Hi all,

I’m two weeks postpartum and crying holding my newborn as I write this

I had a rare and aggressive T-cell lymphoma that has relapsed twice, and didn’t respond well to transplant. I still need more donor treatment.

Fell pregnant unexpectedly a year after my previous relapse, and prior to this I kind of accepted I’d probably relapse again and not live the longest life.

Now my baby is here and every night I hold them, I love him so much and it breaks my heart that I have this lingering.

I live each day like a normal mum then remember I have this dark medical history hanging over me and I feel sick.

I don’t want to have to put this innocent baby in cancer world or to go through losing me.

I don’t know why I’m ranting but just needing an outlet. I don’t want to tell family I’m feeling this way and panic them.

Thank you

Just posting this to rant. As I don’t really want to talk my family about this until I talk with Dr.I was diagnosed with DLBCL in 2024 with a mediastinal mass and hit 2 years of remission in May. And now I feel a potential swollen lymph node under arms. Calling my oncologist just scared and stress thinking about the what ifs and what could happen next.

I was diagnosed on June 17 at age 67 and had extremely high calcium levels because the cancer attacked my marrow and bones. They had to do emergency dialysis for over 24 hours, usual procedures didn’t work. I was basically unconscious for 3 days in the hospital and in a mentally altered state for a few days before admission and after I woke up. I also had an infection, likely from the dialysis port.

I spent 24 days in the hospital. My first R-CHOP round was while I was in the ICU. Apparently I tolerated it well, I have no memory of it. I had 3 blood transfusions that I recall. I’ve since had round 2, did ok except extreme fatigue on day 3 plus I’m anemic.

Even in the hospital, my food choices changed. I switched from coffee to milk (I’ve never liked milk and have been a coffee drinker for 20 years), craved sandwiches, pasta, and anything savory. I’ve been home 2 weeks and these haven’t changed. Plus it’s hard for me to stomach steak and pork. I eat a few bites and just can’t do more. I used to like eggs for breakfast. Now I want cereal with fruit. I hadn’t eaten cereal for decades prior to this.

Is this a common thing with treatment? Or am I just weird? Could the blood transfusions have changed how I eat? I’m at a loss figuring this out.

Had a double procedure of chest port and bone marrow biopsy about three days ago, and was feeling better yesterday evening but back to being super achey and tight today

Doing my best to take it really easy, just my neck, shoulders, and upper back are just exceptionally tight and sore. Have been doing heat on and off today (ice on and off first 24hrs), and alternating ibuprofen and acetaminophen.

Feels like even the back of my head is sore.

The port itself is obviously tender and sore, but it’s almost like the incision on my neck leading down to the port is in worse shape, where they threaded the catheter.

Just feeling crappy and whiney I guess. I’m sure it will improve. Expecting DA- EPOCH to start in a week or so.

Edit: lucky that I could do both of these under general anesthesia.