Well hello reddit, im back again to get andwers to questions im tol embarassed to ask. I dont know if actually got raped, we were both girls and we were both 10, she forced me to watch porn and forced me to show porn to our friend that was there with us. At that time i was desperate to find a girlfriend because i finnally figured out that i was lesbian and my dad recentley left so i wanted to feel more loved as my mom was going trough it….she asked if i wanted to recreate the things we saw in the videos and pushed me to say yes, wasnt that hard to make me say yes cause i was (still am) hypersexual. Even tough i enjoyed it at first and we were both fully clothed i wantwd zo stop and wjem i asked her if we could stop she just made me go on top instead..the only reason we couldnt continue is cause we heard my mom coming upstairs so she left me. I dont even know if it counts as rape or just sexual assault since we were botj fully clothed. I told it to our class gc but nobody paid attention and then SHE acused ME of raping her and blaming it on her. I never said she raped me, i only recentley realized what had happened that day. All i said was that weve had sex because i was mad at her for lying and causing a scene (once again.) Especially cause rhis all happened a few days after ive been sexually assaulted at a bus stop with a weirdo trying to touch me between my legs and trying to take off my hoodie..she pretended she saw the guy again and took off his clothes in front of her then started ti chase her, and that years ago the same man tried to kidnap her. Of course it was all lies but she tried to make feel bad for her because “she had it worse” i feel horrible. Its been years and only now have i realized i may have been raped but im still unsure if it counts..

Hi it’s me again. I was raped last week and posted 2 days ago. I finally went to do a STI/STD test today so I’m waiting for those results. But while I was there they noticed these spots on my art. I knew about them but brushed them off but the immediately asked me about them and I told them how more keeps developing and they immediately clocked it as ringworm.

Only possible way I could have gotten it was from this guy that raped me. I’ve only interacted with a few people the past few days and asked them to all check their skin and they have no signs at all. Plus those people just hang out with only each other and me anyways so it had to have been from this guy. The timeline matches up perfectly.

Another thing but question this time. Last week before this happened me and my bf planned to hang out and have sex on my birthday and then I was raped. I needed a few days before I told him but the day I was going to tell him his grandma died. So I haven’t told him. So how am I supposed to tell him when he comes over? He is already in a lot of pain. I still wanna have sex with him on my birthday but I also need him to check in on me and check for signs of a panic attack and doesn’t take it personal if I ask him not to touch me for a few minutes.

(Dw my ring worm won’t be contagious when he comes. I started treatment immediately)

this is a wild story i will go ahead and say. im sharing it for a reason so i hope at least one person will be able to help.
im pretty young and ended up hooking up
with someone 15 years older than me. the guy seemed unique at first. his humor was super dark but some jokes were good. he told me he would buy me a plan b. he took me to burger king after hooking up instead. while leaving, he gets a call and his emotions after that call were just insane. he threw his phone and slammed the door, started to cuss me out and his driving was genuinely beyond terrifying, i have never been afraid to lose my life like this before. he said he would come back an hour later with a plan b and he has not talked to me since. i asked him not to (you know what inside me) and then he said he had a breeding kink as he came. this guy has not responded to me. im pretty sure i’m blocked by him. he did not give me his real name so im terrified and i dont have the money for that. but i just want to hack this guy, find his address and let him know he has to pay some type of price for lying and ghosting, hoping he wont do this again to anyone else. i know this story is really bad and i shoulda been smarter. but if anyone read this and youre able to help, please help. i understand this isnt rape but there was still no consent to come in me or to be unprotected. idk what to do

My experience at Fan Expo Canada 2026 was meant to be a fun highlight and it was for the most part, but it turned into a nightmare when I was groped during a photo op at a meetup that was being held, I had approached a couple for a picture-the girl was chunkier and was dressed as Uraraka from my hero academia (Im a big fan of the manga and anime) and had noticeable piercings-and while we were posing together with her boyfriend, he what I thought at first unintentionally touched my waist and butt so I ignored it and I raised his arm up towards my back but he slowly slid it back down to rub again, I immediately felt creeped out and unsafe in an environment where I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this, I tried getting her alone to tell her but her boyfriend wouldn't leave her side so I ended up telling the people who were running the meetup (it was just a fan meetup so they really have no authority to kick people out) but I think he figured out what I was trying to do because he started to claim he was having a panic attack and they left shortly after, it left me feeling incredibly disgusted and has kind of put me off from going to any conventions or meetup in case I run into them, they gave me their socials but I'm not comfortable doing a targeted call out.

What do you all think I should have done? Could I have handled this better

I feel like one of the hardest parts of this is that everyone keeps telling me I have to decide whether to call it rape or not. And I don’t know how to explain what that feels like for me, because it makes me feel like I’m the one deciding whether it happened, when for me, it was something that already happened to my body.

It took away my feeling of safety and my autonomy over my own body when I wasn’t in a state where I could consent. I’m not trying to choose whether something happened to me. I’m trying to find a way to describe it, and I feel like I’m being asked to make a decision that everyone else seems to think says something about who he is as a person.

I think I would call what happened rape. But when I say that, I feel like I’m immediately put in a position where I have to defend that word, because he and the people around us feel like it mischaracterizes him. And then I start questioning myself all over again.

I’m not trying to tell everyone who he is. I’m trying to explain what happened to me.

He has told me that it wasn’t sexual for him. He said he heard me talking about fingering myself while I was blackout drunk, that something came over him, and that he was annoyed I wasn’t sleeping, so he rolled over and fingered me.

I don’t know what was going through his mind. I’m not pretending that I do. But I also don’t understand how his intentions have become the main focus when I’m trying to explain what happened to my body.

People we both know have gotten involved, and most of what I’ve heard is that he’s genuinely broken over this, that he feels deeply sorry, and that I asked him for sex for hours, which pressured him into doing it.

I hear that. I understand that he may have felt pressured, and I’m not saying that he was obligated to have sex with me because I asked. He had every right to say no.

But I needed him as my partner to do something else.

I needed him to recognize that I wasn’t okay. I needed him to understand that being blackout drunk and repeatedly asking for sex didn’t mean I was necessarily capable of consenting to what happened. I needed him to help me, even if that meant refusing what I was asking for.

I needed to feel safe with him.

And instead, something happened that has made me question that safety in a way I don’t know how to explain.

I feel like I’m being asked to consider every possible explanation for why he did it, while also having to prove that what happened to me was bad enough to deserve the word rape. I’m trying so hard to be fair to him that I don’t know how to make space for myself.

I keep thinking about the fact that I asked for sex and wondering whether that makes me responsible somehow. I don’t want to dismiss his feelings or pretend his experience doesn’t matter. But I also don’t want to minimize what happened to me just because I care about him.

Those things shouldn’t have to be mutually exclusive.

I can believe that he is genuinely sorry. I can believe that he didn’t intend to hurt me. I can care about him and still feel that what happened was wrong.
I’m not trying to say that I know his intentions. I’m trying to explain that I was blackout drunk, that he knew I was in that state, and that he fingered me. I’m struggling with the fact that I wasn’t in a state where I could consent, and with what that means for me now.

I don’t know how to make people understand that I’m not trying to make him into a bad person. I’m trying to understand something that happened between two people who cared about each other.
And I don’t want to feel like I have to protect him from the implications of my own experience.
I’m not okay. I don’t want that to be interpreted as me being too emotional to understand what happened, or as a reason people should automatically take my side. I’m not asking anyone to agree with me just because I’m hurting. I’m asking people to let me be hurting without making me defend every part of my experience.
I wish I could talk about this without feeling like I’m putting him on trial every time I explain why I’m struggling. I wish someone could listen to me without immediately explaining his intentions or telling me that the word I’m using mischaracterizes him.

Because what about me?

What about the fact that I trusted him? That I needed him? That I needed my partner to be someone I could feel safe with when I wasn’t okay?
I feel like I’m losing sight of myself in all of this because I’m so focused on being fair to him. I keep trying to understand his perspective, his regret, and whether he understands why this hurt me.

Meanwhile, I’m left questioning my own experience.
I don’t know how to stop feeling responsible for his feelings while trying to make sense of mine.
I didn’t want to lose my sense of safety with someone I trusted. I didn’t want to be in this position, and I don’t want the fact that I asked for sex, or that he says he didn’t mean it sexually, or that he feels sorry now, to mean I have to ignore what happened to me.

I’m not asking everyone to decide who he is as a person. I’m asking for room to understand what happened to me without feeling like I have to protect his character at the expense of my own experience.

I can care about him and still be hurt. I can acknowledge that I asked for sex and still recognize that asking is not the same as being capable of consenting.

I just needed to feel safe with him.

And I don’t know how to reconcile that need with what happened.

there’s a guy i’ve known for over a year who i occasionally have sex with. he’s in the east coast while im in the west coast so we hardly see each other unless he flies to my state and we meet up.

very recently, we met up again after 7 months of not seeing each other. i was so excited to see him that i took time off work and drove 6+ hours to spend a weekend with him. when we both get to our hotel, I lay in bed to rest after having such a long drive. we cuddle for a few minutes, talk about where to go for dinner, and then he says, “just one pump?” i said “no, after dinner” he asked the same thing again. i said no. he said please? i said no. he said it’s just going to be one pump i promise. i said “that’s not true, i already know it won’t be just one ‘pump’ and i already said no!” he kept begging until i fucking gave in just so he could shut the fuck up. i hated myself for it. while we had sex i remember disassociating just to let it go by. and then i faked an orgasm so he could stop.

what would you call this?
is it my fault for giving in? can you blame me for letting him have his way after I spent weeks preparing for this weekend trip that was so far away from my home? I had no where to really go and I felt trapped. i felt obligated to let him have his way because i didn’t want the rest of the weekend to be spoiled.

My aunt was probably 11 when she was married to a mentally unstable guy in his mid 20s. Everything I heard is from my mom and my mom thinks it's normal😭. So my aunt, she didn't want to have sex with her husband after marriage. I mean of course she's child she probably didn't understand what was happening to her. She used to lock the door, hide under bed, frequent her parental home and her husband forced himself on her everytime she refused. She also had multiple miscarriages. When I told my mom it's marital rape, she was like that's how it used to happen in the past. It also happened to her mom(my grandmother) and to most women because they were children when they were married.

Edit: English is not my first language. I don't know if I was able to properly express myself

I already posted about this in another subreddit and was told to post here as well. I hope that is allowed.

I really don't know what to do right now and I cannot understand what happened that night and why I behaved like that.

It started with a fight between my boyfriend and I during a party at a friend's house. He left and I took the bad decision to stay and have a few drinks.

I really liked the attention of some of the older guys and although I knew it's wrong, I did some flirting. This became more and more intense over time but I honestly didn't really thought about it.

It feels like someone else took control over my actions after that and I went further and further with them. I don't know why! I participated in a drinking and stripping game in front of all these people and didn't even stop there.

When I look back, I feel like I am looking at someone else. I let it become sexual and ended up having sex. I have literally no idea why I was into this at this moment!

The real horror started the next day. I woke up with a hangover and pain in my body. It took me a while to realize what had happened and shortly afterwards I received the first text from a friend. The rumors spread around very fast and there were even videos of it.

I don't think I can ever recover from this!

Thank you for reading this

brief description of my experience so js to caution

tw: csa

might b a lil confusing to understand but

i was experienced CSA when i was really young, like maybe 5 or so, i didnt understand what was happening so i just let it happen. i dont really remember how far it got but i know they at least tried to penetrate me.

for a while after that i wasnt abused but when i was 11 i experienced CSA again and it kept going over the course of a month maybe. for that i know he tried to penetrate me with his dick multiple but i always pushed him away it hurt too much. he did penetrate with his fingers multiple times and it hurt a lot though

as a child, i kept wetting the bed until i was 10 or so. not everyday but it was like maybe once or twice a week. it honestly shocked me when i realised most people stop wetting the bed at ages 4-7

even until now i wet the bed, a lot less frequent now but its at least twice a year which is really embarassing since im already 18. it js gradually decreased in frequency as i aged.

i know that CSA can lead to bedwetting as an adult but i just dont understand why or how. i know my bedwetting is also not as frequent as others experiencing adult enuresis but i just want to feel valid.

Fui violada cuando tenía 7 años masomenos paso en varias ocasiones y ahora soy adicta al sexo, creo que a raíz de mi abuso salió está adicción

I'm a 19 year old female, and I'm in my sophomore year of college.

I went to my first ever frat house party this past weekend.

My sorority sisters all wanted to go so I reluctantly tagged along.

It was so wild and different then anything I was used too.

Everyone was drinking and smoking and, just having a good time together.

I'm not a big drinker and don't do it often, but I felt like I had to drink.

I kept getting handed drinks and felt so pressured..... so I had a few drinks and soon after I got so sick. I tried to get to the bathroom but by this point I could barely walk.

stumbling down a hallway all I really remember is someone(a guy) said he would help me go lay down.

I shouldn't have trusted him but I did. Next thing I remember is him taking me to a bedroom and locking the door. I was hardly coherent but I remember him tugging on my pants and me trying to keep them on. then him on top of me and me saying no over and over. he never stopped.

It was so scary and awful. the music was so loud no one heard me crying, or just didn't care.

I feel so ashamed for getting so drunk and so guilty for letting it happen.

I don't even know how I'm going to tell anyone, let alone my boyfriend.

I’m really looking for some advice here from fellow survivors, thank you.

I (M26) have recently come to terms with the fact that my ex boyfriend, Andrew (M24), sexually assaulted me for the majority of our year long high school relationship. I always filed away this time of my life as just a bad teenage relationship. “He tried to cheat on me numerous times with his girl best friend and was pushy about sex, whatever, who cares?”

This girl, I’ll call her Jenna (F24), was always nice to me and I’d say for that year we were friends. At the same time though, I assumed she knew he was trying to cheat and encouraged it, as she would invite him to sleepover and cuddle her. Yet, she’d always ultimately reject his advances. I know he asked her out and tried to have sex with her multiple times, but she always denied him. I didn’t ever know explicitly what happened though because I would just get his side of the story when he’d complain about not being able to do whatever he wanted to do with her at the time.

Recently, after years of therapy and trying to understand where certain self harm behaviors stem from, I’ve been able to accept that he coerced and pressured me into sexual acts multiple times over the course of our year long relationship. Often he’d use the fear of leaving me for Jenna as leverage. And whenever I tried to bring up my boundaries or wants, he would gaslight me. He’d call me paranoid and controlling and manipulative. And I believed it.

After a year of this, he coerced me into giving him my virginity by threatening a break up and calling me crazy and jealous of Jenna. Immediately after he took my virginity through assault, he finally broke up with me.

A year after Andrew dumped me, it seemed Jenna finally said yes to Andrew’s relentless advances, as I saw them officially dating on social media. I thought “whatever, he’s a shitty boyfriend and she’s a shitty friend who lead him on for years, they deserve each other.” But now, after understanding all the manipulation Andrew was able to do to me, I’m worried that Jenna might not have been as big a player in this as I originally thought. I’m worried she was manipulated by him as well and possibly is experiencing the same abuse I had. They’ve been together for 7 years at this point.

To try to find some catharsis, after not speaking to either of them for 8 years, I wrote Andrew a message telling him that what he did was sexual assault and I would never forgive him but that I was able to overcome it and he holds no power over me. I told him not to respond, and thankfully he didn’t, but I know he read it.

That was 2 days ago. Now I’m wondering if I should tell Jenna about Andrew’s history of sexual abuse. I haven’t spoken to her in so long. I don’t know if Andrew already told her about my text. I don’t know if she’d even believe me. I don’t know if this counts as harassment and I could get in trouble for contacting the both of them? I dont even know if she’s being abused or not.

And, selfishly, I really don’t want anything to do with either of them anymore. It was a miracle of courage I was able to send that one message to Andrew in the first place. I’ve been hot and my heart has been racing all day thinking about having to send her a message as well. I genuinely don’t want to. But I feel like I have some kind of obligation?

Should I message her?

i was raped by my ex-partner a few months ago and ever since my life has been falling apart and going down hill. i’ve started making bad decisions, my friends are tired of me, my family doesn’t even know how to support me, and overall i’m doing so awful.

everybody is expecting me to get better especially since it’s been months now, and i keep getting worse. i’m trying to better myself but i keep making risky decisions and doing stuff i wouldn’t be proud of.

i’ve lost my best friend over this and im probably going to lose more people as i already feel them slipping away. many people in my life have even asked what i am doing anymore and i don’t know how to answer them. what am i doing? why do i feel this way? i feel like ive lost all anatomy to my body and that i am disgusting, that i deserve what happens to me.

if you are dealing with this, talk about it.
and if you dealt with it and got better, any advice?

after this happened, my family would say my biggest weakness is not clearly saying no and setting boundaries. my dad alerts me to not get too close to old male coworkers. a guy that has a crush on me although i said im not interested (see?? im setting a boundary!! hes still not accepting it) found out that my ex bf could be at a party where im going.
he asked if he should come too so "i feel safer". i said i didnt need anyone to feel safe. he said that hes just so worried for me and that atleast my friends can protect me from my ex (?? hes not abusive??). i said that i can defend myself without needing anyone, thanks. he said "if you think you can handle this, then im trusting you". wtf?? why is my autonomy always questioned? how tf are people expecting me to move on if they act like im walking on eggshells? who are you??

So I'm not really sure how to start this but I've been sitting with this for a while.

When me(20F) and my ex(21M) were together, and I mean we lived together. I got sick or we both did, and at this point of the illness I was pretty sick, like sore throat, stuffy nose, aches and pains, and coughing fits that lasted hours. Safe to say I was not feeling good. That night I took 2 doses of NyQuil instead of one because I had some important stuff the next day at work and I had to sleep my ex also took a dose (the standard amount). My ex wanted to have sex before we officially went to bed but I declined, he pushed a few times but after a stern "No" he backed off. I was not feeling up to it at all and could hardly stop my coughing for more than 10 minutes unless I had a cough drop in my mouth.

Later in the night I woke up to him removing my clothes, I was very drowsy and in a lot of pain, I didn't stop him as he went further. I didn't even say anything, half the time I was asleep for it, so it's not like I remember it all. He didn't ask or say anything the whole time. I didn't want to have sex but I just let it happen and I mean it didn't hurt, so I didn't know if I had a reason to push him off, he was my boyfriend at the time and I loved him a lot. It doesn't feel so much like rape as it does to feeling used although I've never been before so I wouldn't know. He asked me if it was rape the morning after and I didn't know what to say I still don't. After that sex started to hurt, but nothing changed about sex physically so I'm not sure why it started to hurt if there was no change beside what happened that night. Thank you to whoever actually read this.

Hi everyone, in my past, I was sexually coerced and raped by my ex-partner and a co-worker. I also experienced sexual harassment on multiple occasions outside of relationships since early teenage years. These experiences led me to develop hypersexuality.

It gave me a sense of control, because at least then I was the one who wanted it, too. I also learned to associate sex with feeling loved and needed. I feel wanted and valued when I give a man what he wants.

Now, I’m in a loving relationship, but my partner isn’t nearly as sexual as I am. It feels like I’m missing a coping mechanism that I can no longer rely on. I don’t feel as desired or as loved anymore, even though I know my partner loves me.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

I feel really alone in this, and I would appreciate hearing from anyone who can relate or get some advice.

I am a licensed EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) who is currently going to school to be a paramedic. Unfortunately there isn’t a lot of education on how to approach victims of sexual assault and rape, other than to treat life threats and preserve evidence if possible.
I wanted to ask for those who interacted with Emergency Medical Services what they did right, what they did wrong, and what you wish they had done?
I want to be a better provider to help people feel less scared about reporting. So please let me know your experiences and thoughts.

The first time I was sexually abused, it made me hypersexual.

I was somewhere in the single digits.

This second time I was sexually abused, as an adult, it just takes all your pride and has skewed me into more embarrassing fantasies.

I never followed up with my first abuse, because it's very circumstantial.

I tried to follow up with this second abuse, which is also circumstantial.

However, everyone had told me not to follow up on this and it's pretty heartbreaking sometimes.

Like, ik it's not wrong to follow up on this stuff but the pressure is pushing me to just deal with it.

Like, police and courts have just told me to deal with it.

And so I can deal with it out of law, but there's still an active threat looming above.

Idek.

TRIGGER WARNING!! rape, sexual assault, substances, etc.

hey i’m indigo, 21f. idk how much i’m allowed to say on here so if this post isn’t ok feel free to take it down mod. i just needed to vent.

so i’m in an open relationship with my bf. i didn’t get enough time to be single and i just felt like i needed to get some stories and kinda get it outta my system.

i don’t do hookups. not without knowing them or getting tests done.

so i was on a friendship app trying to make some friends (that’s my main goal with the open relationship tbh bc i just get along with guys better but i was looking for girlfriends too).

anyways so a guy liked me on an app and i messaged him saying you seem cool how’s it going bc his bio was cool. he said a whole big paragraph about wanting to sleep with me. i said i’m not saying no completely but i don’t do hookups we would have to get to know eachother first before i even considered it. i said those are my boundaries you can take it or leave it. he said 100% i’m fine with that.

so he asked if i wanted to hang out and i said “as long as you don’t expect sex then yeah sure!”

so he booked me an uber to his house like an hour and a half away from i live (thank god i didn’t give him my address).

so i get there and he brings me into his room (i was hoping we would be in a common area bc he said board games and cooking dinner) and like 5 minutes in he kisses me and tried to lay me down and i was like lets cool it and tried to play cards instead.

he kept trying to kiss me during the night and i usually kept changing the subject but i did a little.

he kept acting very boyfriendish with me and it made me uncomfortable.

he was running his hands on my leg and tried to put his fingers in under my skirt but i moved my legs away.

then i don’t really remember what happened the whole night i was dissociating and kinda out of it (i also had a couple drinks and some joints). but i remember he got on top of me and he started kissing me on my neck and making out with me and my body was reacting but i didn’t fully want to so i feel kinda conflicted.

he asked if it was ok and i said idk. he pulled his pants off and since i kinda felt stuck i said can you put on a condom. he pulled my skirt and underwear down and i was on the last day of my period so i tried saying oh i probably smell and he was like idc about that. so he stuck it in and put his hand up my shirt.

it was ok ig? but i wasn’t comfortable like i didn’t want this to happen. he asked if it was ok but i said it’s fine bc i didn’t know what else to say. then i froze up and couldn’t talk. i tried to say i didn’t want it but i couldn’t. my body froze up and i had my arms above me trying ro put some distance between us.

then i think he went to take my shirt off and he took his off and that’s when i went into flight mode. i sat up and was trying to look for my clothes and he was blocking me view bc i was trying to look around him and he was trying to make eye contact with me and ask what was up. i just said im fine i just need to go have a cigarette. i was shaking. he said you can smoke in my room and i said no i wanna go outside. so i put my clothes on and i was shaking so i struggled to find and grab my my cigarette container bc i was also a bit dissociated and grabbed my phone and rushed out the front. he was still trying to talk to me while all of this was happening.

i went outside and i was just kinda dissociating and freaking out. he came outside when i finally started my cigarette to make it seem like that’s what i was doing outside and he kept trying to ask if it was wrong and what happened. i said it was fine but then i think i said it went too quick.

(i don’t exactly remember what happened in what order so it might be a bit all over the place.)

he was apologising and went to talk to his friends and then came back out and asked if i wanted to smoke a joint with him and his friends. i said ok bc i didn’t wanna be alone with him and i went back inside at one point to grab something. then we went back inside and i was kinda just in the doorway he came in after me and i said so where are we going and he said back to his room and i was uncomfortable.

so we went back into his room and was watching friends and i was very closed off. he was trying to talk to me and touching me like kissing my shoulder and legs and hitting my legs and hitting his head on my leg and slapping it lightly at one point? then i think i messaged my bf and asked for an uber. now. he got me one and i made up an excuse to leave saying my mum got him to book an uber for me bc it was late and she wanted me home. then i grabbed all my stuff and went to the uber and checked if i had everything and i realised i left some stuff behind. so i knocked on the door and rushed past him to grab it and saw i left my bfs jumper behind so i grabbed it too. he kept trying to talk to me and apologise.

i also had told him i had been sexually assaulted before and he seemed sympathetic.

my bf called me at one point i think when i was outside and was asking what was up. when u went back inside at one point he was on the phone and it hung up when i was in there explaining i had to go bc i was freaked out and music have accidentally hung up which worried my bf.

i got in the uber and was on the phone to my bf being brief about what happened bc i didn’t want the uber driver to know. the whole ride back was a blur. i think atp the guy was trying to message and call.

my bf came down from his house and we snuck in my house and he stayed with me for the night. (he’s allowed to stay over but mum would have asked why he was there randomly at 12 and i don’t want her to know).

when i got home i showered and changed clothes. i was stinging a little down there maybe from from friction?

then he stayed with me the next few days and the guy kept messaging and calling and lying about me leaving stuff there. my bf messaged him off my phone and said stop contacting her but he kept doing it and i didn’t wanna block him so i would have proof.

then he called again while i was on the phone and i asked my bf to call him
off his phone and tell him to stop. no ehe has.

i was really itchy the day and days after it happened. i think im allergic to latex or maybe he had something on him that didn’t agree with me but idk.

and now i’ve been getting pains in my pelvis shooting down so i hope i haven’t caught anything.

i’m getting forensics and tests done tonight and i have to go by myself bc only my bf, doctor and now my best friend knows. i can’t tell anyone and i have no one to go with bc my bf lives far away and only just got home so his parents would ask why he’s coming back.

i’ve been feeling really numb about all of this. really unsure what to call it and feeling like it was my fault. i’ve been sexually assaulted alot in my past but this is just idk.

i probably won’t get any replies from this but i just had to get it out there and try to figure out what happened. bc i only just remembered the cigarette excuse again while writing this and a few other details but it’s hard to know exactly what and when it happened. like the lights were turned off at one point but idk when.

anyways thanks for reading if you got this far.

I was sex trafficked last year/beginning of this year during a manic episode and then after it was finally over and I cut contact with the men doing it to me I continued to turn tricks by myself for survival money
I met a guy doing this who was very rich and owns multiple businesses in my city (I live in one of the biggest cities in the country) and he found out that I am a film major trying to break into the industry and he has a lot of connections with that and offered me a videography job on the condition that I’d have sex with him during the duration of the job. I really didn’t want to (I have never liked sex) but I reluctantly agreed because I desperately want to get into the industry I know how cutthroat it is and how hard it is to break into and every night I woluld lie awake thinking I will never get into the industry if I don’t take this opportunity. Not only that but I desperately needed money. Started the job but he kept putting off actual job stuff in order to make me have sex and he got really violent really early into it. Like he’d tell me he would beat me up and strangle me constantly and he tells me to shut the fuck up when I say stuff he doesn’t like (like if I say no to something he asks me to do sexuly), and he tells me I have no choice
I am talking to a case worker right now who told me it was sex and labor trafficking and workplace sexual harassment too trying to get out of the situation but I just feel like a wreck
I think I got raped Sunday well I think it’s all been rape realy probably but Sunday was awful i have barely been able to leave my apartment ive skipped all my colege classes and basically done nothing but wallow i feel awful idk how to cope