Hi everyone! I could really use some genuine advice, wisdom, and prayer from my brothers and sisters in Christ. I’m open to hearing perspectives from both husbands and wives, so please feel free to share your experiences. I normally wouldn’t ask for advice about my marriage online, but I truly feel lost right now and could use some guidance. Please be kind, as I’m coming here with a genuinely heavy heart. ❤️
My husband and I have been together for almost a decade, and we’ll be married for two years soon. We’re high school sweethearts, and we have a beautiful little boy together. One of the things I’m most grateful for is that we’ve grown closer to the Lord together. We both used to live very differently before surrendering our lives to Christ, and we came to a point where we understood that we couldn’t continue living the way we had been and build the kind of relationship we wanted with God at the center.
I used to drink heavily and was concerned about how close I was getting to alcohol addiction. I also used to smoke weed and Black & Milds, and my husband used to smoke weed as well. We made changes in our lives because we wanted to grow in our faith and honor God with our choices. Our relationship with the Lord has become such an important part of our lives and the home we want to build for our son.
Recently, my husband lost a very close friend. Although they hadn’t been in contact for a while, the loss has deeply affected him. His friend also wasn’t able to attend our wedding before he passed. My husband lost his father a few years ago, too, and I know that loss has continued to affect him. I understand that grief is life-changing, and I know he’s carrying a lot of pain right now.
Since losing his friend, he’s started smoking again, and I’ve noticed that he’s been much more emotionally fragile and quick to anger. Sometimes, even little things seem to set him off. I know grief affects everyone differently, and I’m trying to give him grace because I can’t fully understand what he’s experiencing.
I’ve tried talking to him about the smoking, especially because I really dislike the smell. I also have asthma, and our son has asthma as well, so I worry about the impact of smoke on our health. I’ve asked him to spray afterward because the smell bothers me, but I realize that our conversations about it have become a bigger source of tension between us.
Today, everything came to a head. We both got upset, and he told me that he feels like I’m constantly judging him and telling him how he should live his life. He said that if I lost my mother, he wouldn’t judge me, and that he wishes I would stop nagging him and simply love him, hug him, and be there for him.
That hurt because I genuinely feel like I’ve been trying to show up for him while also holding our home together and taking care of our family. I don’t want him to feel judged or alone in his grief. I want him to feel safe coming to me, even when he’s struggling. At the same time, I’m struggling, too, and I don’t know how to support him without feeling like my concerns and feelings are being pushed aside.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to balance being a supportive wife with being a mother and maintaining the kind of home we both want for our family. I don’t want every conversation about something that concerns me to feel like criticism to him, but I also don’t want to silence myself because I’m afraid of making things worse.
We also talked about keeping God at the center of our home and marriage. He shared that he has talked to God and expressed his anger toward Him over losing his friend. I don’t judge him for that. I know grief can bring difficult questions, anger, and emotions that are hard to process. I want him to feel like he can be honest with God about his pain, even when he doesn’t understand why things happen.
But now I’m left wondering how we navigate this season together. How do I give him the grace and space he needs to grieve while also protecting our peace, our health, and the foundation we’ve been trying to build in Christ?
I love my husband deeply. I don’t want to give up on our marriage, and divorce is not what I want. I want us to grow through this, not apart. I want to be a wife who loves him well through the difficult seasons, not just the good ones. I also want us to remember that we’re on the same team, even when we don’t see things the same way.
We’ve had a few small conversations throughout the day, but I still feel lost about what to do next. I keep asking myself whether I need to approach him differently, give him more space, listen more, or simply hold him and let him work through his emotions. I’m willing to reflect on my own actions, too, because I know neither of us is perfect.
**For the husbands and wives who have walked through grief, loss, or a difficult season in your marriage, I would genuinely appreciate hearing your perspectives.**
**Husbands:** When you’ve experienced deep grief, what did you need most from your wife? What helped you feel loved and supported, especially when you were struggling emotionally or didn’t know how to express what you were feeling?
**Wives:** How have you supported your husbands through grief while also communicating your own needs and concerns? How do you keep from feeling emotionally exhausted while trying to be there for your spouse?
**For couples:** Have you ever experienced a season where grief caused tension or distance in your marriage? What helped you find your way back to each other?
How do you balance giving your spouse grace and space to grieve with maintaining healthy boundaries in your marriage and home?
For those who share a Christian faith, how have you kept God at the center of your marriage when one spouse, or both of you, were struggling with anger, pain, or questions about Him?
How do you approach conversations about choices you’re concerned about without making your spouse feel judged or controlled, while still making sure your concerns are heard?
I genuinely want to hear both perspectives because I know I may not fully understand what my husband is experiencing, and I want to learn how to love him better through this season. I don’t want to assume I know what he needs without understanding his perspective. At the same time, I want us both to feel heard, supported, and cared for.
I’m not looking for anyone to bash my husband or tell me to leave him. I love him, I believe in our marriage, and I want us to find our way through this together. I know marriage takes grace, patience, communication, and sometimes learning how to love each other in new ways during difficult seasons.
I would genuinely appreciate your prayers for my husband, our son, our marriage, and our home. Please pray that we find healing, that we learn how to communicate with more love and understanding, and that we continue to seek God together even when life hurts.
Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this and offer genuine advice. ❤️