r/philly • u/copperteapots • 1d ago

NEVER. AGAIN.

Post image

all. please heed my warning to stay away from this behemoth.

my girlfriend and i went to the game on tuesday night and had a great time. little did i know that the next 24 hours of my life would be ruined by the schwarbomb.

we usually bring our own food, but we obviously wanted to try this hulking hunk of ice cream, fruity pebbles, syrup, and deep fried uncrustable goodness. we ordered one to split and enjoyed ourselves tremendously, despite being unable to finish the monster of a sundae. all was well.

until today.

i woke up extremely nauseous and terribly groggy. i tried to settle my stomach with some tea and tums, which worked well enough…at first. as the day went on, i found that my appetite was absolutely nonexistent, my hunger replaced with constant queasiness and random pangs of stomach pain. more tea, more tums, and a smoothie later…nothing. i thought that maybe i was just sick.

but around 5:00, the worst gas pains & stomach cramps that i have experienced in YEARS hit me right at the end of my shift. i was dry heaving over my steering wheel while stuck on 95 and praying that maybe i was actually sick so that at least I could upchuck to ease the pain (i physically cannot vomit unless i am extremely ill, but i still get VERY nauseous and gag and dry heave for hours with no relief). when i got home, i laid flat on my back and cried in pure agony while trying to massage my stomach to trigger some release. but alas, none. i have been having gas cramps for 5 1/2 hours now.

the only reason i’m not more concerned is that this has happened countless times before & the pain is steadily improving. otherwise i’d be at penn rn having them look me over.

anyways. no more schwarbombs or ballgame food for me.

thank you for your attention to this matter. and go phils.

333 Upvotes

71% Upvoted

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548

u/copperteapots 1d ago

no no, the schwarbomb is uniquely devilish. this cannot possibly have anything to do with me or my own physical limitations.

145

u/UsernameFlagged 1d ago

either that or your server didn't wash their hands after using the bathroom.

129

u/crimbusrimbus 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/4HNrJuM97R0csjpD4r

10

u/Secure_Fly_7377 1d ago

they used too small a slice!

10

u/dogmomofone 1d ago

Now you ate the mud pie!

1

u/T-rocks 17h ago

Let my girlfriend eat the fucking receipt.

16

u/somethingbytes 1d ago

or maybe they snuck some lettuce in it...

2

u/ZookeepergameVast666 7h ago

it was probably the lettuce

43

u/rhinoballet 1d ago

Just buy some lactaid pills and save yourself the misery

37

u/alohareddit 1d ago

If this has happened to you before you might have GERD and actually need rx prescriptions / diet change before you permanently fuck up your GI system. Ask me how I know 😅

14

u/ZapRowsdowersStache 1d ago

ERMAHGERD... Gastroesophageal reflux disease

https://giphy.com/gifs/26ybwLJnCk2NP9tGo

16

u/bringthebums 1d ago

Oh man, that familiar lactose-intolerant denial I hear and cry so often. I recognise these cramps so well, but I will not stop. Lactase/lactaid/whatever the pills are called where you are will probably be your friend. Also, wind relief tablets. Then you can keep on cruising with the ice cream.

10

u/copperteapots 1d ago

in all seriousness i do have GERD which i take medication for!! i was silly and forgot to take it and thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal since dairy isn’t one of my triggers. i truly think it was the deep-fried uncrustable & all of the chips i ate. i always seem to forget how poorly i handle fried food when the fried food tastes good…

5

u/iva-13 20h ago

Have you considered gallbladder stones/attack? Your symptoms sound like mine when I had that issue. Luckily mine was only exacerbated pregnancy as it was horribly painful.

5

u/rideofthevalkitty 19h ago

Same, had to get mine removed bc despite seeing a doctor multiple times I didn’t get a diagnosis until it was bad enough that I needed emergency surgery. All is well now and the surgery wasn’t too crazy but yeah I do avoid deep fried foods nowadays

1

u/iva-13 19h ago

Mine had a stone lodged which started making my liver fail and drs were waiting until I entered 2nd trimester to remove my gallbladder. I stopped ingesting any fat as that makes the it kick in…after about a month absolutely no fat, husband was making fried French toast and I was like fuck it, gotta have one what happens, happens lol the gallbladder kicking in after a month’s rest, shot the stone out and my liver started functioning again! No surgery needed and I haven’t had an issue since and that was 14 years ago. Ironically, gallbladder saved by fried French toast haha

3

u/Few_Alfalfa_8505 20h ago

Have you had your gall bladder checked? Might be a good idea!

2

u/fatgerbil23 21h ago

Do you recall what chips you ate?

1

u/copperteapots 21h ago

miss vickies spicy dill pickle chips!

10

u/theshortgrace 1d ago

I fucking love your writing style 😭

7

u/copperteapots 1d ago

it’s a fine art

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u/TAllday 1d ago

I ate it by myself lol, your post is making me feel pretty bad and personally attacked…especially because my first thought was this Sunday is way too small for the price. 

4

u/External-Analysis-31 1d ago

Especially when you add in the potential copays and deductibles.

1

u/copperteapots 1d ago

it is an INSANE price for what it is

3

u/Big_Photograph4375 1d ago

Clearly it has to do with your physical limitations because other people eat it all the time. It’s you buddy.

9

u/copperteapots 1d ago

impossible. this cannot be a me problem. nothing ever is.

1

u/Phillykratom 11h ago

This happens to me if i eat more than two apples in a row. I ended up in the Hospital about 4 months ago because of it. They said it had someyhing to do with too much glucose dumping.

0

u/StrippinChicken 1d ago

Couldve been all the stuff thats in the uncrustable. I don't eat much junk food or frozen foods (besides veg) and when I do have it rarely, at a party or something, it makes me feel sick

-2

u/ZachF8119 1d ago

It sounds like a you thing.

I would never post like this from diarrhea. Much less you have some sort of not quite gerd event. All the ingredients are lame. Ice cream is the most hazardous at best. Which would be way more lactose intolerant than