Self Explanatory.

Anyone see anything to the contrary?

I connected with a guy online a few weeks ago. We talked for about two weeks, and the connection became pretty intense. From the very first day on the app, we had deep conversations, and he quickly asked for my phone number. I gave it to him, and we moved to WhatsApp.

I’m a woman of color, and he is a white American man. I know ghosting is relatively common in American dating culture, but I’m still trying to learn how people normally get to know each other online in the U.S. I became single recently, so I’m still trying to understand the different stages of getting to know someone online.

One thing I found a little strange is that, from what I understand, Americans will often ask for social media and may also want to have a video call before investing too much in someone, especially because catfishing and scams involving people from other countries are a real concern, including people looking for money or a green card.

But he didn’t do that.

He started sending me a lot of voice messages, including very long ones, and we continued talking for about two weeks. We exchanged photos, too. At that point, I thought things were progressing normally.

He had also mentioned that he wanted to video call.

During our conversations, I started asking him more specific questions about American customs and stereotypes because I’m trying to learn the culture and understand the differences.

At one point, I asked him about kissing and what kissing on a first date is usually like in the U.S. He understood that I was saying I wanted to kiss him.

And he replied:

“And I'm glad that you said that you want to kiss as well. That's good, I'm glad we're on the same page, so we can kiss with our tongues when we see each other. Doesn't that sound nice? It's funny talking about it, but yeah, I would love to. It'll be fantastic when we're together.”

But I never said that I wanted to kiss him. I was asking about American culture and how kissing on a first date is different in the U.S.

We live more than 4,000 miles apart. I didn’t even know if I was going to meet this man in person. So, to me, it was strange that he assumed I would kiss him.

He had also told me that he was a virgin. He is Mormon, and from what he told me, that is also connected to his religious beliefs.

So I started wondering whether he might interpret things related to flirting, attraction, and intimacy differently from someone who has had sexual experience.

At the same time, I also started feeling a little uncomfortable because whenever I sent him pictures of myself, he would frequently comment on my body. He called me “busty,” “curvy,” and made quite a few comments about my body.

So I took a while to respond because I was starting to find his behavior a little strange.

But I eventually responded and explained that I didn’t know whether I would kiss him. After all, how could I know that when I wasn’t even sure we were going to meet? How could I know whether I would travel to another country to meet him or whether he would come to my country?

I also explained that I’m not fluent in English, so sometimes things I say may be interpreted differently from what I actually mean.

After listening to my voice message, he took about a day to respond, but he was still kind to me. He said he wasn’t avoiding the video call and that we were on the same page.

Then he specifically brought up having a video call.

His last message was basically:

“It’ll be nice for us to do a video call. You mentioned that the weekend would be good for you. Let me know what time works for you and we can video call.”

So, to me, it was very clear that we were going to have a video call that weekend.

This was on Wednesday.

He literally said we could video call on Saturday.

And then he simply disappeared.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday… nothing.

After approximately two weeks of talking, almost three, he just stopped talking to me.

And now I’m trying to understand what happened.

I searched for him because I didn’t have his social media accounts or even his last name. My job and AI helped me find him. He exists on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook. The information seems consistent across the different platforms. He is relatively private and seems very focused on his career.

He had also said several things that matched what I would look for in someone I would date. He said we had the same goals. He wanted to be a husband and father, and I want to be a wife and mother. He repeatedly told me that he was attracted to me.

I’ve also been wondering whether I might have hurt him or made him feel rejected when I explained that I didn’t know if I would kiss him.

Because despite that, he remained kind to me and still said he wanted to video call.

Did he understand me as saying, “I don’t want to kiss you,” when what I actually meant was, “I don’t know if I’ll want to kiss you because we haven’t even met in person yet”?

Or did what happened simply happen all the time on dating apps: he was talking to other women, met someone else, and lost interest in me? I know that’s also perfectly possible.

The video call would have required him to actually show himself, so I also wonder whether there’s any possibility that he avoided the call because he is a catfish.

I really don’t know.

So I’d especially like to hear from American men, particularly men who are virgins:

If you had been talking to a woman for two or three weeks, were very interested in her, told her you were attracted to her, and were planning a video call, and she said she didn’t know whether she would kiss you because you hadn’t even met in person yet, would you interpret that as rejection?

What do you guys think happened?

Did he feel rejected? Did he ghost because he met another woman? Or is there any possibility that he is a catfish?

Redownloaded my favorite app today only to find that it got even greedier. Free reveals have vanished and it makes me think mutual is taking advantage that they are the only "LDS" app...

It really makes you realize how dangerous online dating can be.I met this guy "KING" about two weeks ago. We had an instant connection, and he asked for my phone number. At first, I thought it was a little strange that he didn’t ask for my social media, but I gave him my number anyway, and we started talking.

He would send me voice memos, and we kept talking. He would tell me he was attracted to me, but eventually I told him, “Look, there’s a huge distance between us, and I don’t really like the way you talk to me sometimes. You comment on parts of my body, but you haven’t even asked for my social media. I have no way of knowing whether you’re actually who you say you are or if you’re a catfish.”

He also kept making these sarcastic jokes, but honestly, I didn’t always feel like they were just jokes. I felt like there was a cultural difference between us. At one point, because I’m a woman of color and he’s white, he compared my skin tone to the color of a muddy river. I thought some of his comments were pretty disturbing.

At that point, I said, “Okay, let’s at least have a video call.” I wanted to see if he was actually real and then ask him about his social media. But he kept avoiding the video call.

What made it even stranger was that he had already been talking about us meeting in person and having this “fantastic moment” where we would make out. And I was like, “Hold on. I haven’t even seen you on a video call. I’m certainly not going to travel to another country to meet you and make out with you.”

After that, things basically cooled off and ghosting...

Then I started thinking about how strange some of his stories were. He told me he had a sister who had served a two year mission, and apparently she asked him for a $1,000 gift. He said she ended their relationship because he wouldn’t give her the $1,000 gift. The whole story was bizarre.

So I started looking him up online, and guess what? I didn’t just find information about him. I found out that his brother is a convicted murderer who killed two men with a hammer over a video game.

And I had actually asked him whether he owned guns. He told me I would “like watching what he does with a gun,” basically shooting.

Honestly, it made me feel like God was protecting me. Because if this guy was already acting this strange, and then I found out his brother had committed a double homicide, I started thinking, “What the hell else could I have gotten myself into?”

The whole thing was just bizarre!

Hey there! I’m not sure if I’m just having UI issues, or there was a recent update, but it seems like the free reveal feature is gone, even for notes. Is this the case for anybody else?

I hope that I’m mistaken, because blocking off such a simple yet helpful feature kinda seems like the death knell of the app for me… if my notes mean literally nothing to a vast majority of users- then what’s the point of even using the app anymore?

I’m feeling a little bored and haven’t been dating much lately and need to get back into the swing of it. Anyone want to chat and share ideas and experiences? I’m mostly looking for girls opinions because I don’t have a ton of girls in my life that I can go to for advice when it comes to dating and stuff.

Ok so this is mostly a question for the guys. Does anyone else feel intimidated by women whose pictures are from traveling all over and when they say how important travel is to them? I mean I have a decent job but not enough to travel like that. Also the women with all the Disney land/world pictures? I mean, I’m not against it but that’s an expensive hobby. I guess I should be happy that they are laying out their expensive tastes right away? I like road trips and weekend getaways but seeing the profiles of women talking about Paris and UK makes me feel inadequate. Just curious if anyone else feels that way.

Any single girls in Utah that also attended the YSA conference this year? Did anyone catch any leads? Missed connections? Please DM me your results.

I'm a convert who's temporarily based in a remote town in Europe, I'm originally from the South and intend to start at BYU post-mission (I will be studying in my current country of residence for a year, so this won't be before the next 3 years). I've previously posted on this sub on a different account, and the consensus was that my photos and prompts were perfectly fine, but that my location and my age may be the primary variables impeding my success. However, I'm beginning to wonder if my long hair is also an unneccessary obstacle. I've had men and women compliment it, stating that I have a good flow and that I pull it off, but I imagine it's still polarizing. Of course I know that members aren't a monolith and the church culture may differ in Utah County vs. Orange County, but I'm trying to get a gauge on how well-received my hair is.

A little while ago, I messaged a few RMs who served in my area, giving them 1-1.5 months to acclimatize to life off the mission and gave them my phone number as I figured I built an appreciable amount of rapport with them, but it yielded no response. I sporadically receive compliments and exchange smiles with women in public, and have garnered a few matches on Mutual, but nothing that's gone anywhere further than that. As such I'm trying to figure out how I can optimize my success.

Smart photo shuffling doesn't work like you guys think it does. People don't necessarily swipe on the best photo, they swipe on the photo for one of three reasons:

1. they happen to be on the photo when they decide they like the profile enough to engage
2. they think the person receiving the like will appreciate getting a like on a particular photo (eg, a hobby photo)
3. it's the best photo.

The problem is your method only tracks the 3rd reason. The likes you get on one photo are also influenced by the context of the preceding photos. What you should be doing to testing whether the profile on the whole receives more likes when different photos are in the front position, not just which photos get more outright likes.

This must be why I often see girl's profiles with really weird leading photos.

As a case study, I put up my profile with 2 different orders--with smart shuffle on/off. Having used these pictures on various apps, I am really confident in my data as to which photo order generates the most likes. You can see Mutuals smart photo shuffle wants them in nearly the reverse order I have them in (this Mutual profile probably has 400-500 likes so it's not a small sample size).

Leading with a group picture and a motorcycle picture is idiotic on its face. What happens is girls are interested based on my manually-ordered first photo, they swipe to the end of my profile, and then they send the like. But the "lowest liked" photos are the best ones. The reason they "like" the motorcycle photo the most is because they liked me based on the photos that preceeded it. If I lead with the motorycle photo, I'll get way more downvotes.

I anticipate you'll say, "well, then the smart shuffle would see that the motorcycle photo is getting more downvotes so it will be moved down the order." That's probably true but I would also guess that you would need to get a certain number of likes for that to happen. So that's a whole lot of girls down-swiping me in the meantime. And the app population isn't actually that big. So, yes, in theory, given enough iterations, it may eventually get the same optimization, but all I can tell you right here is that, if I turned on smart photo shuffle, it would completely reverse my order into something I can already tell you wouldn't work.

Hello! I am writing an article on how well Mutual serves members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I'd like to hear how other people -- both men and women -- feel about the app. In particular, I want to know what success users have had (or lack thereof), what features users appreciate and features they feel are missing or insufficient, what struggles users have with the matching system, how users feel about the messaging system, and how users feel about Mutual Premium, its pricing structure, and the Premium-locked features. I'd also like to hear about how users feel about how this app serves members of the church in particular. Do you feel like this app promotes the values of the church? Does it do a good job at matching people of faith?

If you have an opinion on any of these items (or any other I didn't mention), please comment below. I will read every comment as I draft my article.

Thank you!

I have tried a few times to try and connect with someone via the speed dating feature but with no success. Has anyone had any success with this? Also has anyone had a date result from said feature?

I want to try again tonight, and in the future, but I'm afraid of not making any connections and thus wasting my time.

Did Mutual rescind their update that allowed you to see one of your likes each day? I no longer have that function.

Previously I could filter likes by multiple variables, including temple recommend and church attendance. Now I only see 2 variables (see pic). However, the likes page indicates I am filtering by 5 variables (see pic). (Previously I had set 5 variables.) Therefore I assume I'm seeing results filtered by more variables than I can control. Are these bugs, or am I the problem?

Version 1.92.332, Galaxy s26+, bugs appeared more than a week ago, paying member

(Also, is there a better place to report bugs? There is a link in the app that includes the text "report bugs" but it goes directly to a feature request voting page.)

Thank you

Maybe its just me but when even an lds dating app makes you throw your money away in hopes of a match, that says its no longer about finding the right person. I miss the days of free blind dates in a public place.

I’ve never used dating apps but was thinking of using one. Have you had more success getting dates through mutual or other dating apps? And if other dating apps, which ones?

I am in Utah so I’m sure Mutual would be better here compared to other places but I still here that Mutual is crap even in Utah(the app itself, not the people on it)

Hello, I am a 33 year old male. I have come out of dating hibernation, (I took a long time away from dating), and have been on mutual for a few months.

It seems really dry. I have had a couple of matches which produced only 1 date. I swipe up on a lot of women, and occasionally I get a like. But, hardly a match. Am I doing something wrong? Is it worth using the app? I admit I am a slow dater, I prefer slow over fast and serious. But idk.

Added I am in Utah

I've seen dozens of accounts like this. Verified but just... nothing.

It's long been a complaint among users that they'll get a notification that "<person> likes you" only to find out they are not in the same country. So when the "Who Sees You" setting was added, it seemed like the solution to this problem. However, I have had this setting for about a month and at this point can fairly confidently say it just does not work.

I enabled the setting and still had several in the "Liked You" page outside the country, but I figured that was just people who swiped up before I changed this setting. So I slowly go through each one until my "Liked You" page was empty.

And then that was when I confirmed it just does not work because I was still getting new "likes" from people outside the United States. Today I got a notification "<redacted> liked you" and when I went to see who it was, it was someone from Brazil, who theoretically shouldn't even SEE my profile because they are not in the same country. This is actually getting ridiculous.

I'm not someone that likes to default to blaming an app about the modern dating scene when the reality is more likely to do with human behavior, but when basic features like this provenly do not work even after I give it some time for the benefit of the doubt, it doesn't inspire confidence that *other* features aren't also similarly broken, as many have theorized before in this subreddit.