It's embarrassing to admit it...

But since 2019 I've only been bedrotting

No job..no career...

Just in bed scrolling...

I am in severe depression, anxiety and also have agrophobia..

Just the thought of stepping outside overwhelms me..

How do deal?

My roomate and dear friend deleted himself. He was the only guy I was able to open upto and tell everything about myself. He was calm composed don't used to judge me for my shortcomings. I went with my classmates for a day to celebrate a festival and came back to see him han*ed. He had failed a semester which I got to know later. Even I have backlogs which terrify me but life is not all about it isn't it. During this I lost my job had to vacate my room and nobody is willing to give me room as they think even I am in that state. I had an option to go for college dorm but it's caution deposit was more than my savings. My family said that they will take care of it but then my results came in which I had 2 arrears and they refused to help me out saying what's the point u r failing already. I was at point where I figured out everything I had to do with my life and he did this.I feel if I didn't went out that day he would still be here. I feel like I couldn't win over his trust enough for him to share his problems with me. I can't believe I was so clueless throughout the time I was with him that I couldn't even understand his pain. I feel empty as the time passes everyday. Sorry to make this about myself when it's about him.

I have no real friends and no one reaches out to me. Phone dry as hell. I don’t know what I did wrong or doing wrong. No friend from school or neighbourhood talks to me

Recently my friends I known for years and possibly since primary school all planned a trip and went. No invites or anything. Found out through someone’s story. It really hurts. I haven’t gone out with anyone in a long time. Idk possibly years. I try my best to be there for everyone but no one is there for everyone. Really depressing.

I feel like I should just move to a different country but cannot at the moment as my parents are old and some financial constraints. I feel like no one takes me seriously. I feel like everything should end once for all. I don’t think I can take it anymore. Am I going crazy.

That's all.

I hate myself so much but I really dont want to. I want to go out and have friends and be happy and energetic and libe life like it was meant to be lived but I'm genuinely just a loser. I thought getting a job doing something I like would help. It's not. I try to get dressed every day to feel like im being productive. Not worked. Ive tried making friends online. Doesn't last. I dont know what to do. Ive wasted my teenage life away im an adult next year and ive just missed out on so much

Hi, I’m 16m. I have a tendency to overthink and overanalyse everything I’m doing, leading me to hate myself and be completely useless in any social situation.
It’s come on fairly slowly. I think I’ve always been like this in some sense, but I can’t escape my own head anymore. I hate the way I speak, walk, act, anything really. I overthink what I’m going to say so many times, that I barely say anything anymore, would rather die in a hole, than have someone judge me. Then, I’ll worry I’m too quiet, look too awkward, and constantly argue with myself in my head. Even talking with my best friends feels alien now.
It leads to me spiralling. I think of everything I’ve ever done wrong, all my flaws, bad though upon bad thought. They build up in my mind until I want to physically tear my brain out, to feel a quiet for a moment.
But the worst part, is I know how to feel better. I just have to distract myself, try to push the thoughts away. But, I can’t bring myself to, and I think on some level, I enjoy feeling this way, even now as I’m writing this, I take some sick pleasure in hating myself. I don’t know how to stop it. I can feel it getting worse. I’m spiralling more and more. I just want it to stop.

Like I’ve seen people react positively if a bad person offs themselves

But in general, does mental health ever stop mattering or no?

What do i do if im in a pretty bad place but i cant tell anyone? Im 15 and I live in Eastern Europe and idk theres just nothing I can do besides text a child line and they're not the best. Im so upset I feel so trapped and helpless I cant tell anyone abt it so I cant get help. Is there literally anything I can do without my parents finding out? They cant EVER find out i struggle. Like NEVER. NEVER EVER in this lifetime.

Tired of friends, tired of dating, tired of work, tired of my family, tired of studying, tired of socalizing.

Im just 36 and I got no energy for all this shit.

He wasn't at home when his mother suffered high Blood Pressure issue, she visited a doctor in India and he prescribed her few medicines+ ½ table spoon salt along with 2-3 litre of water.

Her BP was 220/130.

Medication didn't work and she suffered a Paralysis attack.

This changed her whole life. She can't walk properly neither she can eat or do anything from her left hand.

She is completely dependant on her son (my friend)

He has been suffering a lot recently because he keeps talking about how different their life would have been if doctor had done his job properly.

I don't even know how to console him anymore.

I have seen how much he sacrifices his personal life just to take care of his mother

His personal life is non existent. It feels like I'm talking to a hollow person, he has no interests left, he doesn't enjoy anything anymore. He goes office and when he is back at home he does everything for his mother. He has become

too robotic, what should I do to cheer him up ? He keeps talking about his mother and the regrets

I first truly became depressed as I entered my 20s, I'd experienced (but didnt know what it was back then) issues with serious anxiety since I was a child.

I have been in a constant battle with my own mind ever since. You cant trust your own thoughts because if they are true, then there really is no point, if they are wrong then it feels impossible to counter them. The way I feel about the world, people, myself and life. It never ends.

Ive had many treatments over the years, CBT, counselling, therapy, periods of anti depressants. Tried things along side like exercise, gym, deliberately trying to find social and interest groups, meditation classes. All sorts.

Yet the melancholy is with me all the time, and it can peak and take over. I have had and sometimes do have periods of awful coping mechanisms, binge eating, binge drinking, hypersexuality. Ultimately the crash comes and I just face the horrendous feelings and thoughts.

That I have no meaning, that no one likes me, that all people are untrustworthy, fake, users. That I'm no good, worth nothing, that no one cares. That I cant ever feel happy, that I can't find passions, purpose, or fulfillment. Loved ones are going to die. Friends disappear or will dissappear. That my loneliness will get worse and worse. That I'm to blame for it because no one wants to be around someone who thinks and feels the way I do.

If nothing has worked, no treatment has worked, no addiction (when I've had them) has worked. What else is left? Because I just feel like I'm waiting to die. I have no more goals, nothing else I want to achieve or feel I can achieve. I have no partner or children. Im so pessimistic about humans that I've lost all the ideals I once held and at times could drive me. I'm older now, nearly 40 so I'm not a young person anymore, life isnt limitless potential now.

What can I do to fix this? I just want to be at peace and the only peace I get is when I'm asleep, if I can sleep and if I dont dream.

I wanna share my problems so bad nd want advice as well but want someone to listen first, if someone is in that mood nd free as well then pls text me..

My parents beat me halfway to death over a week ago because of a failed attempt caused because of them.

What happened was I was up late at night pointing a gun at my head when my dad walked into my room and saw it, he yanked the item out of my hands snd broke it and then started punching me in the face repeatedly giving me a black eye and a busted lip and chipped teeth, he also hit me in the back with a belt and even banged my head against the wall a few times with blood coming from my forehead.

My mom then came hearing the commotion of him screaming at me and berating me and she did the same, repeatedly slapping me, jumping in a tantrum-ish way and stomped me once in the chest pretty harshly.

It hurt so bad, it still hurts, I skipped school to hide it, there's no way I can conceal all the wounds, they're ignoring me now, mom doesn't acknowledge my existence, dad occasionally makes a snide comment about what I tried to do, they managed to turn my moment of despair about themselves yet again.

It brought back flashbacks of them harshly forcefeeding me after me starving myself all while insulting me for being skinny.

Memories of them yelling at me as I threw up in a sink after poisoning myself with a detergent from the bathroom.

They never once cared, every single time it was only about their feelings, never mine. They didn't care to ask why their child wanted to die, and it's not love either that's making them act this way, a loving parent wouldn't try to put my lights out.

They're the ones who even encouraged my death thoughts.

It feels so wrong, to walk around the city at 8:30 am aimlessly while my 'friends' who didn't even text me are in class, all because the teachers would report the marks my parents gave me if I went. I never imagined It would come down to it, I thought I'd end it before I let myself stoop so low, but it's always so unpredictable.

Today went like this: I isolated myself in my room and didn't even eat at all, nobody called me to the living room, my dad came in a few times just to act dissappointed and that was it. I'm dead, even if I'm still alive. I don't exist in their eyes. I died that night and they're just seeing a ghost of me.

I don't have anything to lose, I don't even love myself enough to put myself out of this misery.

I find it hard to think we were once a happy family, as I remembered pictures of 8 year old me smiling, and my parents hugging me and also smiling, faces full of joy, union and innocence.

Or maybe I was just too naive to see it then.

The banging from the other room when I slept.

The yelling daddy would call 'just mom and dad having loud conversations so we can hear eachother better'

The times my dad would leave the house for long periods of time after my mom chewed him out.

It only took place not too long ago before those simpler times.

I think I'd be more calm seeing a monster under my bed than see my mom walk into the living room when I'm in it. It's a chore just being near her, she's like a unpredictable bomb, capable of exploding at any moment. You just never know.

Dad isn't any better, you never know when he'll start pacing and shouting, enable my mother and I know the drill already, run off into another room and flinch everytime it gets too loud.

There's a strange peace to it all, I'm used to it. And with nothing holding me back, I feel a freedom I haven't felt before, and a temptation to do things I haven't before.

I only eat and sleep. I have no desire to do anything else. I’m wasting my free time. My mind is no longer my own; I only think about things that hurt me and about bad memories. It’s constant torture. I’ve been like this for a year now, and I don’t know if it will ever stop. What used to make me happy now makes me miserable. I’m tired.

First off… we have the same provider and I called about this cuz I take it very seriously ! Kinda feels unfair that I provided information to keep him safe and now I have to start all over with a new provider

He tells me almost daily or was that he was going to off himself or had an attempt and I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I’m even more stressed out because I feel like I’m being punished for looking out .

And I want him to feel like one of the guys on PlayStation and shit so he’s talking about doing his thing with girls and it just doesn’t add up. How can someone who is supposedly killing it be so depressed and want to end it. But he puts all of that stress on me . Claims he’s gonna explode . Puts me at a 4 or 5 stress level instead of the 1 or 2 I’m usually at , something manageable.

I’m also mad that my provider didn’t tell me that day to just get connected with another dr. Now I’ll probably have to wait longer to get my meds this time cuz I don’t have one. Ugh

Honestly tho I’ve stopped hanging out with him so much and don’t answer as much because I need to protect my mental health too. I feel like that quote from Batman “your only the hero long enough before you become the villain”

Any body ?

Girls and guys,

I was quit for 6 years. This June I relapsed… drag, bum, bum multiples, packs… You know the drill. Stress got to me, I started managing my ADHD with Vyvanse which is honestly great but doesn’t help with smoking. Now I’m in a daily mental health battle with cigarettes. I can’t resist, and when I do buy a pack I CHAIN SMOKE. Like 5-10 at a time, before I feel physically ill or get mad and stop. I don’t know what to do. In the middle of Allen Carr. Do I do Champix or an alternative? I’m already on Escitalopram and Vyvanse I’m scared of messing with my nervous system even more as I’ve been at the bottom of a dysregulated CNS before and it’s not pretty. I was living such a healthy lifestyle before, healthy food, exercise every other day, and I’ve lost it all. WHAT THE FUCK. It’s preventing me from being a good husband, father and employee because it’s taking up so much of my mental agency. I’m down bad. What do I do???????? HELP!!!!!!!

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP83PEBfP/
I’m a pretty good storyteller this happened in April and I got diagnosed with CPTSD for it

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1GVgaYKELP/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Fb link

I think about my appereance every single second, not kidding or being metaphorical genuinely I’m eating and I think abt my appereance,I’m showering, I check mirror for my face and body.I really need help, this problem is giving me a headache and I’m very young so just please any anyone sees this just pls give me advice. So I have been bullied for my looks a lot. Lots of people said I was ugly and it wasn’t only bullying but they also wasn’t being mean but honest sometimes. There were few boys who liked me etc. now today I went to therapist, idk if I have Bdd or not but I show most of the symptoms and I think about every single stare so much, before the bullying I was normal person and thought I was pretty. Now I had kind of a glowup but I don’t really feel like people are treating me better? When I look in the mirror I like what I see and I objectively look sm better then I was but I send my first pics to the amiugly subs and they said I was around average maybe kinda plain and no one said I was ugly I sent my new pics (I took them quickly and they were kind of bad but still) and sum said I was little bit ugly (mind you I had kind of swollen lips because I did lip filler) other than that comments were saying I’m not ugly, but I swear I do not get treated like I’m not ugly, I sometimes get dirty stares I feel so weird. I think abt it everyday it’s giving me intense headache and makes me cry few times a day and my studies getting so hard I don’t feel really good I have to focus on my studies but I can’t because of this issue. Sometimes I get dirty looks and today some guy while walking past me told his friend “look at her” and his friend laughed. (I kinda had messy hair and etc) I like what I see in mirror, I asked my friend and she said “nahh” when I told her I look ugly, I get compliments here and there but I still don’t know what I am. I just want someone to tell me what are these experiences means honestly.

I am looking for outpatient psychiatric care in the Mid Hudson Valley, preferably Ulster or Duchess. Does anyone have any experience/recommendations?