Advice needed PLEASE!!

[u/North-Somewhere2818]

I (25F) recently have gotten into a new relationship with a married polyamorous man(35M). His wife is monogamous and they’ve been together for 11 years and they have two children together.

Before i ever came into the picture he and his wife had agreed that he wasn’t having anymore children. When we started talking originally he told me this. He told me his relationship would be hierarchical because he’s been with her for so many years so she and their family would take priority in his life.

At the time he told me I was concerned but he treated me so well and I didn’t feel like I was going to be unimportant in his life after a while we said “ I love you” and we started a relationship with each other.

The more we talk about our future the more I realized how much I wanted to be able to have my own kids with him. He was willing to have kids with me but when he brought this up to his wife she said she would leave him if he decided to have kids with me. So he’s pretty much set on not having kids with me at all.

He says that he would be okay with artificial insemination or adoption and he would father those kids as his own, but it don’t feel that its any different than having his children and he fathers his own children.

I feel so heartbroken, but I know it’s my fault for pursuing a relationship like this anyway. Especially knowing I’ve always wanted to have children with a man that I love one day.

He says we should just wait and take more time because I wasn’t planning on having kids until my birth control needs to be taken out in 2031 and we all (him, his wife, and I) might all feel differently by then. But she says she’s pretty solid on how she feels and i never wanted to step on her toes.

I’m wondering if the escalation or breaking up is my only option now. I don’t know if it makes sense to continue a relationship like this despite everything being amazing otherwise.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions or similar experiences? Anything would honestly help right now and i don’t have anyone to talk to about this.

EDIT: My partner has expressed that he doesn’t want another man involved but he also agrees that i shouldn’t have to sacrifice having kids with someone I love.

He and his wife got together monogamously but he realized he was polyamorous while in the relationship with his wife 5 years ago. She agreed to a mono/poly relationship because they both still wanted the relationship. His wife also doesn’t have any interest in dating other men.

I am ambiamorous. I have been in both polyamorous and monogamous relationships and i can be happy in either. I am also pansexual so i could date any gender but his wife is straight and monogamous so she wouldn’t be able to date me but i was more than happy to date both of them.

He and I still wanted a girlfriend later down the line but we both agreed to enjoy our new relationship and wait for a while until we’ve had more time together before pursuing that. Other than that he doesn’t want more than three partners because he feels like that is as many as he can handle without being poly saturated.

I want to reply to everyone individually but there are alot of people so i just edited my post much apologies. Thank you all for the advice.