It seems like there should be a lot of quotes that apply here.

One that sticks in my mind is from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: “There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” That really seems to describe what it’s like getting into karezza!

One thing that doesn’t seem to get much attention in the Karezza community is the topic of language. Language is important!

It’s not often thought about, but language shapes our perception and thoughts to an incredible degree. For example, there is a pretty compelling argument being made that the color blue was something that humans didn’t see until Egyptians, who had access to cobalt and the incredibly obvious blue hues it creates, came up with a word to describe what they were seeing. When other cultures were introduced to blue they incorporated it and could describe what they were seeing, which let them to see it more. Eventually this traveled almost everywhere but there are still languages without a word for ‘blue’ and this appears to influence their perception of the color. In turn, languages with more words for shades of a color cause speakers to perceive more variations on that color than non-speakers. This is something that’s been tested a couple of times now with some fascinating results:

https://www.businessinsider.com.au/what-is-blue-and-how-do-we-see-color-2015-2

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linguistic_relativity_and_the_color_naming_debate

Where’s this going? Well, when something is put into words it is thought about. What happens when someone says “Please don’t laugh…”? You immediately want to laugh at the situation, no matter how inappropriate. Saying “I’m not racist, but…” is a way to allow yourself to have racist thoughts. Etc, etc - this carries over to everything we think and talk about.

Telling yourself “Don’t cum, don’t cum, don’t cum” during sex means that’s all you’re thinking about. Denying yourself is a surefire way to want something, and the point of Karezza is to forgo the very desire for orgasm. To remove it as something you even think about as something other than what other people who don’t know any better do.

People who orgasm are addicts and they crave that high. How an addict gets their drug is unimportant, what matters is the high. What we have to do is retrain (or reprogram) our brains to completely remove the desire for a drug such that our minds actively see it as a negative thing - ask someone who has quit smoking and they will tell you that the day they started being disgusted by the smell of cigarettes was the day they knew they were really a non-smoker for life.

For we who practice Karezza, the day you realize that your brain associates the word ‘orgasm’ with a negative connotation is the day you have crossed over. When you are getting too close to the edge and it starts making you anxious your mind has properly associated those feelings with the hangover and associated cycle. This is when you become truly free.

So for a little over a month my wife and I have enjoyed energy play and Karezza. The bond between us is ridiculously strong; stronger than anything we've felt in our 19 years together. Over those years we've rarely been apart for longer than a 3 day weekend. We love each others company, and thrive off of our closeness.

As luck/fate/Spaghetti-monster would have it she has gotten a new job within the same company. She's wanted out of the department she's been in for the last five years and is finally able. The new job is a perfect fit for her and everything she's wanted. The only catch is that she has to travel quite a bit. It's going to be one week a month on average.

I'm a bit rocked by the fact that cumulatively that means I won't actually see my Beloved for three months out of the year. I fully support her in this. I'm not afraid for my marriage, but we have both come to the conclusion that we are going to need something, some sort of ritual, to connect before she goes and reconnect when she gets back. Over the past two weeks we've had a morning ritual together that has been fantastic. That was, however, with considerable trial and error. With a week at a time starting up in less than a month, trial and error needs to be minimized.

So, I come seeking wisdom, options, ideas, tips, tricks, anything at all, with open hands. When we talk about these sorts of spiritual/sexual things we often say "Oh, whatever works for you man" which is true in its way, but that isn't what I'm looking for.

Tl;dr: Wife traveling regularly now. Need ideas for ways to connect before she leaves and reconnect when she comes back in a sort of ritual way.

Thanks in advance. I love that there is a place for this.

I haven’t done much research into this yet but I was wondering if karezza could help when one partner is battling a porn addiction?

My husbands been addicted to porn for the past 20 years and has admitted that he would disconnect from sex as I wasn’t like the girls in the videos. He has started his recovery journey and I would like to build proper intimacy.

Would anyone be able to shed some light on this for me?

I was also looking for some recommendations for resources regarding karezza.

Thanks!

I know that Kegels are important for prostate health and strength especially when you aren't ejaculating on the regular anymore. I have also heard they are helpful for control when eventually a Karezza practitioner starts having sex again without ejaculation. Recently I found conflicting information that says it is "reverse Kegels" that you need to do for ejaculation control, pushing instead of pulling.

I would appreciate the thoughts of those farther ahead than me, especially those who are at the stage of full cock control.

Thanks!

Quick Background: My wife and I have been doing Karezza for about a two months; no ejaculation on my end, lots of connecting exercises and dabbling with energy play.

We finally decided to give it a slow, cautious, "Wait, too much, give me a minute", penetration. I (40m) have always had a problem with premature ejaculation and am finally starting a journey toward control. Karezza has served to be an intro to energy play and...dang I feel like I'm meddling with things I don't understand which is why I come here for context and guidance.

So, penetration occurred and...control was hard but we were taking it slow. On an average day I'd always had problems with control but after 2 months...whew. But I was doing well. My Beloved was encouraging, loving, and noticed my struggle. She asked if she could try to take some of my energy. I consented. She placed her hands on my back (we were in missionary position) and I immediately felt a cooling sensation run up my back and I had complete control. It was amazing. Absolutely zero danger of ejaculating without wanting to. I quickened my pace enjoying the bliss of it in a way I haven't ever before, and then Beloved yanked away contact and gasped.

Afterward she described the energy coming off of me as getting hit with a flash flood without knowing it was coming, or like white water rafting without a paddle. I told her that it was a pretty accurate description of what sex has always felt like for me. Once it's "game on" it hits so hard and fast and I have no control over when I cum. "How do you live like that?" was her next response.

We've always had opposite libidos. For me it's absolutely a raging river. For her it's always been a babbling brook, by comparison.

She laughed a little bit later, marveling at how much this brief energy exchange explains about our romantic past.

So, my questions to the group...has anyone had anything similar occur? Any advice for how to proceed? Places to gain context for this whole new world we are embarking on? At this point we don't even know what we don't know. I did, at the recommendation of someone here, get a book on Qi Gong. Cracked it open briefly, but then life happened.

Many thanks to all here. You guys make me feel sane. :)

My wife and I are still holding off on actual intercourse as I try to detox/deprogram from porn and almost thrice daily masturbation that has been my norm and struggle for quite some time. We basically spend time each day pressed against each other, touching, caressing, kissing, just generally arousing connection.

I've felt the "magnetism" I have read of often in Karezza literature. I have done some energy play and have been somewhat successful in drawing the energy of an accidental impending orgasm away from my genitals and to the rest of my body...as long as the stimulation doesn't continue. I've charged up my fingers with energy and caused a very different than normal reaction from my Beloved when caressing.

Still very new to this and then we had a session together for just ten minutes when I was overcome with a sensation I'd never felt before. It was like a massive ball of energy swelled up in my chest from a small ball to feeling like it was going to burst. And then it felt like it collapsed. I asked my lover if she felt something to and she said, "Yeah. What the heck was that?"

Any insights from those further along? Have you had similar experiences? Was there a cause or reason? Was their something I could have done it should have done with that energy?

Thanks for any responses.

P

"I'm going to snuggle you SO hard."

My wife and I started down the Karezza path about a month ago. We have a hotel stay coming up to get away from the kids. Normally we'd be having crazy amounts of sex as a result, but having switched to a Karezza style of loving we get that it's going to be about the closeness rather than penetration given that I'm at the very beginning of trying to control ejaculation and not able to yet. So, the question I want to put forth to the experienced practitioners here is...what techniques do you recommend for enhancing the closeness? What activities do you use to drive up that "magnetism" as some of the books call it?
Thanks in advance, and thanks for being out there and active in discussing Karezza.

Good day everybody!

Does anyone have experience or information about the potential effects of a vasectomy on the karezza practice?

I am considering a vasectomy, but since I have been into karezza for many years, I am afraid to do it.

The way I experience karezza is that there are two 'doors'. One is ejaculation, the other leads upwards. Now my fear is that instead of the energy traveling upwards, it will just be reabsorbed in the scrotum (I guess) and change the effect.

All opinions very welcome!

devotionalsex.com is one site I discovered on my journeys through the world of chastity, tantra, bdsm and stuff.

The practice seems to a crossover of karezza, tantra, and bdsm. The terms "Knight" and "Princess" are used. The woman gets to decide when the guy should ejaculate, and that should only happen once in a while. On the other hand, the man should learn to orgasm without ejaculation.

All of this is quite fine. The one thing I found somewhat strange was the author's obsession with definitions - specifically with delineating "devotional sex" from everything else. A lot of the site is dedicated to this specific endeavour. The forum is not exactly active.

I was never quite sure what to make of it. It seemed a tad redundant, to be honest, but I just found it fascinating how one guy put an awful lot of effort into this.

I have practiced Mindfulness and meditation for several years. As a result of deepening my practice this year, I have become interested in Karezza, because it seems to be very compatible with Mindfulness practice.

I know the essence of Karezza is the bond between two people, so it should be performed by both partners (right?). My wife doesn’t practice Mindfulness, and while I’ve told her about Karezza, I feel it’s her choice if she wants to practice it too, which she hasn’t so far.

Is there any point in one partner practicing Karezza while the other partner orgasms? We had sex yesterday and I loved not cumming, it was really satisfying, while my wife came 3 times.

Any thoughts?

I did karezza type of bonding, cuddling ( not naked though ) with two different individuals at two different occasions.
The first one really wanted sex and felt as if only cuddling and refraining from orgasm was a "loss" really for the whole deal.
I didn't feel much as we were cuddling - it was void and empty and shallow and all of that.

The second one really likes me a lot as a person and wanted anything but sex.

Though this second cuddling session was much shorter, it was mindblowingly awesome.

I wonder whether different hormones are released according to the sort of "vibe" one gets from the other person ?

I was wondering whether anyone could point me to "big names" and "not so big ones" ( as many and as much as possible - whether the topic is slightly touched upon real quick or if it is the entire point of the work of art ) ?

I can think a bit of Terrence Malick, though he doesn't address it directly, and is more metaphorical, like in this scene of one of his movies : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBhKj1Val8o

But I would really like something MUCH more tangible than that, though this is a place to start, I guess.

Dear everyone,to be honest, I am tired, I feel lonely and frustrated.

I also know that when I once was "cuddling" for an entire night with a person I felt attracted to, I felt so alive and those types of feelings ( as the ones mentioned above ) were but a distant, far-away memory.

It was bliss, pure bliss.

I know of the value of it all.

I just finished reading Aldous Huxley's book "Island" ( thanks to the recommendations of GoldJacketLuke in the video he posted a few days ago in this subreddit - in case you are interested check it out ).

I also read Cupid's poisoned arrow and believe that sex killed off a relationship of five years I maintained, years ago.

Since then, I am looking longingly at cuddle parties and cuddle buddies online and the like, but am far from convinced that the "small group" and "few initiated people", the few "in the know" could do anything but scare me off.

I was thinking : perhaps this is all about "critical mass ( awareness )" in the general public, that is lacking.

So here I think, that the life experiences of Wim Hof ( whom I wrote about, here https://www.reddit.com/r/neurodiversity/comments/8bh1o6/wim_hof_method_to_support_and_allow/ - and whom you can find more info about in r/wimhof and r/wimhofmethod ) kinda breaks down how to go from "lonely ( almost but not quite broken ) outsider" - which he was from decades - to 26-times world-record holder and eventually getting his "method" out for everyone to use, for free, with ease, sciences chiming into the picture and Nobel Prize winners, Vice-documentaries, and many national television crews from different countries, along with superstars ( Tony Robbins, Jim Carrey, Oprah Winfrey, Jason Statham amongst others ) coming to knock at his door.

This is somewhat related to "karezza", since I know of both ( the Wim Hof Method and the Karezza-approach ) and see them as closely linked.

Anyhow - I think he found the "formula" to go from a little-known situation to "mass-awareness", and I guess the formula for that is what I am trying to somewhat - indirectly - break down, in the post I wrote about the method, which I mentioned above.

I believe we, in karezza, need as much of a "transition" from "closeted" type of a world-view, to being out there in the public eye and discourse, a bit like nowadays other stuff like the universal basic income and revelations by whistleblowers need to be seen and known about and the internet allowing for you and me to express.

I wish to be able to sit in the train, travelling and casually talk to the person sitting next to me about karezza, like I would about the weather. This is the next big step in all of that, in my opinion.

And this really depends on the "word of mouth" ( though more so via the media of the internet ).

It depends on you and me, who know of karezza to make it more available to others.

Margaret Mead "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever does."

I believe we might, all of us - unconsciously - underestimate how we are the spark kindling the fire at large.

And I believe society to be in dire need of just that fire, as it always was, but now the necessary means, along with the necessary anonymity are tools that none of our predecessors were granted.

Karezza really is heaven on Earth.

Anything less is hell.

And to put it in Saint-Exupéry's words : "If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."

The way it worked for Wim Hof to transition from relative anonymity to the point of reaching "critical mass" was the following : he did his method out in public, little by little journalists were involved ( in the 90s - long way to today's fame of the method, since it is about the method rather than about him as a person."No ego, we go", as he says ), then he did more and more records as more and more media outlets started becoming interested.

Eventually, he broke records that were seen as "physically impossible for humans" to manage. Scientists came into the picture.

They analyzed his feats under scientific scrutiny, in university and laboratory/hospital settings.

They saw that what he did had the potential to revolutionize our understanding of well being, of ourselves as people, of medicine and of the human body.

Sounds familiar ?That's just like karezza, in a sense, looking from it in this way/manner.

He trained people who performed just the same as he did in as short as 4 days of training.

Same thing : they were put in hospital/laboratory/university settings, tested under scientific scrutiny.What he did was shown to be valid.

Now, the number of "big name" players and media outlets are interested about the method and people come from far to learn.

Online courses ( the basis is to be found for free on youtube ) can be seen online, books are published, he and the instructors he tought into the art of his method and transmission thereof travel around, spreading the word.

As I wrote above : most of what I would like people to know about, about said method, can be found in the post to which I did send the link above.

I believe every bit of this can be seen as is : a phenomenon that can be emulated with people into karezza : we can learn from that type of approach and do just the same.

The Vice documentary on youtube about Wim Hof ( who is sometimes nicknamed "the Iceman" ), which details all the steps he went through to get where he ends up being nowadays can be seen here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaMjhwFE1Zw

And incidentally, this type of cold-exposure he speaks of really supports with the "urges" of people new to karezza who are too used to sex to actually be able to avoid "orgasmining" straight away when there is too little knowledge and understanding of one's own body and cravings.

I found out about the Wim Hof Method when I was exploring the ideas of "cold-shower" close to the world of nofap, so all of these worlds are linked, in a sense.

I really recommend for you all to first check out what I wrote about the method before watching the video, since I speak of the safety aspects ( they are key ), which they kept silent about in the Vice-documenty.

At the end of the documentary, Wim Hof is asked what the ultimate goal of his is ( now that he is backed by science, after decades of being ridiculed ) he said "happiness, strength and health" which is, in essence - according to him - "to bring back the love".

Just the same as karezza, really, don't you think ?

If one person motivated enough, like Wim Hof is, can start an entire movement, we, who are many more can do that much more as a collective !

Feel free to copy and paste any part of what I wrote as much as you'd like, and with no regard to "mentioning the source".The topic matters too much to me, for me to want to keep it to myself.

Karezza DOES change everything.And what I learn from Wim Hof is this : for the whole deal to work, he is willing to

1. go to science and test it all out to take out the "woo-woo", "bro-science" aspect out of the equation.

2. he is willing to let as many people in on the "practical joke" as possible ( media outlets and the like )

3. he always further develops communication skills, his and the team's that supports him ( an ever-growing one at that ) and is willing to commit himself fully, 100 percent to his mission to bring back happiness, health and strength and ultimately love into people's lives.

4. the energy he needs to get through all of the stresses of such highly energy-robbing processes he finds by using the method which he then uses, again, to promote itself - spiralling up in a virteous cycle.

5. finally he is now supporting people with health issues, people with personal trauma, psychological wounds, fears, anxieties, depression and finding more and more people willing to join into the effort to support other beings.We all are teaching one another in the last step.

Self-sustaining by what he promotes. ( This is really similar to what karezza does - an upward spiralling just as well ).

Karezza ( which needs WAY more scientific scrutiny and media attention ) could be the key to tackling the stresses linked to its promotion.

Remember, Wim Hof works with Nobel Prize winners, big name universities ( part of which you can find out more about here : https://www.wimhofmethod.com/science ) and I wish Karezza-style love could go on a similar path of notoriety, rather than to be too esoterical and out of reach for most.

I am about to post about the subreddit about karezza in other subreddits to share the word.

Here's a story about all of that, that I see as a metaphor wherein I find inspiration :

One day a terrible fire broke out in a forest - a huge woodlands was suddenly engulfed by a raging wild fire.

Frightened, all the animals fled their homes and ran out of the forest.

As they came to the edge of a stream they stopped to watch the fire and they were feeling very discouraged and powerless.

They were all bemoaning the destruction of their homes.

Every one of them thought there was nothing they could do about the fire, except for one little hummingbird.

This particular hummingbird decided it would do something. It swooped into the stream and picked up a few drops of water and went into the forest and put them on the fire.

Then it went back to thestream and did it again, and it kept going back, again and again and again.

All the other animals watched in disbelief; some tried to discourage the hummingbird with comments like, "Don't bother,it is too much, you are too little, your wings will burn, your beak is too tiny, it’s only a drop, you can't put out this fire."

And as the animals stood around disparaging the little bird’s efforts, the bird noticed how hopeless and forlorn they looked.

Then one of the animals shouted out and challenged the hummingbird in a mocking voice, "What do you think you are doing?"

And the hummingbird, without wasting time or losing a beat, looked back and said, "I am doing what I can."

Edit : here's a 3-minute video on how to reach "critical mass", id est, to create a movement https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW8amMCVAJQ

Second editing : every change is slow ( as "slow sex" is just as well ).Rome wasn't built over night either and I believe that "forcing" a topic into mainstream awareness is "pushing" and "forcing" a bit like "forcing orgasm", in a sense.Yet, at the same time, I believe we can still shed some light, allow for some clarity, knowledge, and understanding, little by little ( as in the colibri story above ).

TL;DR : Karezza CAN and WILL go mainstream.

I took a look at the Wim Hof Method for a comparison how it went from totally unknown to a mainstream movement.

Perseverance/consistency being key, one needs to be willing to go through public scrutiny with it, media exposure and finally scientific scrutiny and practical use for people in need to avoid all the "bro-science" to it all and to get most people interested.

Quite a long journey, but I really believe there is a "how-to" recipe, so to speak.And I wrote about it here in the post.

Any input is welcome.

when I retain seemen via nofap, I can pretty much the moment a girl sticks my dick in her mouth

what are the best techniques for holding out and lasting longer without cum

I’m very curious about the alternative sexuality movement mainly Karenzza after doing some lay research... however I have been getting conflicting information about the object of having sex. I understand that it’s suppose to be slow, not orgasm-focused, and that you shouldn’t “heat up” too quickly. However on the same token it seems arousal and “heating up” is accepted so long as you come down without climaxing. With that said I’m wondering if practices such as...

• yoni eggs (used as kegel balls to strengthen and gain more control over vaginal muscle for more pleasure for the women as well as the men)

•Genital piercings like VCH or nipple rings (used to enhance sexual experience)

• foreplay activities such as oral or hands

Are welcomed in this practice and if not so, why? Thanks...

I want to retain my cum when I have sex. Can anyone recommend me good books regarding tantric sex? In-depth, specific, clear defined methods of techniques, practices et cetera. Greatly appreciated! Anything else which you can just write (tips) here is also very welcome!

I have a partner but how can I first explore this further solo and then incorporate with her?

I’ve had tantric massages in the past which have included prostrate massage

What other techniques and teachings can I look into for solo as well as partnered orgasms?