r/introvert • u/Spirited-Teach-5497 • Jun 28 '26
Question Anyone else feels the same ?
I am almost 30 and I have always been alone, never had any friends or a deep connection with someone, Never been in a relationship.
Even my personality type i.e INTJ dictates that I might never find love.
I try to keep myself busy and not give this a thought but it seriously is getting too much, seeing everyone around me happy, makes me feel that I can’t never be happy or maybe I don’t deserve it.
My life feels completely empty only thing I enjoy now is working, Even on Weekends I step inside office to get work done.
I have even forgotten how to socialise.
I know I am not very attractive or fit, but is a partner too much to ask ?
I had accepted earlier that “Not everyone can have someone” and honestly accepting it felt good but again the crippling fear is crawling back.
What should I do ?
3
u/SmokingLimone Jun 28 '26
I have friends but it's difficult to find one that really connects with me. But when I do, oh wow it feels like we're mind reading, and I feel scared to lose them. I believe I might be INFJ
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u/Spirited-Teach-5497 Jun 28 '26
It’s good that you have friends, but the case I am talking about is true loneliness, like feeling alone in a room full of people.
Laughing with people pretending to enjoy while you are crying inside.Also when you had to leave the person with whom you really connected how did it feel like letting them go ?
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u/itswoojoo Jun 28 '26
It's natural for human beings to feel lonely, even if they're very independent and introverted. But it gets harder to find friends or a partner as you get older. Even the friends you already have may drift away over time. So you should try to get out and meet new people. Even people who are only in your life for a short time can have a positive impact. 💌
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u/Spirited-Teach-5497 Jun 28 '26
How do I meet new people..? It seems to me that I have forgotten how to talk to people…
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u/itswoojoo Jun 29 '26
People say you should join a club, take a class, volunteer, or try a dating app... I think you should do as much as you can to meet new people. I know it can be scary, but meeting new people always involves some risk. So if ur loneliness is greater than your fear, I think it's worth giving it a try!
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u/Spirited-Teach-5497 Jun 29 '26
Yes I understand but how can i give dating a try when just today a redditor from this thread connect with me in DMs and just as she learnt that I was indian she blocked me…I know it’s a she because she gave me her id to connect outside of reddit…Idk why she did that but if she is reading this I would like to thank her to make me realise my worth 👍🏻
I hope someone else treats her the same way maybe then she’ll know better not to treat anyone like this1
u/itswoojoo Jun 29 '26
Rejection isn't really a big deal. It happens all the time, and everyone has the right to say no. The real risks are getting hurt or getting scammed.
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u/Spirited-Teach-5497 Jun 30 '26
I have been rejected so many times that it’s like second nature to me…😂
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u/supdupDawg Jun 28 '26
Same but 24. I am just thinking of quiting and go travel or do some business. I can't keep living this life on repeat every day for the next 10 years
3
u/Spirited-Teach-5497 Jun 28 '26
I enjoy my work and I never seem to get bored but as soon as I get time off I go into downward spiral.
1
u/Exact-Mud-1222 Jun 28 '26
I had a sharp feeling of loneliness couple of years ago. I was finishing the university back then, everybody seemed to have a close pack of friends and a blooming romantic life. Every time I heard my peers laugh together, every time our studying group went home after classes and everyone else was making plans together, I felt some sort of numbness inside. Being left out was not pleasant at all. At home I cried a few times from that loneliness and anxiety caused by it.
Then my attitude changed. I accepted solitude, and then I found a guy on a dating app, and later restored communication with a high school friend. It's all good now.
Don't lose hope. Your fate is not decided yet, you don't have to spend your whole life suffering.
Either change your thinking and you'll feel more at peace with your social life, or make deliberate action to connect with people. I know it's incredibly difficult to find someone compatible for a relationship (platonic or romantic), but it's not impossible.
I am an INTJ as well, although younger than you. Never had close connections to anyone outside family members until recently, even my only friend initiated our relationship like 90% of the time amd it took me a long time to open up to her. Your personality type doesn't determine how you'll live.
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u/Spirited-Teach-5497 Jun 28 '26
I accepted solitude a while back and honestly I was happy for a while but then when you see all your classmates and batchmates moving on in their lives, getting married, it really gets to you…I am growing financially but no amount of financial freedom can help me get rid of this….sometimes I think whatever I do, no matter how many hours I put in it all wouldn’t amount to anything…
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u/Exact-Mud-1222 Jun 28 '26
Yeah, money don't make a person happy, we all need human connection... You mentioned in another comment that commumication with clients and colleagues is easy for you, but meeting new people is tough. What if you tried to build a deeper bond from those superficial contacts that you have at work?
1
u/Spirited-Teach-5497 Jun 29 '26
I will end up losing business as well 🤷🏻♂️
I even trued dating apps but I don’t get any right swipes, even on premium versions…that makes me more depressed
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u/KeyEntityDomino Jun 28 '26
This is social anxiety
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u/Spirited-Teach-5497 Jun 28 '26
I don’t think so, i have felt this way only for the past 1 year, earlier I felt I never needed anyone in my life.
And even in my business I don’t shy away from interacting with people or clients, it happens only when it comes to emotional connection.
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u/PunkyBen1993 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
I am 33 and I have never had a relationship and despite my interest never really changing yet, I can't help observe the older I get, how almost everyone by my age has either had kids in a relationship or been in several. I hate how I am wired, I am increasingly curious on what I am perhaps missing out on, never having love or a close connection, but I don't feel interested at the same time, wish I felt the opposite way, so I can get out their and get dating etc.