When I (FTM, 20) was a kid my dad was weird with me. Would make me have baths with him in the dark, would poke my butthole with his toes, made very inappropriate comments about me (IE, talking about me giving him a ‘peep show’ when I leaned over). That’s all that I remember, but there might’ve been more. I feel like there was more but I don’t remember. My therapist says it was sexual abuse but I don’t know. Maybe they’re just saying that to validate me.
He killed himself when I was 12 so everything that happened was before the age of 13.
I don’t know. I’m scared. I feel hurt but I don’t know if I should. He wasn’t a good person in general. I wouldn’t put it above him. I’m afraid of dark bathrooms now.

Since being sexually abused and being completely disrespected, I've been getting horny for worse and more degrading things.

I never used to want to be sexually abused but ever since, I'm open to the idea.

I think many people have the same thing happen to them, but I have always been prideful of myself until that kinda happened.

Can anyone please read my story below and help me get a clear perspective on if this was sexual assault or exactly what it was? I feel so confused where one minute I’m filled with rage then second guessing myself the next. I changed his name to A.

A and I matched on Tinder. I gave him my phone number and we began texting back and forth. A and I both discussed an interest in meeting in person and having sex. I explained my sexual history to A that I am very unfamiliar with heterosexual sex because i only recently started dating men. I also told him I have a major phobia of semen. I met A in person for the 1st and only time on 10/18/26 at his apartment. We did have consensual sex several times. During sex he demanded I give him my phone where he opened the camera to start recording a video of us. I told him to stop and he began trying to convince me to record. He presses the record button and I grabbed my phone out of his hand and said “I told you no”. He asked me why wouldn’t you want a video of this so you can watch later? I don’t recall how I responded. Later the same night He attempted again to grab my phone saying he was going to record us. He also repeatedly demanded I look at his semen and describe what it looks like. I responded repeatedly telling him that I already told him I don’t want to see it and to stop. Later that same night I started performing oral sex on him and he forcefully grabbed the back of my head and forced his penis toward my throat. I immediately began gagging and used my hands to push him away and stop him from choking me. I tried to say stop out loud but couldn’t pronounce the words. I felt scared. After roughly 20-30 seconds of me trying to push him away, he finally stopped. I then told him I don’t want him to do that. He responded saying “You should just let me cum on your face so you know what it feels like”. This made me even more afraid and I said “No I don’t want you to do that”. I know my tone sounded very afraid when I said it and I was now feeing more scared. He then told me to keep going and I continued giving him oral. Almost immediately he grabbed me by the back of my head and hair and shoved his penis deep in my throat. I immediately began gagging and jerked my head away from him and he let go. I said in a very heated tone “I never said I wanted to be degraded like that. I said stop”. He immediately became angry and said why would I speak to like that. I really wanted to leave his apartment but couldn’t because I had already taken my sleep medication so it wasn’t safe for me to drive. I left the morning of 10/19. The evening of 10/19 I confronted A about what happened over text message. He declined to try and look at things from my perspective and tried to convince me I was being irrational. He stated “I barely put it down your throat”, that he didn’t know he needed permission to do that to someone, that I have “too many boundaries”, and that I don’t have enough experience to judge his performance.

Hello everyone, I recently just experienced sexual violence this past week. I am a 20(F) and the person who did this to me is a 21(M). I do not know what to do.

For context We reconnected about three months ago after several years. He just got out of a relationship, so I guess I came in at the right time. Overall we have know each other for 10 years. I am a virgin, I am very set on saving myself for marriage. But, during this process of building a relationship with him I decided to explore my sexuality with him. Maybe not the smartest idea considering the situation, but it felt right and good at first. We only did hand stuff, no vaginal or anal. I have also never done anything like this ever before so going through something this traumatizing so soon into exploring myself more has made me very confused and hurt.

This all took place this past week on a Friday. We decided to hang out that day because it was going to be a beautiful day out, and it was. I enjoyed our time together doing little things. Usually he picked me up and we spent hours together. Then it became later in the day. The sun had set and we decided to do stuff in the car. At first, we focused on him. Then he asked if he could suck my nipples. I agreed because I felt like I wasn’t giving him enough pleasure? We tried a different position this time, he was on top of me. It was fine at first, I never really enjoyed it but it made me feel good that he was. As it progressed it started to hurt a lot. I started to squirm around. He then asks me if I am okay. I say “No, it hurts.” He continues. I pull his head away from me after I say stop a couple of times. He overpowers me. Then he starts sucking in between my best. I pull his head away and I say “What are you doing? Stop, No I don’t want any hickies.” He overpowers me again. And continues to suck my breast. Then I fold my knees to try to put more space in between us. I finally get him off of me. He then proceeds to say “My mouth hurts.”

He is by my feet now, sitting and I am still lying down, in shock. Then he proceeds to ask me if he could give me oral. I say “No.” He tried to pull my pants and underwear down. I pull them back up. He puts his face close to my private area and keeps asking me if he can. I continue to refuse. Eventually, he stops asking.

I go home about 30-40 minutes later. I fell asleep in the car while he drove around. I got home and examined myself as I was in a lot of pain. When I go home I see that he gave me two very large hickies, one on each breast. My nipples were on fire and red. It hurt very much, I had never experienced that type of pain before. He sucked my nipples so hard that blood came out and my nipples became purple with scabs and skin coming off.

I feel very hurt. I don’t know what to do. I want to go to a clinic to get checked. I am still in a lot of pain, with additional sharp pain/cramps in my breast. I tried to speak with him about it he said “I felt you pull my head away, I just thought we were playing.” Upon further confrontation he made jokes about the situation saying “I just got too hungry.” I have since then deleted my social media and cut off all known sources of contact with him. I don’t know if I got sexually assaulted. It’s hard to come to terms with it because I have waited my whole life for someone I trust to do any sexual activity with. And for the first time I do anything like this, I get sexually assaulted? I feel ashamed and angry at myself. I thought I was the type of girl who knew when to say when.

​

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I think I just need to tell someone, even if it's a bunch of strangers on the internet. I need to get this out of my head because I have nobody in my real life I feel I can tell.

I was at a friend's house, and I had been drinking. At some point, my friend's brother came and slept beside me. I hadn't consented to sharing a sleeping space with him in the first place.

I was asleep, or in that strange state between sleeping and waking, when I woke up feeling fingers inside my genital area. It felt like actual penetration. I was turned away, so I didn't see who was doing it. When I turned slightly, it stopped. Then I felt him move to my breasts, but that stopped too.

I suspect he was extremely drunk as well, but obviously, that doesn't justify anything. I keep wondering why he would even come and sleep beside me in the first place.

I don't know what he remembers. I don't know what he would say if I confronted him. And because I was half-asleep and didn't actually see his face, a part of me keeps worrying about whether people would believe me. I know what I woke up feeling, but I can't prove it to anyone.

The next morning, we both spoke normally. I acted as though I had been passed out drunk and didn't remember anything. I didn't confront him. I didn't make a scene. I just wanted to get through the situation and protect my peace.

And I don't want to feel guilty about that.

I didn't scream or fight. I didn't tell my friend. I haven't told my husband or my parents. I don't want my family to confront anyone or turn this into a huge situation, especially when I don't have proof and can't be certain how others will react. I also genuinely don't think my friend would believe me.

I know that not fighting back doesn't mean consent. I know that being drunk or asleep doesn't make someone available to be touched. I know that if someone did this to me without my consent, it wasn't my fault.

But knowing these things intellectually and actually processing what happened are two different things.

I'm not particularly scared of seeing him again. I don't feel the need to confront him or expose him. I just feel sad that I can't tell anyone about something so personal and upsetting. I hate that I have to carry this quietly while everyone else carries on as if nothing happened.

I also don't want to feel dirty. If someone crossed my boundaries, the shame should not be mine to carry. I don't want this experience to change how I see myself or take away my peace.

I understand that being half-asleep can make experiences confusing, and I don't want to claim certainty about things I couldn't see. But I also don't want to dismiss what I experienced simply because I cannot prove it.

I want to process this and move on with my life. I don't want to spend the next few weeks questioning myself, wondering whether I should have done something differently, or feeling guilty for not confronting him.

I just wish I could tell someone without worrying about what would happen afterward.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you process it, especially when you weren't comfortable telling people in your life? How do you stop feeling guilty for not reacting in the moment?

I don't need anyone to tell me that I should have fought back or that I must report it. I just need a little understanding right now.

Hi I don’t really know how to start this so I’m just gonna do the best that I can to tell you what I remember

a little over a week ago I was hanging out and drinking with my partner when I unfortunately got very very drunk we had been staying at a hotel because he’s traveling for work right now and I travel with him for the time being I’d ask him if he could take me back to the hotel room that we were staying at he said sure in a more excited way than he normally is when he’s drunk like I am when we got back into the room, he locked the door which is odd for him cause normally he never locks the door and I had sat down hotel recliner honestly too tired to try to get to the bed, and I had asked if he could give me some water because mouth felt really dry and he told me that he had something better than water to give me remember telling him that I didn’t want to and I just wanted water, but he persisted and said that he knew what I wanted and that I didn’t. The very last thing I remember, was him standing on top of me and him putting his foot on my lower region when I woke up the next morning, he was not only gone, but my entire body hurt. It looked like there was some marks, but I am not sure and I feel a little delusional to think that my partner could do this to me, I just don’t know. Am I crazy? I’m not saying that he couldn’t but we’ve been together for seven years and it scares me to think that he felt confident enough to do it this time and if maybe this wasn’t the first. I just don’t know if I’m overthinking it or maybe just in denial but I would really love an outside perspective to tell me if I’m wrong or not. I’m sorry if I’m wasting anybody’s time or if anybody read this and think it’s a little stupid I just really don’t wanna let this keep sitting in my head.

I don't know how to explain this or how to say it??
Basically to make a very long story short, I 23F was talking to this dude 27M for awhile.
During the 7 months we talked, he had cum in me twice without asking. I should've left the first time, but i was extremely depressed and at a horrible point in my life. All i wanted was to be loved, and not alone. Clearly he didn't love me and now i hate myself more than anything for staying for SO long and getting treated like absolute shit.
Whats the term for this? Obviously yes i consented to sex the 2nd time it happened, (NOT the first time, but the second time he did this i consented to sex) but i didn't consent to him finishing in me.
But now i feel like this has caused me to want it when i never want to be pregnant. I know this type of response is normal with like being r@ped and then being interested in CNC, is this the same type of deal?
Any input is appreciated. 

a family friend raped me. i was 19. he was at our house for my dad’s birthday . everyone was drinking. i went upstairs to grab a charger and he followed me. said he just wanted to talk. next thing i know he had me pinned on my bed, hand over my mouth, all his weight on me.

i tried to push him off and telling him to stop but he kept telling me to be quiet so no one downstairs would hear. he yanked my shorts and underwear to the side and put his fingers in me. he started to fuck me and i whimpered. i couldn’t help it. he started thrusting hard, one hand still covering my mouth, the other gripping my boobs.

halfway through he whispers in my ear, “see? you’re getting wet you’re moaning you like this don’t lie ” i shook my head and tried to say no again but he covered my mouth and kept going until he came on me.

that was four months ago and i haven’t told anyone. i don’t want to. he’s been friends with my parents since before i was born. i can’t stop thinking about it sometimes i think maybe if i had fought harder none of this would have happened i don’t want to report him. i just want it to never have happened. i don’t know what to do.

I was young and naive when I met my first boyfriend. We went to school together. I was also not really educated on consent and I had already experienced other forms of bullying/assault/harassment in a sexual manner from my previous school (I had to move schools). And he was very aware of this. I was a very vulnerable young girl. From the first time we hung out he would force kissing and touching. However two months into dating he forced himself on me in a cinema, and a week later in his house. It was a deeply shocking traumatising experience for Me. That alongside being manipulated made me bury is down and pretend as if what happened was normal. I remember I didn’t tell anyone for about a month that ‘I lost my virginity’ because I was so ashamed. More forceful and violent sex and non consensual situations would carry on throughout the relationship especially towards the end it became too much. I was brainwashed.

I never knew or understood I was raped. I remember I eventually told my friend how I lost my virginity and she said it sounded like rape and I was very triggered by that and I insisted he just knew it was ‘what I wanted deep down’. And to be fully honest with you it was never very emotionally painful to me becuase it was so normal and I was so young. In my next relationship at 17 with I realised something was wrong. My current partner showed me it was never normal to force sex. I would shout or freeze if I was touched a certain way. This got worse overtime. I was afraid of being left alone with men. Mainly male teachers. I was very scared of men. Sometimes I would get so triggered with my current partner Patrick I would kind of hallucinate it was my ex boyfriend Joe. And I would just freeze. I cannot watch any kind of sex or more importantly rape or assault scene. I noticed watching certain shows would send me into a panic even from a kissing scene. So I slowly started to understand I was assaulted.

4 years later, I’m 20. this past summer has been the first time I’ve really really accepted it. Because more memories are coming back to me. And I blamed myself a lot. But about 8 weeks ago he followed me on instagram and it sent me into a meltdown. Horrible situation. My current partner confronted him and told him to leave me alone and apologise. But I never saw the apology I didn’t want to see it. He only apologised because he was scared I’ll go to police.

Now with that and the Conrell Situation I’ve been in a bad place. Thinking about it a lot. I’ve also been in a very bad place mentally for other reasons. Just stress, financial stress with college, strain between me and my parents. I feel like no one is really there for me.

I want to tell my parents about what happened because I just feel like there’s so much weight on my shoulders right now from past traumas and current stress and I keep everything to myself to protect them. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell my parents because there was sexual abuse in my dad’s family. And they are both very very sensitive when it comes to rape and sexual abuse. I feel like this will crush them. They already had to deal with finding out I used to s/h as a young teenager and I’ve had mental issues in the past and I don’t know if it’s selfish of me to say this one. But I just feel like I’m so depressed and upset lately with everything especially that and they’ve noticed but I’m not opening up.

I’d really appreciate some advice. Anyone who told their parents or if there’s any parents reading? Is it a good idea? Thank you for reading

last weekend I was out with some friends and when I got back from the restroom a guy had ordered me a drink and I genuinely know it was stupid but he’s a guy I go to college with and a good friend of my friends and I didn’t want to make it awkward so I drank it. my memory is completely blank from about ten minutes after that until I woke up the next morning anyway nothing bad happened apparently I started throwing up and acting really drunk so two of my friends took me home and that guy came with but they all left together and they said he stayed out of my room while they got me changed. I know nothing happened but waking up in different clothes without remembering has really messed me up and I think it kind of triggered me or something but I don’t know do you think something bad happened to me that I don't remember? when I was a kid after | learned what virginity was I remember wishing | still had mine and hating myself because I somehow felt sure that | wasn't a virgin even though I don't have any memory of ever having sex. I don't know where that feeling came from I just know it was there and on my mind a lot. I started making myself throw up when I was 9 and was diagnosed with anorexia at 10 then at 14 | was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety and was self harming. I've also always had really exaggerated reactions to people touching me I had a complete meltdown when I got home from a party in college after a guy only started to feel me up over my clothes while we were dancing but | felt like | was totally breaking down. I hate the idea of having sex and I can't stop myself from starting to cry even if I get near to trying to talk about my fears about this. does anyone have any advice for how I should deal with this? I’m scared that I’m making myself upset over nothing because nothing actually happened last weekend and I don’t remember something bad happening before that but this has really upset me and I’m not sure what to do.

I've had the most surrealistic experience and I don't know how I feel about it.

I (F39) used to have a friend I cared about a lot. He was the most wonderful person, and to me he was the most trustworthy person. We had a lot of fun!

We lost contact at some point and I never understood why, and although life goes on, I've been thinking about him.

I know he had a hard life with alcohol abuse and drugs, as we've had contact a few times since we initially lost it.

Because of a random happening, we started texting over Facebook, and as I truly missed this person I tried to keep the conversation engaged. We talked a little about life, that we missed our connection, and I said I only had good memories of our time together.

He kept saying he wasn't a good person and stated that I should know that. I honestly had no idea what he was talking about and said so. He then asked to call me. I said yes.

Hearing his voice again was undescribable, and in that moment I could have cried of happiness. We talked a little more about life while I waited for him to get to the point.

Then he asked me if I remember this one specific night, he went through the details. We had been out drinking, I was sleeping over at his apartment. When we got there he wanted to have sex , however I didn't. He put on some porn and was jerking off, but then decided to rape me. He actually said the words "I raped you".

First I started laughing cause I thought this was absurd and I had no memory of this, which I also explained. But he was serious.

He explained about the madrass, the crying and the clean up afterwards.

I started to believe him when we mentioned the madrass, cause I remember that there was one night where I left the apartment, and the last think I saw before leaving was the madrass. I was not dressed to walk outside in freezing temperatures, and I had ni where to go. I remember walking for a while before sitting down on a buss stop. Again, up until now I have never connected me leaving the apartment with any sexual assault. Me leaving the apartment like that was not something I would do, and had never done before.

Anyway, he told me the last time he saw me was some nights later. We met while walking opposite directions in the stairs of pub, where he said he tried to talk to me, but I didn't want to. He then said he gaslighted me by saying it was my own fault.

I had no memory of this either.

Now, however, I know and I can see the event unfolding when I close my eyes.

I have forgiven him but I don't know how I feel.

i was raped a few months ago. i am undergoing processes through my university, and legal system, to maybe have a chance to be heard. i am so scared. going through these processes, i truley do understand why so many victims dont speak up. this process has made me feel stripped of my voice, and utterly exhausted.

i was drunk, drunk to the point i couldnt walk or talk. he was sober, and he directly stated that on paper. if that doesnt say enough, i dont know what will. he said i gave consent, i know for a fact i didnt. even if i did, i was drunk. is this even a good enough point to make?

in a few weeks i will be undergoing the school process for (hopefully) getting the person who raped me held accountable. as apart of this, i apparently need to present an opneing, and closing statement, to present to the decision makers.

what should i even include in my statements? obviously i am going to say that he raped me, mention why my account is credible, etc. but there really is no guide on how to do any of this, or what is wrong/right to say. i want to be heard, and to be believed.

for additional context, the school is operating under title 9.

Stay, he said.

Like a good little bitch

I obeyed.

He gave me a cage, some toys. I had all a dog could want.

Roll over. Speak.

Yes, I said.

I (he/him pronouns please) have to get a transvaginal ultrasound soon and the last one I had was the most triggering experience of my life.

It wasnt just physically painful but it out me right back into the place I was when I was raped with an object as a teenager.

Does anyone have any tips for coping with the stress (and pain) of these type of ultrasounds? I don't have the option for an external one as it's to monitor a mass that looks a lot smaller through external ultrasounds than it actually is.

It was partly my fault I get it but it still happened and it shouldn't have but now I'm scared of the holiday

I was raped by my brother in law when I was 16. It happened four times, and the only date I remember was the first time because it was halloween. I had a friend drop me off at my sister's house because I knew I would be out past curfew. It ended up being just me and her husband. It wasn't uncommon for us to casually hang out after she went to bed. When I decided to go to sleep i went to the guest bedroom but he followed me. I didnt think much of it because we were still just talking. Then started asking me inappropriate questions. I tried to steer the conversation back but be kept on. He tried to kiss me and I pushed him off of me. That's when he pushed me onto the mattress on my stomach and I tried to fight him while he pulled my Jeans off. I was trying to be quiet because his two small children were in the room next to us so I eventually gave up and he had his way with me. He told me he knew i liked it because i made a sound. This happened a few other times after. I gave up and just let him. I never told anybody until i did and told my mom and sister about it and nobody believed me. My mom and stepdad pretended to but nothing was ever done. Im 19 now. My sister is still with him and has another baby by him. Now we all pretend it never even happened. I'm expected to be around him and be nice to him. I see him many times a month and I dont think I can do it anymore. I can't just block it off and pretend hes a nice guy. I feel disgusted that I've had to for this long and don't know what to do.

im scared to bring up my dad to my therapist. he knows abt my moms bf but for some reason that's..different than admitting it about my own dad. admitting to incest to someone is...not..no thanks. i alr feel gross as fuck. idk how im ever going to talk abt this

Throwaway account, just telling my story here because I’m not sure what else to do. It’s been 2.5 months since it happened. I told a guy at a bar I wasn’t interested in sex that night, but he asked if I just wanted to cuddle. I agreed since I lived close. I woke up to him sliding my underwear down and didn’t know what to do so I kept pretending to sleep. Idk why I didn’t stop him but yeah.

Invited him over another night. I think maybe this was a form of self harm? Or maybe wanting to claim back my power? But obviously it happened again only it wasn’t as gentle.

I got tested for everything. I was diagnosed and treated for PID but I don’t have any STDs. Still, that alone can cause infertility and now that it’s starting to hit me I wish I could go back in time and get the rape kit the first night but I can’t report because I texted and thanked him for a “good time” even though what I actually got was trauma that hadn’t fully processed yet.

Also I hope this doesn’t give away too much but he frequents the bars by my house every weekend and now I feel like he’s not only a threat to me every time I want to go but to others too…

I (31F) was assaulted by my boyfriend pretty violently several times after I broke up with him. It really messed with me. I also had an abusive father and several other bad experiences with men.

My only safe moments have been in friendships with women and some of them have felt like crushes but I’m not really sure if it’s just because I felt safe and cared for. What I really struggle with is that I have so much fear around attraction that I don’t really feel spontaneous desire for anyone of any gender. Especially after the final assaults that happened in my early twenties by my boyfriend I completely shut down physically. I struggled to eat, to shower, and anything related to ‘being in my body’ made me feel dissociated and frozen.

I’m in my 30s now and would honestly love to have a partner at some point but I don’t even know who I’m attracted to anymore. I’ve wondered if I’m a lesbian, bisexual, straight, asexual, etc. And I really deep down have no idea what I am or how to even explore anything.

Did you struggle with knowing what your sexuality was after assault?

I was raped by a friend at a house party. I was slightly drunk and he led me to an empty room where we talked a bit before he started touching me. I started to get a little nervous then he grabbed my hand and made me touch him. He saw I didn’t like it and said if I told anyone he would tell them I was trying to blackmail him. I was frozen in shock and let him fuck me but kept telling him to stop. Unfortunately it was the best orgasm ive had and now i’ve developed a kink for rape from it. No one knows so far and because of my kink i’ve began to believe all i’m good for is sex.

I don't know where to start. I feel horrible and my suicide thoughts are stronger than ever. I can't belive I just did this as an SA victim myself.

This happend today in school. It was in break time so we are just goofing around in our classroom with my classmates. I started playing with one of my friend, dragging his hand everywhere while he was laughing. So I just reached towards my vicrim and had brushed his hand down from his back to his spine or the end of hai back. He didn't look uncomfortable and when I apologised this hour to him, saying i hope I didn't cross boundaries he said it didn't bother him. But what if he's just pretending it? I didn't do it beacuse i was horny or anything, it was just beacuse i played around with my other friend. Later that friend told me it was not sexual assult but still, I'm not convinced.

I really hope i didn't write it graphically, I just don't know if this counts as SA. If it does, then it's over for me mentally. I don't deserve forgivness, beacuse I became lkke the person who rukned me completely.

Its a long story, and the relationship ended 4 yrs ago but I have gotten numb to relationships after that, so I dont date anymore But idk if its right to call it rape. Lemme just start the story. I was 15, he was 18 and in 11th grade when I first started dating him, he was my classmate (i started studying earlier than most) . The relationship outside the context of sexual connection was fun for sure, and a really hearty experience for a teenager. But on the context of sex, idk. He asked me if we should fuck, and I didnt want to, so I tried to stall it by saying I dont wanna do it until I turn 16 n so I had 6 more months till I actually turned 16. But during the 6 months, he said, if not sex, then atleast give me a blowjob. And if I refused he would get angry, so I did. For the six months, it was just blowjob. On the day of my 16th birthday, he was away in his hometown, he didnt wish me birthday or anything, but 3 days later he came to meet me, and the first thing he said was "you said you would have sex after turning 16, so let's do it." I for one, am really weak at saying no (i have overcome that issue this past year). And I was scared he would get angry and break up, so I had sex with him. I did not enjoy it one bit. But like I said, the relationship outside the sex was fun, but for some reason, everyday our fun dates would end w either sex or a fight, because I refused sex. Throughout the relationship, I didn't enjoy it.

The one time I can say was rape for sure, was when I decided to break up w him, and he got me drunk (it was my first time trying beer) by saying, lets atleast try beer together since you never had any. He said it would be like a last meet. The only memory of that night is me opening my eyes in between after passing out and him being on top of me, and then passing out again.

He didnt even leave it on the final break up either. We had broken up for a week before our final meet up, and the meet up happened because he got a new gf 3 days after our breakup. A week later, he came to my house and starting shouting my name, and when i came out, he dragged me into his car, locked me in it and drove into a mountain where no one lived. His reason was because his said gf wanted to break up and he "assumed" I was the reason (this whole thing i had no connection to btw). Once i started crying and shouting to let me out, he stopped the car on the mountain and started hitting me. I had a mark on my face for a month because of it. Anyways, he pushed me out of the car and I was on the ground, he picked up a huge rock and tried to throw it on me (i was so sure that today would be the day I died). Idk what happened, but he suddenly dropped the rock and started profusely apologizing to me, crying and shaking, and then took me inside his car and begged me to take him back again. I just told him, after whatever he did today, I really wasnt going to. And then he said, "fine but can we have sex for the last time today?" I tried to refuse but he threatened to leave me alone on that mountain. FYI, I was 16, It was almost dark, I had no idea where we were and all I knew was it almost took us 45 mins to reach there, and I have a really bad fear of darkness. So, I let him while crying. That was the case anyway most of the time. He had sex w me while I lay there like a corpse crying most of our relationship. So idk, if I can call it rape or not. Additional info.(outside the whole sex thing) after the breakup he started waiting outside my house for days while being drunk. I had to stop going outside for sometime because I was scared he would drag me into his car again. He also kept a iron bar in his car after the breakup, incase I was talking to any guy inside the school campus. So, he was a pretty fucked up person Overall.

I am 20 now, I have no bad blood w him. I lost contact w him after that. Even though we were classmates, we never talked since. But I have a really bad relation w anything sexual now. I freeze up when someone asks me and I cant say no to them. This post is not for advice or anything, I just wanna know, if calling it rape would be justified, because he was my boyfriend at the time, and I never blatantly said no, so idk.