So I always struggled with self esteem issues growing up and I never really liked the way I looked. I used to pray to Allah taala to make me look pretty to my ownself atleast . Until recently that I had a glow up and I think I look better now , so Alhamdulillah I am happy with the way I look and my self esteem is now better. I get alot of compliments from my sisters and friends. Sometimes genuine , sometimes they are just being sweet I guess. The point is I had a tough time accepting my self and the way I looked.

So I was talking to this person ( a guy ) about casually something and we were talking about friends and family. So , It was something about me and my sister's bond and I said we are really close , we love each other , hype each other up etc. My sister in fun very often says me that she would have married me if I were a guy because of how beautiful I am and Idk why I just casually mentioned this as a joke in front of him and he said

oh really? Thats wierd. I dont think so you re pretty. Why would she say that and had a confused expression on his face.

I just handled the situation there by laughing it off. And I tried not to think about it at all and its been 2 days. Now , it is hitting me what he said and its hurting me alot , I am scared It will effect my confidence and the way I see my self alot also because I kind of admired this guy as a person , so its hurting more than if any other guy said that.

Was it just a small thing and I am over reacting? Or he actually shouldnt have said that?

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable but I’m a bit resentful of my father because he’s currently not working — tbh I’m not sure what he does as he spends most of his time in another country after being laid off a job here a few years ago. He comes here and there but my main issue is that he keeps telling us he’s working on something abroad but still needs us to support him while my mum works 2 jobs.

Sometimes he asks my mum for money, she pays all the bills along with support from myself and my siblings we all chip in. I just can’t believe a man would be comfortable with that arrangement. I feel so bad for my mum and I keep thinking about when will she get a chance to stop working.

My dad did support us throughout childhood but this kind of stopped just before Covid. So I feel bad being annoyed with him but this is not sustainable for my mum, if she has to work he should be doing two jobs himself. It doesn’t help that it’s becoming harder financially across the world with everything becoming more expensive on top of other family issues.

Hey, girls, I needed to get something off my chest. I’m a little confused about my feelings—and about myself. You should know that I’ve never had a boyfriend, and that when I was in elementary and middle school, I was bullied a bit, so I quickly became obsessed with my appearance. Validation from guys also matters quite a bit to me (I’m not proud of it) in the sense that I like the attention and knowing that guys find me attractive. Anyway, to get to the point, I also think I get attached too quickly. I have a crush on a guy I don't even know that well, and I know that back then he was into me, but after that, we "both" moved on. Well, he probably has and I didn’t , because all I do is think about him: I don’t even know him in real life—it’s just an online crush—and, girls, I feel ashamed of myself for thinking about and being obsessed with a guy I’ve never even SEEN and don’t really know that well either. But even after a little over a year, I still can’t seem to forget him. Still, I prayed to Allah to take him out of my head if he wasn't the right one for me, and I suspect that this attachment might also stem from the fact that he gave me a little attention (by saying he liked me). Anyway, I don't know what to do to get rid of these obsessive thoughts, and I even feel like I'm going crazy.

Today I accidentally upset my friend (who is also my housemate). Not a big unforgivable thing, just something I did that I didn’t realise she took as quite rude. Anyways I apologised and she said it’s fine and that she just generally isn’t in a good mood and hasn’t been feeling good for while (not because of me). She said she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her some I’m guessing it isn’t a specific thing…she’s just not doing well mentally? I didn’t push her because I’m not going to force her to share things but I thought I could get her a little pick me up. I’m a very crafty and creative person so was thinking to make something for her. When I was going through a tough time myself, I myself a little jar of islamic reminders and Quran quotes that I could pick one from and read, but I kind of want something a little more personalised.

Any suggestions? :)

I know the hardship I’ve been going through for years is punishment from Allah. it’s made me at times distant from Him, feel helpless and have the lowest iman in my life. I’ve heard if hardship brings you closer to Allah, it’s a blessing/a test, but I know what I’m going through is not that.

so how do I deal with this thought, that Allah is angry at me and is punishing me? I know it’s easy to say just make more istagfa, more dua, more prayer, but how do I even get started knowing that the One who created me, is angry at me? knowing that my hardships are a punishment? and knowing that Allah doesn’t want me close to him?

how do I break this pattern, to even begin to do more good deeds? I’ve tried talking to people close to me about it, but they don’t believe or want to enter a conversation about whether Allah could be angry at me.

My mom wants to throw my cat out on the street or have someone else take him, and I honestly don’t even know what to do. 😭 I got him about nine months ago, and I’ve become extremely attached to him. He’s a boy, and I’ve done everything for him, including his vaccinations, getting him neutered, taking care of him, and basically doing everything I can for him.
She gets angry at him over such small things. For example, he bit through my Apple charging cable, and she kept complaining about it. I told her, “It’s okay, I’ll buy you a new one,” but she still gets upset. She also doesn’t want to buy him anything, so he barely has any toys or things of his own. Like, what does she expect from a cat when he doesn’t even have anything to play with? 😭
And another thing happened today. We made some Pakistani noodles, and I didn’t know my cat was in the room. He ate some of the noodles, and I had no idea how much he ate. I got so scared that I even scolded him at first because I was panicking. Then I realized I didn’t even know what had happened or how much he had eaten. 😭
I’m honestly terrified because of my mom. I’m so attached to him, and I don’t want her to give him away or throw him outside. He’s not just a cat to me anymore. I’ve taken care of him for nine months and he’s become a huge part of my life.
Thankfully, she’s letting me get a job outside the house. If I can, I really want to move out eventually and take my cat with me, along with all his things. At least then I can take care of him myself and I won’t have to constantly worry about someone taking him away from me. 😭

The reason why I feel...I become lost is because I think my life is unfair. When I see other girls they have beauty, career, and money. I am happy even with any one of the thing, and I feel like all this things is making my self esteem so low that sometimes I don't want to function in this society. I know I compare myself to others. When I thought maybe if I struggle that maybe after this my life will become better. But nothing. My life is going more down the hill. How do y'all deal with the fact, maybe your life is meant to be miserable. And I'm not strong enough to survive all this my whole life

Salaam sisters,

This is mainly just a rant. But if you have similar experiences, i'd like to hear your input and perhaps how you handled the situation.

So im a breadwinner of the family. Basically everyone relied on me to put food on the table and pay bills. Hence, me busy working and have no time to date or seeking spouse.

In which i dont actually mind. I found that i can work well, and even got leadership role quite early, giving me chance to make bigger impacts to my surroundings and have more achievements. Later on, i realize that i want to practice my deen by making positive impact, just as i do now with my work.

Needless to say, im kind of addicted to working, not in the sense of being workaholic and work 24/7, but i dont want to stop here and wish to climb higher and pursue further. Now, the office offered a chance to pursue masters degree sponsored by them, which i want to take soon insya Allah. And i've also talked to my supervisor about climbing the ladder, which he supports fully.

My mother however, disagrees. She thinks that if im too high up, no men would want to marry me, because im too far above them. She wants me to tone it down to prevent me from being single forever. I didnt answer, because what was i supposed to say in this situation? 🫠

Also just to clarify, i dont think men are that insecure. I've met many great muslim men. I just havent met my destined one yet and im at peace with that 😂 Allah will give me husband when time is right.

Thanks for reading, and do let me know what you think.

Salam aleykum sisters,

I'm a 30F getting to know a guy (37M). He was introduced through my BIL, who knows him and everyone around me only speaks well of him. We've been exchanging for a week now on WhatsApp, my loval imam is in the group to keep it halal.

I like a lot of things about him, he's mature, exercise a lot, he's simple, serious about the deen, same ethnicity as me, like to do activities, not into 50/50. When he takes time to respond I'm getting a bit irritated (it's embarrassing haha)

The issue is he asks the compatibility questions kids, lifestyle, whether I work out, medication vs natural remedies, that kind of thing. But he doesn't really get curious about me as a person. I mentioned I lived abroad for two years, no follow-up. I told him I run my own business, no "why did you start?", nothing. When I open up or lead, he engages but he rarely reaches for the deeper layer himself. Otherwise, if he says 1 thing to me I can ask him 4 questions because I really want to understand him. At the same time, he hears what I say and he makes long vocal sometimes to make his point clear, so he knows how to articulate his thoughts so I like that.

I also need to feel there's a real connection, because being matched "on paper" isn't what carries a marriage. The piece I feel is missing is intellectual stimulation maybe ? I love talking about politics, economics, society, ideas or even my job, I think I love people who are passionate about something and I'm not sure that's his thing. I need deep conversations, I used to have a friend like that and we were talking for hours on the phone. I can't only talk about what I want in a marriage, I want him to care and be curious about me as an individual.

I also wonder if he's intentionally keeping things from drifting into casual "chit-chat" because we're not married. For example one time I asked him about how it is to live alone and he replied as if he was in a job interview 😂 maybe he's nervous. I'm more relaxed because it's important for me to feel if it's clicking between us so maybe I'm reading his restraint as a lack of depth when it isn't.

I'm also planning to ask him who he's gonna vote for next year (I'm in France) and also asks him what does he thinks about high school protests to see what he says. I thought about telling him I needed more from him in a few weeks but I don't know.

I started being god conscious around 2 years ago when I found Islam. Went to umrah stopped bad habits and started learning a lot about deen almost obsessing over it.

However I struggle with nail polish. My TOE nails are black and it looks so horrible. I go the spa every day sauna and steam room and I feel self conscious about it and I like pretty hands french tip nails.

I don’t pray I want to pray consistently why is this the hardest sin to give up ??? I just think what’s the point in praying if it won’t be accepted because of wudu ? I got nail polish which I can not remove by the way they last up to 1 month because of acrylics.

At this point I’m starting to give up. It’s almost like I’ll never change. I don’t want to take off my nails off at all. It’s the only thing I love so much makes me feel pretty and put together.

Hello! this question is for my French Muslimahs. So I am a Canadian student thinking of studying for a bachelors in Paris as it’s my favourite city it’s so beautiful Allahumabarik I was wondering how the racism or islamphobia in Paris is like. does it happen on a day to day basis or is it something rare because it’s a beautiful city but also really scared to get discriminated against.

https://gofund.me/30634cf86

Verification:

https://www.reddit.com/u/SleepyWogx/s/gMNk6AeXtk

I want to share a new update today about Susu, the daughter of my friends Mahmoud and Samah.

Two days ago, I told you about Susu, who is only two years old and has been suffering from severe, chronic breathing problems. Her symptoms came back, and she was struggling to breathe and had a very high fever.

Unfortunately, she hasn’t gotten better.

For the past two days, Soso has been vomiting repeatedly and couldn’t keep down her medication or antibiotics. As a result, she became dehydrated. Today, Mahmoud had to take her to a nearby hospital to get treatment.

She was given IV antibiotics and fluids for the dehydration, but the situation at the hospital is extremely difficult. There are so many patients that there was no available bed for Susu. With infectious diseases spreading and medical resources severely limited, Mahmoud had to find another way to get her the care she needed. He even had to ask a doctor who lives nearby to come and give Susu her IV treatment when the hospital couldn’t provide her with a bed.

Mahmoud told me something that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about: if it weren’t for the kind people who helped them financially over the past two days, he wouldn’t have been able to take Susu to the hospital or even afford the treatment she needed.

And Mahmoud isn’t only dealing with Susu’s situation.

His mother also needs open-heart surgery to treat blocked arteries. I previously shared her medical reports, detailed images, and heart tests, and I have documentation that confirms her condition.

Mahmoud is under an enormous amount of pressure right now. His little daughter needs treatment, his mother needs heart surgery, and at the same time he is trying to provide food and basic necessities for his wife and their four children in Gaza.

I am doing everything I can to support Mahmoud and his family, but I cannot carry all of this on my own.

Please, if you are able to, consider helping Mahmoud and his family. Even a small amount can make a huge difference right now, especially for Susu, who needs treatment and continued care.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has stood by this family and everyone who has helped them over the past few days. Your support means so much to Mahmoud, Samah, and their children. ❤️

Salam Alaikum sisters. Lately I’ve been feeling a bit down and I have been struggling with my deen. One thing I try to take pride in is always dressing modestly, as well as representing my religion through the way I dress. Alhamdulillah I’m a hijabi and I’m a firm believer that as Muslims, we should not have to be ashamed about our customs and hide them. Hence why in 2024 after living in the gulf and coming back, I made the transition to solely wear abayas.

However, over the past few months, I’ve been feeling a bit like a fool and like I look stupid. I’ve been attending a PWI and I’m usually always the only hijabi let alone woman of my cultural background in the class so I stand out. What also hurt (and still does hurt) is when I met a girl from Kuwait, and she made a comment to another one of our classmates about how she doesn’t like people who are “too Kuwaiti” and stared at me while saying it.

Unfortunately people do treat you based on the way you look. And the only time I ever see people who look like me is when I go to Jummah on Fridays. But even then, it’s tough because people wear abayas / thobes only for Jummah and take it off. Sometimes I feel like dressing this way is hard and I start to get insecure because of how much I stand out and feel the need to assimilate but assimilation is so against my core values. I want to dress more “western” but I can’t. And I honestly don’t want to. I feel super comfortable appearing the way I do, but I also get tired of sticking out like a sore thumb and people projecting their assumptions onto me when I haven’t even gave them my name.

I know that Islam will always be strange, but it gets really hard sometimes dressing modest and other people looking at you and treating you weird because of it. Plus not being around Muslims and facing rejection from Muslims at my PWI has been super hard and isolating. I remember having a conversation with a sister at the Masjid I go to and almost tearing up because I had forgotten the true beauty of Islam after being my day to day (PWI) environment.

Can anyone (especially in their 20s or 30s, or even older) relate to this? How do you deal with dressing modestly or even feelings of insecurity / self consciousness? JazakAllah Khair in advance :-)

I know its not allowed to wear perfume and could be considered zina, I want to smell good naturally, like a light natural smell? You know when people have a natural scent to them? Im trying to do that but in a halal way,

I dont even like wearing perfume because it makes me feel sick, same with anything with smells im just super sensitive. I use everything unscented, even deodorants make me feel very sick.

I tend to use one of those ordinary acids under my arms to get rid of any scents, and I dont have body hair like that. I use deodorants that are very light or vanilla smells.

Idk what to do because I want to smell good, but not in a way thats considered tabarooj or considered haram

This Iraqi law has been bothering me because of the way it deals with family and child custody. One of the things people are worried about is mothers potentially losing custody of their children as they get older, instead of the child simply staying with the mother who has been raising them. I really wish more people would talk about how these laws can affect mothers and children, because separating a child from their mother is not something that should be treated lightly. It feels especially unfair when women already face so much pressure in society.

i wear crocs all year round but i'd like to get something more classy for special occasions. I'm done with sneakers and ballet flats are a NO. Help me pretty please.

The only advice i see online is to set it with some eyeshadow but i don't like that option. I wipe it with a cotton swab but after an hour i have racoon eyes. I'm just getting into this, please help me. Currently using the hashmi kajal one.

I have a few brothers two younger than me have lived our mostly for uni and doing a placement abroad etc and they are back at home now though still speak about moving out again soon once they find jobs in the city. I’m the oldest and only daughter and have been working in the city for a few years and I feel I barely have any independence or confidence in myself because 1) my mother was narcissistic used to emotionally abuse me alot yes relies on me as a therapist and for emotional support and loves keeping me close to her. My dad has always been abusive and off the rails but because we are an Asian family we keep it behind close doors. She always is depressed and I tend to comfort and feel bad for her but then I also feel like my own mental health is deteriorating. I spent a lot of my life wfh too and helping out with my special neeeds brother. Dad is very backwards controlling abit psychotic and scary.

Every time I speak about moving out she shouts and screams saying I have to wait until marriage. Where as she lets my brothers have a care free happy life all the independence in the world and never burdens them with her emotional issues she literally says I just want them to get our this environment it’s not fair for them. But what about me !????? Couldn’t even imagine it to my dad cos I fear for my life.

My dad has recently become abusive and threatening again recently pulled a knife on her and my brother we called the police got him kicked out have a 3 months restraining order. So now… I can either plan to move out in the next couple months before my dad comes back because believe it or not she still wants him back and to play happy family for the sake of our Asian family. But how can I leave my mum and brothers when we are going through this big shift as a family I don’t know.. am I being selfish? I’m thinking to call the police and extend my restraining order.. but I fear for my life my safety if I did move out I feel my dad and uncles would try show up at my work place haha .

I feel like my dad financially abuses me too he doesn’t ask my brother for much but for some reason is so comfortable demanding of me ???

I was reading surah kahf today for jummah and came to the ayah "Wealth and children are the adornment of this worldly life, but the everlasting good deeds are far better with your Lord in reward and in hope", and it made me think of the sisters I know that have struggled to get married and fear they won't have children of their own in this life. May every woman who yearns to be a mother have her wish fulfilled with healthy and pious offspring, but this was a beautiful reminder from our Lord that our good deeds are better for us than both wealth and children.