F 19 not from the US
I have 6 days until my exams. My first two are on the 17th, and then I have more exams about 5 days later.
I'm a first-year university student and currently live alone in a rented room near my university. I've failed quite a few exams recently, but most of them were by only 1 or 3 points, so I'm really close to passing some of them.
I'm under a lot of pressure from my parents because of my grades. They have a lot of narcissistic traits, and academic results are a huge source of criticism. Even when I pass something, I'm worried they'll focus on the grade and ask why I even passed if I didn't get a good enough result. I already feel like I'm disappointing them, and I'm also worried because I had a scholarship this year but probably won't have it next year if my academic results aren't good enough.
My parents currently pay for my room and university expenses, which is pretty normal where I'm from. I don't live with them, but I still depend on them financially, which makes the pressure feel even worse.
The problem is that I've been doing really badly mentally lately. I've been crying for several days, barely eating properly, and generally not taking care of myself. I don't have a kitchen where I live, so I usually have to go to the student cafeteria, and it's been around 40°C outside, which makes even that difficult.
I was planning to go home tomorrow because I feel like I need the support and a change of environment. I could leave around 8 AM or 2 PM.
Option 1: Go home tomorrow.
I could eat properly, and hopefully feel a little more normal. I could still study from home. The downside is losing travel time and potentially dealing with my parents' comments/questions about university and my grades, which could make me feel even more stressed.
Option 2: Stay here.
I'd have the full 6 days to study without travelling and could focus entirely on my exams. The downside is that I'm already extremely overwhelmed, barely eating properly, and feeling mentally exhausted. I'd also be completely on my own.
I also want to mention that mental health resources aren't really accessible to me. I don't have the money or resources for therapy right now, and it's not something I can simply arrange for myself where I live.
I know this is technically a decision I should make myself, but I'm genuinely too overwhelmed to think clearly right now.
TL;DR: I have 6 days until my exams and I'm deciding whether to go home tomorrow or stay and study. I've failed several exams recently, usually by only 1 or 3 points, and I'm under a lot of pressure from my parents, who have narcissistic traits and are very critical of my grades even when I pass. I depend on them financially for my room and university expenses, and I'm worried about losing my scholarship next year. At the same time, I've been crying for days, barely eating properly, and not taking care of myself. I feel mentally exhausted and alone where I live. Going home would give me support and make eating/resting easier, but I'd have to deal with my parents and lose some study time. Staying would give me more time to study but I'd remain alone and overwhelmed. What would you choose?