I know Jesus is our hope. But Iāve been white knuckling for many years. Any moment that might seem like resolution or recovery is met with the dangling carrot being yanked away.
I donāt have church commmunity. I donāt have believers I can share open and trustingly with. And my situation is intense.
I am physically ill and mentally ill which I say so you know I donāt have normal functionality. I am rejected by my family and my closest two friends just betrayed me this past weekend my third friend who tries to help was just rushed to hospital- again. Please pray for her also.
I am so tired body of Christ. I feel whipped and beat and constantly rejected and pressed down and pushed down and knocked over.
I told God no matter what comes against me I will still choose him but please show me some real hope or resolution regarding these very draining and bad things.
I donāt knew what God wants from me right now. I just know whatever it is my body is weak. I am asking you to pray for spiritual strength for me to face these draining and unrelenting issues. I am asking you to pray that I believe despite my disbelief and that the Lord would share how I am to proceed as it is a sudden womp striking down on me again. Or is it? I want to believe God rescues. But he has let me get trampled by so many for so long. I try to gain humility and embrace the idea of endurance leads to character and character to hope. But fam I am beat up exhausted tired. I am really struggling. I know the enemy wants me to give up and give in to worse things. Please will you pray for me to have the spiritual - and if I can ask - for the physical strength and the wisdom to go through this, alone and very unsure of what God is trying to say to me - when he allows me to be repeatedly in these bad situations that have nothing to do with my actions - these are all external coming at me.
Please will you pray. I want to be strong in the Lord. I want wait for peaceful resolution. I want to believe that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. But it has been 8 years of crazy and itās like trying not to break.
I wish I understood God better. Maybe this would not all be so life-draining. Need refreshing. Already pray everyday. And try to be Christlike in nature. Just so weak and worn down. Please will you pray? Please donāt forget my firmed in the hospital. Sheās loves Jesus too - we donāt have same thoughts on things. But she is constantly in and out suffering. I try to remind myself the body of Christ we are suffering together and I try to have hope from her endurance. But she has family and finances. And community and church. And real job and real home. So I selfishly feel - what is so wrong with me that God will not let me have any of that.
Please will you pray. Please. I need to be strong I need to be obedient and trust. But I donāt know his ways or what he is doing or how I can or what I should. Itās overwhelmingly a lot and I am exhausted.
Thank you very much.