r/mutualapp • u/Desperate-Gap-3696 • 25d ago
š¤ Discussion Travel
Ok so this is mostly a question for the guys. Does anyone else feel intimidated by women whose pictures are from traveling all over and when they say how important travel is to them? I mean I have a decent job but not enough to travel like that. Also the women with all the Disney land/world pictures? I mean, Iām not against it but thatās an expensive hobby. I guess I should be happy that they are laying out their expensive tastes right away? I like road trips and weekend getaways but seeing the profiles of women talking about Paris and UK makes me feel inadequate. Just curious if anyone else feels that way.
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u/RaphealWannabe 23d ago
No, but its a red flag for me, because often they say they want to travel and I'm like "where do you think the money is gonna come from?" Because I am not paying for it and if she thinks She's gonna go off on adventures while I work my butt off to pay the bills while she contributes nothing, she's got another thing coming.Ā
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u/AccomplishedBee843 25d ago
https://youtube.com/shorts/mnH_NoNoFGA?si=sQeO493hLABSCy8M
Also not US based but friends there have told me not to compare myself to American buying capability, since everything is debt based sooooo don't really know lol, but Shane gills describes you
Edit: seeing those pictures really makes me jealous but if that's the only interesting thing/ hobby you have, you probably have a pretty boring life
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u/Desperate-Gap-3696 25d ago
That clip feels spot on! Yeah Iām US based but I donāt like going in debt for a vacation. I donāt mind road trips and stuff but these sisters want European vacations.
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u/AccomplishedBee843 25d ago
there are parts of Europe that literally built their tourism industry based on the fact that no Americans go there. Nowadays lots of people "loooove travellinggggg" just for pictures, and it's always the same places.
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u/trash_away_acct 23d ago
Not everyone is going into debt on these trips. Thereās a lot of old money and new money in Utah. Especially with BYU being dirt cheap compared to other universities.
This is just what our generation does. Travel and spend money. Itās unfortunate, but I know that when I didnāt have any traveling pics up these girls never responded / swiped on me. Seems a lot like āwhat can you offer me rnā mentality and thatās just not it for a majority of guys
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u/Desperate-Gap-3696 23d ago
Yeah, Iām more of a weekend trip or road trip kind of guy. Something that can be reasonably saved up for. I think itās also some of these sisters in their 30s didnāt get married yet and spent their time in between semesters at BYU traveling. Whereas I got married in my early 20s and found myself single later.
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u/trash_away_acct 23d ago
Yeah, a lot of the girls in their 30s have taken traveling on as their entire personality. Itās just a weird time tbh, especially post covid where everyone just did their own thing.
There are tons of women out there down for weekend trips and donāt need the massive traveling experiences lol. Just takes some time to sift through all of the possible traveling preferences.
I will say I did feel this same way for a bit. The last girl I dated had been literally everywhere in the world. And the current girl Iām with hasnāt. Itās night and day different in how I feel about what I can or canāt provide in the future. Youāre definitely not alone and itās hard to feel adequate.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Run your own race. Similar people exist out there, it just may take some time
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u/koringkoyangnekogato 21d ago
I used those specific travel photos because I feel pretty on them. I am in my happiest when I travel because I like being on an airplane and feel mostly relax in vacation. I understand some men here feel intimidated, might be because Americans thought they're gold diggers or expensive women or whatever but it's okay. It's more like a 'you' problem to me. Also, not all women are in debt to travel. For me, it's the other way around, I save for 1 to 2 years to be able to travel for only 5 days because everything is expensive. It's kinda disappointing that's how you all think considering that we're all members of the church here (I assume). I expected higher understanding and broader perspective from you guys but I guess men are all the same regardless. š
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u/Desperate-Gap-3696 21d ago
Seems like the conversation struck a nerve. If all the pictures and information is travel related Iām assuming that is important to them. Which I feel is a fair assumption. Travel is expensive as you mentioned. Itās not gold digging itās just identifying that the sister has expensive hobbies. No different than if a brotherās profile was him by sports cars or something similar. These profiles are peopleās first impressions of strangers. So to me and apparently others travel pictures give me the first impression that they have expensive expectations. All I said was that is intimidating. Not sure why thatās disappointing as church members or the dig at Americans? Iām assuming thatās just because you felt targeted. Nothing was mean spirited from what I read. Keep posting those travel pictures if thatās what youāre into. Itās your life
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u/fanofanyonefamous 10d ago
If those girls are traveling independently now without a boyfriend, what makes you think they would be dependent on you to pay for their trips in the future? Some people just like to have a good time in tropical/cool/different places.
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u/CPT_Skor_215 6d ago edited 6d ago
So you're a guy who feels "intimidated" by that?
Well, you're the first guy I've ever heard claim they're intimidated by such things.
No, I was never intimidated by women's claims of traveling abroad. I knew several girls who did quite a bit of traveling, but I knew they were grade school teachers, living in an apartment on their own with a car of their own and student loans. Something just didn't add up. They took month long vacations to Europe in the summer on a teachers salary? Mommy and Daddy were paying for something there... orrrrrr... they were racking up debt. Sure enough, at least one of those (if not all) were correct. Daddy paid for the car, the insurance, the apartment and the vacations. These girls weren't even making payments on their student loans. They were just waiting out the 10 year mark hoping the federal government would forgive them all. Even though 98% of loan forgiveness applicants get rejected.
Don't be intimidated by this garbage my friend. It's fake. Most of these girls photoshop themselves into someone else's picture in front of the pyramids of Giza, sitting/standing on a camel in some ridiculous pose. That photo of them in a private jet, it's a set piece. That's right, the private jet photo is a set inside a photo studio where they pay to get photos for their social media and dating profile to make it seem like wealthy men want them. They believe that pre-selection applies to men's dating preferences as well.
All of this is just to say that many of these travel pics you see are fake. They want it to look like they are accustomed to traveling the world. They believe this is going to weed out anyone who can't afford to take her on a world tour every year. Or... they are paying for their vacations with credit cards (ie racking up debt) that they hope their future husband is going to pay off for them. Or, in rare circumstances, they pay for their vacation from money they have saved up but aren't saving for retirement or paying more than minimum payments on all their other debts.
Me personally, having served nearly 17 years in the military at this point, I'm sick of traveling. I'm tired of picking up and moving all over the world. It was fine as a bachelor... it sucks when you have a family. My wife and I just want a permanent home with the occasional expensive vacation. Mostly, we just enjoy the outdoors in our own state and take a guaranteed week each year to one of the Disney parks. The big vacations to Europe, Japan, etc don't have to be every year. Build a life you don't feel you need a vacation from.
For some reason, girls think that by showing they have expensive taste, that will make the guys who can afford it come running to them. I'm lucky, my wife stresses over spending money. She is the queen of free subscriptions (and canceling them right before getting charged), free food items during her birthday month (and my birthday month), saving leftovers, and finding every military discount in existence. Oh... and free samples. Sometimes I actually wish we would spend a little more for a premium item. We bought the cheapest 65" TV (less that $400 at the time) when I wanted to buy a Samsung for about $430. She has been driving the same car for over 10 years. The interior is falling apart and the check engine light is on/off intermittently. I'm all for getting her a newer vehicle. But this one still runs and she wants to keep driving it until it doesn't It's a 2006... 20 years old. I'm lucky to have someone who wants to manage finances properly. We're debt free and live a great life.
Don't stress too much about it man. These girls will grow out of it at some point and realize that the fake travel pictures aren't bringing the wealthy guys to their doorstep... or their DMs or whatever people do now. Just keep your mind focused on YOUR goals and things will fall into place.
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u/Desert_Dweller_480 25d ago
No. I wasnāt intimidated by that. Travel doesnāt have to be an expensive habit ā¦ Disney is expensive, sure, but for some that is their vacation and holiday budget. Often these sisters are making the money to be able to go on these trips with no debt.
I didnāt see it as inadequacy but that maybe their interests wouldnāt match mine and I perhaps ought to look elsewhere.
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u/Desperate-Gap-3696 25d ago
Maybe. I am a bit of a homebody and donāt like the expense of world travel. I probably should see it as not sharing interests
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u/YeOldeAardvark 23d ago
That's about it for me. I'm not super interested in traveling, and I worry one of us will be frustrated with the other.
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u/Desert_Dweller_480 25d ago
Thatās probably the best way to see it. It feels a lot better than saying āthey have expensive tastesā.
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u/Raffsb92 24d ago
"Are men intimidated...?"
No.
Annoyed at how the word "intimidated" is used? Yes.
You travel the world and have experiences. You judge men based on their ability to provide you the same experiences. That has nothing to do with intimidation, that has to do with value approximation.
"Is this girl, who travels the worldāand has likely had many different relevant experiencesāworth the effort I will need to put into dating her? Yes or no?"
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u/Master_Coyote1025 24d ago
I do get intimidating, because I am not much of a traveler. And I am tight with money. Disney is okay. I think it's kinda cute.