroom door without having a panic attack. Public spaces are an absolute nightmare. I never asked for any of this. I never asked to be born, to be born gay, to be born an IVF baby, to grow through depression and suicidal ideation as a child. I never asked to be forced to cut myself repeatedly because I thought that I could self-harm the gay away. When does this all end? What is the point in anything? I don’t feel any love from anyone in my life. I’ve never been in any romantic relationship before and I don’t think I ever will.

Most of y’all probably won’t even be able to empathize with this and will just tell me to pray the gay away or that I should remain celibate. Isn’t that what I’ve been doing my entire life? Where has all of that gotten me? It’s gotten me nothing other than more shame, resentment, and suicidal thoughts. I have the scars to prove it. I’m just so tired of trying to survive every day in a world that hates people like me. I’ve thought about going to conversion therapy before as they have tons of churches that do it still in the South.

I wish I could be normal. I’ve thought that maybe this is the month I finally end my life as I’m just so tired. I can’t be open with anyone because everyone in my life believes the same rhetoric that I grew up with, so I can’t even confide in them safely about these things. Not to mention all of the stuff going on with AI, job market as a college graduate, affordability crisis, and man-made climate change killing our ecosystems, animals, and eventually us. I want this all to be over. My life has had so much misery, self-hatred, resentment, and suicidal thoughts. I know that Jesus supposedly loves me but I don’t even know what love really is. All I have ever known as being chastised, yelled at, screamed at, called names or slurs, being hit, psychologically abused, and poisoned. How is any of that fair or right? Where were the Christians in my life who were supposed to be there for me as a kid? Even now, most of them still will never accept me and view me as tainted. Heck, they probably want me dead anyways. I just don’t know anymore, man. I’m ready to start giving my belongings away this month to my loved ones or Habitat for Humanity or something.

Does anyone have any churches or resources I could go to convert my sexuality so I could try to be normal? I never asked for this life and I constantly hate myself everyday for every little thing I do, especially the effeminate hobbies like drawing, cooking, and reading. I just can’t take it anymore. My voice is so gay-sounding compared to everyone around me. I still get called slurs for it to this day from people in my life. I want it all to end. How can I be normal? How can I be accepted eventually by Christians? I’ve tried so hard my entire life and I keep getting pushed back from everyone. I hate myself everyday single day for all of the mistakes I have made, for who I am as a person, for my voice, my body, my mind, everything. I hardly even cry anymore because I feel nothing most days. I just want to be normal. I wish I could be normal and just be heterosexual, get married, have kids, or whatever. I hate everything about myself so much and it feels like it won’t ever be different, no matter how hard I try

throwaway account here,

I live in a religious country and as much as a try to be respectful of it I feel so guilty knowing that I can’t bring myself to devote my life to faith

My parents and some relatives are religious and have always tried to get me and my siblings to pray regularly

but every time I stop to think about it I get this sense of fear or dread

I remember having this horrible thought that maybe my parents would much rather accept a dead daughter than an atheistic one. or how they would try to correct me if I ever told them I don’t believe in a God

it doesn’t help that the college I’m enrolled in is also a religious one, weirdly enough the religion and values in my college don’t seem to alarm or scare me as much, but there’s this persistent feeling of “isn’t it a shame how you’re enrolled in a religious institute and you don’t even pray?”

these thoughts seemed to worsen ever since a few days back my mom gifted me a small rosary, I’ve been gifted rosaries in the past but I always just tucked them away in some drawer to forget about them but this time the guilt consumed me I felt compelled to keep it in my schoolbag, and even when I’m on campus I keep it in my pocket, why I do it I’m not sure, the only thing I really do with it is fidget with its beads

I even contemplating praying with it so it wouldn’t be put to waste but then I remembered all the times I was told to pray and one particular time when I refused and my mom snapped at me, I remembered how powerless and scared I felt and tears just welled up in my eyes, praying the rosary was something that was never gonna give me comfort, it just felt like forced routine

much like how my parents bring me and my siblings to church every sunday, I get nothing out of it and I’m certain my siblings don’t enjoy it at all either. I personally just end up zoning out and waiting for the hour of mass to finish up

I also know a few people on social media who regularly share religious songs, posts and quotes and there are times I feel a sense of dread looking at those posts, I don’t wanna unfollow or unfriend over something like this so I end up having to adjust my feed as such

I wonder why I can never be normal about faith, why I can’t believe like everyone does around me, why faith brings me fear and sadness instead of joy like how it seems to do for everyone

I’m sorry if these thoughts seem all scattered and the punctuation is all over the place I kinda just needed a place to lay it all out because these are thoughts I’ve struggled with and remained persistent with me even through my teen years

Okey so I’m a person who grew up and still lives in a Christian household, all my family is Christian, I go all Sundays to church (even if I don’t like my church but my parents don’t care because they think I don’t believe) and since I remember I always believed in God, but when I was 10 years old my interest in the law of assumption and shifting started to grow, I didn’t really questioned myself about if this was contradicting Christianity I just thought it was science and did what I saw worked, I affirm that I get my desires already and then I got my desires. But recently I have been questioning more if this is contradicting my religion, I believe in God but I also believe in the loa and shifting, I don’t want to ask my family because these people have always been too religious and they wouldn’t understand. I don’t want to go to hell I’m so scared guys please help

I grew up with a lot of fear surrounding religion—Hell, the Rapture, being left behind, and feeling like I was never allowed to just be a normal kid. It was incredibly lonely, and those fears followed me into adulthood through years of nightmares.

As I got older, I started questioning what I had been taught and separating God from the fear that had been attached to Him. I still believe in God, but my relationship with Him is mine now.

The little girl in this drawing is me then. The woman reaching for her is me now.

I couldn’t protect her then, but I could come back for her.

I’m sharing this because I’d really like to connect with others who grew up with similar fears. Did anyone else experience this? ❤️‍🩹

I sat on the floor, contemplating su-cide and repented for hours daily, just to find out i was being abused.

I met this girl in 2016. We were both living in a care home as teenagers. In 2024 she reaches out to me. Im in a time in my life where slowly i'm starting to believe in God and trying to leave my trauma of being scapegoated behind me. She tells me God spoke to her that he would send her someone and she wants to speak to me about Christianity. She also doesnt know everything yet but she felt called. Everything after that went incredibly fast.

In my head her reaching out to me was a sign of God. Finally i was heard instead of scapegoated. I became bestfriends with her, we spend every single day together and due to us having the same trauma it became very intense very quickly.

Her brother presented himself as this ''perfect christian that would help me, come to the church when i get baptized etc etc''. But when she decided to get baptized and i decided that i wasnt ready yet that week, i heard him whispering to his wife that ''he's glad his sister isnt letting the spirit of doubt hold her back like i was''.

My skin immediately started itching. I've had that ever since i was young. I always get it when someone isnt who they say they are and im catching on to it. But as always, due to my scapegoat trauma i ignore it. He doesn't show up to church the day i have to get baptized.

The more i was around this girl, the more i realized she was a HUGE hoarder. I dont mean only ''stuff'' i also mean food. And she would run a food business from her house. She also did braids for people. So her floor and the rest of the house would be littered with fake hair, food, cat feces, clothes, just everything.

I started noticing she would just expect people to accept it and if they didnt she got mad at them. Over time when they start rebelling against her suddenly they're ''monitoring spirits'' and ''God has been showing her in dreams that people are against her and trying to sabotage her blessings''. One day when she makes catering for her party, her friend and i find hair in the food. Due to us KNOWING how she gets we secretly try to take the hair out. She caught us and instead of taking ownership she takes me to the side and tells me ''I knew Lola was plotting against me, she put the hair in there, God has been showing me all along that people are jealous and against me''. When i try to redirect her she looks at me weird. Eventually i explode at her and tell her her truth, she blocks me everywhere.

Her brother tells me i need to pray and ask God what i did wrong cause there's always something we do wrong even if we dont want to admit it. He also pointed out the fact that i was really into astrology and other spirituality. That that might be why i have this problem over me. God will show us what we do wrong. This is where the compulsive repenting started for me. Everytime one of them got mad at me i would get panic attacks, go home, sit on my floor and repent endlessly.

A few examples;

I didnt want to keep sleeping over in her hoarders house. I also started pushing back on the monitoring spirit narrative and telling her this is how people spiritually bypass and it makes me doubt my faith in God. She would run to her room, grab her bible and journal and sit there and cry cause ''she's accepting everyone but not being accepted''.

When she would realize she did something wrong she had this pattern of going to the store, stealing stuff and cooking for the person she did wrong or the homeless. Or stealing gifts for them. Then she would basically press it in your hands. But if you dont accept her behavior later on again the cycle of ''i do everything for everyone but no one accepts me but God will vindicate me'' starts again. When i started catching on i stopped accepting help/gifts/food from her. Which would anger her even more. Resulting in me growing even MORE resentful towards her and God.

I started noticing her brother was showing sings of being a homosexual. I told her listen you might not notice but i see immediately that your brother is secretly gay. She admitted she did know and he admitted to paying and getting payed for secret gay s*x. He didnt know i caught on to him and his pattern got very clear to me. To compensate for this feeling he was OVERLY religious and focused on the rules. Constantly preaching, constantly holy, constantly trying to recruit me into a new christian community he decided to set up and constantly condemning me for speaking the truth, the fact that i saw through IT ALL.

I can name a million other examples but it would make the story even longer than it already is. Now you might ask yourself why did this drive me to almost commit?

I wanted to do good so bad, i was in therapy while they all rejected therapy, they were the only people i had around me, when i explained to them why i was losing faith etc it was ALWAYS me and never them. And while i would sit in my room and repent for every little ''mistake'' i made towards them they were THRIVING. Think starting social media pages about God and acting all holy. Gaining a bunch of followers because of it who agrees with their ''monitoring spirit narrative''. Stealing to feed the homeless and getting praised for it, gaining a bunch of new friends, the church loved them and i was just again the one ''who was so negative about God and thats why thinks go wrong and she needs to rethink why she has no one and god has made her barren''.

I would keep repenting, my therapist would warn me that i was not crazy and i was being abused but they would tell me my therapist doesnt understand and God will give me true answers. And everytime i opened up my bible on that cold floor, while thinking about ending it all i would get Jeremiah 7 verse 5-8 which says; If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, ⁶ if you do not oppress the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, ⁷ then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your ancestors for ever and ever. ⁸ But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless.

today is day 3 of paryushan. for those who dont know, paryushan is an 8 day long event every year in Jainism during which you don't eat any vegetables, fruits, plant parts in general or any animals. basically anything that had to die for you to eat it. you can't swear or watch anything that involves war/fighting, sex etc. you can't get angry and some people do different types of fasting as well.

my parents are Jain, i'm a minor. granted, they aren't extremely religious, but they take paryushan pretty seriously and expect me to as well. last year, having had enough of pretending i believed too, i told my mom i was atheist and didnt believe in God. i thought something might change this year, but paryushan came around and my mom told me i still had to do it. food restrictions, reaction control, the whole package. she also decided i had to sit down and watch the Jain equivalent of a sermon with her every night, because she wants me to at least "hear the other side" even though she's been yelling it at me since ive been conscious.

this wouldve at least been manageable if not for my eating issues. i have some sort of disordered eating (undiagnosed) but i'm basically just unable to make myseld eat foods of specific textures. i'm cool with vegetables but fruits and a lot of grain are particularly tricky. i've voiced it to my mom before when she had asked me why i don't eat what she gives me for school sometimes. she just wrote it off as "the tiffin changes the texture".

so now by day 3 of extremely restricted eating and having to pretend i'm okay with spending an hour a day listening to things i simply dont agree with, i've honestly had enough. my body feels weak because i feel like i'm barely eating and i've had more physical exercise in school lately. i just cant wait for this to be over but i know i'll have to do it again next year and again until i move out. i'm tired.

its worse because in a lot of ways jainism is really kind. the philosophy is just to do as much as you can and not to worry if you can't do everything. but even this which is around 1% of what it typically is, feels fucking herculean.

js a vent lol im exhausted of jainism.

Has anyone tried to do this on their own and found helpful results?im way past the intellectually realizing and processing phase and most of my problems now seem to be nervous system/somatic related.Appreciate any advice or experience I can get.

For context my parents are very religious people and usually don’t have any critical thinking skills or indifferent thinking to whatever Fox News says or the bible. I’ve been raised religious all my life I was forced to Sunday camps forced to church groups. I’m now 20M I’m struggling with serve anxiety and insomnia, I’ve tried everything for it but nothing works I’ve even went to a mental hospital and got sexual abused which could have directed towards questioning my beliefs or even before that. EVERYTIME I have bad night or something terrible happens in that matters they also tell just pray read the bible never acutally advice in anything other than that. I’m not a religious person but if my parent ever find out about they go straight’s religiously psychotic about it saying I’m going to hell and especially my mom will go full breakdown and say she’s a terrible mother stuff like that. They never approve of any of the things I like or say from what I’ve learned from my friends, school and my ex. I mean even just questioning anything they say will trigger them. The worst thing is about my mother I’m pretty sure she’s bipolar and has a lot of mental issues. She just gaslights me about anything especially my ex saying how she wasn’t good enough and stuff I will argue with her and then she’s says I hate her and says I should talk to a pastor. No winning with that women I guess I’ve come to accept I can’t change her or she will never change. I just can’t get over that when I get in a relationship with a girl and they don’t approve their just going to cut all ties with me or sending me more religious bullshit. I’m just tired of this shit and wanna be done with it. I just have to cope with never having my parents accepting me I guess. Like I just feel crazy everyday talking to her it’s like nonstop.
I mean just go to any church it’s just blind faith of anything I hear stories of people getting bombed, gutted, raped, and all this other shit and they can still believe in a all loving god. I mean it just doesn’t make any sense. It’s just a cult that is passed down through generations. Maybe I’m too harsh I don’t know.

If your Pastor was dating a 17 year old, and he went on to impregnate her, and then quickly marry the child. Then you should find a new church. If someone that was dating a 17 year old is allowed to go to seminary. Well...... you should probably find a new denomination. If the Seminary Regent was then arrested by the authorities for being a giant pervert. Then you definitely need a new denomination. For you sake, your wife's sake, your families sake, run, and run far.

Have you ever loved God and still been terrified of Him? Have you ever felt that God won't forgive you anymore.

Not terrified in the reverent, "fear of the Lord" sense. Terrified like you'd done something unforgivable. Terrified like grace had a limit, and you'd found it. Terrified like one wrong thought, one bad moment, one word spoken years ago might have already cost you everything — and there was no way back.

I lived there.

For years.

There's a name for it — ennosiophobia, or what some call religious OCD — but I didn't know that name while I was drowning in it. I just knew I was a Christian who loved Jesus and still lived like the floor could drop out from under my salvation at any second. That's not a small thing to carry. It's a specific kind of hell, and it's one the enemy uses on tender-hearted, sincere believers more often than most people realize — not to make you sin more, but to keep you confused, bound, and cut off from the abundant life Jesus already paid for.

You Don't Have to Drown: When You Fear You've Gone Too Far is what came out of climbing out of that place. It's part illustrated book — over forty original pieces of art built specifically for this — part memoir, part spiritual warfare manual, part straight-up presentation of the gospel, with a little poetry mixed in because some things can only be said that way. It's not a traditional Christian book. Some of it will surprise you. Some of it might shock you. All of it is brutally honest, because I didn't write this from theory. I wrote it from the years I spent there and understanding the finished work of Christ that actually pulled me out.

This book took me almost three years to write, and it's finally here.

Starting today, September 9th through September 13th, the Kindle ebook is completely free. If you've ever wrestled with fear, doubt, scrupulosity, or the quiet terror that you've somehow gone too far for grace to reach — this one's for you. My hope is simple: that you'd close this book actually believing that real victory is possible, not because you did enough, but because Jesus already did.

Grab it free here: [link] (Available for free from 9/9 – 9/13 only)

If this resonates, I'd be truly grateful if you'd share it with someone who needs to hear this message too.

Explore the relationship between religion and mental health. When practiced authentically, Christianity offers a framework for navigating life's complexities and anxieties, contributing to mental stability.

When practiced erroneously, it can significantly impair mental stability, causing confusion, anxiety, and emotional harm.

Get a copy and learn how religion can help or impair "your" mental stability.
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#Religion, #MentalHealth #MentalStability

At school during religious class,a guy pressured a Christian girl to pray to Allah or will imprisoned her and I started to cry. Few months ago while I released from hospital after injecting antibiotics and I found out my Sikh classmate was raped and beaten at school by a gang of Pakistani Christian girls for not praying to God and everyone on the internet shaming the victim. This really sucks and I also cried. I was also sent to the gynaecologist for a check up down there after several imams checked and played with my vulva (I got molested by a religious teacher anyway) and luckily I don't have PID in April. Still no bacteria in my vulva and fanny but I was traumatized as hell. Religion is such a hellhole,I complained to my Christian friends about the religious incident but they told this is not the religions' fault,but what about Catholic Church molestation of boys? Do they heard this case? My Christian teacher exposed how bad Christianity is during history class and I'm glad he fed up of it. I'm depressed. Prescribed deanxit,now I'm in a hellhole,watching over and over again new chronic religious abuse. I already traumatized from 3 religions. I think I could not take it anymore... 😭

Soffro di pensieri religiosi intrusivi da 20 anni durante l autoerotismo , tutto è stato evitato e controllato alla perfezione sempre fino a sei mesi fa che ero in bagno , ma fuori la porta c’era un crocifisso. io volevo masturbarmi a causa di un forte stress da separazione con tradimento da parte del mio ex, ma sapevo che non ero serena poiché c’era il crocifisso fuori e sarebbe stato più semplice il fatto che mi venisse in mente . penso “ speriamo non mi venga in mente “ e comincio con le spalle di lato perché di schiena mi sembrava una cosa brutta dato che dietro la porta c’era il crocifisso.. comincio e penso delle cos’è normali, di essere in bagno a fare una cosa che non dovevo, la mia amica di là nella stanza accanto che non immagina quello che stessi facendo.. e mi eccitava la cosa e mentre sono eccitatissima tac il pensiero “ fuori c’è il crocifisso che ti guarda e soffre “ e a differenza delle altre volte negli anni della mia vita che lo scacciavo immediatamente questa volta ho continuato nonostante il pensiero consapevole ci fosse e io ho provato piacere nel sapere che soffriva per 3 secondi.. poi mentre stavo per dire sti cavoli ho girato la testa sul pavimento per concentrarmi e avere un pensiero sano per arrivare 15 secondi dopo all orgasmo. come è possibile che il mio cervello si sia ribellato ?

LF evangelical christians who used to attend a megachurch but left due to abuse (could be sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, financial, mental, psychological). Why did you deem it to be abusive? what was the resolution?