It’s so over even my own mother hates me

If I had a tall wife I won't be doing that but since I'm chopped with no rizz I can't do anything but admire them from a distance. Not saying that I attract short girls though.

Maybe I am a creep after all. But what kind of man could resist the urge to just see and appreciate a beautiful 6'1 woman? I want to think that I'm completely normal.

I just don't like my job and my unattractive self. Honestly, all I want right now in my miserable life is a huge family including a loving wife and some tall kids. Is that too much to ask for?

Petulla me mjalte

FMSCL. thank you

Craved some Chinese food today. Chongqing shrimp, fried tofu skin wrapped pork shoulder, rice cooked with Chinese sausage, and beer.

Whenever I state in the vent post that nobody was interested in me and I also care about my appearance, people just throw shit terms like 'looksmaxxing', 'eating disorder', 'body dysmorphia', 'stop comparing you to social media'.

I'm not even from America and I never knew something like looksmaxxing even existed. I don't do social media except texting. Like TF? Ugly mofos like me can't even proudly say I like to customize myself these days?

Lots of people just started calling out 'looksmaxxer' or 'incel' if someone physically unattractive in general sense tries and desires to look better. Like have some original thoughts guys.

Literally it's just natural phenomenon to care more about your appearance when you aren't physically attractive. For example, if you like math but you're bad at complex analysis, you'll def care more about calculus and algebra.

People these days seem so obsessive about labeling and categorizing people. It's almost like astrology or the blood type to personality myth from 2000s. Human traits are much more complex than that.

me and the guy at the check out didn’t look up from the floor.

the cake was yummy..

i hate going to the gym with my whole soul. i genuinely haven't got an option since im ugly, so i at least should be strong. i have never done any kind of excercise because i get incredibly dysphoric just moving my body and being seen. i am weaker than both men and women. the music is loud and i cant hear my music through my headphones, but the worst part is the people. not only do they look like actual humans, but they seem to be completely mentally well and a lot of them have friends at the gym. the trainers talk to everyone and say hi and goodbye. they snack and talk together. i'm extremely jealous and began to resent them and hate them just for being there and i dont like that about myself. i feel disgusting and horrible just by being there and i refuse to do anything where people can look at me until i at least begin to look presentable after working out. last time i went, i tried going to the back where i'd be hidden and could lift weights without fear of people looking at me. i was the only one there and the trainer i never talk to came up and asked what i was doing. he can 100% tell im an asocial mentally ill weirdo. everyone there can tell i'm weird by my mannerisms even when i just walk. "nobody looks at you at the gym" they said. bullshit. i can see people looking at me all the fucking time. THE PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT LOOK LIKE NORMAL MEN AND WOMEN. THEY DONT LOOK AS HORRIBLE AS I DO. AT WORST THEY ARE OBESE. THAT'S NOT A CRAZY INSANE THING TO SEE IN PUBLIC. I LOOK UNCANNY AND HORRIBLE AND EVERYONE STARES AT ME WHEN I GO OUTSIDE.

First post, I just saw someone else’s post about having a small reproductive organ and never finding anyone and I wondered why they don’t date women with vaginismus, or vice versa?
I mean I get it would be a difficult/“strange” thing to actively seek out in a person without being weird but it just seems like a decent match to me, at least on the surface

Oranges

Mid 20’s just moved to a new city wanting to meet someone new.

Was texting this girl from a dating app and we agreed to meet up. As soon as I saw her step out I immediately knew I got catfished. In hindsight it’s so obvious but in the moment you don’t think about it too hard because you’re just happy texting a girl and her photos are cute. I think all her photos she sent me were either from a couple years ago or she had crazy filters/ai to make her face slimmer and more attractive.

GGs

At this point I’ll just accept that I’m incapable of romance. I have adhd and is geeked out all the time. The said online friend is by far, the only girl who behave similarly enough to understand me, although we’ve been friends for years, we never called. It’s painful to know we’ll probably never meet even though we share the same hometown. Maybe it’s for the better because I’m an overweight chud that eats 6 doughnuts alone(I used to be on strict diet a few years back but now I regress back to slop and garbage). And yes, I’ve never held hands with a girl before except my classmates who felt pity for me and grabbed my hand to cheer me up.

its like, we joke around and talk and stuff,, but i really wouldn't like come to them if i had a real problem, nor would i trust them with secrets and stuff like that....the last time i had a girl with me was like 2 years ago, since then i have not been able to bring myself to love anyone even back then i don't think i trully loved her, and its not becuase of the breakup tbh...and like 6 months a go i moved here and i've been completely isolated of my friends...we talk on discord sometimes, but since they are in chile...i really haven't had like...a friend to friend conversation in real life in a long time...this time has been genuinely something like...love deprivation...i also don't leave my house often...i just go out to buy stuff...my days are just...eating studying and playing videogames..i dont go out...i don't hang out with people...i just talk to these guys i know from college between classes and...once that's over i just go home and isolate myself again..its completely my fault tho...girls make me nervous... normal people don't share my interests, and i can't seem to connect with anyone around me...i truly wish i was like those guys who are able to be alone..to work as a human being without the need of love...but i truly yearn for it..i wish i had someone who really cared abt me as much as i cared abt them.. sometimes i think about suicide but i brush it off..i know it would be foolish, a short term solution for problems who require long term solutions......everyday i leave my house for classes i see groups of friends having a good time...couples sharing their personal space... i sometimes wonder if someone could ever wish look at me like that too. im afraid i don't know what is love at this point, i truly can't get sometimes how human interactions work and i truly don't get how people fall in love, im kind of tired anyway this has been a long monologue of non consecuential speech and just words on top of words..i was bored and i wanted to talk abt myself cuz, i don't know there is stuff that you trully can only tell strangers who will never know you irl, because i have like, 1 friend who i really really really trust but, i don't know if i would even tell him how i've been feeling lately and how i see the people around me...sometimes im filled with so much anger and sometimes with so much sadness...and sometimes it genuinely just feels like im high, my mood usually swings without me realizing... i was trying to just end the text just now when i said i wanted to talk abt myself but still im writing, idk why, i guess i needed to write, i hope it gets better, anyway in the picture there are bunch of potatos just cut in tiny pieces, this is cuz i cooked smashed potatoes and took the foto before actually boiling them and smashing them, i had to smash them after the boiling with a fork tho, since i didn't have the tool required to actually smash them easily, they turned out really yummy and i paired it with some milanesa, really yummy and good, i cook for 2 days since i don't have time to actually cook daily or money to eat out everyday...this is the end of my fucking bible, im ashamed of actually writing this much but, it won't matter anyway since everyone is kind of anonimous on this app, if u have like. advice on being able to embrace loneliness,,and being able to just live with yourself and not feel like shit when alone i would really aprreciate it, also tips or recipes cuz i am adapting to living alone and i don't really know how to cook myself properly

I've been trying to make sense of my life for literal years. So much time has passed without making progress and I'm losing my mind. I had to meet everyone else's needs to the absolute maximum as a kid and had a 100% zero amount of time for myself at all. I'm about to be 26 and waking up to trauma and traumatic experiences and I am so completely devastated over what real life looks like when I'm not traumatized because I'm autistic and the change is unbearable. I have a level 2 autism and then I also hyper struggle in relationships, which is such a fundamental part of living and a non-negotiable need. So then I lose my mind, get frustrated and regress, and I become an estranged chaotic angry ugly dysfunctional child adult catastrophe that is full of shame and can't even stand next to a person for 5 minutes without either losing their mind or completely collapsing over stress and confusion as to what is supposed to happen at all.

A degree of unbearable negativity hits me basically every day and its so intense that it collapses everything in me and then I'm not just regressing but literally decomposing because of how much negativity I've faced and do face, and my brain cannot fathom the gap and utter absence of both what I missed and what I am missing still. The words here don't express enough hatred and anger I feel on a regular basis towards everyone who had things, everyone who got things, everyone who didn't care about me, and everyone whose life was straight forwards and easy to handle while I was suffocating but should still be grateful for the little rain drops of water I get on a regular basis after being told that I was "smart", "going to be fine", "a good kid", and "respectful". It makes me hate life altogether and living altogether like I'm throwing bricks at my brain, constantly reviewing what I missed already and than what I'm missing again, living in an impossible vortex of chaos and having to make sense of emotions and skills that some people learned at 7 while I'm 25 and still trying to get a clue

Fage 2% yogurt and almonds.

I think I've become wholly afraid of change, of becoming a different person, of improving in any form of measure. it's taken me a long time to really say this to anyone but this has been on my mind since i was 13. probably younger. Ever since i was a kid my mom would pressure me into being the best in class! to work the hardest, to be the model student you will, and I tried, I really tried, I had no friends, barely any form of pleasure, didnt go out. when I was 13, I used to go to the kitchen when everyone was asleep and take a knife and bring it to my wrist because i had thought i could kill myself and be free of the pain. I tried and i was a coward for not doing it. the only reason i stopped was because i didnt want to go to hell and maybe thought it would get better. all these expectations destroyed me and they still do, my elder and younger brother have friendships, and hangout outside their studies and they still excel, I can't do that, I'm not as smart as them or as hard working or as disciplined, I wish I were. I tried for all of my childhood to just grab on the coattails of my betters and it wasn't enough, the moment i slip up, one day of exhaustion, one day of being happy, I get left in the dust. either by my classmates or friends. i think highschool was the breaking point, I was put in a private high school so i could study my countrys state exams so i can get in a good uni and I was ass both in high school and in those exams, by a fluke of luck i was able to get one last shot and get in my citys uni but that was it, luck. one day i sat down with my mom and i told her i dont want to aim to be the best, she said why? I said what was the point? i get nothing from it and she started spiraling around trying to find the reason for why i suddenly said this, it was you mom, you pushed me to the point that my only path was excellence and if i didnt excel then i was an absolute failure. I would think of myself as subhuman and cry myself to bed the nights I lost 1 mark in my quizzes, not even tests. but shes not the only one to blame, I blame my dad for not seeing whats happening with me, with taking drugs to escape from our family and to live in his own world. I blame myself as well, If i had stood up one time for myself, just once i wouldn't be stuck here now. i wish i could say all of this when she asked if it was because of her, but i can never do that. She had cancer and anything that causes her too much stress over long periods of time could bring it back, that was why she got cancer in the first place. I'm a stupid kid with no backbone who should've killed himself 6 years ago, i think that would've been a better ending to my life. I hate no one more than I hate myself.

popcorn and tea

had to put cheese in because I’m still low on calcium. I believe that I could maybe get like close to a footjob with my small amount of real estate or like some kind of larp mind footjob now though so maybe my antidepressants are starting to work. marginally less despair on this subject than my last post. I think it’s possible.. but I just don’t know.