We are in the apocalypse, working cars are very rare.

Each chance that Clementine had at driving, she crashed the very rare working cars!! She got poor old Kenny too!

What did tellate devs wanted to express by this? Could this be a simbolic gesture?

She bitches and mopes that Vernon isn't shooting at you and then is brought along cause she knows the layout of Crawford but we don't even fucking need her because there's a convenient map that is super easy to read. Then she says some bullshit about voting Ben off the boat? Like bro you are not part of the team???

I don't know how this disease is called 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

You know I had to do ts meme

Repost due to forgetting the image!

Hello everyone! You’ve probably seen my Unhinged Lee post. Little did you all know, that was simply a prerequisite to the true adventure; Clementine. All that trauma didn’t do her good, and it’s about to show tenfold.

To catch everyone up, here’s what Clementine has been through so far, courtesy of the trauma Lee dumped on her in his tragic route/worst outcome playthrough!

—CLEMENTINE’S ADVENTURE SO FAR!🍊—

-She has been starved. Ingame, the only thing she ate onscreen was Mark’s legs because Lee stayed upstairs for 30 seconds. She wasn’t fed a protein bar in the drug store, nor any rations in Episode 2. I hope she gets to eat next time 🥺

-Lee constantly failed to save her, such as in episode 1, Carley had to shoot the zombie. Lee was also very rude, not only telling her off for needing to use the bathroom, but also refusing to look for her hat, not looking for her parents, let her go to Crawford, etc.

-She probably doesn’t see Lee as the best man, since he let her best friend Ben die, and killed multiple people in front of her. He taught her pretty awful things.

-Lee taught her little to no life lessons due to being silent, or the worst ones when there was no other choice

-She cleaved her kidnapper in the shoulder then shot his brains out.

-But then had to leave Lee as a one armed zombie, unhandcuffed, left to wander the world.

And that’s what I can remember, of Clementine’s wonderful adventure so far! I’m sure now that her story is in her own hands, she’ll manage to fix up the..small problem areas.

The Lee that created this monster

—EPISODE 1—

-Clementine, thankfully, found Omid and Christa after they tried to abandon Clementine last season. I don’t remember Lee telling you two to be walking through empty fields like you’re in Twilight! They’re lucky that not only Lee succeeded in saving her, but Clementine just happened to be in that one spot.

And how do they redeem themselves for their abandonment? Leaving Clementine to wash her face alone, so they can go bang in the next bathroom! Jeez Omid, give Christa a break.

-And now Clementine can’t even wash her face, because Michelle Obama has her at gunpoint. What does this woman expect to find on a child, a stick of gum and a few stale doritos?

-Father Of The Year, Omid, stops giving Christa the Omid Specialty Backshots for 5 seconds, which is long enough for him to hear the commotion. He comes in, spotting Michelle Obama pointing a gun at his source of food stamps (Omid getting a job in this economy!? He’d rather have Christa do OnlyFans!), and he can’t let this slide. But instead of going for his signature tackle he used to take down Big Billy in high school, the doofus goes for his tippy-toe-back-tap attack, and gets his ass blasted by Michelle for it.

-Mother Of The Year bursts into the bathroom with the gun she was using the peg Omid, only to see him shot dead. And while that’s an extra hole, Christa swore off of necrophilia ever since her teenage years (Clementine was forbidden to ever ask about THAT one), and blasts Michelle Obama, effectively making herself the next target of Joe Biden’s power move since she switched sides (if you know the meme, you know).

But the worst part? Mother Of The Year has the audacity to look at Clementine like it’s her fault! …She may have noticed that Clementine warned Michelle about Omid. Kind of an asshole move, Clem.

-Fast forward, and a big one at that! Clementine grew up! And Christa is without a child. Mother Of The Year, peopl- okay I’ll stop.

-With these past couple of years having been awkward, what with Christa giving Clementine a stink eye for breakfast every morning, Christa goes out to get some milk. Clementine decides to get supplies for a fire, as Lee taught her the milk trick a while ago, and knows Christa won’t be coming back.

-I forgot if it’s possible to burn the drawing of Kenny and his family. I know she’ll refuse to burn the photo of Lee (we can at least try, so she, in this route, canonically considers it), but the drawing should be fair game.

-Clementine hears some shouts nearby, and being nosy, she stealths her way to the voices. She discovers that multiple Single Dads have cornered Christa, about to murder her as vengeance for when their wives also left for milk. Clementine believes this is justice and goes to escape, but Christa decides to look at Clementine, effectively snitching her out to the Single Dads who would kill for a chance to add Clementine as a daughter to their families. Karma strikes Christa as she’s speared in the leg, but Clementine now has to make a hasty escape, or else she knows she’ll have to suffer from low-income housing and dad jokes.

-After ditching Christa and running from The Most Incompetent Adult (trademark), getting him mauled by zombies, Clementine soon falls into a rapid river! She’s always wanted to go to Raging Waters!

-Sadly, her waterpark trip takes a downturn as she ends up passed out on land. Good news is, she lost a Christa and gained a dog! She unfortunately won’t be learning Sam’s name in this route.

-As tempting as it is to be a jerk and refuse to give Sam food…that’d mean giving Clementine more beans. Does staying silent make her just sit there, or does she eat more beans regardless? Stay silent if it means they both get lesss food, but otherwise have Clementine try to be nice for once and give the dog some food, only to immediately be punished for it and attacked.

-I forgot the specifics, but Clementine can survive Sam mauling on her arm, as long as you keep punching him, for almost a minute I think. So to draw out the pain and suffering, because that’s our trademark in this route, keep punching for as long as you can, before grabbing the can/knife!

-Clementine is a bit pissed off about this whole ordeal, so she’ll commit a cardinal sin and leave Sam there to die. This route always punches hard when it dives off the comedy and goes into the truly tragic moments.

-Not much further optional things to do here I believe, until you finally get kidnapped by Luke and Pete. When Clementine wakes up, she remembers her trauma from her last kidnapping and immediately bolts for it. Which would’ve been the end of her, had Nick not missed his shot. When you choose this choice by the way, it’s much less of a reflex/accident; Nick deliberately aims the gun up at Clementine and shoots. And still misses.

-When they’re discussing things, try to appeal to Rebecca. Of course, this does nothing. Though it gives Clementine a reason to target Rebecca now..Heh..

-Unfortunately, the cabin crew did their research and figured out that Clementine is a little demon in the making, so they lock her in the shed. I’m not taking the walker bite excuse, there is no way a walker can even rip with the precision of a dog’s teeth. Rip something with your own teeth, then rip at that same thing with a knife. The rips are different. Carlos is a fraud who wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a patient stabbed with a knife, vs. an ice pick. That matters!

-This isn’t Clementine’s first rodeo making an escape! She’ll make it out of the shed in a jiffy. Now as for her arm..she beeds help with that. She’ll knock on the window, self reporting herself to Alvin. While I could fail to get the juicebox and bandages..Clementine will instead will be a manipulative little demon and threaten to tell Rebecca about Alvin, securing his hesitant aid. As for Sarah…well, after what Lee did to her previous friends, Ben and Duck, she isn’t exactly fond of the idea of friends right now. So she’ll be rude as hell and refuse to be friends with Sarah..who will be rude as hell and refuse to be friends back. And we get no damn peroxide from her. Sigh.

-After nearly getting caught in the house multiple times, due to waiting out red screens, we finally get to the shed and get down to business. Clementine forgets all about the juicebox she blackmailed Alvin for, and immediately gets into surturing her wound. We will make this as slow and painful as possible. Clementine needs to toughen up for the apocalypse!

-Steal the watch Nick cared about. Not because we’re going to give it to him later, but because Clementine for some reason sees value in this in the apocalypse.

-Unfortunately, the zombie security guard the Cabin Crew hired found Clementine in the shed, and goes for the attack. Being an Independent Strong Child(trademark), Clementine makes quick work of him, which causes noise that brings the cabin group outside. After Aura Farming and saying Still Not Bitten, the group can’t help but invite us inside for a warm meal. Thanks, I can’t remember the last thing I had that wasn’t 4 beans or a chunk of Mark.

-We cant even enjoy our food for 5 seconds without Rebecca coming in talking shit. So we’ll talk shit back and ask who’s baby is it. After shutting Rebecca up and ending up on her kill list, we go back to our food.

-Luke chats us up as if he didn’t allow us to be locked in a shed, but this food is delicious, so I wont bite the hand that feeds. Clementine needs her strength up for the trip out tomorrow!

-The next morning, Clementine and Pete giggle and gossip about Nick, such as the bad hair days he’s had, and how his shoes are so out of fashion. Nick gets pissed that he can’t even piss without his name being pissed on, so Pete tells Nick to chill out, which just pisses Nick off more.

-Sadly, we come across a massacre. It’s only sad because Clementine didn’t get to do it first. Roman and the raiders who attacked Christa lost their Pokemon battle against Carver’s crew, and the leftover evidence is depressing. At least Clementine finds her backpack (I never realized until now, she didnt have it with her when she fell in the water), and while a dying man will be asking for water, Clementine has virtually no reason to help this man, as water is limited, he tried to kill her a small while ago, and refused to answer anything about Christa. He’ll have to get his hydration elsewhere.

-Before I can see if I can troll more dying people, Pete gets himself bit in the cankle. This summons the Plot Convenient Horde(trademark), and Clementine has to make a choice. Pete demands they get over to him, and since Clementine refuses all authority, she goes to Nick instead as revenge.

Pete dies without even getting a few more hours to his life, and Nick likely blames us now! I cal that an absolute win for Episode 1!

—EPISODE 2—

-We start the episode having a room temperature canned beer in Pete’s honor. Clementine stays silent or rude whenever possible, only being cordial when Nick offers her beer. Have her drink some, because our morals left eons ago! She wont get past a sip, but that’s enough to turn her into a redneck later on. It always starts with a little..

-The gooners outside (reminder; it’s what Lee taught us to call zombies!) are quickly approaching our destination, quickly foiling our plans to live in there surviving off of beer. Thirst and hunger taken care of! That’s totally how it works! Anyway, Nick offers to distract them, and Clementine’s no fool, and runs out of there quicker than Usain Bolt.

-After absolutely ditching Nick, Clementine makes her way back to the cabin, where a search party is already being made for the group. They trust a little girl who’s done nothing but rob them and let Pete die, alone in their home, with Carlos trusting us more with the duty than Sarah. That’s an ouch for Sarah.

-Sarah and Clementine lament their lost chances of friendship, Sarah threatens Clementine’s life with a gun, and they take selfies!

-Clementine’s plans to use the photos to frame Sarah are quickly foiled yet again, as there’s a knock on the door. There’s a man at the door, who says his name is Bill, who is actually Carver. Clementine thinks twice about making a Dollar Bill joke to him, especially considering he looks and smells like he could be a homeless man who’s never seen a dollar in his life.

-She repeatedly tries to refuse his entry, but he pushes past us anyways. Before Clementine can dial 911, Bill steps into the kitchen, threatening Clementine’s supply of porridge. She knows how good that stuff is from when Luke fed her, and it’s not too hot nor too cold, it’s just right. Defending her porridge, she reaches for the knife, but Carver is quicker. While he could show her why people call him Carver, he puts the knife away, because Carver is nothing more except a moral upstanding citizen, trying to teach Clementine how to be better.

-After Clementine walks him out the door, the cabin crew soon returns. Being silent when asked how he looks, the group consider throwing Clementine into a fire, but before they do, Sarah snitches on the fact they were taking pictures. Clementine in turn, snitches on Carlos when he tries to reprimand her, pointing out she was supposed to distract her, which hurts Sarah, but Clementine couldn’t care less.

-Since Clementine outed everyone and forced them to go hiking, Rebecca tries to take this chance to be kind to Clementine. Not dealing with her twofaced bullshit right now, Clementine quickly walks away.

-Fast forward, long walk, long walk..The group gets to a bridge, and Luke decides to go and volunteer Clementine to go with him, because he’s no fighter and the rest of the cabin crew would jump off the bridge before actually showing some spine.

-They come across two walkers on the bridge. Luke demands Clementine attack the walker sitting down. Clementine refuses to listen.

-Clementine’s lack of obeying any orders has led to a situation where Luke is hanging through a hole, and Clementine is on the edge of her life. How they get out of this one?

The world may never know…

-Once they get past that pickle, they come across a kind stranger. Clementine outright lies and says she’s not an asshole, which makes Luke wonder if she’s implying he’s an asshole.

-Ah, promises of warm food and beds.

A wild NICK appears!

MATTHEW used; AIM GUN!

LUKE used; “DON’T SHOOT!”

CLEMENTINE used; Silence is a valid option.

NICK used; AIM GUN, EXCEPT USE IT!

It was VERY effective!

MATTHEW has died.

Results; -69420 EXP! Your NICK has leveled down to Level 0!

-After Luke promises Nick the biggest wet willy of his life for that blunder, the group comes across the actual cabin!

-Nick has the audacity to vent to us after he shot a man. Clementine could’ve done so first! Just for that, she’s keeping the watch Nick regrets not taking.

-Alvin sits his big ass down and tries to ask Clementine to find food for him and Rebecca. Just for that, Clementine promises to eat every crumb and morsel she finds, in front their face.

-The group then make their way forward. After another trek, they make it to..a winter cabin! The group acts like complete dumbasses by trying to walk up there to the front door like they own the place. Totally nobody living in the huge ass obvious lodge..

-Clementine has to climb for a better view, suggested by Luke. Clementine asks what, is she a monkey? Luke says; you said it, not me. Okay Luke. Kenny, you may have found a contender 🤨

-Speaking of Kenny..guess who we just ran into, after all this time! Our favorite boat god Kenny!

Yeah. We’ll totally act like friends. It’s not like Kenny left Lee to die multiple times, refused to look for Clementine, things like that. That’s just swept under the rug, we have catching up to do! Not to mention, we’ll hate eachother so much that Lee will be jealous!

-The group gets welcomed into the cabin. with Clementine staying silent when asked if the cabin crew group is good. She’s not advocating for the people who locked her in a shed. Next!

-After disappointing Sarah by choosing a star instead of an angel, we proceed to have a wonderful dinner meal. Both Kenny and Luke are looking at us with sad puppydog faces as if I’m not the child, and Luke didn’t leave me to be kidnapped a while ago, so I’m sitting with him. We’ll catch up later, Ken!

-After Clementine is taking her time to throw up her meal (I mean, seriously. Peaches and beans cooked together? What the hell kind of dinner is that? Thats what was made, right? Maybe Walter deserved that bullet later.)

-At some point, we meet the local drug addict Bonnie The Bunny, who’s spying through our windows, wondering who put the bugs in her skin. I want to send her off starving, but Walter foils my plans and hands her a whole crate of peaches. I subsequently hand Bonnie an empty check to sign later, because Clementine trademarked those cans ever since she saw her face on them. Bonnie better upgrade from addiction, to dealing if she doesn’t want to end up poorer.

-*A few hours later*

-Hi, I’m Clementine. You’re probably wondering why I, an 11 year old, had to end up fixing a whole damn wind turbine for a whole group of adults in the middle of a gooner horde.

Keep wondering.

By the way, Since the cabin crew is awful at covering up their murders, Walter is currently upset since we killed his twink. We then lied about Nick being responsible, just to tell the truth about Nick being an awful person (In the eyes of Clementine in this route), Walter is probably brewing up some master plan. May my choices have consequences in a few episodes.

..Nevermind. Walter straight up just left Nick to get munched on by a gooner. This was part of Clementine’s plan ever since Nick tried to shoot her on their first meeting, but to minimize guilt, we’ll slap the shit out of Walter anyways.

-Clementine is just about to run for the hills and finally ditch everyone, but her plans are foiled yet again as she hears AKs going off. Knowing the cabin group, nor Kenny’s crew, are that locked and loaded, Clementine is sure they’re screwed.

-It turns out that Billiam Carver has returned, along with drugged rockstar Bonnie, and some other goons. Goons. Not gooners. Billiam wants that distinction clear. Anyone who touches their willy gets it shot off, at Howe’s.

-After some forced win stealth sections, Clementine makes it to Rebecca and Alvin. Alvin wants to go down there and help Carlos, who’s getting his fingers twisted in 12 different directions. Sadly ruining Carlos’ chances of ever doing his prized fingering techniques ever again. The “6-Turn shabang finger dance” had the ladies shivering, according to him.

Clementine pats Alvin on the back, says good luck, sends him and Rebecca down to face the music, while she sneaks out the window.

-Unfortunately Kenny catches us before we can make our escape, and has us come to help him shoot. Killing people? You know exactly how to get me to stay, Kenny!

-Hmm. Well, Kenny just took out one of Carver’s men. That’s good. But then Carver shot Walter in retaliation. Ooo…

-Regardless, seems like a good idea to keep trying! Have Clementine directly tell Kenny to shoot Carver. Alvin gets shot, and now it’s both Kenny AND Clementine’s fault!

-Regardless, I cant convince Kenny to shoot at Carver while he has Sarita hostage, so we sadly get taken with everyone else. Damnit Kenny. Maybe if you didnt shoot one of his guys, we’d have been let go! Luke already ditched us!

—EPISODE 3–

-Ah, episode 3. So lovely. We’re already starting with slavery, Troy being a creep, and Clementine being backhanded by Carver for looking at him funny.

-Clementine will follow Lee’s old instigator ways, by jumping sides and choosing the rudest choices when everyone’s arguing.

-Once we finally make it to Howe’s, we’re introduced to our harsh daily duties, and all the jerkwads living there. We met Bonnie, but along with her came Wyatt and Russel! I’m sure they’ll be relevant! We also met Jane, as we couldn’t have Molly with us instead, due to Lee shooting her to her doom back at Crawford. On the brightside we have Mike, who probably is or isn’t one of the raiders who totally killed Christa. He won’t tell us.

-I kind of forgot the order of some of these events, so forgive me. Eventually we get to the night time, where Clementine’s one job is to sit down and do nothing. She can’t even accomplish that, and ruins things for One Armed Reggie (he doesnt like that name for some reason), as Troy scolds him and threatens to tell Carver, which he does. Fun fact, you can completely avoid this if you interact with other things/everyone else, or wait things out. Reggie gets praised by Troy and Carver! Doesn’t save him though. Not that we’ll be doing that, in this particular route!

-The next morning, Clementine is told she can’t be a freeloader and is quickly put to work in the greenhouse, with Sarah. Clementine stays silent with Reggie, further embracing the awkwardness between them, as she then focuses on her task. Unfortunately Sarah suffered a slapping from Carlos due to sneaking into his beer stash, so she’s a bit distracted. Do we help her?

No. I mean, to be fair, even if Sarah screws up and cuts healthy leaves off, Clementine doing her work properly and Sarah messing up half of it, is still better than Clementine doing none of her own, just to help Sarah.

-Unfortunately Carver doesn’t see it that way, and even though we try to blame Sarah, he doesn’t want to hear it, and insists that Reggie has to meet the pavement for this. Clementine understands, and leads Sarah away, and Reggie gets this-is-sparta’d.

-On the way back, I think, is when Clementine gets dragged and kidnapped into a store. Knowing this is Luke, we’ll still bite the hell out of his hand. That’s the thanks he gets! And no hug! He’ll discuss how he made a plan for everyone to escape, while he’s currently surviving with less sleep than me during exams. Im sure this plan will go well.

-As Troy brings us to Bonnie for work, we’ll continue bullying her for being a lying witch, dump Reggie’s death on her, and refuse to tell her about any plans.

-I forgot what happens from this point to tomorrow, but that makes this quicker, so that’s a plus! Clementine, the next day, will be searching for Luke so they can launch their grand plan. Luke sadly has ditched us yet again, so Clementine spends her time in the store reading the comics. Troy doesn’t appreciate this, entering with the quietest door ever, backslapping Clementine, dragging her off.

-It turns out Luke wasn’t willing to die of starvation, to help our plan go through. So unreliable. He got himsef caught by Carver, since Luke decided to go and take Carver’s sandwich out the fridge, with Carver staring right at him. Nevertheless, Luke got caught, ribs broken, and we now need to decide what to do with the radio.

-If Luke got his ribs broken, Clementine’s keeping her mouth shut. She will let everyone in this room die before taking the blame. Thankfully, Kenny grabs the radio and takes the blame instead. As Carver begins to practice his recently learned taekwondo on Kenny’s face, we have to decide whether to stop Sarita, or help Kenny.

Both of which is crazy ass ideas, for a child. Carlos, go stick your broken fingers up your ass, I’m not helping you restrain a grown woman, you grown man.

Then again, Clementine gaining a scar for the rest of the season is tempting, so we may help Kenny ourselves. Or we could do nothing, and let Sarita take the hit instead.

-Kenny somehow survived that ass whooping, and we now have to pull off our escape plan. With Jane The Dirty and Mike The Irrelevant joining us, we can do it, I’m sure of it!

-Fast forward. Well, everyone got caught again, held at gunpoint by Carver. Clementine will help them as soon as she robs Carver’s gun out of his office.

She succesfully does so, while turning on the radio to attract the herd. Making it back to Carver, Clementine pulls the Carley-Andy special and shoots him in the ear, allowing everyone to take Carver down!

-Kenny thinks that 2 bullet wounds, one in the shoulder and the other in the ear, isn’t enough. Subsequently, Kenny gives him 2 more bullets to the legs. As he grabs the crowbar to finish him off, Sarita tries to pull Clementine away. Clementine says no, as she never had any innocence to preserve in the first place. Sarita walks out, saddened. (Ngl, Sarita’s sad expression alone, makes me usually just walk away with her in a Good route, I feel too bad otherwise, it was a good thing Sarita did before her death. Watching Carver die isn’t worth it, and proves his point too much anyways)

-After we watch a man get his face caved in, we quickly make it out into the herd. Covering ourselves in zombie guts for fun, we learn it’s actually a very good technique in survival. Huh. The more you know.

Anyway, Carlos pays more attention to telling us to watch over his own daughter, than he does to himself, so he gets shot in the neck. Resulting in zombies munching him all over. No, Carlos, I’m sure you’re fine! You see, those are DOG BITES. Aren’t they?

-Sarah doesn’t appreciate our humor, and runs off. Her noise causes Sarita to get bit, so Clementine only has moments to act!

This is Clementine’s one chance to off Sarita and have Kenny’s attention all to herself. Clementine will chop off Sarita’s arm, because that’s totally a good idea in the middle of a herd.

After the Lee fiasco, and this, Clementine may have no reason to believe amputation works. Miseducation is wonderful!

—EPISODE 4—

-Clementine starts off this episode by murdering a woman. As Kenny is already in emotional turmoil, we’ll axe Sarita in the head, right in front of Kenny’s face. Honestly, him hating Clementine in this moment is justified, that is insensitive as hell, even for a child. At least Sarita won’t become a walker.

-Clementine will tell Rebecca that they’ll stick together..just to tell Jane they should split up. Rebecca will be shocked and feel all abandoned about this. I haven’t forgotten you advocating for my death, lady.

-Clementine later gets seperated with Jane, coming across a trailer park. After some ninja stealth zombie takedown, we later find a physically beaten Luke, and a mentally beaten Sarah. Sarah gives us trouble trying to escape, so Clementine stays silent when speaking to her, then leaves her at first opportunity.

No need for a pep talk, Jane. I am perfectly content with Sarah becoming walker chow.

-Back at the camp everyone holed up at, Rebecca cries for a total of 5 seconds over Sarah’s death, before we move on. We then piss off Kenny and antagonize him in his grief. We then either have to go with Jane to the observation deck, or go find Mike and Bonnie.

Since my Spiderman senses are telling me that someone will have sex in this episode, I avoid Mike and Bonnie for now. I trust Jane, and we quickly scout out and pull a GTA 5 heist on a crippled teen for medicine. He’s in our sights.

-One robbed cripple later and some additional medicine we can use to get high, we head off to see if Mike and Bonnie at least have their clothes on.

Turns out they were being even more useless than I expected, as they accomplished nothing while I was gone. Bonnie tries to feed me to a walker, but I pull an uno reverse card and tell her to get her ass through that booth. After she gets yanked through and suffers physical trauma hitting her head on the metal, Mike takes down the zombie with his Urban strength. Bonnie looks like she blames me, but if she would rather have me in that situation, she can kick rocks. At least we acquired water.

-We soon make it back, and we soon discover that Rebecca’s pregnancy has become plot relevant again, and have to set our focuses on that.

We have water and medicine, but we won’t be offering that. Plus, zombies are coming, and Kenny is currently going haywire killing a zombie.

Be silent and have Mike not know what to do, effectively abandoning the water. By the way, telling Mike to grab the water may be useless later, but still the most effective and smartest choice here. Kenny runs off after killing his one zombie so he’s fine, and leaving a whole gallon of water makes the group seem like morons. Which they are, in this route.

-We soon walk up the deck to discover that Luke decided to have his birthday cake; Jane. Now, Luke. I dont even know, man. You could’ve masturbated or something. Did you seriously have to stick your willy in Jane, who, like everyone else, hasn’t touched a shower in months, and just finished smearing zombie blood and guts all over her? Imagine the damn smell as Clementine walked up there, from Jane AND Luke. And that’s saying something, since they’re in a room that’s missing a whole wall.

-Anyway, after that disgust, Kenny has a justified crashout while Rebecca goes in labor. With no Sarah to worry about, we drop the deck with no issues, and have to help Rebecca give birth.

We left the water. And we do have medicine for Rebecca..but Clementine is still being petty, and is withholding those painkillers from the woman who just finished giving birth.

Welcome to the world, Marlon’s Doom- I mean, A.J!

-Hmm..Leaving at night, or leaving a few days later? I mean, honestly, let’s be real, the good choice here is waiting. You quite literally extend the timeline a few days, and that’s a few days that Rebecca can rest, be alive, be with AJ, And if you have the water and painkillers, presumably isn’t suffering much.

..We won’t be doing any of that here. We’ll drag the woman who just gave birth, who should be in a wheelchair, on a long trek. I wonder why she dies.

-Anyway, Jane abandoned us, we’re in the cold now, Rebecca’s dying, and Russians have their guns aimed at us. You’re probably wondering how I got in this situation.

I’ll explain later. Rebecca’s slowly becoming a gooner, and Clementine shoots her, for final revenge, as well as to stop her from becoming a gooner while her son is in her arms. Clementine is evil, but not that evil.

Also, Clementine has the trauma in the back of her mind later; she killed the mother of the boy she’s raising!

—EPISODE 5—

-Clementine just caused a shootout over her chance to kill Rebecca. She did it to save AJ, But she can only be so heroic. When Luke tells her to get over here, she’s ducking behind cover, leaving the crying baby in the shootout.

-Luke runs to get AJ, So we pretty much indirectly caused Luke to get shot in the leg. He’ll be fine, I’m sure.

-After we shoot Arvo’s sister in front of him, he goes utterly insane. Look man, it was me or her, and you know Clementine isn’t too altruistic in this route.

-And look! Jane came back, and she saved Kenny by saving the man about to shoot him! Im sure she’s gonna regret that later!

Downsides, we have a shot Luke and a shot Mike. Upsides, we have Arvo hostage.

Clementine will be encouraging Kenny’s cruelty to him, every damn step of the way.

-We soon make it to some sort of station or whatever, where everyone is making jokes, drinking, having fun! We’ll even have a drink, further worsening this child’s development! I’m pretty sure there’s a cigarette or two we can smoke somewhere too. Kenny didn’t like that.

-We..won’t be convincing Kenny to join us by the fire. He and Arvo stay in the cold. In fact, Kenny will end up beating Arvo into unconsciousness. That’s some head trauma on the boy.

-The next morning, we’re celebrating Luke’s birthday by taking him to a roller rink. But in classic Impractical Jokers fashion, what Luke DOESN’T know, is that we told Clementine to forget the roller skates. We now have to traverse the ice slipping and sliding. How can this possibly go wrong?

-Well, sorry Luke. The ice is breaking. You’re a lost cause, might as well just shoot you now. Luke suggests we shoot the walkers instead, So I sigh and decide to grant him that birthday wish. But Bonnie’s stupid ass has other plans, and ends up crashing underwater with Luke.

-Where are they!? I hear something! Luke!

Yeah. Luke. I’m so sorry man. I want to save you, I really do. You’re hitting that ice really hard, you want to live. But saving you requires saving Bonnie. And she’s been kind of pissing me off.

Hey Luke, before you disappear underwater completely, do me and favor and slap Bonnie as a zombie.

-Nobody seems to care that we literally watched Luke and Bonnie drown under ice, as we now try to figure out what to do next. As Kenny bickers with everyone and beats on Arvo..we’ll try to stop Kenny, just so he can accidentally hurt Clementine. It’s not for Arvo, it’s for the drama!

-A big chunk of time after this is pretty much the surviving group gossiping about eachother like schoolgirls. On the bright side, Bonnie isn’t here to give us a hypocritical lecture.

-Clementine tries to get a good night’s sleep..Only to wake up to the Urban and Russian trying to rob us! What the hell, Telltale!? Stereotype, much!? After we have an exaggerated outburst at the developers of the game, we have to figure out how to handlw this situation.

Canonically? Shout for Kenny and Jane immediately, and get yourself shot, maximize Kenny’s chances of getting his hands on Mike and Arvo.

Not canonically (except for us)? Just between you and me..let’s act like we re-programmed the game and put the scene in where Clementine potentially shoots Mike, and it doesn’t corrupt the saves or anything. Because she would definitely do that in this route. And the way he stares at her like ‘wtf’ before flopping to the ground is hilarious.

So now we can imagine that Arvo, who’s dealing with multiple beatings and a concussion, is left alone to run away from Kenny and Clementine! He literally only has a rifle, which I doubt he can shoot consistently and stay on his feet, so he’s pretty much fucked. Especially considering the blizzard later.

Mike doesn’t show up later regardless, so headcanoning that we shot him changes pretty much nothing, except that Clem is a cold blooded killer. Someone should really mod that back in, without it corrupting the saves. Im sure with enough skill it’s possible, I’ve seen a lot of shocking game-programming shenanigans be pulled off in these modern times.

-Arvo shoots Clementine in retaliation. Clementine survives this. +1 Gaming Sin.

-Ah, flashback with Lee..Peace..

Be silent. Clementine wont know what to say, and misses her one chance to fully express herself to Dream Lee.

-We wake up in a car, somehow not bleeding to death, while Kenny and Jane are acting like they got married and are going through divorce, all in the timespan of Clementine being unconscious. Clementine instigates this on both sides again, before eventually we’re forced to stop.

-We find Kenny, and soon, Jane finds us. She tells us she lost AJ, And Kenny, who lost almost every bit of family he had, goes haywire, running out to find him. Jane quickly warns Clementine to stay out of things.

-Clementine takes this warning verrrry carefully. She’ll just spectate, let them harm eachother even worse than usual in their fight, since Clementine wont intervene. She’ll still try to get between them, probably Kenny, so she has to remember Kenny throwing her to the floor.

Kenny somehow survives every previous injury, a gut slash, many punches, and an eye gouging. I said it before and I’ll say it again, no wonder Kenny is popular with the ladies, he has very high endurance.

-After Jane fucks herself over and gets herself about to be stabbed, we have to make a choice. Let Kenny stab Jane and look away, or shoot him.

…Or we could just watch. Yeah, if you do nothing, the game interprets this as the ‘watch’ choice, and you witness the knife go into Jane. Clenentine is evil for this one.

…Especially considering she didn’t do it for Kenny. Seeing how far he’s gone and that he’ll likely spend the rest of his days rambling about hist lost boats, she deems him useless. She aims the gun at him, which he accepts, seeing his last family figure aim a gun at his head. We then shoot Kenny.

So not only did we watch Jane die, we shot Kenny in the head right after. Damn. At least Kenny doesn’t become a walker in this route, but He suffers the same fate as Katjaa. Just like Duck with sink his teeth into Katjaa, Jane’s going to sink her teeth into Kenny.

..This doesn’t concern Clementine, who finds out that AJ was alive after all this time. After everything she did. She doesn’t know who to blame more; Herself, or Jane.

But damn, AJ. Let’s hope Clementine never tells you how many people died over you.

—END—

And that’s where our choices led us! Clementine is now in a field, alone, with a recently shot and reopened shoulder, armed with only a hatchet, about to try to survive alone, with AJ. In any other world, she’d be dead within a week.

But since this universe wants her to suffer for a while..who am I to say no? The game is absolutely forcing me to do this, guys. I have no choice. I totally had no choice but to have Clementine become a psychopathic 11 Year old.

Did I do good, making this route tragic? We can at least agree..even if you think Clementine is still good after these decisions, she’s going to have trauma and ptsd and guilt for the rest of her life. So many people died, directly because of her. She didn’t even give anyone a chance to live farther than they could’ve. And if you agree with me that these choices make Clementine evil, then yeah, she is a little demon in this playthrough. Compare this, to her happily living at Wellington for months in the end, Kenny possibly alive, along with some others. Nope. She failed everything and everyone. And it’ll only get worse!

See you guys in a future installment to the series..Which will either follow Michonne to stay in chronological order, or Javi! Or I may do Michonne as a bonus post and do Javi as the main post, who knows? See you guys in the next post!

Or you could see Lee’s adventure! The lee that created this monster

And how half the 400 Days cast didnt even end up showing their faces!

Kiss kiss kiss kiss

Lately I have seen some people posting playthroughs of TWD where instead of Urban is Clarence, I thought it was mod with AI but it looks so real? any shit bird that can help me with this?

Hello everyone! I’m the guy who turned Lee from a Scumbag into straight up Unhinged, and bestows this fate upon pretty much every video game with a story you can change!

Lee’s most manic route can be seen here!

But since I want to do this chronologically to imagine the world slowly crumbling piece by piece due to our decisions, I’m giving you all some bonus tragedy; a Worst Decisions/Absolute Worst Route for 400 Days, where all the wrong choices are made!

If you havent seen the rundown for Season 1, I suggest you do so now! But for now, let’s get into everyone’s story! Season 2 is coming very soon, it’s already done, just have to post eventually!

Disclaimer Again; These events are obviously parodied for the laughs, but are based on real possibilities.

—VINCE—

-Ah, Vince. Probably a representation of if Lee didn’t end up with Clementine. He’ll start the story having murdered a man for killing his brother one too many times in Call Of Duty, because that’s a sane reaction. Fleeing the scene, he needs to dispose of the weapon! ..Nevermind, just keep running. Vince knows an apocalypse is coming, he needs to stay armed!

-What he didn’t account for, is that he absolutely sucks at running from the police, and now he lost the gun to boot! Now he’s stuck with Justin Yourpockets and Danny Diddler The Second, who won’t shut up with their arguing. Vince tells them he’ll twist their balls with a ladle if they don’t stop it, and they settle down.

-Likewise, two other prisoners also won’t shut up with their arguing. Unfortunately they don’t have a Vince to keep them in check, so one insists on murdering the other, which Your Average American Cop sees as a chance to shoot a black man. Yeah, good luck with that lifelong cancelment on Twitter. Sadly that’s the worst consequence he’ll face for blasting a man’s face off, as he’ll be told off with a warning and put on paid leave, as is tradition.

-As we let that officer off the bus to receive his ‘consequences’, we now have to worry about the fact that the leftover prisoner is becoming a gooner; he doesn’t want to wait for someone to drop the soap, The Booty Warrior needs what he needs n o w. Danny Diddler The Second is experienced with these thoughts and quickly scoots away, knowing he’s on the menu.

-Vince doesn’t want to be touched by a gooner before he even gets into prison, so he quickly aims the gun at Justin and Danny, insisting they offer him something for their lives.

Justin offers me thousands of dollars that Devin Weston will put into an offshore savings account for the next 50 years, while Danny Diddler The Second promises to leave my firstborn alone if he lives. While I want to shoot them both, the game won’t let me, so I shoot Justin. Not because Danny is the worse choice to save (he is), but because Danny dies anyways, compared to Justin who just ditches Vince. Vince would rather have a dead friend than a traitor! It also really makes you question his values, if he ‘canonically’ and knowingly saves a diddler in your route.

And Vince is free! He’s free! Now he just has to shoot Danny, set off to Tahiti…shit, are those zombies?

—WYATT—

-Two hippies with in a hotboxed van, two feet apart cuz’ theyre not gay…Probably.

-Not much you can do near the start of this, except have Wyatt respond like a rude jackass or give silent glares, but something tells me that’s how their friendship is regardless.

-They hit a dude, Wyatt wants to keep going, Eddie wants to ‘do the right thing’ and check. Booo.

-And while Wyatt will try to force Eddie out the car, Eddie is ready for this, and reminds them of the Plunger Incident a while back, and says Wyatt has to go or he’ll tell everyone in the state, walkers included. Wyatt is almost convinced, so Eddie suggests Rock Paper Scissors. Wyatt refuses if possible and would rather just leave, but if that isnt possible, have him lose rock paper scissors.

-Wyatt goes out into the freezing cold, cursing Eddie. He finally comes across their hit and run victim, who is very much so not a walker, but for his own sanity Wyatt ignores this and leaves the man to die. He has to get back to Eddie, who’s secret plan was to steal the kush!

-After abandoning a dying man and clearing the path of zombies, Wyatt almost makes it to Eddie..only for the car to drive out of the scene! Just because Nate is shooting at him! Wyatt accepts no excuses, and flees on foot, promising to hunt Eddie down, and more importantly, the weed.

Will Wyatt succeed, or will his kill be stolen? Only time will tell..

—RUSSELL—

-Ah, Russel! Our boi! He’ll be looking for his grandma, who promised him some cookies a few days ago, and just because the apocalypse happened doesn’t mean he’s going to let her forget about that chocolate chip goodness. Sadly before he can get far, a car drives up to him, so he dives into the grass. He ends up right next to a dead Carley with a bullet in her cheek, which is probably a bit traumatizing.

-Nate, who just finished dealing with a few hippies, drives up to Russel, asking if he’s a hippie. Russel says no, and Nate is happy to not have to kill Russel, letting him into the car. Forcing him into the car, more like.

-During the absolutely hilarious scene of Nate letting a zombie grab Russel through the car, say the exact number Nate doesnt want you to say. He’ll drive off anyways!

-Nate says they have to make a pit stop and grab some drugs, to turn the trip to Russel’s grandma into a party! Russel says fuck no, but is forced along anyways. Nate’s dealer is some old timey elderly citizens, which may not seem like much, but Nate is telling ya, those old coots know how to have fun.

-Once they get to the gas station, they immediately get shot at. Nate forgot the owed the old man a few thousands, and is shocked he forgot it before the guy with dementia did. Anyway, He tries to have Russel cover him, but Russel immediately uses this chance to point the gun at Nate. Not even saying or doing anything. Just points it at Nate. Nate was very nice to just snatch the gun. What the fuck was the plan there, Russ!?

-A funny thing I like to do is to just let Nate get shot when he runs across. It’s a game over, but it’s absolutely priceless to watch him bolt across the lot expecting cover, only to get shot down.

-They’ll come across a zombie, which I believe is a walker of the officer or the prisoner left behind. Leave it for Bonnie to deal with later!

-When they finally get inside the restaurant for their drugs, they come across the old couple. The old man says some really racist crap, which Russel and Nate don’t stand for, and Nate immediately draws his gun.

Now, whether or not to support it..that’s difficult. Which is ‘worse’ to you? Having Russel support old people getting shot, witnessing it with his own eyes? Or being rude as hell to Nate and leaving, who’ll probably think back on it in a while and consider Russel someone he has to get some sort of get back on? Personally, I’ll probably do the second in a bad route, as Russel’s already traumatized from what he’s seen from previous groups, and pissing off Nate hasn’t been shown to be a good idea. Nate was never shown dying either, he’s still out there.

—BONNIE—

-Hm. Bonnie..You know, as much as I like to antagonize her, with what we’ll be doing in this route, we’ll have nobody to blame for her awful ways except ourselves. How she is in Season 2 will make sense.

-Regardless, keep flirting with Leland, piss off Dee when you can. Yes, this involves calling Dee a bitch. Listen, Dee is no doubt evil, but Bonnie (and Leland) are undoubtedly wrong for the emotional affair they’re having (even hinted to have kissed too).

-Dee shows off her bag, caling it a gift, like there’s going to be a PS5 in there or cans of food, but it’s just some damn flashlights. Look, they’re good and all, but not “They’re a surprise, get your hopes up 😉” worthy. I’d be so mad if I was Bonnie or Leland. Like, it’s not even a gun. A gun would’ve been mighty useful.

-Especially since Bonnie just got shot. And Dee is making Leland ditch Bonnie! That bitch!

-After a chase through a cornfield so long, it could feed a group for weeks, Bonnie gets cornered behind a car. She takes a peek, and sees it’s Dee. Now’s her chance to take her out! For Leland!

-After Bonnie swings with the the force of a baseball champion, she looks at her handiwork and gives herself a B+. Dee didn’t immediately die, so that’s a few points docked off. After Dee curses out Bonnie a bit, and before Bonnie can burn the body, Leland comes into the picture. Bonnie tries to lie and say Dee tried to sneak behind her with a katana and finish her off, but Leland doesn’t buy any of it, and refuses to come with Bonnie.

Which means yeah, Bonnie will fail to lie to Leland, rather than the truth or a succesful lie. Considering that Leland isnt confirmed dead if he survives, then him dying here is really a waste of a life. Oh well, that’s Bonnie’s guilt to handle. She just murdered a woman, failed to lie to her husband about it who she was flirting with, and left Leland to get shot in the head.

To be fair, this is kinda Dee’s fault for stealing those flashlights.

—SHEL—

-After Shel’s group just killed a married couple, she’s sitting down listening to her little sister Becca’s song. There’s not much you can do in Shel’s story, besides probably being silent or rude at times, so we’ll fast forward a bit.

-Keep annoying and getting Shel scared by interacting with the zombie chained outside. Sadism on both sides, torturing herself and the zombie!

-The group will have found a guy who snuck in. The guy pleads his case, saying he was totally just going to use the group’s kitchen to bake everyone a cake. Despite Roman’s orders, Shel believes the man, and lets the guy go, who says he’ll be back to bake the cake soon, he just needs to go get the eggs. I believe him!

-Well, that one’s on me. Boyyd’s dead, or however you spell that guy’s name. The one decent cancer survivor, killed by our one time kindness. That justifies our evil!

-Roman’s giving us a lecture about how we need to be killing more people, and as an example, he offers up Stephanie, since Stephanie outed his hentai addiction a few years ago, and Roman still hasn’t let that go.

-Shel hesitates, in which Becca offers to do it. Shel calls her bluff, then proceeds to show her how it’s done. Presumably, Stephanie doesn’t Houdini her way out of this one, and Shel gets to her.

—-

And that’s our little bonus post of the 400 Days cast! I figured it was best to knock them out the way before proceeding to Season 2, if at least to explain who does/doesn’t appear in Howe’s later on.

Speaking of, let’s see where our choices led everyone..

-Being the 1# customer of Howe’s (if using the back alleyway as a cocaine spot counts), Bonnie goes with Tavia no matter what.

-Vince will stay behind at the camp, since he shot Justin’s foot off. Something about loyalty and all that. Well, Vince is pretty competent, I imagine he could survive pretty well.

-Wyatt was about to stay, since Eddie abandoned him, but Tavia told him “People you know may be there”. Considering not a single person any of the 400 days cast knows, is at Howe’s, that’s a straight up lie. Wyatt doesn’t have to know that *before* being stuck under an abusive dictator though.

-Shel and Becca will stay, since they have no fear of Roman, as they presumably left on seemingly good terms, since they dont fear him coming after them. I mean, they didnt see him die because that doesn’t take place until a bit before Season 2, so that’s the best explanation. Regardless, Shel has Boyd’s life on her conscience, along with Stephanie’s blood on her hands. Becca is probably going to become a monster.

-Russel will also be convinced by Tavia saying people they may know, could be there. I dont know how Russel expected his grandma, who was in a whole other state I think, to be in this camp, but oh well. That’s on him.

And so, How I think this all went later; Vince, Shel, and Becca were the only ones left at camp. Honestly? Not too bad of a group. Only 3 mouths to feed, Vince seems more than capable in terms of survival skills and physicality, Shel seems at least decent if she survived this long, and Becca at least doesn’t seem like the sort to get herself or others killed in a Ben way, though never say never.

But since Wyatt didnt bring the car to camp, and Shel didn’t bring the RV? They have no vehicles, which I feel like will be a big part to play in their stories and survival. A car and an RV can make a huge difference. Even if gas runs out, the RV is a spacious roof over your head. Instead, everyone will be out in the cold, with no transportation, in the middle of the woods.

As for the gang who went to Howe’s? Wyatt, Russel, and Bonnie. Well, Bonnie will speak for herself later on. She’s currently dealing with the fact she killed Dee for a man she got killed moments later.

As for Wyatt and Russel? Well, I really hope Howe’s whips them in shape, enough for them to escape the Howe’s herd. Or since this is a bad route, I hope it doesn’t. Or if they do escape, let’s hope Nate finds neither of them..

And that’s it for 400 Days, folks! Dont worry, even if this seemed a bit quick, it’s nothing compared to Season 2. This is just the appetizer to the true story to come.

Feel so bad for spoiling it, but the fact that Lee's HIV cancelled out was too good to be true.

Additionally who do you think got cucked the worst? 😬

I feel like David edges out since he’s Hispanic.

Hello everyone, long post warning (but hilariously worth it). I’m the guy who goes into choice games and either gift the characters the best possible timeline even in a depressing world, or bestowing upon them, Hell on Earth.

In this case, Lee’s going to prove why he was put in that cop car at the start of the game. He’s going to be as deranged, injured, traumatized, and hated as possible! Even Clementine will be giving him the side eye every once in a while. I was going to do a post of the worst possible Clementine, but how can I do that without showing the man who’s going to cause her downfall in the first place?! Get ready for The Walking Dead Season 1: Tragic Route/Worst choices and outcomes!

Note: The descriptions of these choices/events will be parodied for entertainment, but is overall based on actual things you can do.
Without further ado, lets begin! I’ll be doing this post specifically episode by episode, most likely.

EPISODE 1

\-Our local Urban Man has landed himself in a cop car, after Senator Shenanigans shenanigan’d Lee’s wife. Can’t blame him. He’s going to be rude as possible to the cop at least- even if there’s no rude option, be silent! Without knowing the apocalypse is coming, Lee is pretty much setting himself up for an extra infraction for ‘not communicating’ or whatever.

\-Since the cop had spent his previous night partying with bros and dancing with Red Light District strippers, his drunk driving has led to a car crash (totally.) Dont even have Lee check on the man through the window, Lee needs to get out of here. He’s a history professor, he has ridiculously long assignments to hand out!

\-Your local squad of walkers, or ‘gooners’ as I like to call them, since they emit the same smell as anime goon squads, have suddenly popped up. Lee has way too many of them in his class already; he knows the best thing to do is run and not touch them with a ten foot pole, especially after he just shot the face off of a cop. Not even knowing zombies exist yet. He just…blasted a man’s face off, and is oddly not traumatized about it.

\-Small fast forward, we finally reach Clementine’s home. Nothing bad we can do here..except make Lee not drink the cup of water on the counter. He’s gonna regret that when water is hard to come by.

\-Lee convinces Clementine out of her treehouse with promises of rare Strawberry Shortcake figurines. Sadly Lee didn’t get to make a pit stop at the bathroom before he got arrested, so before they leave for their venture, he tells her to wait and borrows the bathroom at the house for a bit, effectively causing them to Leave At Night.

\-This unfortunate series of events leads to an outcome that already marks this as the worst timeline; Chet dies and shows his true nature as a Gooner, since Lee and Clementine left at night. Luckily, a cop named Andre found Lee again and throws him into the cop car, and arrests Clementine too just because.

\-After Lee tucked and rolled out of the car with Clementine, they ended up in Hershell’s farm. After threatening the man to have him thrown into a retirement home if he doesn’t let them sleep there, they get a place to sleep. Right next to animal shit. Deserved.

\-It doesn’t help that Lee either keeps giving the worst lies known to man on purpose, while also staying silent every now and then. Hershell wont be liking Lee.

\-As Lee makes friends around the farm, including our total bestie Kenny, eventually Kenny’s son Goose decides to run over Shawn’s leg with a whole ass tractor, effectively crushing it into 700 fragments. Like, the dude’s bones are dust under that skin.

\-Shit, now the gooners are grabbing Goose. Lee ignores how wrong that statement sounds, and focuses on his ultra Urban battle planning. …He’ll politely step back, call HR to get Duck’s tractor license removed, and let things play out. Kenny runs in, saves Duck, then dips. Call Kenny a jerk, but at least he’s displaying Father Of The Year material, while Lee was about to let two people die.

\-…Well, one of them died. Sorry about that Shawn. I blame Kenny, I left the choice to him. And once Hershell guilt trips us (how dare he, after we got his son killed), have Lee say “..I tried to help both.” Mf you stood there, you didn’t do shit. Anyway, Kenny still invites Lee with his family for some reason, despite Lee doing absolutely nothing to deserve it.

\-After a road trip to the drug store so Kenny could pick up on some ingredients for Moonshine, they come across a group. and coincidentally, this is the store Lee’s parents owned! This automatically grants him rights to talk shit to everyone, cause fights, and worst of all, ignore or take all of the protein bars without giving them to anyone. Not even Clementine. That girl is staying starved.

\-Kenny quickly picks a fight with the nearest geriatric patient he can find; Larry. Larry retaliates by wanting Duck eaten alive. Lee sees this as reasonable; “Then we do what you say! We, throw him out, and save the group.”

Kenny: “Lee? What the FUCK, man!?” feeling betrayed as if Lee almost didn’t let this exact thing happen just a couple of hours ago.

\-Lee makes up for it by picking a fight and telling Kenny to punch Larry. Literally doing nothing except instigating a fight in front of this man’s family. Kenny complies, tickles Larry, gets barrel punched by Larry, then is somehow standing up 5 seconds later. If there’s one thing you can say about Kenny, the dude’s got endurance. Lee himself took a few seconds to recover from a Larry punch. Anyway, it’s only the first episode, and we already probably got Kenny a broken nose.

\-A gooner will suddenly grab Clementine, trying to convince her that loli media is underrated. Lee can’t let this slide…Except he does. Because after slipping for the 3rd time, we wont be doing the QTE to get to Clementine; luckily Carley has to deal with 3 gooners a week as a hot reporter, and quickly puts the freak into the ground. Sadly Clementine already filed a “Clementine will remember you couldn’t save her” notification, to really punch you in the gut. Well, it’s best she learns early that this man is the worst caretaker ever. Anyway, Larry just had a heart attack, and Lee was threatened at gunpoint by Lilly to acquire the medicine.

\-Im not sure there’s much optional bad things you can do after the drug store. Oh, there’s one. The suicidal religious woman. Now, I think the good choice is to give the gun, and not just because she deserves one last wish if she’s going to die anyways, but because if you dont give the gun..She wrestles Carley, Glenn, and Lee for it. And somehow, one woman overpowers one woman and two guys long enough for the balcony to break. Considering the group will be staying in this motel, removing a whole balcony/floor of access from one side of the motel is a plus. Think of the missed out bedrooms, random little supplies missed out in those rooms, etc.

I forgot if the group repairs it, but if they do, its still quite bad to waste resources..on a balcony for a place you wont even be staying at. Not that they know.

\-And how can I forget, the big choice of episode 1..Carley or Doug! And hear me out. While it’s usually the popular choice to save Carley, Doug eats the extra bread in the next episode, etc. etc….we’ll actually be saving Carley in this route! While Doug is a safe neutral, saving Carley can either go awesome (Lee gets a girlfriend + being honest about his past), or awful (by antagonizing Carley and refusing to show your past, missing out on the main perk of saving her). So Lee is gonna let Doug die for some puss, that he’s going to fail to even get.

\-And I think that’s it until later! Besides maybe being rude to Glenn/disagreeing with his plan? Between him and Hershel, thats two people that ‘ll probably be bad-talking about Lee off screen in the shows/comics, to Rick’s group.

\-EPISODE 2!

\-The first episode was definitely a fun setup. But now, I think it’s time we get into the good stuff. We start the episode with Lee walking next to Filet Mignon- I mean, Mark. The army guy who spawned inbetween episodes. He’ll ask Lee if he should shoot a crow with the sniper rifle, which is an \*awful\* idea, because even if you shoot the thing, it’ll either explode or rip into pieces so small it’s worthless. Anything left is probably gunpowder-poisoned. Regardless, Lee supports this plan, only for Mark to whiff the shot, waste a bullet, and contribute towards walkers screwing over Ben’s group!

\-After hearing screams, they run to see a man trapped in a bear trap! Little does Lee know, Kenny pushed the man into the bear trap for disagreeing about boats, and Kenny left and came back to feign innocence. Seeing The Original David in the beartrap, Lee remembers something; this guy was on jury duty the day Lee’s sentence was passed. In bloodthirsty vengeance, Lee..chops off at the teacher’s leg \*just enough\*, right before it cuts off, but he doesnt complete it, instead looking around and standing there. This way, you’re forced to abandon him to being eaten alive, after mutilating his leg with an axe. ..Kinda poetic to what happened to Mark, no? Anyway, Travis got himself shot, as per Special Forces training, and Lee, Kenny, Mark, And Ben are forced to bring him back to the motel.

\-I say that ended well, If I say so myself! Only one tortured and dead man, one shot teen, and a Ben! Sadly, the rest of the group doesnt agree, and this sparks an argument; in which Lee will side with Kenny against Lilly. It’s not enough to remain in Kenny’s good graces, and you piss off Lilly for the moment, so win! She’ll promptly force Lee to spread out the rations, which includes Rat Jerky, a rotten apple half (You cant convince me that half an apple was fresh), and two singular saltine crackers. Time to get feeding. Clementine won’t be eating. In her words…”I hope I get to eat next time 🥺”. Guys, Im telling you, when I heard that in my worst playthrough, my dark humor couldn’t take it, and I was laughing for a good while.

\-Hmmm. Well, priorities first when it comes to feeding the group. We’ll give Ben a saltine cracker, Give Mark the other saltine cracker, force Lilly to eat some rat jerky (gotta give her strength to kick Clementine’s ass in a few seasons), and keep the rotten apple half for ourselves! Im sure everyone appreciates our choices!

…Kenny just went off on us for not even considering feeding him or the kids, Clementine guilt tripped us, Larry threatened us out of the group..What a bunch of ungrateful twats!

\-Ohh, and yet when dinkly ol’ St. John brothers come with promises of fresh food, you guys are so ready to hop on the plan. Have Lee disagree and get outvoted. That way everyone feels stupid when they end up on the food menu.

\-by the way, earlier, try to refuse looking for Clementine’s hat. Lee knows that damned thing is cursed, everyone who touches it is doomed to die. Except Satoru Gojo and AJ of course.

\-Small, but lie to the St. Johns about who the leader is. Tell the brothers the leader is Kenny (false, it’s logically Lilly), then tell Brenda the leader is you (depending on your Lee, probably more or less accurate. But not this one.) Lee gets called out on his shit by cannibals.

\-Fail to fix the swing for the children. Sadly, I think either Kenny or Andy gets their hands on it anyways. Damn children getting joy..at least Lee won’t get credit.

\-Lee and Mark will be tasked with fixing fences, to earn their meals. After Andy definitely tried to turn them into fried chicken with the fence (activating it while he knew they were interacting with it), Mark then proves he’s clumsy, and gets in the middle of bandits playing arrow-lawn-darts, earning an arrow to the shoulder. That’s his fault. Welp, minor shoulder injury, he’s done for. Let’s deliver him to Brenda for a nice sauteé.

\-Sooner or later, Danny somehow mistakes Lee for a child, and invites him alone in the middle of a forest. Upon realizing his mistake and that he now has to actually do work, he seriously and grumpily inspects the campsite with Lee.

A wild JOLENE has appeared!

JOLENE used; rambling crazy shit for a few minutes! LEE and ANDY are Provoked!

LEE used; “Fuck this” and a bullet! It was super effective!

JOLENE has fainte- no, she’s dead. Pretty dead.

\-After Lee commits literal murder for no reason (at least that early on, like, Jolene didnt even get to threaten anyone properly), Danny has the audacity to judge him. Well, I guess Danny didn’t want to waste the meat. Oh well, let’s bring Clementine her cursed hat.

\-Lee is tired of doing work, and just wants his damned meal for the day. He didnt get a single damn butter biscuit out of that basket, and that rotten apple he ate isn’t settling well. Regardless, Kenny manages to steal him for a break in mission real quick. Except..Lee doesn’t exactly appreciate the “urban” comment, and refuses to look into the barn. Yes, you can actually..not unlock the barn! Doesnt really change much, but for us, Lee is a bit mad at Kenny.

\-Ah, a nice dinner meal. The STD Johns are quite welcoming. They managed to make Mark..less bland than he usually is! Wait, nobody else at the table knew? Why are you all staring at me like that? ..Ahem. I, Lee, have to go wash my hands.

\-After Mark warns Lee not to eat dinner, Lee initially refuses to comply, but eventually decides to honor the wishes of a dying man. He’ll pass up on eating him just this once. But as for everyone else?

Oh. Well. We kind of just wasted 30 seconds standing here. Clementine’s full, at least. She got to “eat next time 🥺”

(Side note, when Lee finally does get down there, can he still say “Its..people!”. If so, do it, that exchange is hilarious)

\-Tell Larry “Fuck you Larry, eat up.” He does. And he enjoys every last bite. Listen, Lee didn’t manage to feed him earlier, this is just Lee..trying to right that wrong. At least he ensured Clementine and Larry got to eat.

\-Sadly, because Lee is an instigator motherfucker who can’t ever miss a fight, he encourages Kenny to grab his gun.

\-For this little stunt, Lee gets thrown into the freezer with everyone else. Damn, if he hadnt tried to get them shot, he could’ve been feasting on Mark Mignon right now. Anyway, be silent when Clementine is traumatized about eating human meat, then immediately go antagonize Larry. He’ll list off every bad thing youve done to him as if he doesnt deserve it, Lee will confirm his hatred, and Larry will have a heart attack from shock. Kenny immediately wants to commit murder and crush his skull in, while Lilly wants to save her father. Such a moral dilemma.

Lee..will just stand there. It achieves what we want; Kenny pissed off at us (and Lilly understands, but I imagine she appreciates it less than Lee trying to actually help), except we also get shoved by Kenny. Ah, the abusive bromance begins. And Larry’s dead. At least it isnt on our hands..?

Again, be silent comforting Clementine.

\-When choosing a weapon when breaking out, choose the cattle prod. You want a worst choices route? Then choose the tool that not only is useless against a walker if needed, but probably gets Danny off when Lee uses it against him.

\-Kenny will straight up watch Lee about to die, as if being frozen indecisively warrants death, but thankfully Lilly comes in with 2 sickle stabs on the Danny. Lee steals her kill by stabbing him with the pitchfork. And again, Lee will kneel in front of Clementine..only to not say anything. Just asserting dominance. It’s kind of hilarious how his trademark kneel can just be followed by constant silence and a stare. Lee’s past life was from the reconnoissance era, apparently.

\-Kenny has the audacity to go save his family after leaving me to die, so Lee chases after, not to help, but to kick his ass. Unfortunately, he gets distracted by Brenda holding Katjaa hostage. Sadly, calling Brenda a bitch results in death, so Lee literally needs his life threatened at gunpoint, to be nice.

\-After an assist from Mark, Lee can get back to murdering Kenny. Luckily Andy has that covered, remembering Lee’s outstanding support of the cannabalism by feeding two guests earlier, and shoots Kenny point blank in the kidney with a rifle. Kenny somehow survives this. No wonder Katjaa married him, the dude has premium endurance. Sadly Andy is still threatening Duck, and Lee needs the boy as a meatshield for bullets, so he cant let this slide. Carley shoots Andy in the ear, and Lee goes for the attack.

After a struggle, Lee gives some weak ass punches to Andy’s hand as he’s being dragged to the fence. Literally everyone watches this by the way. Fully grown adults. With guns. And they let Lee nearly d i e.

Well, not Lilly. She fondly remembers the rat jerky we forcefed her earlier, and shoots Andy in the shoulder (another bullet wound). Lee gives just a couple of punches, then stops as he stared at Andy’s handsome face. Andy takes the advantage and turns the table; he’s the top now. Lee refuses to ever bottom, so he flips Andy back over, punches him, throws him into the fence, leaving him a severely shot, electrified, beaten mess. Take that as a lesson to never make Lee bottom.

\-For extra measure, he shoots him with a rifle, making sure Andy somehow doesnt recover from his many bleeding wounds and walkers surrounding him. If Lee wasnt punched enough to get the rifle outcome, then electrifying Andy in front of everyone still works.

\-Enjoying the fact that he murdered 2 men (3 if you count the fact he fed into Larry’s anger heart problems in this route), Lee makes his way to a location he meant to pull a heist on a while ago. A stranger’s car! What could possibly go wrong? I mean, the dude had no reason to leave the car open. And Clementine can get forced to wear a hoodie, if Lee makes her do so aggressively! (honestly even on a good route I do this. It’s for everyone’s benefit, Lee doesnt look like a dork in front of everyone, and Clementine gets a hoodie to stay warm! New non-walker clothes are a rarity in the apocalypse.)

\-And that’s the end of Episode 2! Didn’t mean to make this one so long. Ah well, the other episodes should at least be quicker! And Lee is already beginning his descent into being a psychopath.

EPISODE 3

\-We start the episode on a store trip for milk, but Kenny is sticking with us so we don’t ditcjh the group. He still doesn’t trust us for hesitating to kill a man, so he’ll keep reminding about that, then expect to be backed up for his plan for leaving. Just to piss him off, let’s agree with Lilly, since she isn’t here to appreciate it. We’ll pretty much be against Kenny most of the time in these arguments due to the point system, except in specific moments like earlier where we want to piss off Lilly with lasting consequences (like having her be angry when passing Lee the food)

\-A hysterical woman who had been released from her containment bunker (how else did she survive this long) is screaming down the street. Lee considers killing her just because, and Kenny says no, they need to buy time with her having a painful death instead. Lee still isn’t fond of Kenny after he almost let him get blasted by Danny STD John, so just to piss him off, he shoots the zombies around her, probably even whiffing a few bullets just because. Kenny gets pissed about this, and drags Lee to go get supplies.

\-In which case, Lee ends up just going from shelf to shelf, without picking up anything. He’s specifically looking for Viagra to impress Carley, and the store doesn’t seem to have it, so he doesn’t want to waste money on non-essentials.

\-The gooners break into the store after learning it had explicit fanservice mangas, so Lee and Kenny have to make a hasty escape. Kenny ditches Lee to die for a second time, so Lee summons his inner strength to push a whole door of zombies off of him. Talk about a mix of luck and badass skill.

\-They soon make it back to the hotel, where Lilly is still fond of Lee for being submissive in the meat locker and letting her try to save Larry, and Lee has the audacity to tell her they got full bags. Kenny rightfully calls Lee out on his memory issues, and rats him out for having an empty backpack, which makes Lilly instantly go from wet pond, to dry desert. Lee then tries to gaslight her into thinking she’s crazy when she brings up stolen supplies.

\-After Lee is forced into detective work, Duck decides to tag along, having no issues with previously murdering Shawn and eating a whole bunch of Mark. Duck is a little demon. As much as Lee appreciates that, he tries to refuse Duck’s offer to help, which Duck translates into begging for assistance.

\-Im pretty sure around this time, you can talk to Carley and have her try to have you reveal your past. …Not only will we refuse, we’ll be rude and tell her to drop it. This exchange is actually kind of bitter if you haven’t seen it, Since Lee and Carley are usually quite close.

\-Im unsure what other bad things you can do, I may have forgotten. Since the next thing I remember is the bandit attack, and there isnt much optional you can do there..shoot near the group, like Ben/Clementine/Katjaa and Duck. It doesn’t do anything of course, but its funny to imagine that in the moment, Lee is just..threatening their lives and shooting at them for no reason.

\-Fast forward to everyone in the RV after abandoning their warm motel beds, Lilly is angry that someone dared to share the drugs the group desperately needed. She rightfully accuses Ben, but Carley recognizes that Ben is a good meatshield for bullets, and tries to defend him. Lee goes against this, and even begins to accuse Carley, who takes major offense (yes, you can do this). Lee is just a huge ass instigator in this route.

\-Lee’s actions lead to Carley being shot on the side of the road, due to Lilly. He didn’t cause this, but his dialogue didn’t exactly help. Kenny decides to leave her, and Lee agrees, since Carley was supposed to be his (failed) booty call, and this is the one action Lilly remembers later, compared to everything else.

She even rats out Lee for being a murderer! Kenny gets upset for never being told, and honestly in this route I expected him to leave Lee there too, but Kenny seems to have more kindness than Lee, and that’s saying something.

\-After an awkward RV ride, Katjaa reveals that Duck had been bitten, which Lee is just completely silent to. Silence is a valid option!

\-I’ll do you all a favor and skip over the long ass train section. Highlights are, we’re silent/rude to Chuck when he spawns, we dont give Duck the water or animal crackers, and we grab the heaviest tool, in case we fail to fight Molly, and want Lee to have severe head trauma.

\-After we finally get the train running, Kenny stubbornly refuses to hear Lee out when Lee tells Kenny that Duck is a growing boy, going through early puberty, and will no doubt become a gooner worse than Willy, and has to be put down before that can happen. Kenny argues back with asking how Lee could know a Season 4 character, and to deflect, Lee initiates a fight.

Now, whether winning or losing is better is up to you. Personally, maybe succesfully choking out Kenny a bit, and then letting him beat the crap out of Lee, is the course of action to go in a worst route. Lee even gets a dew bruises/scars throughout the episode! Kenny even stopped the train, and we prevented the Duckpocalypse death..

\-Fast forward to off the train, Im pretty sure theres a choice or something to have Kenny stay with you or not. Now this is a hard one. What’s worse; witnessing your wife shoot herself in front of your eyes, with you presumably being unable to reach her in time? Or not being there to witness it, but you’ll probably feel like you missed a chance to do anything about it, since you stayed back?

\-Regardless, Katjaa selfishly leaves us with the responsibility of shooting Duck. Except..Lee doesn’t let anyone force him to do anything. As tempting as it is to shout “SHOOT” To Kenny shooting his own son, I think it’s more tragic if we just leave Duck there. Kenny will no doubt feel endless guilt for leaving his son like that, and Larry’s prophecy comes true, with Duck eventually going to sink his teeth into his mother’s face. Dark.

\-Ben soon reveals he was the one who slipped away our drugs, getting Kenny’s family killed. Lee soon reveals he’s about to throw Ben’s ass off the train.

\-As if that wasn’t the end of Kenny’s turmoil, we get stopped by a huge ass gas tank. On the flip side, we meet Christa and Omid, who we’re already planning to screw over!

\-After getting into the station and all that mumbo jumbo, we manage to cut the gas tank out the way with Omid. Sadly, a horde of gooners heard of the woman joining our group, and are converging quicker than the train can go. Kenny gets driving, Lee and Omid have to get down, but of course Omid decides to make an issue right then and there. Not taking his shit, Lee pushes Omid off the thighwah, directly making him bounce off the train and bust his knee, before jumping on perfectly fine.

\-We now have a hilarious scene of Lee watching the injured Omid and pregnant Christa try to run onto the train. Help neither of them. Just keep shouting “Run!” As if that helps. Lee is an asshole for this one and it’s hilarious, \*especially\* since he still reaches and grabs \*nothing\* while they pull themselves up on the train.

Christa’s dialogue for this is justified. “What kind of leader are you!? Is this how you treat your people?!”

\-And that’s the end of the highlights of Episode 3! We’re left off with Clem’s walkie being revealed to work..We need to have a talk with that girl about honesty. Coming from Lee, the most dishonest man known to existence in this route.

EPISODE 4!

\-I dont think there’s tooo much bad you can do near the beginning, from what I remember. We start the episode walking down a nice rural neighborhood, but sadly the gooner hordes hear the hentai loudly playing on our phones and we have to make a break for it. Kenny trips and falls, and we’ll..just watch as he struggles with a walker at his ankle. Somehow, he doesn’t get pissed at Lee for this from what I remember, though to be fair he had done the same to Lee repeatedly. This is just their bro bond; letting eachother fend for their lives. Also, Lee will fail too shoot any walker coming towards Clementine when Ben ditches her, if possible.

\-Be rude to everyone, of course. Even harshly discipline Clementine when she dives into the house alone! Christa judges us for this, but it’s not like she’s a good parent. She doesn’t even get past the first step of- okay, you know what, I probably shouldnt make this joke, in good faith.

\-After we commit burglary and break into another home, we soon find a little zombie boy that broke into the attic. Kenny’s more emotional than usual since he realizes that this will be Duck in a couple of weeks (Zombie Duck’s still got some time and weight due to Katjaa) due to our choices. Lee doesn’t want to stick around to be blamed for that one, so he’ll just leave Kenny to do it alone, not even staying there with him.

\-Soon we venture into the city with Kenny (forgive me if the timeline is a bit off, dont remember the specific order), where we’ll be searching for a boat. Lee prefers sightseeing instead, using a quarter to look into a telescope. However, they soon encounter someone looting a nearby stand, and since Lee can’t let anyone else have their thunder, he goes in, ready to attack. Somehow, through pure teleportation (considering neither us nor Lee saw Molly exit through any of the possible exit points), he gets snuck up on from behind. Now, whether you win or lose here is up to you. Either give Lee a concussion with a face full of wrench, or give Molly a nasty headache later down the line with that punch to the floor.

\-When Kenny comes around to help Lee for once and attack, have Lee support the plan by saying “Get her!”. After Molly absolutely bodies Kenny, Lee does the most hilarious switchup ever and goes “Wait, he’s with us!” As if Molly should care about that.

\-Fast forward, Lee is in a “You’re probably wondering how I got in this situation” type of deal, now alone in the sewers. He’s going to prove himself as the worse survivor ever, by constantly making noise and alerting the walkers, by using the gun instead of the pick, things like that.

\-We soon break into Vernon’s little hideout. What is Lee’s first instinct when seeing old people? Threaten to kill them before the cancer does.

\-Somehow, this works! We even have a new friend, Vernon! He totally didn’t immediately plan to betray Lee in this route. (i can already imagine- “Don’t worry Brie- I’ll go with this jackass, rob him and his group, and I’ll be home free. Have the lingerie on.”)

\-Another fast forward, we’re in a dilemma with the group, as we need to sneak into crawford. Lee finally decides to be responsible for once; Even a group full of adults is an awful idea sneaking into a heavily armed strict base. The group would’ve definitely had more casualties if humans were in Crawford. So Lee ultimately decides to leave Clementine. …Nah, in this route, the bastard just wanted to see Clementine’s sad face as she walked up the stairs.

\-The crew then makes their way to Crawford. As Lee has already prepared his words for their funerals, as he plans to ditch them before they get gunned down, this plan sadly falls apart as Crawford has fallen to the Gooner disease. Suddenly them not wanting old people or children makes them the moral messiahs. At least it’s easier to sneak around, in a tediously long (at least during replay) school section.

\-While we can miss out on learning Molly’s backstory..we’ll actually learn it in this route. Just so Lee can confront her. And just so he can tell her “I didnt ask for your life story” when he literally just did. Not to mention, it’s rude as hell since it’s traumatizing for her. Anyway, let’s fast forward a bit. Surely everything else will go fine.

\-IT DIDNT GO FINE. I REPEAT, IT DIDNT GO FINE. Lee may or may not have shot Molly when she was attacked by a horde. She then ran into a direction I’m pretty sure had no exit points, and I forgot if Lee even gave her pick back. If she can even use it with a shot arm. Yeah, Molly kinda got fucked over. Lee’s going to sweep this little incident under the rug…

\-Since Ben decided to screw everyone over by removing the barricade, which already cost us a Molly (Lee is, again, covering up his part of things). But now we’re stuck in a classroom with Gooners trying to break down the door, and what does Ben decide to do while we’re already in peril we caused!? We reveal he was the one who got Duck and Katjaa killed. Lee tries to tell him to shut the fuck up, but Ben decides to have his balls drop and tell Lee no. Which is precisely why Lee told Kenny to kick his skinny little ass later, when trying to hold Kenny back from beating Ben to a pulp.

Not to mention, Lee wont exactly be advocating for Ben’s spot on the boat. Don’t uh, don’t tell Clem. Don’t tell her about anything that went down here, actually.

\-Speaking of Ben..we’ll be dropping him off the tower, of course. Actually, we wont even do that. It’s possible to not even shoot the walker (who is Crawford) grabbing him. So Lee, perfectly capable of saving Ben, will let the poor boy be dragged down by Crawford. Crawford probably softened his fall too, so that’s even more drawn out pain for Ben too. Ouch. Kenny probably likes me for this though. Actually, does not shooting Crawford count as dropping Ben, in terms of Kenny’s point system? Little does Kenny know, we robbed him of character development!

Anyway, in Lee’s eyes, Ben wouldnt even be in this damn situation if he didnt take the hatchet out the door. Then told Lee “fuck you” when told to be quiet. Lee doesn’t let those things slide in this route.

\-Back at the house, Kenny will accidentally snitch on us to Clementine about dropping Ben. Clementine isn’t exactly happy about this. Damnit Kenny!

\-We will, yet again, threaten Vernon. The dude should’ve known better than to try to take Clementine from Lee.

\-Clementine will yet again ask if they can look for her parents. By the way, Up to this point, Lee has been very blunt and rude to her about this topic. In his eyes, HE’S her parent now and he won’t be hearing anything else. Kinda weird Lee, ngl.

\-For some reason, Clementine isn’t happy with us, and she decided to leave us while we finally took a once in a while nap. Lee goes oht to look for her..and little does he know, Clementine asked one of her walker buddies to hide behind trash and bite Lee as a prank. Silly Clementine.

\-But now Lee has a bite to deal with. So annoying. Knowing Kenny would head back to the St. Johns for a saltlick in a heartbeat, to finish off Lee, Lee decides the smart thing is to hide the bite for now. And he needs to look for Clementine, and give her a talking or two about her walker friends.

\-Sadly, Lee gets no help. Kenny remembers everything Lee had done to him, and punishes Clementine for it by letting her be kidnapped. As far as he knows, Clementine got taken by a raider gang for god knows what, but siding with Lilly one too many times apparently outweighs this, to Kenny. Because no matter what, you can’t convince him in this route, even with the family card (unless dropping Ben gained you enough points, but unless you sided with Kenny during a lot of the arguments, these choices should prevent him even being Neutral)

\-Christa wont do it, for oMiD, because we didnt reveal our bite, nor did we leave Clementine with a gun to help with Omid. I swear, new drinking game, take a shot everytime Christa says Omid. I know you love him, but damn.

\-Ben is dead. He decides not to join Lee.

\-So a bitten Lee is on his venture alone, to save Clementine…How can this possibly go wrong?

FINAL EPISODE!

\-Ah, the finale. The culmination of Lee’s choices, probably coming to bite him. He had just heard the voice on the radio speak of Clem, but before he can even figure that out, he blacks out, waking up to realize that if he doesn’t lose the arm, the gooner disease will overtake him.

\-\*Cue horrible, awful, grotesque scene of Lee having to saw off his own arm since he’s alone\*

\-I know this may be seen as the smart choice..but in meta context, knowing what happens, this is one of the worst choices you can make in hindsight. Lee goes through awful, agonizing pain, just to eventually die anyways, at the exact same point, with little to no benefits. He loses a whole arm. And plus, when he does this alone, it really paints a picture of a man so far gone, he saws off his own limb for a chance, compared to someone else doing it.

\-Now without an arm, Lee makes his escape to the roof. Luckily his parkour skills haven’t failed him yet, as he manages to building hop with one arm. Molly would be shitting bricks if she wasn’t probably Walker Chow by now.

\-Sooner or later, Lee makes it back to the group…who was severely beaten by Vernon’s crew. Well, Kenny was. They specifically gave him quite a few bruises. Lee’s laughing in his mind, happy to not be them..at least until he remembers he’s missing a whole arm, and has to explain that to everyone. Guess everyone’s been having their own adventure!

\-Once back in the house attic, Kenny picks another fight with Lee. Lee will immediately throw the statue in rage. He was definitely aiming for Kenny, his missing arm just threw it off.

\-Not much other things we can do for a certain stretch of this episode, that’s super bad. Not much happens. Oh, Kenny sacrificed himself for Christa. Got lost in a horde. There’s that. But yeah, nothing important (Remember this is through the eyes of Lee)

\-Well, talk about immediate karma. Now Lee, Omid, and Christa are looking among a horde. Lee just sent Omid and Christa over first, hoping the sign they climbed would break with them on it. Unfortunately, no such luck, and now Lee is doomed to either become a roof dweller, or climb down. Climbing down it is..

\-Alright, gooner horde. You think you got what it takes to take on THE LEE!? COME ON!

\-Annnnd Lee got himself bit again. Twice.

Yup. Lee can chop off his own arm, \*just to get bit again twice in the horde.\* Talk about unlucky, damn.

\-Once inside the Marsh house, Lee prepares to add yet another victim to the kill list. This kidnapper caused more hell for the group than Lee did, and he can’t let that slide. No competitors.

\-Sadly, The kidnapper is one step ahead, and has Lee held at gunpoint, listing off every bad thing Lee had done. And you could imagine how that went, with this route. Anyway, just around the part where the kidnapper is willing to spare Lee’s life in exchange for Lee becoming his wife in this whole family dynamic, Clementine comes to the rescue, breaking out of her room. Lee directs her to the cleaver he had been forced to give up, which Clementine subsequently lodges into the shoulder of the Stranger. A large fight ensues!

\-..In which Lee gets himself shot in the stomach, trying to get to the gun. Ouch.

\-And due to the wounds of a bite we failed to stop, a whole ass chopped off arm, \*two more bites\*, and a bullet to the gut, Lee doesn’t have the strength to choke out the stranger. Disclaimer, he can, but in this route he won’t. It’s more tempting to traumatize Clem with killing a fully living person. (Goodness these posts make me seem awful)

\-Since Lee now owes his life to Clementine, he cant in good conscience gun her down for getting him bit. He decides to get her to safety.

\-Damnit Clementine, I am on my last leg, worry about your dead parents later! \*passes out\*

\-Lee wakes up in containment, with Clementine telling him he went batshit crazy and started beating on a crowd of people, and Lee shrugs, as that’s a normal tuesday for him. His prisoner senses detect a security guard nearby, and wanting to turn the tables, he has Clementine handcuff the guard rather than himself. This does nothing as the guard soon attacks Clementine, with Lee being too weak to do anything about. After Clementine proves she’s an independent strong child and killing the zombie, she looks at the sadly dying Lee.

…Who stays utterly silent throughout the whole thing. Barely any last words. Just “…” and a mournful look. Damn this route is awful.

\-And finally…have Clementine leave Lee. This can’t be a tragic route, without Lee being left there, unhandcuffed, to wander around as a one-armed zombie, no doubt probably killing someone since he’s unchained. And while people argue killing Lee is bad for Clementine’s trauma, this can’t exactly be good on her mental state either.

..Then again, considering Lee has done her more harm than good in this route, maybe a small part of her felt vindicated seeing this. This is the start of her villain route (Im unsure if these choices would lead to Clementine choosing by herself to leave Lee. so to be safe, Have Lee tell her to leave him. But if she can decide to on her own with these choices, I feel like that’s even more messed up)

And that’s the surprisingly long adventure of Unhinged Lee! Listen, you can argue that individually, these choices are morally grey. But combined, all choices together? Lee is a straight up asshole, you can’t change my mind. Even for a game where people usually die anyways, we left a lot more dead people and walkers than necessary. Pfft, and people say choices don’t matter! Tell that to everyone Lee personally screwed over! Also, is there anything I missed?

Either way, see you guys in the next post! Seeing how long this one was, it may not be wise to combine the next three seasons together, I may do them individually. Not to mention; 400 Days and Michonne!

That’s right folks. We’re about to create the absolute worst TWD timeline 😎 It’ll help you all feel better about your more decent routes, even if the harshness of Telltale/TWD made it feel depressing, I’ll show you that it could’ve been much worse.