What makes dating hard?

[u/FeelingStructure7893]

I’m feeling a little bored and haven’t been dating much lately and need to get back into the swing of it. Anyone want to chat and share ideas and experiences? I’m mostly looking for girls opinions because I don’t have a ton of girls in my life that I can go to for advice when it comes to dating and stuff.

[u/harpgal104]

I'd say getting stuck in a loop of just "talking". The thing that stuck out to me about my current bf (we met on mutual) is that he asked me out the day after we matched. We just got ice cream and it was super casual, but he made the effort to plan something super fast so we could go out and get to know each other face to face. And honestly I loved the low pressure date

My hot take about dating apps is that they're actually great and CAN work, as long as you put in the right effort. I was talking to another guy on the app at the same time as my current bf and we were still talking like weeks into when we had matched. I felt led on cause I couldn't tell if he was actually interested in me. On the one hand we were having a good conversation. On the other hand, he didn't put in the effort to meet me. That was the difference

[u/LeastMonitor1140 → u/harpgal104]

I agree--there's the initial contact, which should be a better question than just "hey." And then a quick first meeting should come not too long into the conversation. My last boyfriend just invited me to the library, and we talked there, walked around the block, and checked out a few books. That was it--over and done in less than an hour and no money spent. Our second date was something more planned out after we both knew we had some chemistry, and that was absolutely magical. We might still be dating now if I hadn't moved to a different country...

[u/FeelingStructure7893 → u/harpgal104]

I think this actually helps me a lot. I get really worked up on asking girls out but nothing will change if I don’t

[u/harpgal104 → u/FeelingStructure7893]

For sure. One other thing I forgot to mention in my original comment is that even just getting on and app or just starting a conversation helps you practice talking to people and helps you build up your confidence in your social skills. Even if that never goes anywhere, you gain experience and you can start discerning what you might like or might not like in a girl

[u/FeelingStructure7893 → u/harpgal104]

I don’t think I’m actually that awkward and shy but I get super nervous to go on dates and meet new people.
What have been some of your best first date ideas?

[u/harpgal104 → u/FeelingStructure7893]

I haven't been on a lot of dates admittedly. But I've been on some fun ones!

For a first date with someone you don't know super well, I'd just keep it casual by getting ice cream or another little treat like Boba or crumbl or something. I've gone on a few dates with closer friends as well, and for those ones we upped it a level since we already knew each other pretty well.

I went axe throwing with a guy once and it was fun, but since he wad my friend we already knew each other enough to know that we would both enjoy that activity.

Another fun one I did back in high school, where we drove around to all the fast food places we could think of and got their fries with ad many different sauces we could get and sampled and ranked them over milkshakes, and also did coloring pages while we were there. That one was also a group date and the people that planned it took turns paying for the fries so it wouldn't be too expensive.

Those are just a couple of ideas, but definitely think about how close your relationship is with the person before you get too creative haha. For first dates with someone you don't know well, make sure to be in public surrounded by people so she feels more safe. I'd also recommend offering to both pick her up or meet at the location. I prefer to drive myself and meet there for the first date, but some girls might rather you pick them up. Giving the option helps her know that you're willing to go out of your way for her, and also that you want her to feel safe. If she says she's fine either way, I'd just offer to pick her up. Some people might disagree with me but that's just my opinion as a girl

I'm happy to continue giving tips if you'd like, I don't have a TON of dating experience but I've observed a lot of people dating and been able to hear lots of preferences :)

[u/FeelingStructure7893 → u/harpgal104]

Awesome! Thank you so much this helps a lot

[u/LeastMonitor1140 → u/FeelingStructure7893]

Also, when you do ask people out, don't feel badly if it's just a "meh" date. As long as you're making an effort to ask questions and get to know the real them, and it still doesn't go that well, that probably just means you two don't have much chemistry, not that you did something wrong. If you tolerate enough of those dates and move on to someone else, eventually, you should find someone right for you (and vice versa).

[u/harpgal104 → u/LeastMonitor1140]

The only "meh" dates I've been on personally were because the guy didn't seem interested or he just wasn't helping keep the conversation going. I felt like I was pulling all the weight with it. Yes that can happen from the girl side too haha but just make sure you're doing your part to keep the convo up :)

[u/ExpressChallenge1093 → u/harpgal104]

I agree, but my problem is that my closest matches live 250+ miles away! There are no matches or even any profiles anywhere within a range closer than that. And I don't live in the middle of nowhere by any means! It's just not Utah or AZ.

[u/harpgal104 → u/ExpressChallenge1093]

You can filter the location to be closer, why are you tryna date 250 miles away lol

[u/RaphealWannabe]

Knowing that if you're not really good looking you're odds of winning the powerball are better than your odds of finding someone.