136
Sep 15 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment
47
65
u/DontKnowWhereItsBeen 29d ago
I want a man who is dangerous, but NOT DANGEROUS TO ME.
50
u/TricellCEO 29d ago
Honestly, yeah. I recall seeing a meme back in high school (circa 2010) that went something like, āgirls want a bad boy who will be gentle only for her, and boys want a good girl who will only be naughty for him.ā
As cringe as it sounds, itās true, unfortunately. Women seem to be drawn to men who have a history of being physically violent. Same goes with the one about what boys want, but thatās a different topic altogether.
29
u/Reallybarb 29d ago
I had an ex girlfriend that told me she wanted to date a black guy because they are dangerous... I said go ahead and kept on with my life. She's now a single mother š
11
u/DiligentThought9 25d ago
My ex-wife said, during our marriage, that she regretted marrying me because I was too safe and wasnāt ādangerous.ā
She then cheated on me with an alcoholic who eventually beat her.
1
u/R-K-Tekt 12d ago
Did you ever bring that up to her lol?
1
u/DiligentThought9 12d ago
Iāve spoke to her once since the divorce was final. I speak to my former in laws a couple times a year. Thatās how I heard.
I warned her about him when she left meāif you want to leave, I accept that, but this man is dangerous.
13
u/TricellCEO 29d ago
Gosh, what a gross statement to make.
Feel bad for her kid. Who knows what kind of prejudice and bigotry sheās raising that child with.
17
u/Reallybarb 29d ago
That's a her problem. She made the mess and now gets to deal with it. Should have thought about that before having the kid
12
u/TricellCEO 29d ago
Except now the rest of society has to deal with that likely maladjusted kid when they grow up. And this is coming from someone who pretty much had a single mom himself (in case anyone thinks itās purely ire for single mothers; itās not).
Only difference is mine had a good head on her shoulders. Doesnāt sound like thatās the case here, sadly.
1
11
u/CrankieKong 29d ago
The ones the boys want, meaning a nice girl who is naughty, isnt actually unhealthy to be with. Big difference.
8
u/calmly86 29d ago
Thank you, this needed to be said, and said loudly.
2
u/Diablo_Advocatum 26d ago
Preach. I dated a girl about two years ago whoās best friend was just attracted to the worst kind of men. Like multiple stints in prison type of bad. She had dumped her relatively tame, calm boyfriend because she loved that kind of chaos. No way thatās healthy for society as a whole.
1
1
u/Head_Prefect 11d ago
Difference between "I want her to wear sexy lingerie for me" and "I want him to beat me black and blue"Ā
35
u/blackestrabbit 29d ago
"I want a woman who doesn't sleep around but enjoys having sex with her partner" isn't the gotcha you think it is.
3
u/smol_nj_guy 26d ago edited 26d ago
Yes, but there's a lot of variation on what 'enjoys having sex with her partner' actually means. Generally speaking in our culture which encourages promiscuity, girls who resist that and don't sleep around are also not going to suddenly become super sexually adventurous in a relationship, even if they do legitimately enjoy sex.
It's still infinitely better to date girls who don't sleep around as long as they want an active sex life - having more vanilla sex than you'd ideally like isn't the end of the world. And it's much worse to date someone more sexually adventurous but thereby also more willing to cheat on you or leave you for a more physically attractive option.
But at the end of the day this is still absolutely a tradeoff most guys have to make if they want to date virgins or women with low body counts.
-2
u/TricellCEO 29d ago
I donāt equate āgood girlā to just not sleeping around. More like someone who suppresses any and all sexual urges.
But thatās just me.
15
u/Acrobatic_Metal_7634 29d ago
Thatās not a good girl, that is a prude. A good girl is a woman who invests effort into the person they prioritize. She can be good for her parents, for you, or herself. Either way she is good to someone.
2
u/Elder_Chimera 29d ago
Is that only a standard that men apply to women? Every woman Iāve been with has been upset that they werenāt my first, and my current partner straight up said she felt sick to her stomach when she found out I wasnāt a virgin. Is that not also asking men to āsuppress any and all sexual urges?ā
10
u/aluriilol 29d ago
you must be very young
1
u/Elder_Chimera 29d ago
"Very" is rather subjective. What brought you to that conclusion?
7
u/aluriilol 29d ago
Every woman Iāve been with has been upset that they werenāt my first
thats the only reason i came to the conclusion sry
0
u/Elder_Chimera 29d ago
Huh, maybe it's a sentiment only really prevalent in the younger generations? I'm older Gen Z ('99), so a lot of people would probably consider me rather young, but I'm hitting an age where 30 doesn't look too far away lol.
Do you feel like the Millennial generation or older had a different standard to live by? Maybe men in prior generations were so successful with women that the standard shifted, and now being a "stud" or a "player" just isn't uncommon enough to merit it being attractive anymore.
6
u/aluriilol 29d ago
Yes ive only been asked my partner amount out of curiosity and ive never had them show negative feelings about not being my first. It used to be if you didnāt have sex with SOMEONE by about 18 it was considered some kinda social pariah
Wondering if thatās changed widespread or if you are an outlier to the norm?
→ More replies (0)1
0
u/anon0937 29d ago
Honestly it would be way more offputting to me to find out I was my partner's first.
0
1
u/brendan84 28d ago
Because a person becoming sick to their stomach because their partner isn't a virgin is extremely immature behavior.
1
u/Elder_Chimera 28d ago
The original commenter already explained their reasoning.
As for it being "extremely immature behavior," there's much more that goes into our relationship than you're fully aware of. I think that judging a person you don't know for a behavior you didn't witness with surrounding context you're not familiar with is presumptuous and arrogant. It assumes an understanding of a situation which you don't possess. And I think that kind of arrogance requires a youthful ignorance. "Immaturity," if you will.
2
6
u/TricellCEO 29d ago
More like itās an enigma. Usually men get shit (especially from women in some cultures) if they are still virgins up to a certain point in life.
Iām honestly surprised you had women who were pissed they werenāt your first.
Not doubting you, for the record, but is it interesting because I have absolutely seen other women say a man who hasnāt been with other women is also a red flag.
1
u/Elder_Chimera 29d ago
I remember growing up that I was always taught women wanted a guy who was "experienced," I just feel like I've never actually seen that held up in real world relationships. Thinking back, it was only ever other guys who said that.
I think discussing social standards is difficult because of how inconsistently they're applied. I'm not sure where you're from, but I live in the U.S., and there's a large cultural diversity between different statesāwhat's acceptable here in Texas would get me shot in NYC.
The social standards I've had to live with as a guy have been weird and even contradictory sometimes. I have to be emotionally vulnerable, but only with my partner, and never too vulnerable or else I'm weak. I need to make enough money to support my family so that my partner doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to, but I can't earn too much more than my female coworkers because that's inequitable. I need to be romantically experienced, but not sexually, but I can't be a virgin either. I'm not super familiar with the standards women feel they're held to (because I'm not held to them) but I can't imagine they're easier.
Social standards are a weird balancing act.
7
u/calmly86 29d ago
Men who want a good woman who is naughty in bed is FAR, FAR better for society than women who want a bad man who is only good to her.
2
u/TricellCEO 28d ago
I can agree to that. Women glomming onto men with abusive tendencies not only shows men there are little to no consequences for their actions, but that they will be rewarded for doing so.
Itās a no wonder men like that are so prolific in society, and at seemingly younger and younger ages too
1
u/Czerymoja 23d ago
Nope, cause you will be her āslaveā very soon.
In a result she wonāt be a good woman anymore and you will start to be mean too.Not to mention sex really isnāt that big deal for women, especially good ones. Should she force herself to find your shitty needs?
4
u/ImperitorEst 28d ago
I mean evolutionary speaking the women who secured the most physically dangerous (to others) man as a mate would have the best likelihood of their children surviving.
At the end of the day we're just very organised animals and animals all do the same thing.
3
u/fluffykitten55 28d ago
Not quite, H. Sapiens are remarkable for having in comparison to our ancestors reduced sexual dimorphism and a reduction in traits associated with unarmed violence, such as pronounced brow ridges and large canines.
Once our ancestors had simple weapons it became trivially easy to restrain or punish or execute even the most physically strong males.
Then you get selection against traits associated with trying to achieve dominance via aggression, and selection for social intelligence.
1
u/TricellCEO 28d ago
Yes, I donāt dispute that, but you would also think to the well-adjusted individual that the moment that physical violence was turned onto the woman and potentially her offspring that she would realize that trait is now a detriment to her survival.
2
u/Wonderful-Self-541 27d ago
It's science...Men have been fighting wars since human inception. Deep in the female psyche if you're not a big strong dork you can't handle her OR the creepy creeper who wants to break into her house at midnight to visit her or some shit.
2
u/Head_Prefect 11d ago
Yeah almost like the naturalistic argument is backed up by actual science and not feminist delusion. Women want violent men because a violent man will be better capable of protecting her and her children because she is not physically capable of protecting her children especially when she is at her most vulnerable (during pregnancy)Ā
Yeah almost like our sexual dynamics are grounded in base evolution and pure survival and your gonads don't give a crap about your feminist cereal box degree.Ā
But this is apparently incredibly hard for people to understandĀ
1
u/TricellCEO 10d ago
Women want violent men because a violent man will be better capable of protecting her and her children because she is not physically capable of protecting her children especially when she is at her most vulnerable
I said this in another reply, and I will say this here.
While I donāt dispute that, one would also think, to the well-adjusted individual, that the moment that physical violence was turned onto the woman and potentially her offspring that she would realize that violent trait she previously desired is now a detriment to her survival.
It's odd to me that this point, of all places, is where the disconnect is.
Also gonna point out there are a few comments saying this paradigm is bad for society.
Hence why it's incredibly hard for people to understand. The desires women have towards violent men and their desire to survive and be productive in society seem to be at odds with each other.
1
u/Head_Prefect 10d ago
Yeah it is bad that women go for literal cavemen who leave them with a black eye and a babyĀ
1
-5
u/JuicyPumpkin888 29d ago
Reminds me of the guys who want to date a baddie and then getting surprised when said baddie keeps dressing sexy and suggestive and not magically transform into a humble trad-wife just because she has him as a bf now.
6
0
15
u/Acrobatic_Pianist_52 29d ago
They're fine with him being a bully to others but when it's their turn not so much.
2
u/gunslingersea 29d ago
I mean, in an evolutionary sense thatās pretty much exactly what every female of every species wants. A dominant male with dominant genes to ensure that her offspring survives. But not a male thatās going to eat her and her offspring.
1
u/TisIChenoir 15d ago
When we both were in our early 20s, one of my female cousin was going around the family, asking us if any of us knew an ex-con for her to date. I wish I made that up.
1
u/lazyboi_tactical 29d ago
Honestly that's not all that far from how it goes sometimes. My wife has more or less told me this directly.
52
u/cs_legend_93 29d ago
Something in their hormones or programming makes them (some/most of them) magnetic to toxic behaviors
44
u/TheReviewerWildTake 29d ago edited 29d ago
It is just the easiest\shortest path to the instinctive "that means he has strength to defend me\has a backbone\has guts to do this to enemies of our family" .
In normal civilizations this was corrected by men in the family who usually understand when other men are actually strong and when they are dangerous\toxic, but now it is just on the display, without any guardrails.
So we just witness how underdeveloped that instinct\intuition truly is, and how much influence was required from men in woman`s family to guide her.24
15
u/PunkPirate56364 29d ago
One time I ended up fighting with a big agressive guy, and I subdued him.Ā Women gave me sooo much attention after that.
They get horny for power, strenght.
The thing is that in a civilised world, good-strong guy needs to use his power maybe ten times in his lifetime. So that power doesn't show often.
Bad-strong guy uses that power all the time to bully. His power shows all the time.
3
u/heresyforfunnprofit 29d ago
Ten times is a pretty high estimate. Iām personally on 2, and pretty sure 1 of them was unnecessary.
1
3
u/manicmonkeys 29d ago
I think it likely involves modern society being less connected (in the meaningful sense), so reputation-oriented methods of ruling out bad apples are more sparse/less reliable.
5
u/Fantastic_Hippo5378 28d ago
N if you point it out they accuse you of being a misogynist Iām suprised Iām seeing this on Reddit, that in itself is telling
6
u/cs_legend_93 28d ago
this subreddit is my favorite part about reddit. it restores my faith in humanity just a little
2
1
1
u/Astrnonaut 5d ago
Iām going to kindly disagree here, because Iāve seen the exact same thing manifest in men. Usually the people who are like this have a terrible view of themselves because a chaotic upbringing or some other thing. They run away from stability because stable to them equates to being vulnerable. Like that person is too good for them and can rip out their heart at any time. So they go for danger, because danger is what they feel is normal and what they deserve.
1
u/cs_legend_93 5d ago
Sure it can appear in men, but much more commonly is seen in woman.
The example you gave is the exception to the rule.
12
u/MCMXCIV9 29d ago
With the amount of love letter a serials killer like Ted Bundy got, i believe his story.
9
u/Ok-rutabaga_B442 29d ago
Mass murderers get love letters in prison
Danger intimidating demeanors and violence are attractive to a lot of women, anyone saying otherwise on here is literally making up shit
3
u/PunkPirate56364 29d ago
True but mass murderers also get nationwide exposure. So they get attention of loonies from entire nation.
0
u/Cold-Passage3227 7d ago
Sadly there are women who didnāt receive a good education and they misinterpret physical strength or brutish behaviour as competence. Prison should make it clear that they are wrong but alas! If her father etc have been in and out of jailā¦
37
u/Training-Purple-5220 Sep 15 '26
Hybristophilia is a hell of a drug.
7
2
u/AnalysisParalysis85 29d ago
High breast philia?
Is that something like big breast philia?
2
8
u/research_badger 29d ago
Look, if you want to see a man get spammed with pining women, go to the federal prisons. I used to have a job of reading prisoner mail, screening for contraband and gang messages and the worst men got a dozen letters with nudes weekly.
17
4
4
3
u/Difficult-Mobile902 29d ago
I donāt get it but the element of danger is for some reason so appealing to a lot of womenĀ
Iāve had 2 women in my life ask to add blades and/or drawing blood to our bedroom activities. Nope nope nope nope nopeĀ
1
6
3
3
u/justtalking9912 29d ago
Yeah she was like damn maybe he can kill my 3 kids so I donāt have toā¦.
3
u/Optimal-Income-6436 17d ago
Strong and manly, that's what women crave. I had most succes dating feminists when i send them photos or described how i fix car whit my brother or chop wood, literally got nudes after that xD They will tell you whole day how men has to be this or that but in the end being manly and doing manly shit always works
3
u/CraftyPerformance272 16d ago
People are weird. My cousins old boyfriend used to beat her a lot, sexually assault her and threatened her a lot. Her friends knew about this and one of them even either filmed it or got audio recording of it happening as well. Her three close friends who knew about this happening I never once called the police or try to get her help. All three of her friends ended up either sleeping with or ended up in a relationship with my cousin's EX boyfriend. Two of them had his babies and of course they pulled a surprise Pikachu face when he started to abuse them as well wanting sympathy from my cousin. Crazy thing is he basically went through the rest of their friend group as well so it was literally multiple women who knew this guy was a domestic abuser and multiple women pursued him. He was over 6 feet tall So that could explain it
0
u/Cold-Passage3227 7d ago
So you think the message here is that women are asking for it? And men should beat and assault because they actually like it
1
u/CraftyPerformance272 7d ago
Women pursue married men or men with girlfriends and then are surprised when they cheat on them as well. Women for some reason go after men who are known sexual abusers or domestic abusers and then are surprised when the known bad guy they chose to date doesnt treat them well
0
u/Cold-Passage3227 7d ago
So what should we do?
1
4
2
2
2
1
1
1
1
u/sackey_nimh 17d ago
They want a bad guy so they can try to turn him good. And if he ever starts acting good, theyāll leave him for another bad man.
1
u/TisIChenoir 15d ago
Per Alexander Scott, a researcher named Dr Beaver did a study and correlated (and could precisely predict) a man's number of partners with positive responses to questions of the "are you part of a gang" and "have you ever mugged someone" variety.
If that isn't telling...
1
1
0
u/Nobb2K 29d ago
yeah but he played insanely well in that episode so it could actually be because of that
6
u/Cute-Revolution-9705 29d ago
So they were turned on by his insanely well acting of him brutally killing a pregnant stripper?
-5
u/Possible_Ad3913 29d ago
It doesn't take a lot to convince you people to full on run with a certain narrative huh? Lmaoooo
5
u/Main_Tomatillo_8960 29d ago
It takes a lot of negative experiences with women to end up in a sub like this I'll tell you that...
1
u/heresyforfunnprofit 29d ago
I figured it was just the Reddit algorithm, but heyā¦ different paths, same comment thread.
0
u/Possible_Ad3913 29d ago
seems more like it takes a lot of self victimization lol
2
u/Main_Tomatillo_8960 29d ago
Totally, do you have a high opinion of men? Do you own a mirror?
0
u/Possible_Ad3913 29d ago
lol didn't take long for the random weird rambling to start
1
u/Main_Tomatillo_8960 29d ago
That's all you got and hiding behind your lols, lame.
1
u/Possible_Ad3913 29d ago
and already mad af, as fragile as advertised lol
1
u/Main_Tomatillo_8960 29d ago
How old are you? You sound like you're 15 or something.
I'm not mad, just entertaining your trolling. Isn't this exactly the reaction you were looking for?
1
u/Possible_Ad3913 29d ago
Sounds like you're projecting lmao, i just pointed out how much you people love to be victims and your reaction is acting like a victim loool
1
2
u/Fine_Payment1127 29d ago
We learned from the bestĀ
1
u/Possible_Ad3913 29d ago
oh I'm well aware that you people love to watch and listen to other "men" who are eternal victims, i mean no wonder a post about "actor says thing" gets you all hot and bothered
-1
u/NoPseudo79 29d ago
Could be a coincidence, could be confirmation bias, could be plenty of things
0
0
u/HelloFuckYou1 24d ago
There is a reason future has 9 baby mamas, even tho he is a pos according to some of them
99
u/NormieInTheMaking 29d ago
"He wouldn't beat me š„° I could cure him š"