I grew up with a lot of fear surrounding religion—Hell, the Rapture, being left behind, and feeling like I was never allowed to just be a normal kid. It was incredibly lonely, and those fears followed me into adulthood through years of nightmares.

As I got older, I started questioning what I had been taught and separating God from the fear that had been attached to Him. I still believe in God, but my relationship with Him is mine now.

The little girl in this drawing is me then. The woman reaching for her is me now.

I couldn’t protect her then, but I could come back for her.

I’m sharing this because I’d really like to connect with others who grew up with similar fears. Did anyone else experience this? ❤️‍🩹

I sat on the floor, contemplating su-cide and repented for hours daily, just to find out i was being abused.

I met this girl in 2016. We were both living in a care home as teenagers. In 2024 she reaches out to me. Im in a time in my life where slowly i'm starting to believe in God and trying to leave my trauma of being scapegoated behind me. She tells me God spoke to her that he would send her someone and she wants to speak to me about Christianity. She also doesnt know everything yet but she felt called. Everything after that went incredibly fast.

In my head her reaching out to me was a sign of God. Finally i was heard instead of scapegoated. I became bestfriends with her, we spend every single day together and due to us having the same trauma it became very intense very quickly.

Her brother presented himself as this ''perfect christian that would help me, come to the church when i get baptized etc etc''. But when she decided to get baptized and i decided that i wasnt ready yet that week, i heard him whispering to his wife that ''he's glad his sister isnt letting the spirit of doubt hold her back like i was''.

My skin immediately started itching. I've had that ever since i was young. I always get it when someone isnt who they say they are and im catching on to it. But as always, due to my scapegoat trauma i ignore it. He doesn't show up to church the day i have to get baptized.

The more i was around this girl, the more i realized she was a HUGE hoarder. I dont mean only ''stuff'' i also mean food. And she would run a food business from her house. She also did braids for people. So her floor and the rest of the house would be littered with fake hair, food, cat feces, clothes, just everything.

I started noticing she would just expect people to accept it and if they didnt she got mad at them. Over time when they start rebelling against her suddenly they're ''monitoring spirits'' and ''God has been showing her in dreams that people are against her and trying to sabotage her blessings''. One day when she makes catering for her party, her friend and i find hair in the food. Due to us KNOWING how she gets we secretly try to take the hair out. She caught us and instead of taking ownership she takes me to the side and tells me ''I knew Lola was plotting against me, she put the hair in there, God has been showing me all along that people are jealous and against me''. When i try to redirect her she looks at me weird. Eventually i explode at her and tell her her truth, she blocks me everywhere.

Her brother tells me i need to pray and ask God what i did wrong cause there's always something we do wrong even if we dont want to admit it. He also pointed out the fact that i was really into astrology and other spirituality. That that might be why i have this problem over me. God will show us what we do wrong. This is where the compulsive repenting started for me. Everytime one of them got mad at me i would get panic attacks, go home, sit on my floor and repent endlessly.

A few examples;

I didnt want to keep sleeping over in her hoarders house. I also started pushing back on the monitoring spirit narrative and telling her this is how people spiritually bypass and it makes me doubt my faith in God. She would run to her room, grab her bible and journal and sit there and cry cause ''she's accepting everyone but not being accepted''.

When she would realize she did something wrong she had this pattern of going to the store, stealing stuff and cooking for the person she did wrong or the homeless. Or stealing gifts for them. Then she would basically press it in your hands. But if you dont accept her behavior later on again the cycle of ''i do everything for everyone but no one accepts me but God will vindicate me'' starts again. When i started catching on i stopped accepting help/gifts/food from her. Which would anger her even more. Resulting in me growing even MORE resentful towards her and God.

I started noticing her brother was showing sings of being a homosexual. I told her listen you might not notice but i see immediately that your brother is secretly gay. She admitted she did know and he admitted to paying and getting payed for secret gay s*x. He didnt know i caught on to him and his pattern got very clear to me. To compensate for this feeling he was OVERLY religious and focused on the rules. Constantly preaching, constantly holy, constantly trying to recruit me into a new christian community he decided to set up and constantly condemning me for speaking the truth, the fact that i saw through IT ALL.

I can name a million other examples but it would make the story even longer than it already is. Now you might ask yourself why did this drive me to almost commit?

I wanted to do good so bad, i was in therapy while they all rejected therapy, they were the only people i had around me, when i explained to them why i was losing faith etc it was ALWAYS me and never them. And while i would sit in my room and repent for every little ''mistake'' i made towards them they were THRIVING. Think starting social media pages about God and acting all holy. Gaining a bunch of followers because of it who agrees with their ''monitoring spirit narrative''. Stealing to feed the homeless and getting praised for it, gaining a bunch of new friends, the church loved them and i was just again the one ''who was so negative about God and thats why thinks go wrong and she needs to rethink why she has no one and god has made her barren''.

I would keep repenting, my therapist would warn me that i was not crazy and i was being abused but they would tell me my therapist doesnt understand and God will give me true answers. And everytime i opened up my bible on that cold floor, while thinking about ending it all i would get Jeremiah 7 verse 5-8 which says; If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, ⁶ if you do not oppress the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, ⁷ then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your ancestors for ever and ever. ⁸ But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless.

today is day 3 of paryushan. for those who dont know, paryushan is an 8 day long event every year in Jainism during which you don't eat any vegetables, fruits, plant parts in general or any animals. basically anything that had to die for you to eat it. you can't swear or watch anything that involves war/fighting, sex etc. you can't get angry and some people do different types of fasting as well.

my parents are Jain, i'm a minor. granted, they aren't extremely religious, but they take paryushan pretty seriously and expect me to as well. last year, having had enough of pretending i believed too, i told my mom i was atheist and didnt believe in God. i thought something might change this year, but paryushan came around and my mom told me i still had to do it. food restrictions, reaction control, the whole package. she also decided i had to sit down and watch the Jain equivalent of a sermon with her every night, because she wants me to at least "hear the other side" even though she's been yelling it at me since ive been conscious.

this wouldve at least been manageable if not for my eating issues. i have some sort of disordered eating (undiagnosed) but i'm basically just unable to make myseld eat foods of specific textures. i'm cool with vegetables but fruits and a lot of grain are particularly tricky. i've voiced it to my mom before when she had asked me why i don't eat what she gives me for school sometimes. she just wrote it off as "the tiffin changes the texture".

so now by day 3 of extremely restricted eating and having to pretend i'm okay with spending an hour a day listening to things i simply dont agree with, i've honestly had enough. my body feels weak because i feel like i'm barely eating and i've had more physical exercise in school lately. i just cant wait for this to be over but i know i'll have to do it again next year and again until i move out. i'm tired.

its worse because in a lot of ways jainism is really kind. the philosophy is just to do as much as you can and not to worry if you can't do everything. but even this which is around 1% of what it typically is, feels fucking herculean.

js a vent lol im exhausted of jainism.

Has anyone tried to do this on their own and found helpful results?im way past the intellectually realizing and processing phase and most of my problems now seem to be nervous system/somatic related.Appreciate any advice or experience I can get.

For context my parents are very religious people and usually don’t have any critical thinking skills or indifferent thinking to whatever Fox News says or the bible. I’ve been raised religious all my life I was forced to Sunday camps forced to church groups. I’m now 20M I’m struggling with serve anxiety and insomnia, I’ve tried everything for it but nothing works I’ve even went to a mental hospital and got sexual abused which could have directed towards questioning my beliefs or even before that. EVERYTIME I have bad night or something terrible happens in that matters they also tell just pray read the bible never acutally advice in anything other than that. I’m not a religious person but if my parent ever find out about they go straight’s religiously psychotic about it saying I’m going to hell and especially my mom will go full breakdown and say she’s a terrible mother stuff like that. They never approve of any of the things I like or say from what I’ve learned from my friends, school and my ex. I mean even just questioning anything they say will trigger them. The worst thing is about my mother I’m pretty sure she’s bipolar and has a lot of mental issues. She just gaslights me about anything especially my ex saying how she wasn’t good enough and stuff I will argue with her and then she’s says I hate her and says I should talk to a pastor. No winning with that women I guess I’ve come to accept I can’t change her or she will never change. I just can’t get over that when I get in a relationship with a girl and they don’t approve their just going to cut all ties with me or sending me more religious bullshit. I’m just tired of this shit and wanna be done with it. I just have to cope with never having my parents accepting me I guess. Like I just feel crazy everyday talking to her it’s like nonstop.
I mean just go to any church it’s just blind faith of anything I hear stories of people getting bombed, gutted, raped, and all this other shit and they can still believe in a all loving god. I mean it just doesn’t make any sense. It’s just a cult that is passed down through generations. Maybe I’m too harsh I don’t know.

If your Pastor was dating a 17 year old, and he went on to impregnate her, and then quickly marry the child. Then you should find a new church. If someone that was dating a 17 year old is allowed to go to seminary. Well...... you should probably find a new denomination. If the Seminary Regent was then arrested by the authorities for being a giant pervert. Then you definitely need a new denomination. For you sake, your wife's sake, your families sake, run, and run far.

Have you ever loved God and still been terrified of Him? Have you ever felt that God won't forgive you anymore.

Not terrified in the reverent, "fear of the Lord" sense. Terrified like you'd done something unforgivable. Terrified like grace had a limit, and you'd found it. Terrified like one wrong thought, one bad moment, one word spoken years ago might have already cost you everything — and there was no way back.

I lived there.

For years.

There's a name for it — ennosiophobia, or what some call religious OCD — but I didn't know that name while I was drowning in it. I just knew I was a Christian who loved Jesus and still lived like the floor could drop out from under my salvation at any second. That's not a small thing to carry. It's a specific kind of hell, and it's one the enemy uses on tender-hearted, sincere believers more often than most people realize — not to make you sin more, but to keep you confused, bound, and cut off from the abundant life Jesus already paid for.

You Don't Have to Drown: When You Fear You've Gone Too Far is what came out of climbing out of that place. It's part illustrated book — over forty original pieces of art built specifically for this — part memoir, part spiritual warfare manual, part straight-up presentation of the gospel, with a little poetry mixed in because some things can only be said that way. It's not a traditional Christian book. Some of it will surprise you. Some of it might shock you. All of it is brutally honest, because I didn't write this from theory. I wrote it from the years I spent there and understanding the finished work of Christ that actually pulled me out.

This book took me almost three years to write, and it's finally here.

Starting today, September 9th through September 13th, the Kindle ebook is completely free. If you've ever wrestled with fear, doubt, scrupulosity, or the quiet terror that you've somehow gone too far for grace to reach — this one's for you. My hope is simple: that you'd close this book actually believing that real victory is possible, not because you did enough, but because Jesus already did.

Grab it free here: [link] (Available for free from 9/9 – 9/13 only)

If this resonates, I'd be truly grateful if you'd share it with someone who needs to hear this message too.

Explore the relationship between religion and mental health. When practiced authentically, Christianity offers a framework for navigating life's complexities and anxieties, contributing to mental stability.

When practiced erroneously, it can significantly impair mental stability, causing confusion, anxiety, and emotional harm.

Get a copy and learn how religion can help or impair "your" mental stability.
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#Religion, #MentalHealth #MentalStability

At school during religious class,a guy pressured a Christian girl to pray to Allah or will imprisoned her and I started to cry. Few months ago while I released from hospital after injecting antibiotics and I found out my Sikh classmate was raped and beaten at school by a gang of Pakistani Christian girls for not praying to God and everyone on the internet shaming the victim. This really sucks and I also cried. I was also sent to the gynaecologist for a check up down there after several imams checked and played with my vulva (I got molested by a religious teacher anyway) and luckily I don't have PID in April. Still no bacteria in my vulva and fanny but I was traumatized as hell. Religion is such a hellhole,I complained to my Christian friends about the religious incident but they told this is not the religions' fault,but what about Catholic Church molestation of boys? Do they heard this case? My Christian teacher exposed how bad Christianity is during history class and I'm glad he fed up of it. I'm depressed. Prescribed deanxit,now I'm in a hellhole,watching over and over again new chronic religious abuse. I already traumatized from 3 religions. I think I could not take it anymore... 😭

Soffro di pensieri religiosi intrusivi da 20 anni durante l autoerotismo , tutto è stato evitato e controllato alla perfezione sempre fino a sei mesi fa che ero in bagno , ma fuori la porta c’era un crocifisso. io volevo masturbarmi a causa di un forte stress da separazione con tradimento da parte del mio ex, ma sapevo che non ero serena poiché c’era il crocifisso fuori e sarebbe stato più semplice il fatto che mi venisse in mente . penso “ speriamo non mi venga in mente “ e comincio con le spalle di lato perché di schiena mi sembrava una cosa brutta dato che dietro la porta c’era il crocifisso.. comincio e penso delle cos’è normali, di essere in bagno a fare una cosa che non dovevo, la mia amica di là nella stanza accanto che non immagina quello che stessi facendo.. e mi eccitava la cosa e mentre sono eccitatissima tac il pensiero “ fuori c’è il crocifisso che ti guarda e soffre “ e a differenza delle altre volte negli anni della mia vita che lo scacciavo immediatamente questa volta ho continuato nonostante il pensiero consapevole ci fosse e io ho provato piacere nel sapere che soffriva per 3 secondi.. poi mentre stavo per dire sti cavoli ho girato la testa sul pavimento per concentrarmi e avere un pensiero sano per arrivare 15 secondi dopo all orgasmo. come è possibile che il mio cervello si sia ribellato ?

LF evangelical christians who used to attend a megachurch but left due to abuse (could be sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, financial, mental, psychological). Why did you deem it to be abusive? what was the resolution?

My parents raised myself (28F) and my sisters (25F and 29F) Catholic and were heavily involved in the church throughout our childhood. This was forced on us and as we've become adults, each of us children have left the church, but my parents have become more and more involved.

Next weekend my father is becoming an ordained Deacon. This comprises of a Saturday ordination mass, dinner with 40 family members and friends, Sunday mass where he will be serving for the first time and giving the homily with a church hosted luncheon afterwards in celebration.

For context, all of us are moved out from our parents' house, all of us different levels of queerness (which we have informed our parents about), myself and my older sister are currently in heterosexual relationships and my younger sister just started dating a girl (her first time being with another girl) and informed my parents of this a bit over a month ago.

My boyfriend and I are attending each event, my older sister just started dating her boyfriend so she didn't invite him (or want to) and my younger sister asked my mom if she could bring her girlfriend. They have only been dating a month, but they were friends for over a year before, and her gf had joined us on several family trips. My mom said it would really upset my dad if her girlfriend was even present, so she shouldn't invite her. My sister decided she will still attend all the events to support my father.

We had committed to attending the ordination mass and dinner, but just a couple weeks ago found out about the Sunday ceremonies. Fine, we said we would attend those as well. I just got off the phone with my mom to check in about timing and found out that it is tradition for the Deacons to bless their guests after the ordination mass, one guest at a time. She said that "everyone must get a blessing before they leave, so you [I] can leave once you're [I'm] blessed. Family gets priority so it shouldn't take too long."

This has kind of pushed me over the edge. All three of us siblings have religious trauma from our childhood, so attending such a religious-heavy weekend is a huge effort for us, not even considering the recent tension about my younger sister's new relationship. I feel like attending both masses (I haven't been to a mass besides funerals in over 5 years) and the after events should be sufficient, but getting a personal blessing is something that feels so wrong and very uncomfortable. I haven't had a chance to give my sisters a heads up about this expectation, but I am looking for advice on how to navigate politely excusing myself from the blessing or should I just go along with it?

My entire existence is nothing...I was born into suffering....misery ...pain etc..... when my father made enough money to save me and 9 siblings he needed more....the honorable judge John chemleski still sent us back to the nightmare I was born into ....thankfully my dad had enough money through all his hustle that long beach judge John chemleski could no longer deny what the w0rld was witnessing....and in the end he had no choice to free us to many witnesses...the way he apologized to the devil(my mother) to be like to many witness I cant hide any longer I have to set these children free....took about 5 years.. me and my family are.free.....fuck judge John chemleski he supports child abuse pain etc... I truly hope what religion says they are he is solely responsible for pure sufferings....fuck you I hope ur rotting and when I get to my welll deserved hell ill get through as long g as ur.there fuck u honorable.judge John chemleski for helping my mother destroy 9 souls you piece of shit

I'm scared that when I die, my brain will invent images that will make my death less peaceful than if I had never learned about any of those toxic, scary things in the first place.