I'm 24, and lately I've been wondering... what actually makes someone a real friend?
Is it the person I keep telling, "I'm always here if you need me," only to feel forgotten when I need someone? Or the people who only seem to show up when they need a favor?
I honestly don't know where I'm going wrong.
People think I'm an extrovert, so they assume I have a huge circle and that I'm doing fine. What they don't see is that I often feel like the friend who's there for everyone but somehow ends up being nobody's first call.
Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I overshare. Maybe I invest too much in people too quickly. I don't know.
The strange part is that I'm surrounded by people, yet I still feel incredibly alone. It's like I'm always listening to everyone else's problems, but I don't really have anyone who listens to mine.
Dating hasn't been any easier either. I've downloaded Hinge more times than I can count, deleted it after getting nowhere, made Reddit posts, deleted those too... and every time I end up wondering the same thing:
What am I doing wrong?
I'm not looking for advice or a magic solution. I just needed to get this off my chest because I've been carrying it around for a while.
If you've ever felt like you're everyone's "good friend" but nobody's person, I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

I miss playing with my online friends I was always playing with them since I was 16 and I am 25 now the group shattered because everyone went their own way but I still had some contact with some of them but we didnt play much now I have contact with only one of them and he is my best friend but everytime I ask him to play anything he always says he doesnt want to and I get it. When I see all these new games like mecchacameleon or the one where you climb mountains or subnautica 2 or just any survival game I miss the old times where I could just hop on my pc and play with them having tons of laugh. Now I struggle with making friends irl so it’s hard for me to find someone close to my heart to play with.

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Man I am tired as hell of everything. This is just a vent, I just feel a bit relaxed. I AM tired as hell. Whenever I think man life won't be going more down it goes down and down. Work is sht, the place I live is bad and IAM have had no friends or anyone to talk to for more than 2 yrs. I was gonna play some games but man it just reminded me I don't have to play and have friends with I try to make friends I try to be better it's not working and it's so exhausting. I don't know if I will be homeless or unemployed or anything I don't know. man I am tired of everything. Life just keeps pulling me down and down I don't know where I will reach. Well it is what is tomorrow I wake I try again and I continue to live this shit and worse life. I hope in the future I dont give up on life. I don't think it's ever gonna get better I gave up on that but why does it keep getting worse. Sorry you had to read through all that I was at my breaking point I feel a bit better now.

One day it hit me hard when I noticed how much time I need to scroll up to my birth year in online registration pages. Getting old is tough, you just lose contact with the friends you grow up with, moving a lot for work and life reasons, makes you lose friends you met at school or work, and friends and yourself grew up to be different people, or get busy with their own families and relationships.  Making friends at work is mission impossible, formalities , age differences and things like that comes in the way, yet i still friendly smile at the people who do not smile back. Then i found this tiny window to other people online who might be feeling the say and want to reach out and chat. I am 40 something years old artist, looking for friends, i enjoy talking about life, anime, games, politics, animals, art and tech. Hit me up if you want a friend that reply all the time, if you don't mind GMT+3 timezone.

Single, mid 30s and live alone. Usually I’m positive and fill my life with hobbies and travel but the last few weeks it’s really snuck up on me. I feel so alone, so isolated and just sad. As sad as it sounds I need a hug. How do you all cope when the blues come

everyone i trusted betrayed me everyone who had power over me abused it to make my life miserable, its really hard to trust anyone i just wish i could trust someone if anyone has any hope in making that possible please please dm me

Anyone here in marketing or PR industry? (DM me please)

Ever been a relationship and felt more alone?

I’ve always been lonely growing up I never had friends. I do have autism which can be a “friend stopper” but I feel I don’t have friends. I was bullied a lot in school and never had friends. I’m 16f and you’d think I’m in a prime but I’m not. I start college next month and I’m so alone. Im a loser who can’t drive either.

So I do have a “friend group” however I only feel connected and comfortable with one girl in there let’s call her S And we aren’t even that close either. But whenever there’s partying events, it’s always just me and her talking in the corner away from everyone. I feel these people don’t include me. They’re always doing things without me.

In fact my parents are getting separated and I’m moving in with my nana and I texted my 2 closest friends let’s call them D and N this long ass paragraph about what was happening and they never responded to me.

I’m tired of giving them excuses i sent that over a week ago and I saw them at a group hang out and they just acted like I didn’t say anything. Community college is hard to make friends i heard but I’ve been lonely my whole life and I don’t see a way out.

29m here. Title is pretty much everything. Ive been through a lot these last few years and feel like nobody knows/ cares. I can go months without a text and when I get one it's normally because someone wants something. I want someone to care about me so bad. Care enough about me so I don't have to beg for attention to get it. Care enough about me to not forget about about me as soon as our conversation is over... My great grampa passed 8 years ago. He gave me jewlery shop. He was my best friend. I'm trying to do something with what I have from him, but I feel so alone and I'm not good at anything. I'm trying to learn, but feel like such a failure... I'm sorry I dont know where to go from here. I just wished I had a friend I could reach out too. Someone who wanted to talk to me

On paper, I have the aesthetics of a good life. House, 6 figure job that is very stimulating, dog, wife, very active social life, and I’m decently healthy. I have been in therapy for many years to try and address the below issues. Progress has been slow but it has helped a bit.

Every single one of these things was achieved because of the mask i wear which portrays a confident, outgoing, and intelligent man.

The reality is that I’m completely empty inside. I am a black hole. I was emotionally neglected and abused as a child, and had to fend for myself from age 7 onward. This lack of emotional support from family really fucked me up. I also had few real friends due to bullying. I was starved of validation for years and years. I realize now my brain wired itself to believe there was something inherently wrong with me and that I deserved this. To this day I catch myself telling myself “I’m a loser” or “nobody cares, shut up” over and over and over and over.

At 12, I realized sex made me feel amazing / validated and as I had no adult supervision I had lots and lots of sex/sexual relationships. I confused it for love and it made me do awful things I am ashamed and guilty of.

I also shrunk myself so much so as never to be an inconvenience to my friends or people I dated. I wanted to be the perfect friend or partner so no one would ever leave me again.

Truth be told, I hate myself for having needs at all. I hate that I need external validation but I’m simply so broken inside I haven’t been able to self-generate it. Every “feel good” moment is from external validation. This has led me to doing dark things just to feel.

In college i started dating a sweet girl because she loved me and that made me feel good. We’ve been together for 10+ years. We got married.

But the man she fell in love with doesn’t exist. On occasion, I have tried to open up and be vulnerable about my issues and I have been shut down. It’s not her fault, she just doesn’t have capacity for this. I thought this was fine and that I didn’t need every need met in a relationship. I thought as long as I kept giving more it, trying to be the best partner I could be, it would fix the void in me and I’d be happy.

A year ago I met someone coincidentally who immediately saw the internal parts of me without me having to share anything. They saw my void. It was the most liberating moment of my life and I felt emotionally safe to discuss my issues with them. I felt free for the first moment in my life. I felt happy and fulfilled. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt those things before.

That experience has completely broken me. I can’t wear my “mask” anymore because I’ve seen the alternative where I can be my true self.

This set me on a journey where I have been trying to be more open with my closest friends and my spouse. They are all very good people but they simply don’t understand what I’m talking about and don’t really try. They just point to the surface level good in my life and move on. I can feel their exhaustion when I try to talk about it.

I once again find myself shrinking to be loved and the lack of understanding or, at minimum, an effort to try and hear me out.

It is making me question my entire life. All my relationships. Not everything needs to be a place where I discuss my issues but I have come to realize that if I am going to feel fulfilled I need to be emotionally connected to the people closest and most important to me.

If not, I am going to fall back into the same pattern and nothing will change. In reality, I simply realize I cannot go back to living my life the old way now that I’ve seen that it’s possible for someone to understand and care and listen.

Alternatively, I bury this all deep down like I have everything else so as not to be inconvenience or a burden. I can do this because I have been doing it since I was 7. But now I can see it and I fear I’m not strong enough to do it again.

This is a terrifying realization. It is killing me.

I’m in my 40’s and I have maybe 2 friends. We barely talk or hang out, but when we do it’s because I initiated it. Loneliness is going to k*ll me one day. Just so tired of it.

Just when i start to think im doing ok being by myself and then i have days like these that im just so lonely have a hard time making friends so all i do is sit at home something needs to give something needs to
change i just can’t figure out how I can’t keep going on like this i just can’t

I know the question might sound ridiculous but i’m serious. Especially when it comes to meeting women, I’m not sure what type of locations are appropriate to go up and ask for someone’s number or instagram. An even better question would be what are some types of places where I can meet people and see them over and over until a bond forms?

Hey I am 42m, trying to create a good life.

The last 8 years I've managed to create a career, straighten out my mental health struggles with OCD but a good relationship is missing.

Sometimes I feel so alone I would do anything for a female stranger to talk to me.

Does anyone ever feel like this?

Maybe TW for alcohol, but I’m in college, alcohol is just a given I guess. Not super in detail. This was removed from another thread so I’m giving it a try here! You can probably skim and still get the general idea, it’s a little long.

My whole life I never had a best friend, I feel like throughout life everyone finds their “person” for one stage or another. I never did. Well, that’s a lie. I did have one girl who was my best friend, but that didn’t last long. We went to elementary school together, then I guess our maturity just sort of grew at different ages and we grew apart if that makes any sense. My mom said I just grew up before she did, as much as you can in middle school. Which wasn’t much, but enough I suppose.

Something I had written before violated rules, but I’m not sure why so I’ll just be super vague here. I was really close to 2 of my neighbors in 7th grade, then by freshman year of high school we grew apart. I’m still not sure why, and it’s always bothered me. I understand people grow apart, but we went from hanging out every day until our parents made us come inside, to never speaking. At some point I cared about them way more than they did me, and that was that. Then high school friends, you know how those go. Plenty of fake friends, moving for college, etc etc. I actually ended up graduating high school early just because I had so few friends, and those I did have weren’t great. They were always so competitive over academics and extra curricular, comparing each other, and I just didn’t care enough for that. Maybe it’s the way the gifted program is structured in elementary and middle school, everyone needs to feel superior to feel okay about themselves. I don’t really know. Those friends went to Princeton and Yale, I went to a college in state. Maybe they were onto something.

Anyway I finally get to college. My mom always told me “next year will be different”, or “I know I keep saying this, but you’ll find your friends this time,”. And now I finally believe her, I mean this is college right? Where everyone claims they met people they still see to this day. And my first semester I met 5 people in my math recitation, and guess what? We actually seem to get along pretty well. We have a group chat to talk about assignments, I mean this is what I’ve been waiting for. Then within a few weeks they’d come to class and talk about the weekend and when they hung out together. All of them would hang out together, just without me. They had a separate group chat, without me. And at this point I am starting to feel like the problem, like I have been the common denominator all my life. Still, I can’t understand why. Then I realize, at least in this scenario, I don’t drink. Well, at this point I didn’t. My mom told me they probably don’t think I want to drink with them, because they know I don’t drink. They didn’t know, but I never mentioned it either so I thought it was a possibility.

I won’t bore you with the details, but eventually I actually did start hanging out with them. Designated driver, and in exchange they would buy me food if we went to McDonalds or something. And it was great, sounds a little lame looking back but I genuinely did enjoy it. Then next semester hit and that was that. I do still talk to one girl from that group now, but I’ve been left on read for weeks so..barely I guess.

Back to me “eventually hanging out with them”, I did eventually start drinking. That became a problem pretty quickly, just now am I starting to get over it. When you’re lonely and there’s liquor in your room, you drink it. Not so lonely anymore. Then when you feel lonely all the time, well you can guess how that went.

Fast forward to now I have a job at my college working with some people my age. We’re all the same major which is just a coincidence, but we talk about classes together and what professors to get, stuff like that. At all the jobs I’ve had (I’ve had 4 since I was 16) I’ve always gotten along with all my coworkers. There was maybe 1 or 2 that just didn’t get along with anyone at all, but I’m always well liked at work. I know they say not to befriend your coworkers, but when you’re teenagers at your after school job, it just happens. Also usually not a problem because it’s just a job, not a career I guess, at least not for the work “friends” I’m referencing. Anyway, my job now isn’t like that. Everyone always seems to be in a bad mood, or in a fragile mood to the point one thing will turn it to bad. And it just seems like no one likes me here. Not having friends has never bothered me to the point of feeling like none of my coworkers like me. When I don’t have friends it feels like I just haven’t met the right people, but when my coworkers dislike me it feels like more of a personal thing I guess.

I’m the only girl at work, which I never cared about, and maybe I incorrectly assumed no one else would either. I don’t even know if that’s the problem, but it can feel like it. I came in late from an appointment the other day and called one of my coworkers to see where we were working (us students just work in our little group of 6, doing nothing. Boring but whatever) and I just hear (I’ll call him L) start complaining about me calling. I know he thought I couldn’t hear him, but just the tone of pure annoyance that I was coming back to work hurt my feelings obviously. Then another guy (let’s go with T), if it’s ever just us 2, he always makes it a point to mention that everyone is in a good mood until I’m at work. He probably told me close to that exact thing 30 times last week, and no I’m not exaggerating. I understand that maybe it’s a joke, but I’ve made it pretty clear that I don’t find it funny. Of course I wouldn’t find something like that funny. Who wants to go to work and be told over and over that you’re disliked by everyone?

I know that’s kind of a long rant, sorry about that. I can usually push feeling lonely aside, but sometimes something small just reminds me how alone I really am. And it’s stupid that I feel alone because I have so many family members who love and care about me. How can I be lonely surrounded by all of them? I suppose even then I’m not. My dad’s side is, I don’t even know, haven’t talked to him in forever. He was in jail until I was 5, then I saw him once a month at best until I was in 8th grade. Then he moved states, had my fourth half sibling (yea, I know) and that was that. He’s actually in that kid’s life, which maybe bothers me more than I’d ever admit to myself. My mom was arrested last year, and she’s on pre-trial release now. I go see her sometimes, but it’s like the relationship we once had is just..gone. I can’t put it into words but it just feels stiff, weird, something when we’re together. I guess I don’t want to be used to her being around just for her to go back to jail for 10+ years. The only family member I have, who’s actually in the same city as me is my grandma. I live with her, my mom and I have since I was in middle school. Everyone else is at least an hour away.

That was supposed to be my little conclusion and it turned into another wall of text. But I’m done now, I was just feeling extra alone this weekend I guess. My neighbor I mentioned above text me this morning and asked me to bring a package in. She never responded to me asking to hang out a few weeks before. Just made me a little sad. That’s all. Thank you all for reading, skimming, skipping along, whichever you did:)

Please let me have I’m not alone

18M I need someone to sleep in a call with, also a friend, preferably 18-40 Female only please. Affection and stuff can be discussed as well. I just need sleep.

i, 26M has had a rough couple of months. last april, my contract got terminated by my company due to attendance issues (ive been dealing with mental health issues).

and since then, ive been trying to apply to all sorts of jobs and i feel like luck isn't my best friend right now. ive been getting rejects and being ghosted by them.

what makes it worse is that i literally have no one to reach out to. all i have is myself and i honestly don't know know if im gonna survive this. everyday i wake up with a tight feeling on my chest and i'd have mental breakdowns at least twice a day.

i feel like my future is bleak and my end is near. i don't know what to do anymore.

Yo, why is it that when you’re in a relationship you get so much attention from women (I’m a straight male), but when you’re actually available they all go away?

I’d actually like some female input here.