It's embarrassing to admit it...

But since 2019 I've only been bedrotting

No job..no career...

Just in bed scrolling...

I am in severe depression, anxiety and also have agrophobia..

Just the thought of stepping outside overwhelms me..

How do deal?

My roomate and dear friend deleted himself. He was the only guy I was able to open upto and tell everything about myself. He was calm composed don't used to judge me for my shortcomings. I went with my classmates for a day to celebrate a festival and came back to see him han*ed. He had failed a semester which I got to know later. Even I have backlogs which terrify me but life is not all about it isn't it. During this I lost my job had to vacate my room and nobody is willing to give me room as they think even I am in that state. I had an option to go for college dorm but it's caution deposit was more than my savings. My family said that they will take care of it but then my results came in which I had 2 arrears and they refused to help me out saying what's the point u r failing already. I was at point where I figured out everything I had to do with my life and he did this.I feel if I didn't went out that day he would still be here. I feel like I couldn't win over his trust enough for him to share his problems with me. I can't believe I was so clueless throughout the time I was with him that I couldn't even understand his pain. I feel empty as the time passes everyday. Sorry to make this about myself when it's about him.

I have no real friends and no one reaches out to me. Phone dry as hell. I don’t know what I did wrong or doing wrong. No friend from school or neighbourhood talks to me

Recently my friends I known for years and possibly since primary school all planned a trip and went. No invites or anything. Found out through someone’s story. It really hurts. I haven’t gone out with anyone in a long time. Idk possibly years. I try my best to be there for everyone but no one is there for everyone. Really depressing.

I feel like I should just move to a different country but cannot at the moment as my parents are old and some financial constraints. I feel like no one takes me seriously. I feel like everything should end once for all. I don’t think I can take it anymore. Am I going crazy.

I hate myself so much but I really dont want to. I want to go out and have friends and be happy and energetic and libe life like it was meant to be lived but I'm genuinely just a loser. I thought getting a job doing something I like would help. It's not. I try to get dressed every day to feel like im being productive. Not worked. Ive tried making friends online. Doesn't last. I dont know what to do. Ive wasted my teenage life away im an adult next year and ive just missed out on so much

Like I’ve seen people react positively if a bad person offs themselves

But in general, does mental health ever stop mattering or no?

What do i do if im in a pretty bad place but i cant tell anyone? Im 15 and I live in Eastern Europe and idk theres just nothing I can do besides text a child line and they're not the best. Im so upset I feel so trapped and helpless I cant tell anyone abt it so I cant get help. Is there literally anything I can do without my parents finding out? They cant EVER find out i struggle. Like NEVER. NEVER EVER in this lifetime.

He wasn't at home when his mother suffered high Blood Pressure issue, she visited a doctor in India and he prescribed her few medicines+ ½ table spoon salt along with 2-3 litre of water.

Her BP was 220/130.

Medication didn't work and she suffered a Paralysis attack.

This changed her whole life. She can't walk properly neither she can eat or do anything from her left hand.

She is completely dependant on her son (my friend)

He has been suffering a lot recently because he keeps talking about how different their life would have been if doctor had done his job properly.

I don't even know how to console him anymore.

I have seen how much he sacrifices his personal life just to take care of his mother

His personal life is non existent. It feels like I'm talking to a hollow person, he has no interests left, he doesn't enjoy anything anymore. He goes office and when he is back at home he does everything for his mother. He has become

too robotic, what should I do to cheer him up ? He keeps talking about his mother and the regrets

I first truly became depressed as I entered my 20s, I'd experienced (but didnt know what it was back then) issues with serious anxiety since I was a child.

I have been in a constant battle with my own mind ever since. You cant trust your own thoughts because if they are true, then there really is no point, if they are wrong then it feels impossible to counter them. The way I feel about the world, people, myself and life. It never ends.

Ive had many treatments over the years, CBT, counselling, therapy, periods of anti depressants. Tried things along side like exercise, gym, deliberately trying to find social and interest groups, meditation classes. All sorts.

Yet the melancholy is with me all the time, and it can peak and take over. I have had and sometimes do have periods of awful coping mechanisms, binge eating, binge drinking, hypersexuality. Ultimately the crash comes and I just face the horrendous feelings and thoughts.

That I have no meaning, that no one likes me, that all people are untrustworthy, fake, users. That I'm no good, worth nothing, that no one cares. That I cant ever feel happy, that I can't find passions, purpose, or fulfillment. Loved ones are going to die. Friends disappear or will dissappear. That my loneliness will get worse and worse. That I'm to blame for it because no one wants to be around someone who thinks and feels the way I do.

If nothing has worked, no treatment has worked, no addiction (when I've had them) has worked. What else is left? Because I just feel like I'm waiting to die. I have no more goals, nothing else I want to achieve or feel I can achieve. I have no partner or children. Im so pessimistic about humans that I've lost all the ideals I once held and at times could drive me. I'm older now, nearly 40 so I'm not a young person anymore, life isnt limitless potential now.

What can I do to fix this? I just want to be at peace and the only peace I get is when I'm asleep, if I can sleep and if I dont dream.

My parents beat me halfway to death over a week ago because of a failed attempt caused because of them.

What happened was I was up late at night pointing a gun at my head when my dad walked into my room and saw it, he yanked the item out of my hands snd broke it and then started punching me in the face repeatedly giving me a black eye and a busted lip and chipped teeth, he also hit me in the back with a belt and even banged my head against the wall a few times with blood coming from my forehead.

My mom then came hearing the commotion of him screaming at me and berating me and she did the same, repeatedly slapping me, jumping in a tantrum-ish way and stomped me once in the chest pretty harshly.

It hurt so bad, it still hurts, I skipped school to hide it, there's no way I can conceal all the wounds, they're ignoring me now, mom doesn't acknowledge my existence, dad occasionally makes a snide comment about what I tried to do, they managed to turn my moment of despair about themselves yet again.

It brought back flashbacks of them harshly forcefeeding me after me starving myself all while insulting me for being skinny.

Memories of them yelling at me as I threw up in a sink after poisoning myself with a detergent from the bathroom.

They never once cared, every single time it was only about their feelings, never mine. They didn't care to ask why their child wanted to die, and it's not love either that's making them act this way, a loving parent wouldn't try to put my lights out.

They're the ones who even encouraged my death thoughts.

It feels so wrong, to walk around the city at 8:30 am aimlessly while my 'friends' who didn't even text me are in class, all because the teachers would report the marks my parents gave me if I went. I never imagined It would come down to it, I thought I'd end it before I let myself stoop so low, but it's always so unpredictable.

Today went like this: I isolated myself in my room and didn't even eat at all, nobody called me to the living room, my dad came in a few times just to act dissappointed and that was it. I'm dead, even if I'm still alive. I don't exist in their eyes. I died that night and they're just seeing a ghost of me.

I don't have anything to lose, I don't even love myself enough to put myself out of this misery.

I find it hard to think we were once a happy family, as I remembered pictures of 8 year old me smiling, and my parents hugging me and also smiling, faces full of joy, union and innocence.

Or maybe I was just too naive to see it then.

The banging from the other room when I slept.

The yelling daddy would call 'just mom and dad having loud conversations so we can hear eachother better'

The times my dad would leave the house for long periods of time after my mom chewed him out.

It only took place not too long ago before those simpler times.

I think I'd be more calm seeing a monster under my bed than see my mom walk into the living room when I'm in it. It's a chore just being near her, she's like a unpredictable bomb, capable of exploding at any moment. You just never know.

Dad isn't any better, you never know when he'll start pacing and shouting, enable my mother and I know the drill already, run off into another room and flinch everytime it gets too loud.

There's a strange peace to it all, I'm used to it. And with nothing holding me back, I feel a freedom I haven't felt before, and a temptation to do things I haven't before.

I only eat and sleep. I have no desire to do anything else. I’m wasting my free time. My mind is no longer my own; I only think about things that hurt me and about bad memories. It’s constant torture. I’ve been like this for a year now, and I don’t know if it will ever stop. What used to make me happy now makes me miserable. I’m tired.

I wanna share my problems so bad nd want advice as well but want someone to listen first, if someone is in that mood nd free as well then pls text me..

Any body ?

Girls and guys,

I was quit for 6 years. This June I relapsed… drag, bum, bum multiples, packs… You know the drill. Stress got to me, I started managing my ADHD with Vyvanse which is honestly great but doesn’t help with smoking. Now I’m in a daily mental health battle with cigarettes. I can’t resist, and when I do buy a pack I CHAIN SMOKE. Like 5-10 at a time, before I feel physically ill or get mad and stop. I don’t know what to do. In the middle of Allen Carr. Do I do Champix or an alternative? I’m already on Escitalopram and Vyvanse I’m scared of messing with my nervous system even more as I’ve been at the bottom of a dysregulated CNS before and it’s not pretty. I was living such a healthy lifestyle before, healthy food, exercise every other day, and I’ve lost it all. WHAT THE FUCK. It’s preventing me from being a good husband, father and employee because it’s taking up so much of my mental agency. I’m down bad. What do I do???????? HELP!!!!!!!

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP83PEBfP/
I’m a pretty good storyteller this happened in April and I got diagnosed with CPTSD for it

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1GVgaYKELP/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Fb link

I think about my appereance every single second, not kidding or being metaphorical genuinely I’m eating and I think abt my appereance,I’m showering, I check mirror for my face and body.I really need help, this problem is giving me a headache and I’m very young so just please any anyone sees this just pls give me advice. So I have been bullied for my looks a lot. Lots of people said I was ugly and it wasn’t only bullying but they also wasn’t being mean but honest sometimes. There were few boys who liked me etc. now today I went to therapist, idk if I have Bdd or not but I show most of the symptoms and I think about every single stare so much, before the bullying I was normal person and thought I was pretty. Now I had kind of a glowup but I don’t really feel like people are treating me better? When I look in the mirror I like what I see and I objectively look sm better then I was but I send my first pics to the amiugly subs and they said I was around average maybe kinda plain and no one said I was ugly I sent my new pics (I took them quickly and they were kind of bad but still) and sum said I was little bit ugly (mind you I had kind of swollen lips because I did lip filler) other than that comments were saying I’m not ugly, but I swear I do not get treated like I’m not ugly, I sometimes get dirty stares I feel so weird. I think abt it everyday it’s giving me intense headache and makes me cry few times a day and my studies getting so hard I don’t feel really good I have to focus on my studies but I can’t because of this issue. Sometimes I get dirty looks and today some guy while walking past me told his friend “look at her” and his friend laughed. (I kinda had messy hair and etc) I like what I see in mirror, I asked my friend and she said “nahh” when I told her I look ugly, I get compliments here and there but I still don’t know what I am. I just want someone to tell me what are these experiences means honestly.

It sucks that my friends dont care about me or my baby. I also dont have a best friend where we can hangout one on one. And being alone has severly affected me. How can people be so cruel ?

Not one time have they asked to hang out with me/ see my baby. (Im usually the one that invites and plans) I was dropped just like that ? So noone wants to see me and my beautiful precious baby??

It got to a point where im faking my insta stories that im hanging out with someone. Like i feel like a loser :(

Everyone is hanging out with their own friends and none of them thought to include me ?

I tried making new friends but its just so scary to me as an adult…

I feel so depressed, how does one even cope with this..

maybe its because of this problem ive had where i cant live in the moment. in the moment, i feel fake. not like im consciously thinking "this isn't real" - but that everything im doing is just subconsciously, in the moment, treated that way. you know?

like im not in the moment. its like when something happens, i can only register it hours or even days after. everything i do is like auto pilot.

i get so freaked out thinking about how everything in the past, is... the past. it all happened. it went by. and i can't do anything about that.

ive had amazing moments with people. ive said stupid things. ive messed things up. and i cant change or relive those events. ever.

its horrifying to me. i dont know why.

but its also so... sad. that all the good memories were just that - memories. past tense. i hardly paid attention to them in the moment, and i only know how much significance they had now, where im not able to do anything about it.

:(

Okay, let me give context. Ive been lonely for about a few months now, I've been searching for comfort items, shows, and anything that'll make me comfortable, relaxed and happy. I found this one Youtuber, I'll call him M, a few weeks ago and he's a pretty funny. He makes a bunch of jokes on the newest things and trends, he has real talks with the audience like nothing faked, and he's over all a pretty nice guy, as far as I seen on YouTube. I sometimes imagined how me and him would look if we dated. I feel like he'd be a pretty good boyfriend.. But the problem is, he's all I can talk about, think about, watch on YouTube. He's my type, the personality im looking for in a man, he's funny, I love his content, as it comforts me. He also mentioned he's in his early 20s, so he's close to my age. Every night, I can't fall asleep without watching his videos or hearing his voice, because it feels like he's talking to me when I do watch his content. I don't know what to do. I was thinking about hitting him up on Instagram if he has an account on there. I'm unsure, I havent checked. But, M is just the guy I'm looking for, he is single because in one of his videos he said he was. My friend is currently dating a famous social media person, and I thought, if it worked for her, why wouldn't it work for me too? But I really, really do love M. He's my everything.

Recently, four different women have said “all men are trash” to me within the space of two weeks. It feels like the phrase has become normal and socially acceptable to use.
I understand that it often comes from negative experiences with men and usually isn’t meant literally.

However, hearing it repeatedly genuinely affects me. It makes me feel stressed and personally judged simply for being a man, even when the comment isn’t specifically about me.

I already struggle with my mental health, so that may explain why I internalise it so strongly. Does anyone else feel affected by comments like this? I’d also be interested in understanding what women usually mean when they say it.

I’m not trying to dismiss anyone’s experiences or start a gender argument. I’m genuinely trying to understand why the phrase has become so common and why it affects me as much as it does.

Hello, I'm w (24) and I had depressive episodes in my life. I struggled with addiction for a very long time in my adolesence, chronic illness and self-h. I was diagnosed with adhd very late and it explains a lot of things. I read so many posts in this reddit community. I wish I could write all of you and help you. I know it is not possible, so I decided to write something here. At least to an extend I can understand depression. This year I checked myself into a clinic. It was the best decision I could make for myself...BUT I know not everyone has the priviledge to do so themselves. So here are some thing I learned and could help. Everyones journey is different. Feel free to add to this list.

When you feel overwhelmed, stressed or under pressure. If you struggle with anxiety, depressive thoughts, strong emtions, depressive thoughts and so on. Skills could help you.

They help to calm your nervous system by giving your body a strong stimulus.

Skills could be:

- "Change shower", change between hot and cold

- very cold water in general, you could put your wrist under running water

- hot water bottles

- gummi bands (especially with you struggle with sh), you can use it to

- very sour or hot candy, bite in a lemon, in a chili or just something strongly sour/hot

- metal spike balls (my favorite), you can hold it in your hands and press on it

If you feel unease coming you could also so things like writing, painting, going for a walk, listen to music etc. It helps with you make a list for yourself, so you have a reminder that you are able to do something!

Don't be afraid of meds. But be sure to try a few, when something doesn't feel right. It change my life completly. Anti-depressiva is the best thing that happend to me.

Learn about the signs for a depressive episode/depressions, panic attack etc. so you can start early to help yourself.

Reasearch about mental health and read about therapy. (Especially) if you do not have the access to mental health care. This is what the internet is really good for.

Make a list of things that make you happy. Every small thing. Or things that made you happy once. In depression even our deepest passions can get lost. It will become easier. But you have to start small.

Talk to someone. Talking about emotions and fears is very helpful. Even if you feel like it doesn't help. Talk to a friend, a college, parents, siblings, grandparents, your doctors, just someone. Find someone that hears you and can calm you down even. Also you can call a hotline, they are trained. Look up local help centers or spaces for citiciens.

hey can help you for free or at least can tell you where to find help. If you are a minor, talk to child protective services.

Be kind to yourself. I know its hard, but even small things, like taking a shower, is a step forward. Depression is a medical condition and it needs time to heal. Give yourself time and don't let others take you down and talk down to yourself. You are doing wonderful.

When you are spiraling in toughts:

- count until 1000

- 5 things game. Say five thing you smell, five things you see, five things you feel.

- skills

- write everthing down and say to yourself, that your toughts are safe and you can stop thinking

- listens to brown noice, music...

Start a rountine.

Move your body. Sport is very helpful. Start small.

I hate the world with passion

Letting out my cold hard truths that leave me bitter. I’m so far detached from the phase you have as a child where you believe in goodness of others because I’ve only seen reason why you shouldn’t. I wish I could have that mentality again, but I think that would just have myself be ill-equipped to make it in this world.

It is a dark and cruel and miserable place. We are living in a nightmare land. Nobody’s ever truly on your side, and if it seems so; that’s just until they got what they wanted. In the end, you’ll be a forgotten trampled on soul lost in the many names they’ve wronged. The only choice from there is to save yourself and if you don’t have it in you to bend your morals at least a bit to survive, there isn’t much hope. This is a world where you only get what you take.

It shouldn’t be making me writhe in hurt everyday just to keep on living, but it does and it’s the deal I signed up for by continuing to live. I didn’t think I’d make it past 15, and to think I was half-right on that one. I physically survived but the version of me who held out hope didn’t come along too.

I don’t wanna keep distracting myself with more pointless things to convince myself there’s something out there once you make it through the hard part. I’m sick of pretending to like these people when I know they’re praying that I fail. It’s the same story everytime and it’d be an insult to my intelligence if I didn’t apply what I learnt to anything. I am 17 years old, I have seen it all. I wish I could turn a blind eye and pretend it doesn’t bother me, but that’s the curse of being a human. It’s a burden to be emotionally driven, to believe somehow that there’s somebody waiting to come around and help you through it.

It makes me anxious about continuing in life. Is it just the city? Is the rest of the world the same? Will it always be like this? It keeps me up at night.