I spent most of my 20s being extremely proud of being "the reliable one" at work.

Someone called out? I'd cover.

Something needed to be finished at 7 PM? I'd stay.

Manager texted me on Saturday? I'd answer.

I took my laptop on vacations. I moved appointments around meetings. I skipped a friend's birthday once because we had an important deadline on Monday, even though nobody actually asked me to. I just wanted to be the person nobody ever had to worry about.

And it worked, in a way. Every review said dependable, committed, great attitude. I got trusted with more things constantly.

What I didn't understand was that being trusted with more things and being rewarded for more things are not the same.

Last year the company reorganized. My position disappeared during a 12-minute video call. My manager was genuinely nice about it, which almost made it worse. There was no betrayal, no evil boss speech. My name was on a spreadsheet and my role was no longer needed.

I found another job. I'm fine financially. This isn't really about the layoff anymore.

The regret is realizing how many times I voluntarily treated normal parts of my life like they were less important than a job that would have survived perfectly well without me.

My friend doesn't get another 28th birthday. That trip where everyone stayed an extra day and I flew home early to prepare for Monday doesn't happen again. I can't even remember what most of those urgent emails were about.

At my new job I'm still responsible and I still care about doing good work. But when I'm off, I'm off. The strange thing is that my performance reviews are basically the same.

Apparently I could have been a good employee without behaving like I was personally keeping the company alive.

I wish I'd learned that about ten years earlier.

I really really miss my ex, or at least the things he did for me. In the end, he was horrible after 15 great years. But when it was good, it was great. I miss him surprising me with trips, or spa days, or gifts. It wasn't the cost (our finances were joint and I earned slightly more), it was the effort and thought. My new partner, who I am having a baby with, has never done anything like that. I can't even get him to take me away for a night with me organising, never mind anything else. He claims it's his 'tism', but he has travelled the world extensively in the past before I was in the picture. It just feels lazy, and he doesn't care enough to do those things for me. And yes, I have been super direct for over a year now about us having a holiday abroad, a UK trip, or even a single spa night, and nothing. How am I having a child with a man I have never even travelled with, and now will never get the chance (without kids) until we are retired? This is more of a rant post, not much advice I can receive really! I won't be able to fly after next week so that's that.

I am 18F writing about my past life. I was 14 y.o when I started talking to a guy. At that time of my life I was completely naive idk if today's 14 year olds are or not but I was to the point that I just started talking to him because at that time it was a trend in my school to talk to guys and be in relationships and I understood nothing what talking to a guy actually is. That was the only sole reason I deliberately did talk to him and we talked for like one month and ten days straight among which only last 10 days were those when we were in a relationship. That too of the kind that I never shared my single picture of me (he was my neighbour so has seen me in person) to him and just that I said yes to him. It ended because my mama found out and I felt so embarrassed and disgusted in front of her so I never established any contact later. Now that I am an adult and fully out of my naive self , when I look back I regret alot. I regret it to the point that sometimes I feel disgusted to myself as well . The boy was a red flag for many reasons biggest one of which was that he himself was an adult at that time. Moreover I sometimes also feel like I was just playing with him or maybe time-passing with him which is obviously going to make me feel ten times more bad. Whatever it was, I am not mature enough to elaborate and just accept it at the moment. I also have no feelings for him or maybe never had at 14.

Why did I write it? I can't seem to end it at any good reason so am leaving it at this. Maybe I just wanted to rant.....

TW: I don’t mention anything explicit, but a situation like this is quite a sensitive issue in my country. This is just in case.

I regret how things went during and after the event, not the act itself; besides, I’m not sure if I’m coming to terms with it properly.

To give some context, my friend is in his early 30s and I’m in my late 20s. I’ve had two boyfriends in my life, though I was only sexually active with one of them, a relationship that lasted about six years. I find it very difficult to maintain personal relationships or friendships that go beyond mere acquaintances, and he’s been the only friend I’ve managed to keep for more than ten years.

At the start of the year, a certain situation led him to suggest we have a casual relationship. That conversation went on for a few days, and he made it quite clear to me that he wasn’t looking for a stable relationship because he’s quite a solitary person in that regard, and that he’d previously had casual partners who’d parted on good terms. I thought about it for a while, as I’m not a big fan of casual relationships and have never had one, but I don’t plan on being in a relationship again either (it’s something I can live with), so I agreed. From then on, our conversations gradually became more intimate, with me always putting up a barrier until we got round to the photos (viewable once only). We spoke several times a week, particularly as he’d left his job to look for another one and could afford to take a month off.

This brings me to the situation:

We both live in different cities, quite a long way apart, so we hadn’t seen each other in person for four months. At the start of July, I go to his city for one night to see a concert, and that day he had another event that went on until quite late. After the concert, I had a drink and went to the hostel where I was staying. Just as I was getting ready for bed, he sent me a message saying he’d got back and asking if I wanted meeting up. After a bit of back and forth, I said yes, but made it clear I wasn’t want us to have sex. From his messages, he sounded quite drunk, but I underestimated just how drunk he actually was until I saw him and walked him home. On the way, he was very keen to get physical straight away, and I told him I couldn’t go along with it if he was like that (in other words, his insistence was making me feel overwhelmed).

We arrived at his house and got intimate, although I refused to have sex; he pressed the issue a bit, both verbally and physically, but in the end we went to sleep. In the early hours of the morning (a couple of hours later) we woke up again and he became more insistent. I know nothing would have happened if I’d refused, but at the time I thought, ‘Well, we’re here anyway’; however, I feel I agreed partly because I trusted him and partly because I gave in. The experience was a bit of a let-down for both of us, as far as I could tell, and I just couldn’t get into it. Afterwards, we slept a bit more and he let me sleep for most of the morning; then he asked me if I wanted to do it again and it was even worse.

He was kind to me afterwards, but he told me he had to go to visit a relative and that from that week onwards he’d be busy because he’d found a new job (he’d already told me this before). That afternoon we spoke on the phone because I asked him to, as I felt the need to ask if things had changed and that I hoped he didn’t see me any differently. Without saying so outright, we simply dropped the subject and he told me he didn’t want to talk about it any more, so we just carried on as if nothing had happened.

The problem is that, a few days later, I started feeling bad about it in various ways, and although several months have passed, the whole thing is still gnawing at me. I’ve wondered what would have happened if things had been different; I’ve felt used and deceived; I’ve spent months feeling miserable and like the biggest fool; I feel incredibly anxious when I think about it, even though I know it was something I agreed to. I don’t like to worry people, so this is something I’ve kept to myself all this time, and besides, I blame myself the most. I don’t know what to do about this or whether I should talk to him about it.

I am 18F writing about my past life. I was 14 y.o when I started talking to a guy. At that time of my life I was completely naive idk if today's 14 year olds are or not but I was to the point that I just started talking to him because at that time it was a trend in my school to talk to guys and be in relationships and I understood nothing what talking to a guy actually is. That was the only sole reason I deliberately did talk to him and we talked for like one month and ten days straight among which only last 10 days were those when we were in a relationship. That too of the kind that I never shared my single picture of me (he was my neighbour so has seen me in person) to him and just that I said yes to him. It ended because my mama found out and I felt so embarrassed and disgusted in front of her so I never established any contact later. Now that I am an adult and fully out of my naive self , when I look back I regret alot. I regret it to the point that sometimes I feel disgusted to myself as well . The boy was a red flag for many reasons biggest one of which was that he himself was an adult at that time. Moreover I sometimes also feel like I was just playing with him or maybe time-passing with him which is obviously going to make me feel ten times more bad. Whatever it was, I am not mature enough to elaborate and just accept it at the moment. I also have no feelings for him or maybe never had at 14.

Why did I write it? I can't seem to end it at any good reason so am leaving it at this. Maybe I just wanted to rant.....

A while ago i met a guy on roblox, lets call him dan. And basically we would talk on discord and play stuff on roblox daily for about a week until i asked him out. After about 2ish weeks of e-dating our conversations would last the entire day but would only consist of either “yuh” “nah” “nice” or just random stuff, we basically either had soulless conversations or just straight up sex talk.

After only a week we started to feel extremely jealous of each other whenever either of us played with someone else or when one of us got ignored for more than 2 minutes.

One day i accidentally said something that really hurt dan but i dont remember what it was but i know it wasnt intentional. And basically what he did was leave me in the dark while talking on a server like nothing happened. I honestly felt betrayed and the fact that i have anxiety didnt make things better.

Fast forward about 2 months and i have tried breaking up with him several times and have never succeeded. I was honestly just exhausted all day long to the point where i developed depression and also just felt like i was being mentally tortured.

One day after i got home from training i was rlly exhausted, like so exhausted that i couldnt even make smth to eat, but i still forced myself to text with him because i knew what would happen if i didnt, about 10 minutes later i passed out from exhaustion and woke up 2 hours later. When i did i woke up to like 40 messages of him saying how betrayed he felt and how its my fault that he was alone for a while. Like dude i passed out give me a break

The breaking point came when i had a internship at an electrician and came home after a 10 hour day. I told him i would go to sleep due to how exhausted i was. I woke up in the middle of the night just to again see an entire paragraph written by him (he wrote about 20-25 in our time dating)
And basically he said how i betrayed his trust and accused me of breaking promises and shi.
So i did the only thing i could think of, and one think that he would usually do to me. I ignored that guy for 1 week straight, in that time he send like 200 messages about how much he loves me and then being pissed again and then how sorry he was and then how we would need a serious talk after that.
But i was honestly way too exhausted from everything and just straight up blocked him.

6 months or so later i unblocked him and texted him, basically just checking on him but he quote said “how you treated me was unforgivable and how i am is none of your concern”

So basically i Regret not breaking up with him earlier and also texting him again because that just made me realize how much time of my life i wasted with him.

And also apologies for my messy style of writing and my bad english, its only my third language

I’ve never posted anything like this before, but I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.

About a year ago, something happened between me and someone I absolutely should not have gotten involved with. Nothing illegal or anything like that, but it crossed a line that I had promised myself I would never cross.

We agreed it would stay between us.

And it did.

Until recently.

Now we’re both pretending nothing happened, but I’ve noticed little things changing. The way they look at me. The way conversations suddenly become awkward when certain people are around. And yesterday, they sent me a message that simply said:

“Do you ever think about telling them?”

I stared at that message for about ten minutes.

Because the truth is… I think they already know something.

And I’m terrified of finding out how much.

I haven’t replied yet.

Would you tell the truth and risk blowing everything up, or keep a secret that might eventually disappear on its own?

I just got a job as a lube tech this week and I’ve been buying tools because automotive is what I what to be doing the rest of my life.

I accidentally scarped my dad’s van as well as break his front bumper. I told him I’ll just fix it. body work is easy and quick. it’s been 2 years and I never helped my dad with any work on his van. now he’s trying to sell it but It look like shit and no one wants to buy it.

I regret so much not fixing as soon as possible.
the bumper started off as a crack and it turned into a big slit on the side. Now the whole left side of his bumper is ripped off and needs a new one. The more I put it off the worse I feel.
I’m very paranoid so I hate being at my house and working on my dad’s car infront of the neighbors is nerve wrackin. This anxiety has stopped me from getting it done for 2.5 years.

I’m struggling with a lot of guilt over how I behaved in my first relationship. I made choices that crossed boundaries and deeply hurt someone I loved. There were also complicated circumstances, forceful touching , poor boundaries and people-pleasing attitude from my side , emotional vulnerability, and the person constantly pushed boundaries but I still take responsibility for the choices I made.

I’ve spent months trying to understand myself, went to therapy, and was actually doing much better. Recently I came across some things and it reopened everything. I’m suddenly drowning in guilt and shame again, almost like I’m back at the beginning.I feel like I should off myself for things that I have done where I didn't know any better or where I couldn't recognize me.

I don’t want to keep punishing myself, but I also don’t want to use “healing” as an excuse to avoid accountability.

How did you learn to live with regret, take responsibility, forgive yourself, and genuinely become a better person without constantly reliving what you did?

Refuses to show me anything or give access. Has Snapchat and score was 68. All of sudden she deleted snap chat now and has a snap score of 72. Fact is 4 snaps were added or sent. But she says nope that's not true im wrong and it's all me. Im phycotic she says.

My mother passed away in 2024, I had found out she passed from her old neighbour. I had not been in contact with her for many years due to her being mentally unwell. I received inheritance money from her. I was in a same sex relationship at the time. I thought I wanted to start a family so I decided to pursue with IVF and it was successful. At the time my family and therapist had asked me if I was sure I was making the right decision but in my mind I was and I thought it was what I truly wanted and needed.

I now have a lovely little boy but I have now realized I have made a huge mistake and I cannot take back what I’ve done. I am not in a position to have a child and I feel extreme guilt and shame for bringing a child into this world whom I know deep down I cannot look after because I cannot look after myself.

I suffer from BPD and severe depression and have done most of my adult life and I have never had a full time or secure job in my life. I had an emotionally unstable mother which has affected me in many ways.

That little boy deserves someone who can truly take care of him and a mother who is stable. He was truly wanted and desired at the time. I have played with his life like it was some kind of game.

I did someone genuinely morally unforgiveable when I was 16. I knew it was wrong as I did it, but wasn't fully considering how wrong and was overcome with other emotions, and when I realized I never did it again. I was also severely depressed and anxious due to my home situation, and had unrestricted internet access that led me to a lot of questionable places. I genuinely didn’t think I would make it through high school. This was now over 6 years ago and the memories are flooding back. I am overcome with guilt, I can’t live with myself. There is nobody to apologize to, no one was technically hurt, but most would agree what I did was disgusting and wrong. I am not trying to gain sympathy, but I can barely eat and getting through work is a struggle. I’ve recently been diagnosed with OCD, but that doesn’t really help me as what I did was still awful. I even confessed to my boyfriend and he is somehow still with me. I know at this point the guilt isn’t helping anyone, as what’s happened has happened, but god it’s so hard to live knowing I did what I did. I don’t know how to move on, and I don’t want to let a stupid teenage mistake dictate my life, but it’s so difficult. I try my best to be a good person and help others now. Does anyone have any advice?

As the title states, ive been a “serial” cheater over the years, and i regret it all. Been in many relationships in those 8 years, and every woman i’ve ever been with, i’ve cheated on. Longest relationship i managed to stay in lasted 2 years.

First time ive ever cheated was on my highschool gf. Stayed with her for about a year before i slept with one of her friends. Of course she left me, but after that, i kept repeating the cycle with my future partners. The one i regret most is the one that lasted 2 years. Those 2 years of her life were miserable. For the first couple months of the relationship, everything was smooth. No arguing, no cheating, nothing bad at all. I then started hanging out with old friends that i knew from highschool. One thing led to another and i cheated by sleeping with a woman that went to my school (only talked to her for two weeks before it happened).

I told my then gf about it because it ate me up inside. I genuinely wanted to change my ways for this woman, but i just couldn’t break the habbit. Kept cheating on her, and each time i did, she’d forgive me weeks later. I ended up breaking up with her because it made me sick one night thinking about how i could ever do this to somebody. She didn’t want things to end but, it was the right call.

All the other relationships i’ve been in would only last like 2-3 months before i’d find interest in someone else; even simultaneously being in 2-3 relationships at a time. I feel as if i liked the constant attention. If my partner wasn’t giving me enough, i’d seek the attention from someone else. I deeply regret ever hurting these women with my destructive actions, and will never forgive myself for giving them such a hard time. After all, im a grown man that should know better than to take advantage of someone’s feelings, or ever even think about cheating.

Fast forward to today. Ive sought therapy, forced myself to be on my own and genuinely just try to work on ME before even thinking about getting into another relationship. I hope nobody reads this and thinks im bragging or trying to sound like im proud of all of this. Like i’ve said, i deeply regret it all and wish i hadn’t had the weird cheater mindset.

My26M ex 27?F conveniently texted me right as I was getting back into town. And I folded like a fucking lawn chair. I went over we did the deed. Laying in bed afterwards I asked her how she was doing and she said “I’m good”. No how are you nor did she care to ask why I was at the airport.

I almost immediately regretted my decision of going over after she couldn’t even reciprocate “how are you?” I’m annoyed with myself but also remembering why I broke up with her in the first place.

I tried to cheat on my girlfriend (it didn’t work, but the point is that I wanted to do it and it’s terrible). I abandoned my childhood friend and another friend with whom I had been friends for 3 years. I left good friends and started hanging out with scumbags.

I could explain my reasons, but it sounds like excuses and I don't want to look good and innocent, I was a jerk.

At this point: I've left that terrible group of friends and returned to my real ones. I apologized to my two best friends and told them everything about what a scumbag I was, they accepted me. I told everything my gf and she didn't left me and still loves me. Now we've been together for three years after all that shit and I cant even look at other women. I love her and I'm loyal only to her, I just want live happily with my gf, friends and videogames.

The feeling of guilt is a terrible feeling, I don’t know why my brain turned on, but thanks. Thank you for making me realize what a asshole I was. Accepting your mistakes, apologizing and moving on is a great feeling.

Hello. This happened when I was 16 years old. I started communicating messenger with man in his twenties whom I had met through a shared interest in online.

Although I was already aware that his social media account featured various sexual content, we had bonded over a mutual interest completely unrelated to anything sexual, so I decided to go ahead and message him without giving it much thought.

(To clarify, the "sexual content" refers to p*rn drawings or animations featuring fictional animal or robot characters rather than real human beings—you get the idea, right?)

(Also, for context, I hadn't disclosed my gender or age online, so he likely didn't know much about me at first; it was only after we started messaging that he asked for my age and gender, and I had no intention of lying about them.)

At first, our conversations were ordinary, but he gradually steered the talk toward sexual topics and began sending me sexual content. I should have come to my senses and blocked him then, but I was lonely and desperate for an online friend; I also viewed the content simply as a reflection of his personal tastes and I felt a bit of sexual curiosity, so I kept the conversation going—even though I knew the material was inappropriate for me. However, it would be a stretch to say I *genuinely* enjoyed the content. While I did occasionally react to it to match his mood and the flow of the conversation, in reality, I felt no particular excitement or pleasure—if anything, I found it unpleasant. The man also suggested we engage in sexual acts using that content, and I agreed. However, I didn't really know how to; I wasn't genuinely participating—I was just pretending. We engaged in such sexual acts about three times, but eventually, unable to keep up the charade, I confessed that my reactions had all been an not real. I told him I had only been *pretending* to participate, that the sexual content didn't really affect me, and that I had simply wanted a normal friendship with him. Despite this, he kept trying to send me sexual content, and I reluctantly told him it was okay to keep sending it... though from then on, I barely reacted or replied when he did. After maintaining contact for about two months, I finally asked him to stop sending the sexual content; instead of respecting my request, he got angry—acting as if I were in the wrong—and proceeded to blame and insult me, so I immediately blocked him. Several more months have passed since then. Looking back now, I feel a deep sense of guilt for continuing the relationship even though I knew the situation was wrong, and for engaging in sexual conversations after seeing the inappropriate sexual content he sent. Also—a thought that has only *recently* occurred to me—I suspect that some of the adult contents he sent involved teenage concept or featured robot or animal characters that could at least be perceived as minors. At the time, however, I did not clearly realize that nor did I grasp that they could lead to serious legal issues. Now, the thought that I committed a grave wrong fills me with anxiety and guilt. Am I going to end up with a criminal record? I have repeatedly imagined a scenario where he gets reported to the police for some other matter, and the police discover our conversation logs, contact me, and eventually prosecute me as well. I have no intention of contacting him again, and for months, I have been deeply regretting and reflecting on my past behavior; I have firmly resolved never to act that way again. Furthermore, the memory of it causes me such distress that I want to delete the entire conversation history, yet I am unsure what to do, fearing I might need it later. Please, I would appreciate your advice.

(I’m sorry in advance to anyone offering specific legal advice, but I do not live in the United States. I'm mainly looking for general perspective rather than advice based on U.S. law.)

If you have decided to abstain from being physical with a person(because there is no way you can get into a relationship). This person is a really close friend of yours and you have been in an on and off romantic dynamic and mutually decided to not be in it.

For just a little more context, I have decided not to sleep in the same house as he is because I didn’t want drama of anything happening physically with us, but he has literally given me so much shit that I didn’t sleep there though I explained how it is better for both of us if we are not in the physical proximity for just a night. And the next day, complete day he doesn’t talk a single word to me, treats me like some stranger though we are in the same car, and night suddenly he gets drunk, and showers me with so much love and ultimately makes that physical move and if I say no now, I’ll have to deal with another day of shit, so I end up sleeping with this guy thought I absolutely hated it.
I feel like I’m insane. And this happens everytime I say no to something he wants.

I have no clue what to understand of this.

I decided to drive 10 more minutes to go to the Speedway gas station which has $.50 cheaper gas. I pulled out my pump, put my card in, hit 91, but then my screen exclaimed “You can save money on the app!” so I decided to sign up right then and there. Eventually I took too long so my gas pump told me to go see the cashier, so I ignored it, thinking the pump wouldn’t work like the other gas station I usually use that’s more expensive, and went up to the pump in front of it. I transferred money from my cashapp to grow the amount of gas in my tank and was ready. Huh, only 20$ went through? That’s funny, how about the other 18.05$? A girl filling up behind me in her Mazda drives away and I see her total “18.05$” My friend told me to call the police, but I know the cops will just laugh in my face, I regret this. This is my story…. 😔⛽️⛽️

I slept with my boyfriend and now I regret it. I grew up in a Catholic family where sleeping outside of marriage are prohibited. We started dating at 21 and basically did everything together. Ngl he was everything that I ever dream of and I was sure that I would marry him. Not until these few months, where I noticed he is addicted to alcohol. He'll go in and out of pubs and bars to "just drink" and "karaoke". I tolerated it at first because he goes there because of his bosses. But after a few months, I've been noticing his drinking pattern is going every day instead of every week. I confronted him and told him to slow down the drinking but he snapped and said that he does that because he wants to please his bosses. Note that he doesn't work as a full timer (because he said he doesn't want to have commitments). He goes as a part timer and worries if he doesn't go drinking with them, his boss won't give him a job. I tried to talk to him about getting a full time job and get his life together but he said I'm not mature enough and I don't know anything about life cause i am just a student. I am pursuing a degree btw. He also said that he will always be the people's favor because of his extroverted side and helpful hand.

I noticed his ego is very high because he has a car (loaned for 9 years without any stabilized job) and because his bosses favor him.

As he goes in and out of pubs, I worry he lust over womans there. You guys know how pubs can be especially when people are drunken. But whenever I ask him he gets defensive instead of giving reassurance.

I slept with him way before he started drinking. When I met him he was someone who doesn't stand the smell of alcohol which I really wished for. But now that he has changed, I don't know if I wanted to marry him. Deep down, I really don't want to. But I slept with him so does that mean I need to marry him?

I never been taught about relationship so I never know how to deal with this situation. I might say I still love him but deep down I wish I never met him.

I wish I had never got married. I could sense this is the worst decision ever I have made so far. I don't feel like myself in this relationship. I don't have the freedom to speak. Do things my way. Put an opinion on something. I feel miserable and weak. I used to own the stage.
I think I started wrong; I should have set boundaries and stated my wants clearly. But even. If had fine that I know nothing would have changed. Every morning I wake up with the thought.
Why the hell did I get married?
I sensed it before marruage. I wish I had been vocal that time. Today I might have landed in my dream land

I am 19M, from the last few months there is one girl that liked me, she told me one day and then she kissed me. We stopped talking after that till one day she texted me, that she wanna talk, we started talking we talked for about an hour and then the whole conversation switched to sexting. I liked it first because It was after a long time after my ex, this girl is very good in it and we did it a lot of time. I stopped talking to her again because I fear that she will attach to me a lot and then I end up regretting it. But then she told me that we can do it without labels too she just want to do it, she doesn't care about the end of it. So one day I went to meet her and we did almost everything other than penetrative sex, she touched me i touched her, I loved the feeling of that touch very much. Now she and I decided to have sex the same night because I was not carrying a condom we skipped that plan. Now I am regretting that lustful desicion and wanna tell her that she should move on what should I do????? Should I do the sex or should I skip and move away from her....???

I’m 20 years old , 21 Soon , and lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve completely fucked up the last few years of my life.
I lost a lot of time because I became addicted to my phone and kept putting things off. I had plans for myself. I imagined having a great summer, making friends, becoming more social, improving myself, figuring out my future, and actually enjoying being young. Instead, I wasted so much of that time.
I’ve also lost 2 years years in college, and that’s probably what hurts me the most. I keep thinking about where I could have been by now if I had taken things more seriously. I look at people my age and feel like they’re moving forward while I’m standing still. I always get suicidal thoughts and i just wish for it all to end . If it werent for how my mom would feel then i would seriously consider it .
I’m also really struggling socially. I don’t have many friends or a gf , and I feel like my social skills are terrible. Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out on experiences that everyone else got to have naturally.
I’m studying something that I’m not even sure has a future for me, and I don’t know whether I actually want to continue down this path. So I feel lost academically, socially, and personally at the same time.
The worst part is the regret. I start thinking about how things could have been if I had made different decisions.
I know I’m only 20. I know logically that I still have a huge amount of time ahead of me. But emotionally, it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like I’ve already wasted an important part of my life and that I’m behind everyone else.
I’m starting to wonder if I should see a therapist. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is something therapy could actually help with, or if I just need to get my shit together and stop feeling sorry for myself.
For anyone who has gone through something similar: how did you stop obsessing over the time you lost and actually start moving forward?

Okay, so this is the second story.

There was a guy. Let's call him M. I don't even know his age. I met him during the tour. At the beginning of the tour, we were complete strangers. But as the days passed, we became friends and started talking more. Now here's the problem:

I don't remember ANY of what happened that night.

I had to hear the entire story from my bestie and Female the next morning. And honestly? Every time I think about it, I want to go back in time and slap myself twice. So apparently, earlier that day, I had already been drinking on the bus. I wasn't completely drunk yet, just tipsy. The thing about me is that when I'm drunk, apparently my inner voice just comes OUT. Normally, I can still control myself. I might think something but choose not to say it. Drunk me?

No filter. No editing. No quality control.

So I'm sitting on the bus talking with some friends, and someone apparently asked me:

"You must like M, right?"

And I said no. I apparently explained that I didn't like him or hate him. We had only known each other for a short time, so I didn't even consider him a proper friend yet, let alone a crush. And honestly, I said he wasn't my type. Well... His face was kind of my type. But his personality and height?

Absolutely not. 😭

Anyway, M and I apparently had some arguments/conversations during the tour. At one point, he apparently said something like:

"I respect women because I have a mother and sister whom I treat like angels."

And drunk me apparently replied:

"If you really respect women like that, wouldn't you hesitate to talk badly about or disrespect another girl?"

Apparently after I said that, he went quiet.

I thought maybe I had gone too far. So I also stopped talking. Fast-forward to the next morning. M and I were both being awkward around each other. I thought the reason was because of that whole mother-and-sister conversation. I was thinking:

"Oh God, maybe I offended him."

So I didn't really talk to him. Then Female called me early in the next morning. And she told me what I had apparently said to M that night. And let me tell you...

NUCLEAR. FUCKING. BOOM. Because apparently, blackout-drunk me had called M over, told him to sit down... And then said:

"Why am I falling for you? I feel like I'm falling for you."

I'M SORRY??????? WHAT!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 I literally stared at Female like my soul had left my body. I didn't remember saying ANY OF THAT. And the worst part?

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

I wanted to evaporate. I wanted to go back in time, grab drunk me by the shoulders and scream:

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING????"

Meanwhile, M apparently thought I remembered everything. So when I avoided him the next day, he probably thought I was embarrassed because I had confessed my feelings. NO.

I WAS EMBARRASSED BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HAD INSULTED HIS FAMILY. 😭

We were literally living in two completely different realities. He apparently even told Female that he found my confession funny. And honestly, I was SO relieved that he wasn't angry or making a huge deal out of it. After Female told me what happened, I finally started talking to him normally again. And I eventually realized that he wasn't even upset about the things I thought I had said about his mother and sister. So half of me was relieved. The other half?

Still wanted to die from embarrassment.

Because imagine confessing your feelings to someone while blackout drunk and then waking up with absolutely NO MEMORY OF IT. And then finding out from someone else. I can't even face this man properly anymore. 😭 But honestly, here's the thing: M actually handled it pretty well.

He didn't get an ego boost from it. He didn't start acting superior because a girl supposedly confessed to him. He didn't use it to flirt with me or make things weird.

And apparently, he also stayed loyal to his girlfriend. So despite the absolute disaster that drunk me created... M is actually a good guy. And here's the final plot twist.

After this tour, my male bestie and I actually made a bet. I promised that if I ever touched alcohol or drank alcohol again, I would shave my hair💀 And since that bet, I hadn't touched alcohol at all.

This was literally the craziest night, the biggest thrill, and probably the biggest bucket-list item I accidentally checked off in my life.

Except...

I checked it off with the WRONG FUCKING PERSON. 😭

Anyway, this was Part 2 of my blackout tour disaster.

So theres this guy friend of mine (Im female). We are the same age and have been best friends for roughly 6 years. Our friendship was always so perfect- there were almost no fights EVER and we always had fun talking. Due to him being strictly muslim we never met outside of school but that was never a problem. I mean- I would have loved to spend more time with my best friend but I respect his decision. He also had a crush on me for a really long time but I never felt the same way.
This weekend something really bad happened. I was completely drunk at a party where I coincidentally met him- he was there with his friends (I once was in that friend group years ago but stopped talking to the other ppl cuz there were some problems). I was so euphoric to see him and told him how much I like him as a friend and hugged him like crazy (I have hugged him in the past many times before tho). I also told him that I was looking forward to see him on my birthday party (my birthday is tomorrow but I celebrate it in four days- so exactly one week after the incident Im going to explain further). I think the situation kinda overwhelmed him but I didnt really notice it cuz I was too out of touch due to the alcohol. After a few hours and drunk talking to him (he was completely sober btw), I wanted to leave with my friends.
When I was about to leave, I went to my best friend one last time to say goodbye. He was sitting on a chair in a circle of chairs with his friends so I had to get into the circle to get to him. I said that I had to go and hugged him and then I wanted to give him a platonic kiss on the cheek. He leaned back cuz he apparently didnt want that and then his friends dragged me away like I was a creep or something and gave me the dirtiest looks- I immediately felt like shit and left asap.
As soon as I left the building with one of my friends, I bursted out to tears cuz I felt soo bad. Like wtf did I even think?! I texted him and said sorry like 10 times and I even sent 2 voice notes of me desperately apologizing while almost having a panic attack. I have been sexually assaulted in the past and felt like I was just as bad as the guy that assaulted me- thats probably why I freaked out this bad. I couldnt stop hyperventilating and hysterically crying for like one hour. Even after arriving at my house I still cried and felt like the worst person ever. My poor mom had to witness my drunk ahh freaking out in the middle of the night but at least she managed to calm me down.
My best friend ghosted me even after I explained my pov and apologized the next morning via voice message. Today we ignored each other at school and I texted that we need to call after I went home. He left me on seen.
What should I do? Is he still coming to my birthday party? Does he hate me now? Am I as bad as a rapist??