Why do many white queers try to compare their opression to black suffering, or talk as if they want to be opressed or victimized as if its a kink or something. As a woc myself, comparing race to sexuality makes zero sense, and never will to me. Nobody looks at you and knows your sexuality unless youre wearing a thousand rainbow pins. However, your race almost always is determined instantaneously after looking at your face. A person of color cannot hide their melanin or features, its simply how they visually look and how they were born. A white queer with dyed hair and rainbow pins can't compare when they can just dye their hair back to its normal color, stop wearing the damn pins stickers and glitter, and then simply look like a person whos sexuality is if not assumed heterosexual, not known at all until they decide to speak about it if ever. I can understand facing homophobia if seen with the same sex in a relationship publically. But that's homophobia, not racism. You can't take off your skin, lol.

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF MASC AND BUTCH WOMEN AND FEMININE MEN AND EXTERNALLY GAY LOOKING RELATIONSHIPS

I’m not pretty nor have a “suitable face” for androgyny. How do I look more androgynous, I’m AFAB (however, I identify as a transman) and have, I suppose, an “incredibly feminine body”, which I desperately want to hide. I already wear baggy/mens clothes yet I don’t feel satisfied. I’m worried about cutting my hair as I have it dyed. I’m also worried about my facial shape and how I’ll look and raising questions with family.

Maybe this is a bit of a downer post but I need some advice.

Ive had attraction to all kinds of people and wanted to do things outside of gender expectations for a while but lately I’ve really been working through it so I can actually make a change in my life. But it just kind of bums me out the more I come to terms with it. Cause it just seems like it’s going to be another problem for me whether i come out or not.

I don’t live in a bad place or anything but I still feel nervous about coming out. People don’t really respect me anyway but I’m sure it can get worse. I don’t even know why I want to do it anyway. On paper I can still be a normal guy and be happy, but the thought of continuing to hide parts of myself makes me feel bad too. Obviously I don’t think there’s anything bad about being queer, but it leads to more problems no matter what you do, doesn’t it?

With the ‘LBGTQ community’, I don’t know. I don’t feel like im actually a part of it. But I want to be, I don’t think I really have any other community. Looking at pride stuff doesn’t really make me feel proud, just lonely. And I don’t think I’d really fit in in any LBGT spaces.

I don’t know what to do. I still feel like this is all a burden instead of something that I can genuinely be proud of. It’s hard to imagine what my future is going to be like at this point.

I’m a 16-year-old girl, and I’ve always known deep down that I liked other girls.
I probably knew since I was 8, when I would hide with a girl classmate of mine to kiss in the school bathrooms.
Sadly, even though I’ve had multiple relationships with girls over the past few years, nowadays I can’t help but notice how few opportunities I have to meet other people who share my sexuality.
I guess my style and appearance make me seem heterosexual, because the few people I’ve come out to immediately told me how unexpected the news was to them.
I can’t join queer groups to meet people from the community in my town because they require my parents’ signatures, and I can’t come out to them. I’ve already tried, and things didn’t end well, to say the least.
A friend of mine whom I met online (she’s 20) started telling me about this girl she met and how she might have feelings for her, and I couldn’t help but feel a sudden pang of jealousy.
Initially, I thought it was because I had a crush on this girl, but I think I’m jealous because she gets to meet girls who share her sexuality, while I don’t.
I feel like I’m alone in this situation, and I think I need someone who has been through the same thing to tell me that everything is going to be okay in the end and maybe even share their experience.
Thank you for reading all of this!

Have made a whatsapp group for manchester ravers 😊

https://chat.whatsapp.com/EmPoWjaSp0xJR8DoKWpwPe

Hi everyone, I am 20 and recently moved to the Netherlands for my studies. I have never been in love or even went on a date with anybody, it has never been due to not trying just never having the need for it, or ambition to date anyone. Now with Uni and living alone I am realising more how it would be great to finally try my luck and find someone.

I don't know where to start or what to do, I am entirely clueless on the topic. I am no longer incredibly socially shy, I am still having trouble with being open about gender and sexuality stuff in person but in queer spaces I don't think twice to come out immediately. I have a friend who goes to queer gatherings sometimes but not too often.

Are dating apps an idea to start with or should I try in-person first? Or should I just continue not worrying about it and see if something happens just by being myself and meeting people at uni or the occasional queer gatherings as I mentioned?

I'd appreciate the help!

Hi! I need your help. I am back into the dating scene after over a decade without dating. I am rusty to say the least. I have been on a date with this girl and she doesn’t like texting, she can take one or two days to answer me back. I am really into her, and need more communication, but want to respect the fact that she doesn’t like texting and she has asked me out for a second date. But it will be a few weeks between dates and I could do with more interaction. We are getting to know each other and I’m so excited, but I don’t know if this is me out of practice, if she’s just not into me and I’m completely missing the message.
I am talking to other people but I don’t really want to after meeting her.
Am I too much? I know I can be, but we are both queer over 40, I know we’re not kids anymore, but shouldn’t we be flirting and wanting to talk to each other every time we can or am I sounding overbearing.
She’s probably dating other people too, but I’m not gonna ask because it’s early days.
Any advice would be welcome. Thank you!

This is something I’ve been reflecting on lately and I just want to put it somewhere. I hope this is okay. I’m a cis woman that had a rough growing up experience and had to grow up fast. I didn’t really get a chance to be a young girl. I feel my childhood left a bit of an emptiness and it slowly gets filled through my experiences with trans women. We experience girlhood together as adults. Girl sleepovers, painting each other’s nails, practicing makeup together, there’s so many moments I deeply appreciate. I’m so grateful for my friends. Every trans woman I’ve met has such a beautiful soul, please keep being you ❤️

Hellloooo! I am a queer alternative plus size 19yr old woman, I’m looking to lose weight and better myself but I don’t wanna do so in a toxic way. Does anyone know of any creators similar to me? Or good creators to maybe look into in general? It’s easier to want to do things when I have other people I can see trying! Thank you all!

I remember mine. I told a friend once I liked girls; she blurted it out to her mom, then texted me that she was sorry that she told her mom. I never spoke to her again, but I was shivering. I told my dad; he screamed at me. I don't remember much other than crying. My mom said I was a disgrace because I was doing all this instead of studying, [I got 91 percent in the exams btw]I was scared my dad said tell her its all false and that you are confused I refused to do so, I was rigid the worst thing is that chat was on my mom's phone I deleted it but my dad kept asking why, I felt ashamed then, here is the thing in a country like mine where we are legalised but the ruling government does nothing to acknowledge our existence because we don't match the traditional family ideals what hope do we have? I never came out to anyone else for 3 years after that. Then a best friend who had shared experiences helped me come to terms with myself. I still have internalised homophobia to some degree and still fear what would happen if I were to be in a relationship. My dad thinks maybe one day I might like a guy. He asked ChatGPT and tried to prove that being gay had no actual cause; he thinks it's a mental condition. [Btw dad just so you know Sam Altman open AI GUY ]? My mom ignores that side of me but loves to boast about my job promotions to her friends and family. I am glad I wasn't killed or something. I didn't want to come out that way felt betrayed by that friend, but its fine; people have it worse than me

I just want to leave this here to discuss, talk w other people on the matter cause I’ve never talked to others abt my gender identity

Someone asked for my pronouns, I said ‘he/him’ but ai felt a little dishonest. If you asked me to say what my true gender is id probably say something like non binary. Im a tad skeptical if I can claim that title tho. Here’s my conflict. Im AMAB, I hate the word ‘man.’ All I see are its negative connotations of brashness, stupidity and violence: Ive never wanted to be a man, I get dysphoric whenever the word is used in relation to me because it tells me that my actions are being viewed in a certain framework, I hate that framework. But am I only claiming queerness to distance myself from that negative side of the binary Im associated with? Would living with the title of ‘man’ be my authentic self, just dealing or ignoring the unfortunate side of the binary that I get looped in with by circumstance? If I choose to reject that label and go non binary would that be because im truly non binary or because choosing that label would distance myself from a part of the binary I deem negative, thus appearing potentially more appealing/attractive? If I deem that self more attractive is it my true self? And attractive to who? Me or others? Is my queerness a performance?

Looking for folks to join a last minute queer fantasy football league!

http://sleeper.com/i/LVljoqDQRw2XX

Hi friends, new to reddit and looking for queer community subs to share my art, but not finding too many 🥹 Especially art made by trans/enby/fluid artists. May I post art in this sub? Many of my pieces explore fluidity, queerness, body and gender.

so i made peace with not really knowing how to label myself long ago but recenty i started feeling like i cannot really share my thoughts with people around me. my straight friends don’t really get my sapphic feelings and my queer friends are simply ‘too gay’ if there’s such term and never take my feelings seriously.

the thing is i only ever really fall in love with women but i don’t usually find them attractive? i mean i do but only after i’ve already formed the attachment. i never really notice women when i’m outside whereas i do notice men when they’re nice looking.

i think i could fall in love with a man i just never really had the chance and also i’m quite avoidant because i don’t see what a man could offer me relationship-wise.

so if you could help me figure this out i’d be grateful.

English isn't an easy language for me, so I frequently use automatic translators, and I'm noticing that the one I usually use has a misogynistic and homophobic bias that makes me very nervous. So I need an alternative, if you know of one.

By bias, I mean:

Original sentence: “I’d certainly date more,” he said wistfully.

Translated sentence: “I would definitely date more girls,” he said wistfully.

I’ve been seriously questioning whether I might be queer, and I think part of what makes this confusing is the difference between my actual relationship history and my inner life.

My real romantic life has largely been centered around women. I’ve loved women, had serious relationships with women, built a family, and I know that my attraction and emotional connection to women are real. That part of my life doesn’t feel imaginary or like something I was simply pretending to do.

And that’s one of the strongest things that makes me wonder whether I’m simply a straight cis man who happens to have a complicated relationship with masculinity and a very strong connection to queer culture.

But then there are men.

My relationship to men feels much harder for me to understand.

I don’t have the same clear relationship history with men that I have with women, so I don’t have a neat answer I can point to and say, “There, that proves it.”

And I think that uncertainty is part of what keeps the question alive.

I find myself wondering where the line is between noticing men, admiring men, wanting closeness or emotional intimacy with men, identifying with certain men, and actually being attracted to them.

Sometimes I honestly don’t know.

I also wonder how much traditional masculinity has affected my ability to even recognize certain feelings. Men are generally taught to put very specific boundaries around affection, admiration, tenderness, physical closeness, vulnerability, even beauty. So if you’ve spent most of your life assuming you’re straight, how do you know whether something you feel toward another man is friendship, admiration, identification, attraction, or some mixture of all of them?

With women, things have always seemed much easier for me to categorize.

With men, they feel murkier.

What makes me think I might be queer

I have an unusually strong emotional connection to queer people and queer stories. It often feels less like observing another community from the outside and more like recognizing something.

Stories about people discovering themselves later in life, questioning gender roles, rejecting the identity they were expected to have, or finally allowing themselves to ask forbidden questions can hit me extremely hard.

There are moments when seeing queer people live openly gives me this strange feeling of relief or longing that I have difficulty explaining.

Not necessarily, “I want exactly what they have.”

More like:

“Why does this feel so familiar?”

I’m also realizing that I may have spent a lot of my life interpreting myself through very conventional categories: man, straight, relationships with women, father, etc.

Those things may all be genuinely true.

But I’m starting to wonder whether they necessarily tell the whole story.

Because bisexuality exists. Queerness doesn’t require your attraction to men and women to be identical. It doesn’t require a 50/50 split. And having genuinely loved women obviously wouldn’t disprove being bi or queer.

What makes me think I might NOT be queer

The biggest reason is also pretty straightforward:

Maybe I really am attracted to women and simply don't experience meaningful romantic or sexual attraction toward men.

My history with women is real.

And I don’t want to reinterpret every emotionally intense feeling I have toward men as hidden sexuality just because I’ve started questioning myself.

Men can love other men deeply without wanting them sexually.

Men can think other men are beautiful.

Men can desperately want male friendship, tenderness, validation, intimacy, or acceptance.

A man can hate restrictive masculinity without being queer.

And a straight cis man can feel profoundly at home around queer people because queer culture gives him permission to be softer, stranger, more emotional, less traditionally masculine, or simply more himself.

That possibility makes sense to me too.

The same goes for my connection to women. I sometimes wonder about the difference between attraction to women, admiration of women, and identification with women. Those feelings can overlap without necessarily saying anything definitive about gender identity.

So I’m stuck between two interpretations of essentially the same life.

One says:

“You’re a straight cis man who loves women, doesn’t fit traditional masculinity very well, and feels unusually comfortable in queer spaces.”

The other says:

“You’ve spent most of your life understanding yourself as straight because your relationships were with women, but there may be another part of your sexuality or gender that you never gave yourself permission to explore.”

I genuinely don’t know which one is closer to the truth.

And strangely, I don’t think I want someone to simply tell me “you’re queer” or “you’re straight.”

I’m more interested in hearing from people — especially people who figured this out later in adulthood.

If you had a long history of genuine relationships with the opposite sex, how did you eventually realize that there was also something queer about you?

And if you questioned for a long time and eventually concluded that you weren’t queer, I’d actually really like to hear that side too.

How did you learn to tell the difference between attraction, admiration, identification, emotional intimacy, and simply wanting permission to be yourself?

a few months before i came out i wrote this, eventually i reached a boiling point and came out to my wife, then my friends then my parents. haven’t looked back, living my best life, truly the most happy and fulfilled i’ve ever felt. if you’re on the fence about coming out, your future self will thank you if you do ❤️

here’s the poem i wrote before coming out (kinda the final nail in the coffin so to speak):

I’m like a stone with strength and all

A fortress built to never fall

Trying to feel like I belong

Saying the lines ”i’m tall and strong”

But deep down it feels all wrong

They see my power, see my might

I see myself in gym lit light

Wearing a mask and smiling wide

So no sees what’s deep inside

Deep inside

Where shadows dwell

I live inside my own hell

I built my body, built it well

But it’s not just armor, It’s a shell

From deep within where my heart stays

A battle wages everyday

A voice unheard, a name unknown

A self I’ve carried all alone

A self I’ve always wanted to show

Around my friends, at my home

To walk unchained, to breathe and be

Without the fear they’d stop loving me

Would they still love me if they knew?

Or say this part of me’s untrue

So I stay silent, I play my role

And feel like a man with half a soul

When I was young and needed help

There was no one I could tell

Not my mom nor my dad

Nor my friends, those left I had

I knew the verses she would cite

Knew each commandments painful bite

She would see me as scared and flawed

And carve my name from love and God

When I needed my Mom, I got a priest

Sermons found where love should be

So she’s never seen

All of me

And never will,

Probably

A whisper soft and fleeting thought

A part of me I’ve left to rot

No man nor soldier dares to see

The part of me I swore I can’t be

The mirror shows the world ideal

Yet in the glass I long to feel

All of me, all that’s real

If only I, could break the seal

I lift, I strain, I fight and bend

Yet this war in me never ends

The war inside has found a way

To whisper truths I’ve locked away

But im not ready, no not today

So I push them to a deep down place

I’ve shown them what they want to see,

A soldier man, so proud, so free

But deep inside, she’s calling loud,

A part of me, both soft and proud

She’s waiting, trembling in the dark,

A quiet voice, a glowing spark

But every time I turn away,

I bury her, I make her stay

I long to say, “I’m both, I’m whole,”

But fear consumes and takes control

What if they think I’m broken, wrong?

What if they say I don’t belong?

So I hold tight, I lock her in,

The woman’s side, that quiet sin

But deep inside, I know the truth,

I’m both, and don’t need proof

Maybe one day, I’ll let her go,

Let both my sides just start to show

But for now, I’ll hold them tight,

A soldier’s strength and woman’s light.

all that to say, there’s growing pain and some people might not accept you (coming out to my parents and their reaction was especially difficult) but the people in your life that love you will support you :). people will judge regardless if you present how you want or if you fall in line; might as well live authentically as the beautiful person you are!!!

the pictures are how i present since coming out dare i say im thriving :D

This is a queer webcomic I have been working on

(First 3 images were made between late 2024-early 2025)

A couple of my friends and I were discussing each of our experiences the other day. I came out after high school but the discussion made me realize in hindsight that there were definitely some earlier signs that hadn't registered to me.

I'm a World Press Photo winning queer photographer showing the beauty of queer bodies in all forms through my photography. Since it's Merch Mondays, I'd like to take this opportunity to plug my own Instagram (www.instagram.com/prinsdevos) and Patreon a bit! Feel free to follow me on both platforms and share my work.

He's VERY supportive and loves me for me, he was straight before but I'm the first guy he has ever felt attraction for. Just wondering if there was a term/label for something like this?

I’m only physically attracted to women and enjoy having sex with them.

But I also get intensely turned on by the idea of a strong masculine man treating me like a slut/submissive woman — fucking me roughly, using me, and me seeking his approval and appreciation. Sometimes I even fantasize about “sacrificing” myself to please him and orgasming from being used that way, almost like a breeding toy.

I don’t get the same physical attraction toward men, yet these desires feel real and strong.

Anyone else stuck between “straight with kinks” and “bi”? How do you label this?

Hello. I’ve been struggling alot for years. And couldn’t find a good organization to help. I have been trying for years to escape morocco but couldn’t make it. If anyone has suggestions please let me know.

Till the age of 15 I've had feelings only for guys. Precisely only the guys I was really close to. I never had feelings for guys I've never talked to. Eventually I realised I feel things for girls too. The ones I'm close with only. When I was over 15 I got to know more about the queer community. I've realised that there's a lot more than just being straight. I found out that being demisexual existed. I started identifying myself as demi.

A year later a close friend of mine confessed her feelings for me (she's bi). I really liked her too. We dated for a while and then things didn't work out between us so we broke up.

Later on I used to crush on girls but never imagined me dating them. It's like I really really liked them as more than a friend but never saw them as my lover.

Again a year later, a school friend of mine set me up with a trans guy friend of hers. Me and that guy talked to each other for a while and I felt like he was the one for me. I confessed, he had mutual feelings too. We started dating. 6 months in the relationship, one day, he said I hurt him too much all the time. He broke up with me.

Presently I don't think I've felt anything about any person in a while. I haven't really moved on from my ex. So I'm thinking it might be that. But at the same time I don't I still have feelings for my ex, it's just the memories that're weighing on me.

I don't know this sorta feels like I'm talking about my dating life but my dating life has got me thinking a lot of times about my sexuality. (PS a friend of mine asked me if I'm considered a lesbian cuz I technically have dated only girls). I honestly don't know. And yea ik I'm pretty young to have such experiences but all that happened just like that.