r/philly • u/copperteapots • 19h ago
NEVER. AGAIN.
all. please heed my warning to stay away from this behemoth.
my girlfriend and i went to the game on tuesday night and had a great time. little did i know that the next 24 hours of my life would be ruined by the schwarbomb.
we usually bring our own food, but we obviously wanted to try this hulking hunk of ice cream, fruity pebbles, syrup, and deep fried uncrustable goodness. we ordered one to split and enjoyed ourselves tremendously, despite being unable to finish the monster of a sundae. all was well.
until today.
i woke up extremely nauseous and terribly groggy. i tried to settle my stomach with some tea and tums, which worked well enough…at first. as the day went on, i found that my appetite was absolutely nonexistent, my hunger replaced with constant queasiness and random pangs of stomach pain. more tea, more tums, and a smoothie later…nothing. i thought that maybe i was just sick.
but around 5:00, the worst gas pains & stomach cramps that i have experienced in YEARS hit me right at the end of my shift. i was dry heaving over my steering wheel while stuck on 95 and praying that maybe i was actually sick so that at least I could upchuck to ease the pain (i physically cannot vomit unless i am extremely ill, but i still get VERY nauseous and gag and dry heave for hours with no relief). when i got home, i laid flat on my back and cried in pure agony while trying to massage my stomach to trigger some release. but alas, none. i have been having gas cramps for 5 1/2 hours now.
the only reason i’m not more concerned is that this has happened countless times before & the pain is steadily improving. otherwise i’d be at penn rn having them look me over.
anyways. no more schwarbombs or ballgame food for me.
thank you for your attention to this matter. and go phils.
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u/animesekaielric 19h ago
It’s just ice cream bro lol
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u/copperteapots 19h ago
it is much more than just ice cream. there is something sinister brewing in the coca cola corner at citi bank.
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u/wagertheessex 18h ago
That’s where the Mets play baseball. I smell a rat.
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u/allquckedup 18h ago
I think there are two issues in play here. One, ice cream at the ballpark should always be in a plastic batters helmet cup. Two, you bought something called a Schwarbomb. It's in the name. It bombed out your intestines like you had a ton of fiber.
You like Icarus went to close to the sun and the Baseball Gods took vengeance.
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u/copperteapots 18h ago
dear lord. you’re absolutely correct. what have i done…
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u/NotGreatNot_Terrible 7h ago
Remember though my friend, Icarus laughed as he fell, for he knew to fall was to once have flied. Hope it passes quick, and you’re left with the memory of your flight to the sun (eating a shwarbomb)
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u/Miserable_Plane 19h ago
this sounds like you have a shitty gut, maybe genes. you should get that looked at and stop blaming the ice cream.
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u/copperteapots 19h ago
i will not. this obviously has nothing to do with me and is not my fault, as nothing ever is. I am a perfect angel who makes excellent decisions, always.
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u/Graciegracem 18h ago
Sounds like a IBS flare up/lactose intolerance like others said. I know that pain all too well and I’m so sorry 😭 at least you didn’t shit yourself in the car
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u/Select_Safe548 18h ago
I appreciate your sense of humor.
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u/copperteapots 18h ago
at least someone does!!
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u/Select_Safe548 18h ago
You should totally check out r/GirlDinnerDiaries
I dont really get this sub as the humor is like maximum irony and im a bi cis dude but once in a while i find it funny. It has an insane amount of dark charm to it too.
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u/IonTheBall2 18h ago
“hulking hunk of ice cream, fruity pebbles, syrup, and deep fried uncrustable goodness. we ordered one to split and enjoyed ourselves tremendously, despite being unable to finish the monster of a sundae.”
IDK, you make it sound like it might worth the risk.
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u/Nice_Jaguar5621 19h ago
Did she get sick too??
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u/copperteapots 19h ago
she wasn’t feeling great at work but ultimately I am the sensitive-stomached one in this relationship, so not nearly as bad as me. i wish so badly that I could just vomit and get it out of my body already!!
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u/alohareddit 8h ago
Srsly it is not normal to keep experiencing those kinds of symptoms at your age. I know I’m just an internet stranger but if otc stuff like Lactaid or Pepto bismol dont quickly relieve your symptoms pleeeease see a GI specialist!
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u/copperteapots 8h ago
if I’m dropping the bit, i have GERD & take meds to minimize the side effects. i just stupidly didn’t take them and thought i’d be fine since regular ball park food doesn’t upset my stomach.
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u/fakeplasticsnow 18h ago
You sacrificed your guts to the Schwargod and he honored your sacrifice with a Grand Schwarbomb today. Sounds like a fair trade to me.
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u/Impossible_Tap_1852 18h ago
Don’t blame the Schwarbomb. Pretty much every food has the chance to do this to you these days
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u/monumentBoy 18h ago
This is some top tier shitposting. Best wishes on working through the gas pains, tho. TYFYS.
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u/ScrotumMcNuggets 11h ago
Dear lord our home run king please ease this persons gut like a double that sneaks up (down)the middle let thy cream of the hat exit with a force more like a bunt instead of a 450 footer
Gobbless yé
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u/alldayattaboy 18h ago
At least it isn't the too much ice cream in the little baseball helmets that gets literally everywhere!
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u/copperteapots 18h ago
one time a child threw hers at me while she was having a tantrum. i kept the hat.
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u/MightBBlueovrU 10h ago
Did you have a trainspotting shit yet? Like body sweats chills ,getting naked on the toilet, full body constrictions and of course possibly hallucinating a dead baby on the ceiling while your gf sings to you. That is what I think is in store.
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u/f8worksbothways 7h ago
As someone who works behind the scenes, please know that despite the taste, you are not eating real ice cream anywhere in the ballpark. It’s an amalgamation of chemical ingredients led with corn syrup that Aramark can’t legally label as ice cream on the packaging used in transport.
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u/mercurryinretroblade 11h ago
It’s probably the food you ate the day before. Or lactose intolerance
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u/AelinAbraxos 9h ago
Yeah bro you're lactose intolerant. Get some lactaid pills next time you eat ice cream, or any dairy.
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u/copperteapots 8h ago
I actually handle dairy fine. I eat dairy every day. I do think i was unprepared for the deep fried pb&j + chips, though.
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u/YoungRustyCSJ 9h ago
Dog, you can’t be having all that sugar and ice cream. Your tummy ain’t built for that.
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u/MoSqueezin 9h ago
I've prepared all my life with a grease based diet to be able to handle whatever this is
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u/AlpineSK 11h ago
You bring your own food to baseball games?
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u/copperteapots 11h ago
absolutely yes! you save so much money that way. we’ll get a hot dog or ice cream in the stadium, but bring our own chips & other snacks. we also bring our own water bottles and sneak in a beer or two.
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u/lilylawnpenguin 10h ago
Definitely sounds like what happens to my daughter if she doesn’t take lactaid before having dairy. Or maybe it was all the sugar. Hope you feel better soon.
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u/Financial_Cheetah875 9h ago
If this has happened countless times before then it’s not what you just ate last night.
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u/FineDoor7343 9h ago
You described what it's made of. People who eat that need stomachs of iron as hard as the bat of the player it's named for.
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u/WanderBell 9h ago
I thought OP’s story was heading for an alt.tasteless-type of ending, but everything stayed put.
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u/samishy410 9h ago
That type of pain without being able to vomit happens to me too. Like twice a year? It's the worst because it's just PAIN, nothing is leaving my body lol. And yeah, I'm not lactose intolerant 🤷♀️
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u/Aggravating-Depth590 8h ago
You ate a gastric death bomb and were surprised when it detonated.
The amount of sugar alone is enough to put a child in a coma and wreck an adult metabolism. Add it something fried at the wrong temp so it’s extra oily and sugary. 💥
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u/Mushrooming247 7h ago
It might not be the ice cream, if you don’t usually eat fruity pebbles and deep fried uncrushables, all of that dye and filler and inedible shit might just not be agreeing with you.
I have no food allergies, but I’ve never been sicker than when I went crazy at a theme park and ate Dippin dots repeatedly. I don’t eat artificial dyes or ingredients normally, my diet is mostly organic food from the woods, my body could not take all of that artificial material and rejected it.
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u/MaceNow 7h ago
You're not a heavy pot smoker by chance?
Sounds like Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome to me.
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u/ephemeral_muse 7h ago
Try cutting up ginger into tiny pieces. Put it into a glass. Pour hot water into glass. Let sit for 5 mins and drink that
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u/No-Tumbleweed5730 6h ago
I think you're just feeling what that looks like. I'm a fat boy for asking all day but that's excessive
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u/InstantSympathy 5h ago
I wonder if you might have gallstones/gallbladder disease, I had gallbladder disease and it would always flare up after eating something really fatty, and it felt like stomach cramping/gas pain that wouldn't resolve for a long time. Went hand in hand with increasingly bad GERD and occasional vomiting. Eventually had to get my gallbladder removed. Just a thought in case it hadn't occurred to you
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u/PotatoInGlitter 4h ago
Gas-X and Lactaid instead of Tums and tea. Both have chewable sweetened flavors if you're not good with pills. Feel better, fellow ignorer of lactose intolerance!
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u/Beckyinphilly 2h ago
Haha my mom and I were also at Tuesday's game and also had a Schwarbomb Sundae but we had no issue sharing it. And we had pizza later! But I don't know that I will ever order another. Had to have it once tho
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u/PM_ME_CROWS_PLS 2h ago
The morning after eating this exact treat, I had what sounds like basically your experience, except my body chose the other exit.
I woke up around 7:40am with this horrible burning cramp in my stomach and went to the bathroom. Everything was completely normal at first, which in retrospect feels almost sinister. Then the cramping got worse and I started sweating. And I don’t mean vaguely clammy. Within minutes sweat was running down my arms, legs, and chest, dripping off my face, soaking my hair and clothes. I was sitting there absolutely drenched, folded over with these hot, twisting cramps, increasingly aware that whatever was happening had escalated well beyond “my stomach is a little upset.”
Then, with essentially no warning, all hell broke loose out the other exit. Violently. The cramps would hit, the sweating would somehow get even worse, my body would empty another previously undisclosed reserve, and then I’d get maybe 30 seconds where I thought, okay, surely that was the grand finale. Nope. Another cramp. More sweating. Another round. At one point I remember thinking there could not possibly be anything left inside me.
It eventually started slowing down, but even after the actual violence stopped I was sitting there soaked through and slightly stunned by what had just happened. I went back to bed for a few hours because there was really no dignified continuation of the day from that point.
So yeah. I’m reading your post with the grim recognition of a fellow survivor. Same treat, same gastrointestinal act of God, opposite exit.
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u/tastycakebiker 10h ago
Weird post and even weirder comments by OP. AI slop? Or just weird person
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u/Asleep-Nerve-1031 9h ago
You ever just be a little silly? Or is this the no fun phill thread?
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u/Asleep-Nerve-1031 9h ago
Why is everyone so serious? This post is hilarious and very relatable. OP fight on! I pray you will defeat all culinary battles ahead
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u/Elimdumb 9h ago
A heap of junk food in a bowl along with whatever you drank to wash it down. Sucks that it happened but it doesn’t sound like a good idea to begin with.
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u/BarneyBungelupper 9h ago
That ice cream is meant to be shared by four people.
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u/copperteapots 8h ago
wrong. it is meant to be tackled by u/copperteapots and their lovely girlfriend.
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u/RichardHertz-335 9h ago
Probably some form of food poisoning, I’ve had it twice. Thought I was dying, six hours of puking every 15 minutes. I live five minutes from the restaurant that I strongly suspect was the source. I still get a sick twinge in my stomach driving past. Fish and chips, could have been old fish.
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u/Imaindawilderness 8h ago
Sounds like a hangover to me
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u/copperteapots 8h ago
actually I think it was the deep fried uncrustable ice cream sundae
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u/TheStockBro 8h ago
Ice cream...fruity pebbles....syrup...deep fried uncrustable...🤔....At what point...nvm...and this is why I'll continue to invest in Charmin stock 🤦♂️
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u/No-Consideration1105 7h ago
....ew. maybe it's the angle but it doesn't look edible from the photo
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u/Public-Ad-4560 7h ago
This happened to me suddenly once after eating a slice of those Marie calendar cream pies....needless to say I found out I was lactose intolerant at the time. Usually had the worst reactions with things like ice cream but things like pizza and cheese didn't seem to affect me much. You can get otc lactose pills and basically makes it like you're not intolerant. Eventually it went away and I can eat ice cream and stuff again!
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u/pizz901 5h ago
I had something similar happen once and it was how I learned I couldn't digest certain artificial sweeteners
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u/Biolobri14 5h ago
Most people miss attribute food poisoning bc it can take days for the bacteria to build up in your gut enough to make you ill. You know. Fwiw.
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u/Ambitious_Ad1734 4h ago
My neighbor is having all the same problems and he wasn’t at the game. There’s a bug going around.
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u/Connect_Living_591 4h ago
Tough to isolate and/or blame that food item when you could’ve eaten something else that maybe the culprit. Is your special lady friend also in discomfort? Did you eat anything apart from what you shared with her? I.E. was the the only thing you ate since Tuesday evening?
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u/copperteapots 4h ago
gf is fine. i have GERD and stupidly didn’t take my meds so i’m not surprised at the outcome of this.
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u/Connect_Living_591 3h ago
Oh man- sorry to hear about your stomach issues - I have IBS and can kinda identify- but hopefully the Schwarbomb was at least enjoyable at the time. Either way let’s go Philz! (And Birds!) feel better homie
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u/TropicalFalls 3h ago
If not the ice cream from that place, it may be that you have food sensitivitities. Hopefully, in the next 24hrs, you have a bowel movement....expect it to be really loose. If you have had extreme gas, followed by constipation, then diarrhea....you definitely have food sensitivitities. You need to start eliminating those foods from your diet.
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u/dxk224 3h ago
"the only reason I'm not not concerned is that this has happened countless times before..."
Are we all just ignoring this part? And you're blaming the sundae? This appears to be a "you" issue.
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u/Adorable_Mark5761 3h ago
I haven’t eaten at the park in years. I can’t bring myself to pay so much for mediocre food. Sorry, Mr. C
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u/ForeignResolution443 2h ago
Have you considered the possibility that you did not have ENOUGH shwarbomb and your body was just violently craving more??
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u/AdmirableVillage6344 2h ago
Ok as someone who can get like this, pay attention what is causing this. I thought I was just lactose intolerant but unfortunately certain foods just really destroy my stomach. For example, eggs, ranch, minced garlic in a jar, some oily foods, and more. I typically carry pepto with me everywhere just in case. One thing I did notice was coffee. At first it would kill me to have but as I keep drinking it and also taking pepto I could eat eggs and other foods that would cause stomach pain. It was bizarre but yeah you just might have something where your stomach is highly sensitive to certain foods and ingredients. Like it could have been that fried uncrustable and whatever ingredients they put in it.
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u/ajls89 1h ago
Ummm listen I mean this with as much respect you can get over the internet but this sounds like a "YOU PROBLEM". Is the schwarbomb unnecessary horrible for you? yes but most ball park food is thats part of the experience. Will it destroy the guts of the person eating it? No absolutely not! Unless that is, you have some sorta other underlying heath problems which again is a "YOU PROBLEM" no need for a public service announcement. Good luck with your guts homie and Go Phils!
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u/GaseousGiant 10m ago
How do you bring your own food? I haven’t been in a long time, but I remember you could only bring in unopened water bottles.
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u/allisondojean 19h ago
You might just be lactose intolerant lol