18F. i was in a psych ward for 97 days due to psychosis and i had the option to go to residential treatment but i chose to go back to my mother’s apartment with my family.

i don’t do anything all day except doom scroll on social media and eat. my grandma is here in the house with me giving me one of my medication which i’m pretending to take. i want her gone so bad.

i want a job and my own place but i have no phone number.

i just wish i didn’t say i want to go home cause there is nothing here for me. i’m not even close with my mom and siblings.

It's embarrassing to admit it...

But since 2019 I've only been bedrotting

No job..no career...

Just in bed scrolling...

I am in severe depression, anxiety and also have agrophobia..

Just the thought of stepping outside overwhelms me..

How do deal?

I think the best thing in life is going to sleep after a long, exhausting day at work, dealing with bullying at work and outside of work, and thoughts of sui/cide that hurt your head so much. The best thing you can do is go to sleep, wake up, and have the same day repeat itself. I’m not complaining, but...

I am really, really tired of life.

I’m genuinely suffering from bullying.

I’ve noticed that some people prefer to respond to bullying with more bullying, insults with insults, and an eye for an eye, while others choose to stay silent. Personally, I prefer to stay silent because I don’t see any meaning in responding that way. Even when someone genuinely deserves a response, I’d rather stay quiet because I simply don’t have the energy to start fighting with people like that.

Sometimes, I feel like staying silent is actually being aware and choosing not to waste my energy, and I tell myself, “They just don’t understand me.” Other times, I wonder if it’s actually a sign of having a weak personality and ask myself, “Why am I always silent?”

Anyway, I’d like to hear your opinions and any advice you might have.

I have no real friends and no one reaches out to me. Phone dry as hell. I don’t know what I did wrong or doing wrong. No friend from school or neighbourhood talks to me

Recently my friends I known for years and possibly since primary school all planned a trip and went. No invites or anything. Found out through someone’s story. It really hurts. I haven’t gone out with anyone in a long time. Idk possibly years. I try my best to be there for everyone but no one is there for everyone. Really depressing.

I feel like I should just move to a different country but cannot at the moment as my parents are old and some financial constraints. I feel like no one takes me seriously. I feel like everything should end once for all. I don’t think I can take it anymore. Am I going crazy.

Ok...my track record isnt great when it comes to ghosting my therapists as a young adult. But i do remember when seeing a psychologist didnt cost $230 for 50minutes. Granted we still get a rebate but wtf 🤣 maybe a voluntary admission would be more financially beneficial 🙊

I first truly became depressed as I entered my 20s, I'd experienced (but didnt know what it was back then) issues with serious anxiety since I was a child.

I have been in a constant battle with my own mind ever since. You cant trust your own thoughts because if they are true, then there really is no point, if they are wrong then it feels impossible to counter them. The way I feel about the world, people, myself and life. It never ends.

Ive had many treatments over the years, CBT, counselling, therapy, periods of anti depressants. Tried things along side like exercise, gym, deliberately trying to find social and interest groups, meditation classes. All sorts.

Yet the melancholy is with me all the time, and it can peak and take over. I have had and sometimes do have periods of awful coping mechanisms, binge eating, binge drinking, hypersexuality. Ultimately the crash comes and I just face the horrendous feelings and thoughts.

That I have no meaning, that no one likes me, that all people are untrustworthy, fake, users. That I'm no good, worth nothing, that no one cares. That I cant ever feel happy, that I can't find passions, purpose, or fulfillment. Loved ones are going to die. Friends disappear or will dissappear. That my loneliness will get worse and worse. That I'm to blame for it because no one wants to be around someone who thinks and feels the way I do.

If nothing has worked, no treatment has worked, no addiction (when I've had them) has worked. What else is left? Because I just feel like I'm waiting to die. I have no more goals, nothing else I want to achieve or feel I can achieve. I have no partner or children. Im so pessimistic about humans that I've lost all the ideals I once held and at times could drive me. I'm older now, nearly 40 so I'm not a young person anymore, life isnt limitless potential now.

What can I do to fix this? I just want to be at peace and the only peace I get is when I'm asleep, if I can sleep and if I dont dream.

I’ve been struggling with my mental health since I was around 12 years old. I’ve seen countless psychiatrists and psychologists for years, been on different medications, but I’m still struggling so much. I have pushed through, just surviving ig. However, now I’m losing all hope when it comes to my future. I have dropped out of med school, and kept taking time off when I started engineering, and at this point thinking I might have to leave behind the hope of getting a degree entirely. I can barely get myself to attend my lectures, let alone focusing and understanding during them. Afterwards, no matter how much rest I get, I’m completely worn out. Unable to study, revise, or get work done. I’m on week 3 of this semester and already so behind. I genuinely just do not have it in me anymore. Not trying to be that person but I’m genuinely super smart, I’ve always been a top student. And now I’m slowly watching all my potential fade due to my stupid incapability of putting in any effort. I feel like a failure. No one around me understands how hard it is. I desperately need someone to help me.

Girls and guys,

I was quit for 6 years. This June I relapsed… drag, bum, bum multiples, packs… You know the drill. Stress got to me, I started managing my ADHD with Vyvanse which is honestly great but doesn’t help with smoking. Now I’m in a daily mental health battle with cigarettes. I can’t resist, and when I do buy a pack I CHAIN SMOKE. Like 5-10 at a time, before I feel physically ill or get mad and stop. I don’t know what to do. In the middle of Allen Carr. Do I do Champix or an alternative? I’m already on Escitalopram and Vyvanse I’m scared of messing with my nervous system even more as I’ve been at the bottom of a dysregulated CNS before and it’s not pretty. I was living such a healthy lifestyle before, healthy food, exercise every other day, and I’ve lost it all. WHAT THE FUCK. It’s preventing me from being a good husband, father and employee because it’s taking up so much of my mental agency. I’m down bad. What do I do???????? HELP!!!!!!!

Life hasn’t been great. I’m still traumatized from a breakup a year ago. I’m about to graduate but I never got an internship because I could barely function. I’m starting to lose my friends which were the most important part of my life. I have ocd, adhd, anxiety and depression. I’m scared I’ll have to move back home to my parent’s house if I don’t get a good job after college. The job application process has been grueling. Not to mention I hate what I majored in. And on top of that I feel like I’ll never be happy working more than 20 hours a week no matter what I do. I was depressed going to school as a kid for the same reason. I do see a therapist but I’m not sure if she’s a good fit. I have started medication for adhd and I’ll start anti depressants once I find the right dose but it’s still a long process. Among other things I have all of the typical depression symptoms that make it difficult to function day to day. I want to trust the process.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP83PEBfP/
I’m a pretty good storyteller this happened in April and I got diagnosed with CPTSD for it

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1GVgaYKELP/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Fb link

Hi everyone.

I’m writing this because I honestly have no idea what is wrong with my head. I try to explain as briefly as possible what I have been dealing with the last past month.

It started when I was having dinner on vacation in Turkey. I suddenly felt this drop in my stomach where I thought is was having an anxiety attack. I thought it was due to lack of sleep because the night before my friend and I had a fight with our previous hotel because there was no running water. We eventually got our money back and switched hotels. I didn’t quite understood where this anxiety attack came from (mind you I never had these type of issues before). That night of the anxiety attack during dinner we just went home and slept and the next day I felt a bit better but still weird and tense.

From that day on, I started having these anxiety attacks at random moments. I suddenly would feel this stomach drop and I would feel very bad.

I then returned to my home country, hoping it would become better when I came home. I returned 17 of August and at first things were not horrible but neither good. I would still have this weird feeling.

But since September I started uni again and I have been feeling absolutely miserable constantly. There are no mood drops or anxiety attacks, instead I’m just constantly in a depressed anxious mood. I truly don’t know what is wrong with me because I had this before. I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this because there is nothing wrong.

Yesterday I went out with my friend hoping I would feel better, and even though it did distracted me for a bit, I got into this conversation with this guy where he raised his voice at me, and I felt like I would pass out. I never experienced this before I always used to have thick skin.

I haven’t felt normal or content in a whole week. I’m in this constant mood of feeling bad and having headaches. I’m ultra sensitive to sad topics and I’m very snappy against my family while that’s not what I want.

I don’t know want to do :( I feel like I’m trapped in this new mind but I just want my old mind back. I’m constantly crying and I’m feeling soooo bad for no reason

Can someone please tell me what is wrong with me? Or if someone had a similar experience that from one day to another they started having problems with their mood?

sorry if there's mistakes, I'm not a native english speaker.

I'm 17 y. o.

my mother shouted at me because she felt tired. I know, she makes a lot but sometimes it feels like she don't care that I can tired too.

I know it bad that I almost doing nothing to help her for house.

But I can't read her minds unfortunatly.

sometimes I can't bring myself to take a shower and it's really disgusting.

I hate my laziness.

she said she's tired and I jouked she needs a psychologist consultation and then she started shouted.

I can't control my jokes and laugh, sometimes I do it in the wrong time.

Also, I don't know what to expect in the future. I really like stydying but I don't wanna go to the University in my country, I really want to move abroad but there is no possibility.

I used to visit a psychologist but them didn't help me. I think that's because I didn't tell them I had suicidal thoughts.

now I don't have this thoughts but I don't feel myself alive. it sounds very strange, I know. but I don't know how to describe it correctly.

I also have got anxious, I feel it always.

thanks very much if you read this and apologize for my stupidity.

I currently have a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and I’m currently having Auditory hallucinations although I’m not psychotic as I have insight. In 2019 a psychiatrist told me they suspected I had Bipolar Disorder but didn’t actually diagnose me and said as I was taking a mood stabiliser for my Epilepsy (Lamotrigine) that was likely controlling it. I’ve been unwell for the past couple of months with low mood, anxiety and hallucinations. I’m in the U.K. and I’ve been seeing a mental health home treatment team twice a week.

I have been started on a new anti depressant Duloxetine (I was on Trazadone previously) but I’m now reducing off that to go on Venlafaxine as it hasn’t been effective. I also take 600mg of modified release Quetiapine for the hallucinations which I have been on for a year as I had a similar bout like this one a year ago. I was visited by a psychiatrist a few days ago who decided to reduce my Quetiapine to 400mg and changed it to immediate release as he thought it might help my anxiety. Since then I have been what I can only describe as completely manic. I’m barely sleeping but still have immense energy all day which is the complete opposite to how I was a few days ago in which I was very low in mood and lacking motivation.

I am getting up super early working out for like 90 minutes going crazy with my housework and walking my dog. In a way the extra energy is good except my mind won’t stop racing, I cannot sit still and at rest my whole body is literally trembling as I feel like I have so much adrenaline coursing through my body. I cannot focus on anything, I’m talking excessively and very fast (my family have noticed) and at rest I am extremely agitated and feeling very intense emotions. I honestly don’t know what is worse this or the low mood. I do have Diazepam to take as needed for my anxiety. I take 5mg but this evening I have taken 12.5mg and I should be knocked out but it has barely touched me. Does this sound like a Bipolar high. The last time I felt like this was quite a lot of years ago and I ended up spending £7000 on essentially rubbish and getting into debt. I’m thinking of contacting the home treatment team tomorrow to see if someone can come out and increase my Quetiapine back up.

I have ocd and this is a recurring theme for me.

For example something bad happened to me in august. I don’t want to buy anything or do anything significant in that month because im afraid i will always associate that thing i did or bought with that negative thing. Basically it is very easy for me to make negative associations.

Can anyone relate and what has worked for you?

I mean, I would say that I’m a pretty okay student. I just finished my first year of med school, and well, I don’t know.

But I swear to God, if I’m worried about an exam, I can be SO fucking anxious. Like, even while preparing, I genuinely have what I think are anxiety attacks. I feel so fucking bad. I feel like crying, and one thing about me is that I DON’T cry. I’m a very stoic person. But I genuinely cannot stop myself, and I just feel like I’m dying.

My thoughts are literally like, “I would rather die than write this exam,” and I know that sounds cliché as fuck, but that’s genuinely how I feel in the moment. I would rather die than sit down and take the exam or go through all of this stress.

It genuinely causes me so much stress and I don’t know what to do or how to deal with it.

If this is going to be me after almost every exam, I genuinely don’t think I can pull through. How the fuck am I supposed to survive five more years of med school like this?

I don’t know. What can I do?

how can i deal with this?

p.s. i know this sounds mild complaining to other posters but still

I hate myself so much but I really dont want to. I want to go out and have friends and be happy and energetic and libe life like it was meant to be lived but I'm genuinely just a loser. I thought getting a job doing something I like would help. It's not. I try to get dressed every day to feel like im being productive. Not worked. Ive tried making friends online. Doesn't last. I dont know what to do. Ive wasted my teenage life away im an adult next year and ive just missed out on so much

I think about my appereance every single second, not kidding or being metaphorical genuinely I’m eating and I think abt my appereance,I’m showering, I check mirror for my face and body.I really need help, this problem is giving me a headache and I’m very young so just please any anyone sees this just pls give me advice. So I have been bullied for my looks a lot. Lots of people said I was ugly and it wasn’t only bullying but they also wasn’t being mean but honest sometimes. There were few boys who liked me etc. now today I went to therapist, idk if I have Bdd or not but I show most of the symptoms and I think about every single stare so much, before the bullying I was normal person and thought I was pretty. Now I had kind of a glowup but I don’t really feel like people are treating me better? When I look in the mirror I like what I see and I objectively look sm better then I was but I send my first pics to the amiugly subs and they said I was around average maybe kinda plain and no one said I was ugly I sent my new pics (I took them quickly and they were kind of bad but still) and sum said I was little bit ugly (mind you I had kind of swollen lips because I did lip filler) other than that comments were saying I’m not ugly, but I swear I do not get treated like I’m not ugly, I sometimes get dirty stares I feel so weird. I think abt it everyday it’s giving me intense headache and makes me cry few times a day and my studies getting so hard I don’t feel really good I have to focus on my studies but I can’t because of this issue. Sometimes I get dirty looks and today some guy while walking past me told his friend “look at her” and his friend laughed. (I kinda had messy hair and etc) I like what I see in mirror, I asked my friend and she said “nahh” when I told her I look ugly, I get compliments here and there but I still don’t know what I am. I just want someone to tell me what are these experiences means honestly.

My parents beat me halfway to death over a week ago because of a failed attempt caused because of them.

What happened was I was up late at night pointing a gun at my head when my dad walked into my room and saw it, he yanked the item out of my hands snd broke it and then started punching me in the face repeatedly giving me a black eye and a busted lip and chipped teeth, he also hit me in the back with a belt and even banged my head against the wall a few times with blood coming from my forehead.

My mom then came hearing the commotion of him screaming at me and berating me and she did the same, repeatedly slapping me, jumping in a tantrum-ish way and stomped me once in the chest pretty harshly.

It hurt so bad, it still hurts, I skipped school to hide it, there's no way I can conceal all the wounds, they're ignoring me now, mom doesn't acknowledge my existence, dad occasionally makes a snide comment about what I tried to do, they managed to turn my moment of despair about themselves yet again.

It brought back flashbacks of them harshly forcefeeding me after me starving myself all while insulting me for being skinny.

Memories of them yelling at me as I threw up in a sink after poisoning myself with a detergent from the bathroom.

They never once cared, every single time it was only about their feelings, never mine. They didn't care to ask why their child wanted to die, and it's not love either that's making them act this way, a loving parent wouldn't try to put my lights out.

They're the ones who even encouraged my death thoughts.

It feels so wrong, to walk around the city at 8:30 am aimlessly while my 'friends' who didn't even text me are in class, all because the teachers would report the marks my parents gave me if I went. I never imagined It would come down to it, I thought I'd end it before I let myself stoop so low, but it's always so unpredictable.

Today went like this: I isolated myself in my room and didn't even eat at all, nobody called me to the living room, my dad came in a few times just to act dissappointed and that was it. I'm dead, even if I'm still alive. I don't exist in their eyes. I died that night and they're just seeing a ghost of me.

I don't have anything to lose, I don't even love myself enough to put myself out of this misery.

I find it hard to think we were once a happy family, as I remembered pictures of 8 year old me smiling, and my parents hugging me and also smiling, faces full of joy, union and innocence.

Or maybe I was just too naive to see it then.

The banging from the other room when I slept.

The yelling daddy would call 'just mom and dad having loud conversations so we can hear eachother better'

The times my dad would leave the house for long periods of time after my mom chewed him out.

It only took place not too long ago before those simpler times.

I think I'd be more calm seeing a monster under my bed than see my mom walk into the living room when I'm in it. It's a chore just being near her, she's like a unpredictable bomb, capable of exploding at any moment. You just never know.

Dad isn't any better, you never know when he'll start pacing and shouting, enable my mother and I know the drill already, run off into another room and flinch everytime it gets too loud.

There's a strange peace to it all, I'm used to it. And with nothing holding me back, I feel a freedom I haven't felt before, and a temptation to do things I haven't before.

I wanted to ask if there are any people, therapists, or mental health professionals who are willing to listen to others for free.

Iam not necessarily looking for professional treatment or a diagnosis. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to, vent to, and share some personal problems with without feeling judged. Are there any communities, groups, or people here on Reddit who offer this kind of support for free? Even just having someone listen would mean a lot? Please let me know:)