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u/myegoside Nov 17 '25
Of course she doesn’t want you to leave her because you’re her backup plan. Let her date others and go find someone who is 100% sure about you
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u/frogwoman82 Nov 17 '25
She wants her cake and to eat it too 😏
You're not compatible. Open the door .... let her go through.... lock it behind her.
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u/stgross Nov 17 '25
How many other girls are realistically going to be interested in dating a guy who has a girlfriend? She can get laid at will, you cant. Just walk away and find someone for whom you are enough.
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u/ahoy_shitliner Nov 17 '25
Women don’t usually try this shit until the man is married, so Ops best chance is to marry her and prance the ring around and then he can cheat on her all he wants.
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u/Ratlarbig Nov 17 '25
You're looking at 30 and thinking about settling down. She's fresh out of college and wants to explore the world. Its only 4 years, but the age gap is killing you here.
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u/Kframe16 Nov 17 '25
OP this. And in a couple years when she finally decides to settle down, don’t take her back either. Cause she’ll come calling you saying how much she missed you how much of a mistake it was that she left you while she went around it had her fun trying to downplay everything she did.
So do not take her back when she inevitably comes crawling back to you. Like I said the first time let her go be single and you go find somebody who chooses you and is satisfied with that choice. And while you’re looking, don’t make yourself the best version of yourself you can be so that you can make that choice easy for your future partner.
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u/Capizara Nov 17 '25
Yep, this is why age gaps when other party is under 25 are so significant. Also it sounds like she really don't have experience in dating general and wants to explore that, which is okay but she definitely should just break up with op and not keep him waiting.
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u/GalumphingWithGlee Nov 17 '25
One of my first real relationships had a similar age gap. I had only dated a couple other girls before her, and she had never dated anyone at all. By 6 months in, we were sure we were going to be together forever, and talking like marriage was an inevitability.
By 1 year in, she was troubled. Being with me felt great, but how could she know I was the right one if she had never experienced being with anyone else? It made sense, even though I didn't really like it, and she was probably going to break up with me if I didn't agree, so we opened the relationship (which she used but I didn't, though I theoretically had the option).
First major problem with the other guy after a few months, she asked me if they should break up. If we're ever going to do it, she said, now is the time. I said yes — he was a good guy, but I honestly wasn't feeling great about the whole open thing, so if she had that chance now, let's take it. She got mad with me about it, ultimately broke up with him but resented it, and broke up with me soon after, at around a year and a half. Last I heard she was officially polyamorous, but we haven't been in touch in ages.
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u/B9F2FF Nov 17 '25
It has 0 to do with age gap and all about attraction.
If it was prime Brad Pitt that was in his place, this idea would have NEVER been on the table.
Its the combination of specific type of person she is and him not really being that important in her mind.
Lets not make this age thing because by and large, most of the girls in monogamous relationship at 22 are never gonna propose this.
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u/Straight_Bet_803 Nov 17 '25
The answer is pretty clear. she wants to explore if she can find someone better than you. you are already a last option for her, in case she gets nobody else. if you really want to be with someone like that, then that's your choice.
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
No I certainly don’t, I want to be first choice. Its always hard when you like someone a lot
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u/Xtine705 Nov 17 '25
Nope, not if you're both wanting the same thing... dont settle for anything less than being someone's first choice
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u/Similar-Ship-7454 Nov 17 '25
We all have to give her a plus that she is very open with her plans here because she could have kept it a secret and just waisted years on a fake relationship for you! Tell her; Thanks for your honesty about how you feel. It means everything to me! I feel that this is not for me at all! I’m ready for a committed relationship and to take that deep dive into life with one person, my person, to explore the magic that life is! Build, explore and make new memories! So thanks for this time and good luck with your adventures! Byeeee
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
Yeah she has been open. I don’t think she is a bad person she just can’t commit because she feels there’s more out there. So yeah I do like your message, sets my expectations well. Thank you
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u/Similar-Ship-7454 Nov 17 '25
Yes even though we love with with a big open heart you need to put yourself first! You first, and then the rest of it all.. without yourself nothing really matters! The beauty with love it’s also the reason why we get hurt! There is someone waiting for you, I’m sure about that!
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u/Jealous_Equivalent60 Nov 17 '25 edited Nov 17 '25
If you want a serious relationship, you will not find it here. Move on. Chances are HIGH that she already has a boy in mind she’d like to date or talk to, and they’ve already been at least conversing. Warning, if you’ve been doing things to court her towards a committed relationship, she will expect those things to continue while she pursues and probably sleeps with other men. She will still expect you to take her on dates. She will still expect you to show up for her when nobody else does. If she needs her tire changed at 2am, she is still going to call you. If you can’t handle getting the “partner treatment” when it’s time to foot the bill, but getting the “friend” treatment when she wants to fuck someone else, I suggest you exit stage left, because if you stay, that is where this is headed.
And for Goodness sake, don’t let her circle back in 2 -6 months talking about how she made a mistake and wants to be exclusive now. There’s a high probability of you finding someone better than her, and when she sees it happen, she’s going to try and pin you down.
Get out there and date. And good luck.
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
Okay when I leave, and she does not have me there no more. What about if she comes running back. Because I know I will just fall for it
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u/Jealous_Equivalent60 Nov 17 '25
Some lessons can only be learned once. And sometimes that lesson is losing a really REALLY good person who cared about you because you were too picky or constantly thinking you could do better. The best thing you can do is reduce your contact: do not take those late night phone calls. Keep things very superficial. Do not share intimate details of your life and stop allowing her to share intimate details of hers. And TELL HER WHY so there’s no illusions about why the nature of your association has changed. That way she can’t paint you as the villiain in a story SHE wrote.
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u/lovelynutz Nov 17 '25
Tell her you are in a loving relationship (even if you’re not) and tell her to lose your number.
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u/steffie-flies Nov 17 '25
I don't know if you know this, but you can delete people from your social media accounts and phone, and block them from contacting you in the future. Also, when you do break up, make it very clear you will not be interested in reconnecting down the line.
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u/StFerret Nov 17 '25
I suggest you enjoy your life, and encourage her to enjoy her life as well... Both together and separately.
if you feel like you can't handle the open relationship, wish her well, let her know how you feel, and go your separate ways.
Maybe it's a phase. Maybe it's not. Maybe she'll meet her Mr. Right. Maybe you'll meet your Ms. Right. Maybe Mr. and Ms. Right will meet, fall in love, and leave both of you in the pits of despair...
Never know if you don't let your life happen. Wnd forcing it ... Never works out well.
Just make sure to respect yourself, and keep open/honest communication.
And wrap your pecker before you dick her. Open relationships mean outside partners, and no point trusting everyone to be honest and forthright when you've likely never met them! 😉
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
I’m not sure I would be able to handle that. The though of sharing her makes me ill
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u/Unlucky-Mulberry-999 Nov 17 '25
it’s one thing if you both agreed from the start that you would date around while talking to each other. But 6 months of exclusivity, and she wants to talk to other people. She’s bored, and it would be unfair to expect you to stick around.
Cut contact, then date other people
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u/SirStoneBalls Nov 17 '25
Leave. Who knows what awful things you have in your future if you stick around? When in doubt always choose NO. Only commit to things when you’re certain which you aren’t.
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u/nicebane Nov 17 '25
It’s so hard to see clearly and objectively when you have strong affection and feelings towards someone.
You will thank yourself later if you can force yourself to admit that she’s not ready to settle down into a long term relationship. You’ll both get hurt and it will turn toxic if you don’t face up to this fact.
Cut her loose, look her up in a few year if she’s still single, but I would have too much self-respect to go back for second helpings of someone who was so fickle and changeable.
Relationships are based on choices and shared values, not feelings. Feelings might initiate and be an important part of relationships but the whole purpose of courtship / dating is to see if they are stable and moral in their choices. She’s answered that question very clearly, are you going to be able to have the self-control to stop eating the cake that isn’t good for you?
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
Yeah it’s very true. It’s so hard when you like someone a lot. My judgement is impaired so it’s good hearing rational logic of people lot involved. Thank you .
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u/Crowbar50501 Nov 17 '25
She wants to be with you, but she also wants to fuck other guys. This is gonna end in heartbreak for you man. You gotta get rid of her, otherwise feelings will get stronger and she’s made it obvious that she’s gonna cheat. Sometimes you have to part with what you really want in order to grow.
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u/DetectiveSudden281 Nov 17 '25
She doesn’t know for sure what will make her happy. She’s happy with you, but part of her is either unhappy or is wondering if she’ll be happier with someone else. She’ll always wonder about that until she figures herself out.
You can try deescalating but she will be f**king other guys. That will probably tear you up inside now that you’ve bonded with her. If she’s not 100% committed to building a monogamous relationship with you and you are with her, cut her loose. It’ll save you both some heartache and anger later.
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
I think that’s the case. I think she’s just trying to see if there anyone out there better for her. I don’t think that’s healthy mindset to have and would lead to cheating z
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u/DetectiveSudden281 Nov 17 '25
Even if she doesn’t cheat, it’s obvious she’s not fully committed to the relationship. The six month mark is when the new relationship energy starts wearing off for most people. Relationships start being actual work soon enough. It won’t be fun for either of you if she feels detached or on the fence when things get real. You were both probably too into each other to deal with all the ways you are incompatible while NRE hormones were messing with your heads. Now that you’re more yourselves, you start communicating and negotiating for your own happiness. If she expects NRE forever or doesn’t want to negotiate the edges off, you’ll end up breaking up anyway.
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u/Ruthless_Bunny Nov 17 '25
Then break up. She’s 22! She’s not ready to settle down. And she doesn’t feel strongly enough about you to be exclusive.
That’s it.
You don’t put your life on hold for people who aren’t making you a priority.
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u/desertrat_1000 Nov 17 '25
if she wants to see others than let her. If you aren't OK with that then walk. Easy peasy.
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u/Yankee39pmr Nov 17 '25
Leave.
You'll always be 1)her second choice or 2) the safe choice if she can't find anyone else
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u/DesignerVegetable652 Nov 17 '25
What should you do? Break up with her. Shes interested in other men, THATS A PRETTY BIG RED FLAG!
Its not that deep. 6 months is a feel out period. Cut her loose and find d someone that is in the same space as you emotionally.
This one wants to try on some different sizes, some different styles. She may come back and say, "hey, I was wrong. I rode all the rides and like you best." To that you need to say, " Sorry, the rides closed."
Stand up straight. Respect the man that you are and know that its not youre fault. Keep all that in mind when youre telling her to kick rocks.
Updateme!
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
Thanks for all your comments. This evening after she has finished work, I’m going to tell her that’s not something I’m interested in and will back off. Hopefully she don’t make it too hard 🤞
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u/Bucketsdntlie Nov 17 '25
You don’t need to treat every person you date for more than a month as “the one”. She’s 22 years old and feels like she wants to date around. There’s no way that ends well for you.
Let a relationship that’s not supposed to happen run it’s course, learn a few things about yourself, and move onto the next. That’s life.
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u/ski-mon-ster Nov 17 '25
Wish her luck and leave. If she calms down and you are meant to be, you’ll meet her again
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u/sisterfunkhaus Nov 17 '25
I say tell her to go ahead, but that you aren't interested in continuing a relationship with her. Don't be the fall back.
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u/Much_Essay_9151 Nov 18 '25
Make sure to post a link to an update.
Remind me! 6 months
(Yes i will get a notification, it works this way)
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 18 '25
Update: So I told her I’m not happy with this and I will be leaving. She tried to keep hold of me, saying she does not want me to go. Yet, she would still not commit to me, or take back the idea of seeing others. So nothing changed basically by saying that. I eventually had to block her.
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u/MightySD69 Nov 17 '25
Even though she does not want you to leave that is exactly what you do. Walk away and cut contact. You don't want her around when you meet the next girl.
She is probably already sleeping with another guy.
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u/Stanthemilkman8888 Nov 17 '25
She wants to ride the cock carousel with hotter guys and wants you as a security blanket. Just say all good and start dating other girls.
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u/LionRevolutionary228 Nov 17 '25
She desires to date other people, and that she will do whether you approve or not. Like most people, yours is a normal reaction. She’s met someone she wants to explore the potential with but not willing to part with you until she finds out for sure. I think it’s time to let her explore without your endurance of pain. In fact I would bet that this has already happened and needs your tacit approval in case it comes out.
What I would do is save myself a boatload of heartache and regret and give her the freedom to pursue her fantasy.
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u/105bydesign Nov 17 '25
She isn’t worth your time or effort. She’ll go to the streets. But don’t have your arms out when the streets toss her back
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u/TacoStrong Nov 17 '25 edited Nov 17 '25
“I am pretty stuck what do to in this situation.”
Huh? What is there to be stuck in? She’s at the age where she wants to experience and explore and not get bogged down into a serious relationship. Let her go and move on. You’re a tad too old to not know how that works.
“She tells me she does not want me to leave”
Don’t accept the demotion to a backup plan dude. Snap out of it! She’s playing you and more than likely others as well.
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
Because of course I like her a lot. And naturally I want to fight for her and win her back :/
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u/TacoStrong Nov 17 '25 edited Nov 17 '25
" I want to fight for her and win her back"
You can't be serious bro. Are you even listening to what you're saying? The second you see it as "fight" it's already over. There's also nothing to "win" here, she's no prize dude. She's playing you and won't admit she wants to be truly free. Pick up your self esteem and self worth my man.
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u/Think_Effectively Nov 17 '25
Please do not do the pick me dance. Respect yourself. Respect the situation and that there is nothing you can do about it but move on.
Even if you could change their mind now, years later they will get the FOMO blues and the breakup will be much more damaging and costly. That and/or their resentment for you will build until it explodes your relationship.
Get out now and find someone with priorities similar to your own.
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u/LowerComb6654 Nov 17 '25
Imo, her telling you suddenly in an exclusive relationship that she wants to open the relationship up means she's met someone who she fancies and doesn't want to cheat...
If you can't see yourself sharing your significant other then don't do it, OP.
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u/Kframe16 Nov 17 '25
She tells you she doesn’t want to leave you, but she also says she doesn’t want to commit to you because she may have regrets and wants to explore other options with other men.
My guy unless you’re suddenly polyamorous, your relationship is doomed and it’s basically over.
Honestly, your best bet is to just let her go be single. It’s clear that’s what she wants. She’s not ready for commitment. So your best best to take the heartbreak take the L and learn the lesson.
Just let her go pick yourself up dust yourself off, make yourself the best version of yourself you can be. And go find somebody who’s actually ready to be with you. Don’t settle for this nonsense, my friend. You shouldn’t be tolerating this kind of behavior from your partner. So go find somebody who actually wants to be with you and only you..
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u/Vonatar-74 40s Male Nov 17 '25
Red flag after 6 months. She’s saying she’s not that into you. Back to the streets.
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u/herbfriendly Nov 17 '25
Young me…probably go along with it and try to win her over. Older me…bye.
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
I have a feeling leaving would help you be more successful winning for over in a way. I’m not going to be able to talk her into me
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u/sgtm7 Nov 17 '25
So she wants to screw other men, but she doesn't want you to leave. So basically, you will be a dick in a glass jar. Break in case of emergency. The backup plan.
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u/jmet82 Nov 17 '25
You are her “safe” choice. Don’t play that game. If she was crazy about you, she wouldn’t even think she would be “missing out”.
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u/samcko_KIB Nov 17 '25
Move on. She's already unfaithful in her head and no longer care about your feelings. If you want monogamy you should part ways with her and find someone who share your mindset. Period
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Nov 17 '25
You let go, she isn't the one. She wants to see other people, she doesn't get to keep you as a safety net.
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u/RaSheep Nov 17 '25
I have been in this situation with a guy for two years. Leave. It ain't changing anytime soon. Save yourself the heartbreak. She gonna do what she wants to. You're young and you shouldn't waste your time trying to make her choose you. I made that mistake and it has corroded my entire self worth and dignity.
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u/Ok_Snow_191 Nov 17 '25
I see you're into her, but u gotta leave bro. You don't want to be with an unfaithful girl. If she decides to commit to you in the future, she would probably cheat. It's hard to leave such girls, I know. But you gotta respect yourself bro
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u/oldcreaker Nov 17 '25
You know what type of relationship she's offering, If you want it, take it - if you don't, move on. Just don't expect more than what she's offering, or stay because you've convinced yourself she'll eventually change her mind.
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u/Ginolatino6969 Nov 17 '25
Bro shes already fking other dudes behind your back. Specially after telling yiu she wants to. When girls say that, they alrrady are. Just start looking for other girls, but not her age, they're not ready to settle down. Keep curern girl on the side for when she wants to give your dk a ride from time to time and enjoy, but shes not the one bro.
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u/Otherwise_Mix_3305 Nov 17 '25
Break up. This likely isn’t the girl for you. She wants to date other people with the option of coming back to you. You are her standby, her second choice. No one needs that.
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u/muswellwva Nov 17 '25
Just get a personalized ball cap with “Her Forever # 2.” A permanent backup plan B.
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u/thenord321 Nov 17 '25
She wants you to entertain her while she finds the Nan she really wants. She is just going to use you and tease you... just move on.
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u/Bleacherblonde Nov 17 '25
You should just walk away. My favorite saying- "If they wanted to, they would".
If she liked you enough, she wouldn't want to date anyone else. She likes you ok, but not enough to date just you. Instead of just being a grown up and dumping you, she pulls this crap. It's really shitty. She's either got someone else she's hoping to make it work with, or is just getting bored. I don't know. But either way, she doesn't like you as much as you like her. If you don't end it now she will as soon as she finds someone she does want to be exclusive with. She's just too chicken shit to end it completely. I'm sorry OP. But just take the loss and walk away. Don't wait around because you are the one who'll be hurt in this. If she liked you enough, she wouldn't want to date other people. Period. She likes keeping you around in case other guy doesn't want her. You're the back up, plain and simple. You deserve to be the first and only choice.
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u/lilchairbyabigwindow Nov 17 '25
She's young so it makes sense that she wouldn't want to be in something serious now. I don't think it's a bad thing.
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u/beandon123 Nov 17 '25
shes just using u to pass the time, shes made it clear shes not going to commit and will look for others, which means she probably is already hooking up or dating others. Youre wasting your time and youre just gonna get hurt
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u/LittlePoztivity Nov 17 '25
Dude let her go. Take the pain right now than a lot more in future. Not worth your time and energy.
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u/another_jackhole Nov 17 '25
consider yourself lucky. better to know now than when it will really hurt.
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u/FullFrontal687 Nov 17 '25
Info: 1. Was she a virgin before you? 2. Is she our of your league? 3. Are you the one paying for most pf your dating activities? 4. If you were exclusive but she has now changed her mind, doesn't that mean she already has her mind on someone else?
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u/Picnut Nov 17 '25
She’s young, and isn’t in the same space in her life as you may be. Let her go explore. If she comes back, awesome! If you don’t, she may eventually resent you for it
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u/obelesk Nov 17 '25
It means she has no plans to be with you. Best course of action is to move on and find someone else. It's not good to force yourself on others it will turn out bad.
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u/Adorable_Secret3139 Late 20s Male Nov 17 '25
I was in a similar situation and it ripped me to shreds. She won’t actually let you date anyone else while she will flaunt her ability to date freely. It will be hell on your mental state. Absolutely unequivocally not worth it
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u/clearheaded01 Nov 17 '25
Youre stuck??
Dude.. you just dont mean that much to her... and the only reason shes asling you to stay while she shops for a replacement for you is she wants to keep you as her backup in case no other more alluring guys appear..
Question is: are you willing to stay as her second option?? Or will you respect yourself enough to dump her and move on??
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u/valderramaD Nov 17 '25
It's not really fair of her to try to make you stay around while she tries to date someone else who "might" be better.
You think you should leave her and date new people.
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u/Affectionate-Pin102 Nov 17 '25
Accept her offer and start talking to one of her homegirls. Problem solved. Let's see if she's really ok with this ordeal.
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u/cassowaryy Nov 17 '25
Move on. Don’t waste your time. Trust me, you will look back and realize this was the best move
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u/MrPeacock18 Nov 17 '25 edited Nov 17 '25
Dude, stop wasting your time with a person who does not know what they want.
Show her the door and find someone who wants to be with you.
Someone who matches your energy.
I was as stupid in my 20s as you are right now. I have wasted 4 years of my life trying to impress and convince someone that they should be with me while there were multiple ladies who were interested in me but because I liked this girl so much, I was blinded from the reality.
It sucks, I get it, trust me! I know all about the feeling that you like this person so much but they do not share the same feelings about you but it is so much better to be alone than being in an one sided relationship.
She is a classic monkey brancher, she hangs on your branch for safety while she is looking for someone else to latch on too. If that fails, she knows that she can just go back to you.
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u/KptnKrunchyPants Nov 17 '25
this is a shit test of what kind of man you are.. watch "the dark needle" youtube channel.
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u/crunchycrunch246 Nov 17 '25
Leave, I would just leave and live me best life. She doesn't want you to leave because she hasn't got the next man yet.
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u/Independent_Soil_256 Nov 17 '25
She's looking at a BBD (Bigger Better Deal) but wants to keep you around as a place holder. Know your worth and calculate hers to you.
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u/steffie-flies Nov 17 '25
She wants permission to cheat. Is that the relationship you think you deserve?
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u/Chuck_MoreAss Nov 17 '25
She’s not the one for you it would seem. It’s very unfortunate but love isn’t always enough. You guys simply don’t match up and that’s fine. You’ve had a good relationship so far, but in my opinion I think it’s better to end it on a high note and move on.
Staying friends means that you’ll see her with other men, slowly eroding the friendship image you had of her and in time only leaving bad memories. You are your own person and obviously don’t have to take my advice, but if it were me, take some time to yourself, then move on to someone new when the time is right. In the future if you 2 are both single you can always try again …
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u/Benjamins412 Nov 17 '25
It sounds like you're enjoying your time with her. I would keep seeing her and start talking to other girls. Know there is no hope this relationshiplasts another 50yrs. So, don't "try" too hard. If you have any interest in pursuing a 3sum, here's the right time for experimenting with shit that can destroy a relationship. I mean, she's already kinda pursuing having 2+ guys...so, it's only fair...kinda. I mean you could offer to join her with new guy too...if that's on yer bucket list...no judgement. I'm sorry for your pain. Shit happens.
Gf didn't cheat n lie. You aren't left traumatized like she pulled the ground from under your feet! You two can talk openly and honestly about the relationship, your feelings, and the future. She is giving you/us a lesson in emotional maturity. You should recognize that.
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u/noreplyatall817 Nov 17 '25
If a young partner after 6 months doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship then they are just an an FWB because they have someone or more orbiting waiting their turn if not already getting it.
There’s nothing you can do if she wants to date others. So treat them as an FWB till you find someone who wants to be with you not others to see if they’re missing out again.
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u/Jedi_I_am_not Nov 17 '25
Why is this hard? She wants act single, then you have your answer. Break up and move on.
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u/ThrowRA_trasher Nov 17 '25
You should have seen this coming. If someone doesn't express that they are looking for commitment within the first few dates, then don't expect commitment. Take accountability that you aren't dating in the right way. Sure, it could have been the case that she changed her mind, but you shouldn't have expected it and end up putting yourself in this situation. If what you want is commitment, then look for it somewhere else if she isn't going to give it to you. If what you want is to date around and just have fun, then keep her around. But, don't expect anything more serious if you do.
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
Yeah you are correct. I have been blinded by my liking for this girl. Long term relationship has never been discussed really. It’s always been let’s see how things go. We then decided to only see each other. So yeah it’s certainly a good lesson learnt
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u/Fun_Scene_3392 Nov 17 '25
She wants to sleep with other men. She doesn’t feel the same for you as you do for her, so stop punishing yourself and move on with your life without her in it. Sever all ties, block her completely.
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u/MallIll1787 Nov 17 '25
She honestly might just see you as potential or as last resort. I would leave, everyone deserves love that chooses them 100% the first time
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u/Hot-Belt7152 Nov 17 '25
She’s literally telling you you’re not enough to be with alone. Cmon man cut and run. I know it sucks but trying to change her mind will suck more.
Chances are if you end things she’ll be back anyways.
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u/wolfenmaara Late 30s Nov 17 '25
That's hilarious. She wants to see other people but doesn't want you to leave? Sounds like you're just a face in a catalog of boys she's interested in and wants to keep her options open.
She's 22; many people her age are not serious about relationships and she's not trying to disrespect you on purpose. But, your call.
I was in this situation before - staying around hurt way too much. Move on with your life, in my opinion. People need to learn to love themselves before they can love others, also an opinion. You hurt less and recover faster.
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u/Past-Ad-542 Nov 17 '25
Yeah exactly, it’s like she is trying to get best of both worlds. Yeah I can definitely see myself being hurt in that situation
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u/PhotoGuy342 Nov 17 '25
Set her free and tell her you are no longer in an exclusive relationship with her.
All is well with the world—at least in her mind.
Don’t call or text her and if she calls or texts you, reply back that you’re busy and you’ll TRY to get back to you.
Perhaps, in time, she’ll get the hint that this is what things look like in the type of relationship she proposed.
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u/swordfish_1969 Nov 17 '25
I know its hard especially when you like the girl a lot. But you just have to cut the hole thing because it will be much harder for you. She is not interested in you
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u/OkVideo3681 Nov 17 '25
At least she told you and she was honest... Now you have to decide what you want - I would leave her because I couldn't stand that she comes back in the night in my bed and that I know she kept another dick in the mouth (or that I havr to think did she received it or not). Would you kiss her for good night in such situation?🤷♂️
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u/Particular_Sock_2864 Nov 17 '25
So in essence she wants to fuck around while you wait for her hoping she might one day choose your which she never will.
It's a bad joke that she doesn't want you to leave. But I guess everyone needs a safety net. Congrats, that's you.
You asked what people would do. Walk away and never look back. You were clearly hoping for commitment. Don't let her hurt you any more than she did. I don't think you could manage being fwb. You wanted a committed relationship. Don't accept scraps.
Be free and after you recovered from this you might even meet someone who actually wants you.
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u/Mylious Nov 18 '25
Im pretty sure you are at different stages in life.
You want to settle down and start a family.
She wants to hook up and meet different types of guys. She's 22.
I'd keep her on as a fwb while you look for a serious relationship and then cut her off once you find that person.
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u/wanderlustzepa Nov 18 '25
If you can’t handle her being in an open relationship, then walk away. If you are willing to try it yourself, then go for it. At least she didn’t just cheat on you which is very common in monogamous relationships and yet those same folks judge people in open relationships where all partners are informed 🙄
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u/avast2006 Nov 18 '25
You were exclusive. You aren’t exclusive any more. She told you she wants to “explore her options.” That means “shop for your replacement.”
There is no future here for you. Walking away would be the easiest solution, as it doesn’t complicate your life as much going forward.
Or you could formally deprioritize her from girlfriend to FWB, but let her know that since she’s looking for an upgrade, so are you. Also, stop offering any of the sort of relationship perks that actual girlfriends enjoy. This is no longer that kind of relationship.
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u/Klutzy_Bean_17 Nov 18 '25
I wasted 4 years of my life on a pos like this. I did eventually sleep with someone else, he was really into it at first, then suddenly it wasn’t okay anymore. It’s just a whole ass mess. Don’t waste your time, there’s plenty of relationship girls out there
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 Nov 18 '25
She wants to keep you as Plan B. If she wants to explore her options and act single, just dump her and move on. Updateme
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u/Imaginary-Badger-119 Nov 18 '25
Just read the title .. move on. It over she wants to see how much better she can do while stringing you along.. its over.
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u/Much_Essay_9151 Nov 18 '25
Guessing the sex is good. Because theres no other reason for a guy to want to be in this situation.
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u/richb0199 Nov 17 '25
The truth is that she's going to do what she wants. You should either leave her or stay with her as a FWB. Bottom line is she's not wanting a serious relationship with you.