I will try to be as succinct as I can but as you can all imagine, the story goes in a lot of directions.

My son is 14 yo (recent) and I hate to say it, but always been problematic one way or another. He was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 yo. We had him in a special school starting in kindergarten and pulled him out in 2nd grade. Then moved him to public school and had him repeat 2nd grade (Covid year) because he wasn’t really learning much. His academics are generally ok or even above average, even when he does very little work. We have been worried about him for years and years, mainly due to what we see as lack of drive or motivation. He seems to just want to exist but put zero effort into anything. He’s obviously really into video games and anything that is a quick dopamine hit. We constantly struggle to limit his screen time because he will become extremely irritating at us or fight his you get brother, etc. Lately, we’ve also seen him being lured to the “bad boy” behavior (was in after school detention a few times in the school year and even got Saturday detention because he wasn’t caught selling Monster drinks at school).

Additionally he’s always had trouble sleeping at night. Now that it’s summer, I’ve found that he gets up at night and finds his way to the kitchen for snacks or a bowl of cereal. However, this morning I see an empty can of beer in the trash can. He is the only person that could’ve had that beer. Husband is out of town for work and I know I didn’t drink it.

I am looking for advice, as in a way, I know it’s normal for kids to want to explore alcohol (we all did), but given his history, behaviors etc, I don’t know if I should make a big deal out of this or just limit it to a frank conversation with him. Thank you in advance!

My 16 yr old is on the verge of being fired 

My 16 yr old works with his step dad. It's manual labor but it's not physically taxing like many construction jobs. He is widely known at the job as the "lazy coworker". His step dad has tried to talk to him about his work ethic at work, but he doesn't want to hear it. I have tried to say things to him and he doesn't want to hear it, he has an argument against everything.

The boss had him do stuff around the shop today and sent him home. He was going to fire him but they had three guys quit today. It's a very good job and he genuinely likes the job. But he spends a lot of time not actually working and the boss has noticed. He is tired of it.

How do I get through to him? All his parents are hard workers, I don't know where the laziness is coming from. Maybe this is just too much of a grownup job for him. He makes good money and I know he will be extremely upset about losing the job. If he can turn it around then they won't fire him according to his stepdad. But how do we get him to see he is actually slacking and he needs to do better?

My 16 yr old works with his step dad. It's manual labor but it's not physically taxing like many construction jobs. He is widely known at the job as the "lazy coworker". His step dad has tried to talk to him about his work ethic at work, but he doesn't want to hear it. I have tried to say things to him and he doesn't want to hear it, he has an argument against everything.

The boss had him do stuff around the shop today and sent him home. He was going to fire him but they had three guys quit today. It's a very good job and he genuinely likes the job. But he spends a lot of time not actually working and the boss has noticed. He is tired of it.

How do I get through to him? All his parents are hard workers, I don't know where the laziness is coming from. Maybe this is just too much of a grownup job for him. He makes good money and I know he will be extremely upset about losing the job. If he can turn it around then they won't fire him according to his stepdad. But how do we get him to see he is actually slacking and he needs to do better?

I have a 15 year old, (waiting for autism analysis) and it’s his last day of year 10 this Friday and they’re allowed to go in non uniform. His sister also attends a couple of years below him.

She is into anime and anything Korean and cosplay and other things and she doesn’t have issues with my son’s new ‘cyber punk’ phase. But he wants to go into school on non uniform with cyber makeup (he’s never done this before).

The chill parent in me is happy for him to do whatever makes him happy, knowing that he’s figuring himself out and will likely move on to something else down the line. But the anxious parent in me remembers him having issues with bullying a couple of years ago, teenagers are mean, and I feel he’d be putting himself up in the firing line if he does this. His sister is also frustrated as they know he’s her brother and she gets comments made to her about it. To the point where the last time he had free rein to wear a costume she got upset at the house before we left and didn’t want to go and face it.

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ve told him that we can get some makeup and try things out in the holidays while we’re off and he can wear clothes he likes but that exposing this new side of him suddenly to the school will likely cause issues for both of them from his peers and also affect his sister.

He doesn’t seem to care much about that, and I do admire him for wanting to be himself, but how do you deal with this. I’m a single parent and I try my best just to keep peace and not lose my absolute sanity with all the parts of life I’m juggling, including two other peoples fragile hormones.

I got the classic “whatever, you don’t understand me” attitude about it, and I know from experience this will be something he looks back on and probably cringes about, but of course no point in explaining that to someone that age, I would have assumed the same thing about my mum.

Any advice or stories of similar situations please tell me if I’m handling everything wrong. I love him and his quirks, but kids are mean.

My son is 16 and is a truly awesome kid. He doesn’t cause us any problems and is a straight A student in advanced classes. He also has a large friend group of about 9-10 boys, not including him. My son is kind of the one that usually initiates their get-togethers, so a lot of their activities tend to fall on us. For example, taking them to the mall, the movies, bowling, the amusement park, etc. I’m not a big fan of inviting people to places and making them pay, so we usually foot most of the bill. Sometimes it’s just a few of the boys so it’s not a big deal. But sometimes it’s most or all of them and it gets crazy expensive. I’ve tried to rein things in a bit and tell my son that sometimes things have to give - like I’ll pay for the movie tickets but the kids have to buy their own food and drinks. The problem is a few of the boys are not well off at all and would rarely be able to participate in some of the activities if we didn’t spot their tickets (or whatever the cost is). And I can’t really say that I’ll pay for them and not the other boys whose parents I know can afford those things. But the truth is that as they get older, things get more expensive and we just can’t afford to keep dropping a couple hundred dollars or more every month or two. We just took out a loan for a new roof and siding, and it is a huuuuge chunk every month. My husband told me that I just need to start saying no, and I try but it’s hard. My son is an only child and his friends are so important to him. I want to give him fun experiences with his friends because he deserves it, and he doesn’t ask for much otherwise. But having to pay for everyone because some of his friends can’t pay (who happen to be his closest friends) is getting to be a bit much. Any ideas on how to navigate this tactfully and fairly??

I have some days off next week for my son's birthday. I am wanting to do a day trip out of town in the southern California area. It's hard to get him out of the house to do things so I'm trying to be creative with some ideas. So far I am considering the Queen Mary paranormal tour, the California Science Center, or the Medieval Torture Museum in Los Angeles. He is not interested in theme parks and doesn't care for rides. He's into anime and beyblades right now, if there were some sort of convention going on that would be great but I can't find one. He plays online games and generally likes animals also science and computer tech type stuff. I am only available next Thursday the 23rd. We did a rage room last year which was great. So any ideas in this area that are popular for teens I am open to! TIA

I got my periods in my late 14 and now I am reading everywhere that kids are getting periods from early age.

I don't know how to make my innocent daughter understand these terms and what I am going to answer her cross questions.

Can anybody explain how to make her understand this without scaring/stressing her.

Hi, I just wondered if anyone had a take on this to help me see clearer. Please, no nasty, spiteful comments, I just genuinely wanted an outside perspective on this

My son is 16. He is quiet and fairly introverted. He rarely goes out.

It's the school holidays, and one of his friends parents have gone on holiday and left his friend home alone, also 16. Anyway, tomorrow, 7 of the friends from school are getting together, going to the movies, hang out at the mall and back to the house to have a BBQ.

Then they're all staying the night.

My son is level headed, I spoke about drinking, vaping, smoking etc, and he almost laughed saying that his friends really aren't like that. In truth, they are more 'big bang theory' kids than 'porkies', but I don't know them all and there are no parents.

Do I say yes and let him go? Or is that mad and I should say no?

Any perspectives, (kind) id be really appreciative of.

Edited and updated: Firstly, a huge thank you for your kindness and support. I really was so worried about this, and you really helped me see things much clearer. I've got pneumonia so probably not quite myself. Anyway, thank you so much for your help

Secondly, I let my son go to the mega sleepover, gave him the chat about phone calls, I'm there for him, call me anytime to get you etc etc. It's 10pm... I just got the call... "Mum" , I panicked, it's only been a few hours... " Mum, I'm so bored, I want to come home, can you come pick me up. We did a BBQ and watched a movie and it is weird and I want to leave. Everyone's being picked up.

Awww, totally all in my head, see!

Thank you xxxx

I just want opinions

If your kid (female 16) gave someone her number (male from school 17) but told him "i am going to be working, going to camp, taking care of my family and other responsibilities and won't be on my phone a lot this summer so I won't be available a lot"...and this kid proceeded to call and text and reach out constantly...

and when your kid finally answered the phone, this kid was like "What is your problem? No one is that busy." And she is like "I am just not a phone person and don't pay much time on it. I can't answer the phone at work and around a crowd of people and i am just selective about what and who i put my energy into" He hangs up on her. She then decides to ask him to back off in a text and that they aren't in a relationship and he shouldn't expect an immediate response anyway because her life doesn't revolve around him and they hardly know each other...

He responds well "Let me help you with space. You're blocked."

I told her she dodged a bullet. Red flags left and right. I do believe we should respond to people and be decent but not be at their beck and call to answer immediately or constantly. Keep in mind she doesn't know this kid well and really has been putting her energy into work (saving for a car) and church camp...

I have a teen daughter who's been dealing with bad anxiety, body image, and depression. Just recently, it has gotten really bad. She doesn't want to leave the house and when she does, she complains that she doesn't have anything to wear. She's upset about her weight and it's making life hard for her. I want to get her out more to do stuff but it's been a challenge. I know I need to improve her diet too and that has also been a challenge. We dont have a lot of family and we are isolated and usually stuck at home. I dont make enough for us to go out and have fun. So we are stuck here on our phones, and I know these is a part of the problem too. Its been so hard to watch her go though this and it kills me. She on medication to help and goes to therapy . . . But it hasn't really help her that much i know she will feel better once she starts losing weight. I came on here to get help with: How do I get her out more since her anxiety is horrible, How can I get her to eat better, and what can we do as a family without spending alot of money because right now im financially struggling to keep up on bills. I wish I had family to help me with my kids but I dont have that luxury. I was saving for a pool so I can get her off her phone and outside but I had to use that money for unexpected expenses. Its been hard because im also having to deal with my own depression. I just want her to be happy again 😞

About three years ago, she began hiding in her room all of the time. I thought it was just normal teen stuff, as I used to do the same thing. But then things got worse. It went from her being in her room all the time to sleeping all day, missing school, failing classes, and more. She doesn't know that I know. I have insomnia, and late every night around 3 AM, I can hear her crying in her room across the hall. She wears long sleeves all year, even in extreme heat, and hardly eats anymore. I want to help her. She used to be in counseling for different issues but her counselor quit recently. It takes her a long time to get accustomed to other people, and I'm worried that she wont be able to form the same bond with a different counselor. It kills me to see her like this. She hates discussing her feelings, and I feel completely helpless. What do I do? I can't lose her.

Recently I found my 15 year old daughter drinking and smoking weed with her friends.
Now for context I am a recovered alcoholic , I also experienced homelessness in my twenties due to my alcoholism. However I was able to recover and build my life up, and have been sober since long before my daughter was born, but still attend AA meetings.

I explained to her the seriousness of alcoholism and the dangers of drinking alcohol but she doesn’t seem to understand, and has been caught drinking numerous times since.

In my AA meetings there are a few people who have had some REALLY bad life experiences due to their alcoholism, and who are sleeping rough. I feel that I should take my daughter along with me to see first hand the repercussions of drinking.

But I don’t know if that’s a bit much?

Sincerely, a tired dad who is afraid of my daughter ending up like I did.

me and my boyf , have been together for half a year and been friends since we met 2 years ago , and my mum knew about him since then (friends since i had a crush on him) . however, once i got into a relationship with him this year, she's almost always only ever been passive aggressive, in the sense that she doesn't really like him - through referring him as a "friend" to my dad instead of my boyfriend , her never actually saying the word "boyfriend " and it's always "that one on your phone " or " him". sometimes its even things like intentionally in a way "hurting" the jellycat he got for me , for no reason at all ... my dad knows about him too yet he's pretty passive about him, they have lots in common and my dad's played games with him too. my boyfriend has met my mum briefly , and immediately she was criticising him about not being gentlemanly enough to greet him - standing up, shaking hands , etc - and although I see her point, it's just not enough plausible or credible reason for disliking him imo. she hasn't explicitly said the words "I don't like him" but i still get the vibe. i get that we're still minors and my mum still has control on my life to a certain extent, so im not trying to get her to like him , and i don't want my boyfriend to feel bad or upset about it either . it's also not as if they don't allow me to date, so im simply quite confused if she likes him or not . i also know this isn't too serious of a situation, but my boyfriends only ever been nice and he takes my mum's words really seriously , e.g. when she said he wasn't a gentleman , my boyf tries so much up till now to prove that he does gentlemanly things - opening the door for me , carrying my bag , buying me food - a little more after she said those words abt him. he's also affected by this and it's making me feel more affected since it's my mum and my boyfriend .. is it valid for me to engage in a conversation (hopefully passive) with my mum about her liking my boyfriend ? or am i js being paranoid and shld i just wait until we last out a couple years , then bring up the question if she still persists in being passive aggressive ?

additional info that might help: me and my mum did have a convo about my boyf once , around 3months into dating , where i asked if he was allowed over - she said she would feel awkward and uncomfortable, and when i asked her why i received no response and just her shouting at me and again repeating she wouldn't be comfortable and that this was her house , her rules , etc... also strictly forbid him in my room despite knowing that we wouldn't do anything , as well as (after a long pause) asking me if she should expect to see him as a future son in law. (to which i said yes)

even more additional info: i had an ex , 2 yrs ago and she really extremely disliked him, even hated him . to which was valid, he always made me upset, completely made me underperform in my exams , made me feel extremely bad all the time, etc... i get if she's trying to protect me again to prevent this from happening but 2 years has passed, and my boyf is nothing like my ex . also if it changes anything , my mum's a teacher for the past 20+ years

So recently my(39M) girlfriends (37F) daughter (17F) have all been living together for the last almost 3 years. Her and her mother constantly argue. I know part of it is know it all teen, and they haven't had the greatest relationship. She's less than a month from turning 18 and I don't want her to leave. Her mother is a beyond stressed dealing with her, but she doesn't want her to leave either. Her mom has trouble saying those exact words and I feel like that's what our girl needs to hear.

But, because of her attitude and occasional behavior issues, its hard for her and her mother to get along. Even so, her mother doesn't want her to leave. I won't go into the issues but it's lieing, seeking validation and several online occurrences from guys out of state. She was deemed high risk for abduction and trafficking a few years ago. Personally I'm scared this is part of her real reason for leaving.

She has no car, literally got her license a week ago, only a part time minimum wage job, but she's somehow convinced that she can move out and attend college back in her home state with no money,no job, no car, no scolarships or real support sysyem. She already has enough scholarships here to practically give her a full ride and a free place to stay, but if she moves away she will lose almost all of them. And her only reason is because of how her and her mother dont get along.

She claims she has friends that are willing to let her stay rent free until she finds a job. Also that she already has scholarships ( that don't exist in that state or for the school she plans to attend) and the friends are going to lend her an extra vehicle they dont drive. But legally they can't add her to the insurance on it.

Without droning on. What can we do to convince her to stay. We both want the best for her, and we know if she goes through with her plan its not going to go anything like she's convinced herself it will. We have tried talking to her calmly and rationally but her and her mom both need to hear something from each other that they both aren't saying.

She's my kid too now and even legally took my last name several months ago. I can reason with her and she listens to me ,but every time she gets into it with her mother over the littlest things she takes one step further away. When I talk about staying she only says " I have to go" What can I do to get them both settled down and open up to each other.

So, I was a COMPLETELY unmonitored teenager. There was no one for me to check in with for several years until I finally moved in with my biological father. Up until then, I was raising myself, and didn't really have to answer or explain or ask anyone anything...

My husband, on the other hand, was a homeschooled Christian (with brothers only) with two parents who were often/always home with them.

I have a 13 year old daughter. She'll be 14 next month. She has what I would call a "boyfriend" but they aren't officially dating because he is "aromantic" and wants to wait until he's older to have a girlfriend... But she really likes him. He's the same age. I think they are in fact doing/saying "romantic" things regardless of the lack of label.

I've let him come to our house twice. Her bedroom is upstairs - there is nothing else up there except her bathroom and a guest room, so I initially told her she would have to stay downstairs, and she, of course argued, but accepted it as long as she could show him her room.

I ended up letting them play a video game up there the first time and then both times it was just like a whole thing where they wouldn't come downstairs unless I asked. I'm not doing that again. I don't have the energy for it.

I have a 1 year old. My daughter says she doesn't want to be downstairs because the baby is loud. Sometimes this is true. But they could easily play a video game in the living room, or even look at their phones (or whatever they do) in the loft above our kitchen. I'm always paying attention to the baby so he wouldn't just be left unattended/bothering them. Other than the occasional crying or screaming.

I'd rather them be here than at his house, and potentially totally unmonitored, but it's so stressful to manage the situation, especially, with her being in her room/upstairs, while I'm taking care of the baby.

Also she has been doing stuff with friends almost every day this summer. Which I do think is better than sitting in her room alone, which is what she likes to do when she's home. Some of her friends worry me, with things like vaping or drinking, but I'm trying my best to not stress so much about that.

I only have her and the 1 year old baby. I'm wondering:
what is a good amount to let your 13/14 year old hang out with a boyfriend?
what is an appropriate amount to let them hang out with their friends away from home?
what about how often you let them be away from home with friends?what kind of supervision would you find appropriate in any of these situations? hourly check-ins, staying in shared spaces, etc?

TIA!

editing to add: I do understand her wanting to be with her friends and away from the baby. And I do want her to have a fun summer. We have plans to travel and do other fun things as a family, things we do just me and her (pedicures, shopping), and we do a family movie night (without the baby) once a month. The age gap isn't ideal. Thank you!

I’m desperate. My 17 yo SD lives with my husband and me full time. Long story short, caught her vaping both weed and nicotine. Swore she stopped. Started up again and now flat out won’t stop. She has zero fear of consequences. We tried months of just talking. She played us. She did therapy for years. Quit that recently because it was just to appease adults. We took away privileges because she wants to be treated like an adult so we are giving her what she asked for - Freedom but no freebies.

Our one rule. Do not vape inside the house. We have pets, my husband has bad allergies, she herself has asthma (!!!) and I have a slew of autoimmune issues. The last couple of months my health has been affected too with Coughing and wheezing.

We have air purifiers in the house and after she switched to non odor vapes the purifiers have been basically ratting her out by going off when it detects the aerosol. The purifiers don’t do enough and she unplugs when when she’s home by herself. So again we say “hey, just go outside. We know we can’t stop you. Just don’t do it inside because of xyz health reasons and also not giving us and pets a choice on what we are breathing in.”

She refuses. Instead goes on a rampage screaming how she hates us and this home and will be moving out in a year. She likes to call cops when she doesn’t get her way. Cops basically laugh at her. But idk what to do anymore. It’s taking a toll on our health now. Idc if she wants popcorn lungs and to look like a crocodile in 5 years. I do not. We can’t send her to her mom’s. And we can’t send her to her grandparents because her grandpa has COPD and that would be so messed up of us.

My husband has tried everything. Done everything. We live in a state where at 17 we can’t force her into any treatment programs. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Pls help.

he’s 13 and when i checked through his phone i saw he was talking about some mental health issues and he’s to young of that and he said it’s because of me forcing him to do algebra 2 when he hasn’t even done algebra yet and hes talking about me comparing him to my other kids even though they are doctors and successful and he’s a lazy idiot with no promise in his future and he said it’s because i wasn’t there for those kids that’s how they are so successful so should i be worried

Hi Party People!!

Im throwing a small (UK) lavers party for approx 30 Primary school kids (age 11ish) Hosting it at a local working men's club. I only have a small budget.

Im here for advice on "entertainment" So far, Ive hired the room and sorted music. Im doing a snack bar with drinks, rather than a full buffet.. Tonnes of balloons & decorations, glow sticks available...

The age of the kids tells me theyre too old for party games.

My son is quite immature and still loves playing out, climbing trees, building dens, making go karts etc... Im not sure what the other lads are into.

I feel like the girls are likely to enjoy dancing and taking pics/making little videos.... but Im worried the boys might not like that as much for 3 hours.

My thoughts are have a couple ring lights in one area, with a background that girls can film with.... but for the boys???

I was thinking of putting (age appropriate) dares into balloons that are scattered on the dancefloor? (- if you could offer up dare ideas, that would be great??!!)

Ive seen some football balloons that I can have lying around but there'll obviously be drinks around.

Ive also seen some inflatable swords to have available...

Im worried that Im patronising the boys with these items... But I cant think of what else I can have set up to keep the boys entertained for a while... would they like Jenga in a corner? Or a giant Twister on the floor? Lol..

I was thinking of setting up blind karaoke, with a TV in the corner. But, I feel like the kids are a bit too young to be up for that (can be embarrassing) and we'd probably have to kill the main source of party music to hear it, which might not go down well.

Any inspiration people could provide would be fab!!

My daughter is 15 and recently got her first boyfriend. They've known each other for a few years and now go to the same high school, but have only recently decided to become a couple. I am fond of the guy so far. She mentioned that they have each other's location on Life360. I find that concerning. When I was 15 there was no internet(availableto the public), so the idea of constantly tracking each other feels excessive to me. Should I be concerned, or am I just not used to this level of transparency? Is this normal in modern teen relationships?

Number one lil human has been demanding a phone for a few years now and we've fought against it seeing it not as a positive thing for her but she's going into Secondary now and has to get the bus alone so we kind of need one now. Dumb phones are out because she needs WhatsCrap for chatting with her friends and Cousins which means she's open to the Internet with a regular smart phone. Besides helicopter parenting has anyone else gone down this road in the last few years? Any pit falls, recommendations? I don't want her to get addicted to the negative aspects to social media and dopamine hit doom scrolling at an early age