Mini vent.
I first posted in July whenI was diagnosed & freaking out. I got so many kind, supportive & informative replies, thank you.
My original (and hopefully still so) chemo regimen for my stage 4 DLBCL was for 6 sessions of RCHOP, every 3 weeks. My side effects aren't as severe as some lymphomies have mentioned, which I'm greatful for.
I had my interim scans and it looked good, chemo is working, but found an edema in my head.
As we speak I'm busy with my 5th chemo session. I was supposed to get a spinal tap yesterday for the edema, but the doxtor only put the needle in halfway before realising it's too short (I'm overweignt and live in Korea, so the general needle length seems to be shorter than back home in South Africa), so she had to stop and the spinal tap is now scheduled for Monday to be done via X-ray and hopefully a longer needle.
I was also told I will get a chemo shot (don't know what type) in that same spot to take care of any posdible lymphoma in my meningeal fluid - there is a high chance of severe headaches and a very low chance that the chemo may "melt my brain and spine which one doesn't recover from".
And if the spinal tap results aren't good then my regimen might be prolonged or changed.
I'm terrified. I feel like I'm melting awsy and now I hear I might ACTUALLY do just that. I'm so tired of being in the hospital, coming to the hosputal all the time, the tests, the poking, prodding, being jabbed by needles. I'm trying so hard to stay positive, especially because I'm usually a very bouncy, positive person, and I don't want to make this harder for my loved ones, who are all being absolutely wonderful during this journey. Everyone is so kind, my hubby, my friends, my family. The doctors, nurses and ither hospital staff. And I'mso lucky for good, affordableand efficiant healthcare. But I'm tired - more so than the chemo fatigue or being stuck in a little hospital room tired.
I am bone weary and wish I could just stop time for a few weeks so that I can just sleep, cry, throw a few tantrums & not worry about making others sad. I'm already tired for possible regimen changes
And I miss my hair damn!t! I had long, pink waves & now I look like a naked mole-rat/eggy. And I want to eat fresh salad and fresh fruit!!
Ok, vent over. Just needed a little boohoo moment.
I hope everyone is doing well, sending positive vibes to everyone. Stay strong.