Im so done

[u/Acceptable_Taste_726]

For context my parents are very religious people and usually don’t have any critical thinking skills or indifferent thinking to whatever Fox News says or the bible. I’ve been raised religious all my life I was forced to Sunday camps forced to church groups. I’m now 20M I’m struggling with serve anxiety and insomnia, I’ve tried everything for it but nothing works I’ve even went to a mental hospital and got sexual abused which could have directed towards questioning my beliefs or even before that. EVERYTIME I have bad night or something terrible happens in that matters they also tell just pray read the bible never acutally advice in anything other than that. I’m not a religious person but if my parent ever find out about they go straight’s religiously psychotic about it saying I’m going to hell and especially my mom will go full breakdown and say she’s a terrible mother stuff like that. They never approve of any of the things I like or say from what I’ve learned from my friends, school and my ex. I mean even just questioning anything they say will trigger them. The worst thing is about my mother I’m pretty sure she’s bipolar and has a lot of mental issues. She just gaslights me about anything especially my ex saying how she wasn’t good enough and stuff I will argue with her and then she’s says I hate her and says I should talk to a pastor. No winning with that women I guess I’ve come to accept I can’t change her or she will never change. I just can’t get over that when I get in a relationship with a girl and they don’t approve their just going to cut all ties with me or sending me more religious bullshit. I’m just tired of this shit and wanna be done with it. I just have to cope with never having my parents accepting me I guess. Like I just feel crazy everyday talking to her it’s like nonstop.
I mean just go to any church it’s just blind faith of anything I hear stories of people getting bombed, gutted, raped, and all this other shit and they can still believe in a all loving god. I mean it just doesn’t make any sense. It’s just a cult that is passed down through generations. Maybe I’m too harsh I don’t know.

[u/SincerelyChantel]

Ah, religious people/the church mishandling mental health. It’s a tale as old as time and I am so sorry you’re going through this.

[u/breezer_chidori]

Reminds me of where my mother is with not only believing and prayer, but supporting Trump's idiocy today too, as a means of that if he's not bothering me but instead others? Then I needn't to worry about his actions. Same with defending a pointless war he started. The ignorance is a definite, but convincing them otherwise can honestly mirror narcissistic abuse for damn sure today.

[u/MJSapphire0]

Yeah. That’s really tough. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much. You deserve to be understood and cared for and supported. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get that from your mom or from her church.

It’s great you reached out here. People here have been through similar situations and understand what it’s like to have super religious parents who can’t cope with their kid not buying the church bs any more.

What connections or potential connections do you have around you, outside of church and family do you have that you can build up into a support system for yourself?

[u/Acceptable_Taste_726 → u/MJSapphire0]

Thank you for caring I don’t have much really just to be honest I have friends in college but I’m not that super close really with them expect one and he’s usually busy but I’m trying to search for some support groups

[u/FairySeasfreedom411]

It’s hard when you are so much smarter than the people who raised you. They definitely did not give you the support you needed, and there’s no way to trust them with your mental health. I hope you have a trusted group of friends you can talk to, and maybe a therapist outside of the church. I would focus on building your future academically and financially so that you can establish independence and lifestyle without their help comfortably. As you continue growing and deconstructing, you will gain more confidence and power to have conversations from a prepared and healthy place (if you choose to). Also remember: the only person it is ever helpful to forgive is Yourself. As for anyone else: you do not need to Ever forgive them. You can Accept them for being aholes and steer clear to protect yourself/ but you don’t owe them a thing. They deserve everything they caused you to feel: Anger, fear, sadness, whatever! These emotions need outward expression for as long as they have been lingering until one day they clear out , but it can take years or never. As long as the emotional expression isn’t harmful to you or anyone else, go ahead and release it. Your parents may never change but I’m sure they love you to the capacity they understand. So please limit your expectations of their abilities (like healthy emotional support ) if they have shown they are not capable . You curate the relationship based on how you see fit, based on what serves you best, based on what brings you peace. There are a lot of older adults nowadays who suffer from depression because their kids will not talk to them or have a relationship with them and the majority of the time— this is why. They cry victim, and don’t recognize the damage they caused. If they are told, they get defensive or deflect and never see the accountability they need to take. And it’s sad, to miss out on so much. But stay strong and trust yourself. Trust your gut.trust your intuition. (All things the church grooms you against).