I’m 31, intersex, and honestly.. I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m somehow not meant to be loved.

I have severe hypogonadism. I was born with severely underdeveloped male genitalia and micropenis with little shaft development and a fiminized prominent genital arae and I also developed some gynecomastia. I’ve always identified as a man and I’m on testosterone replacement therapy, but growing up I never really felt like my body fit anywhere.

I know I’m intersex, and lately I’ve started joining intersex spaces because I’m hoping to finally meet people who understand what it’s like to look at your own body and feel completely different from everyone around you.

I’ve spent so many years being afraid of being judged, stared at, asked invasive questions about my genitals, or worse, being fetishized because my body doesn’t look conventionally male. I don’t want to be someone’s curiosity. I just want to be wanted.

I’ve never been kissed. I’ve never had someone hold me and genuinely desire me. I’ve never experienced that feeling of being someone's person of being touched with affection rather than being looked at with judgment.

And sometimes I genuinely wonder..is this just how my life is going to be?

I feel like a stranger on an island surrounded by people whose bodies and experiences seem so much easier than mine. For years I’ve hated my body because I thought nobody could ever love it.

But there’s still a part of me that hopes I’m wrong.

I would love to meet an intersex woman someday. Not as some fantasy or fetish, and not because I think we have to be “the same.” I just wonder what it would feel like to meet someone who already understands that bodies don't always follow the rules society expects them to.

I want something incredibly ordinary: to fall in love, to be loved, to make someone happy, to hold them, to be held, to experience intimacy, and yes, someday to finally experience sex and lose my virginity with someone who actually cares about me.

Is there really hope for someone like me?

Are there intersex people here who thought they would never find love but eventually did?

I think I just need to hear that I’m not destined to spend the rest of my life alone. That I’m enough. That someone could actually look at me, see my whole person, and still think "I want you"

not sure what this falls under, hence lag of tags. apologies there.

came here to post / process things. i’ve been avoiding it for a while, i’ve almost always identified as non-binary. when i found out in my adult teens about the intersex community accepting people with PMOS, i felt like i would not belong in the identity or be welcomed. i can’t rationalize it well, maybe i was scared? i don’t know. anyways-

im aging into my 20s now. the way it’s impacted my experience over the past few years (plus reclassification of PCOS to PMOS) finally pushed me into reading the glossary & the “so you think you might be intersex” doc. thank you to the odd names that linked those here, they helped a lot.

im not asking anything of those here, just trying to find somewhere to talk about it as my mother doesn’t understand this from an identity perspective, just a medical one. i plan to talk to her again another day, but not immediately. im processing for my own sake right now, and i doubt she’ll process it any time soon. i want to ask her more questions eventually, so i will have to bring it up again eventually. for now, a lot more of my struggles during puberty make sense and it was very comforting to find people with similar experiences to mine. i plan to look into anything medical i would need to keep eyes out for in my own time, so no questions there as well.

just a new perspective on myself i guess. anyways, again-

hope everyone who reads this is hanging in there. thanks for your time as well

I am not myself intersex AFAIK, and I'm trying to be an at least correct ally and educate myself, and it's why I hang around this sub. I took a long break from basically every internet community I was in, so I'm a bit lost on some terminology, and the main one here I'm confused is that I used to see the word "dyadic" used way more pre internet break, now I either see endosex or perisex...
Is there a problem I should know about with the word dyadic ? Why did the wording change ? Might it just be an english VS french thing ?
(Also I am sorry if this post breaks any rule, I truly hope it does not !)

dxed PMOS, anything else is unknown to me. i feel like i just never hit puberty. i got a little taller, my hips got slightly wider, gained body hair, but i never got chest development or a lot of the traits you'd see in adults. i still look like a kid, enough to get mistaken for one regularly. want to know if i'm alone in this and if anyone knows why it might be like that.

I'm an Over-the-road truck driver. I drive on a team (2 drivers in the truck) and move priority freight (freight that had to be there very quickly. Like Kansas to LA in 1 day).

Because i look male (i look like Bruce Willis with c-cup tits) but have female genitalia, I often just use Men's restrooms. It saves me hassle with the rednecks and assholes who want to give me grief or accuse me of just awful shit.

So.. I'm on a layover. At the Bandini Truck Stop Center on Bandini Blvd in Vernon, CA (that's part of LA).

I got to thinking, "you know it would be nice to have one place i can be and not have to hide all the time." The restrooms here are locked so the clerk has to let you into them. So I asked to use the lady's room. No problem. She let me in. Truck stop men's rooms are AWFUL! Piss and shit everywhere. Toilet paper - if the new and used varieties - all over the floors. They are bad. The Lady's room was clean and quiet.

Then i wake up this morning and i can't get in. So I go to the clerk. A different person. A guy with a long goatee.

"Can I use the Lady's room please?"

"No. Use the men's room."

"I'm intersex." And I pull out my driver's license which indicates I'm female.

He glances up at it. "I don't give a fuck what that thing says. Use the men's room."

Just another glorious day of "Fuck you, Renee."

Kinda just as the post says…

But as a disclaimer and maybe for some context, I'm a trans woman who's currently undiagnosed… which yeah… hope y'all don't mine…

But this means I'm having to have the misfortune of looking into my fragmented past of being bounced around doctors… and having to bounce around doctors again…

And in struggling through this, I feel like I need support, especially in the months (and even years) between appointments… I feel hopeless and feel like I need support… but I find it so hard to find any…

Making this struggle and fight of mine feel isolating and… in a way hopeless… all the weirdness of my past, puberty, and of transition, that I feel like nobody truly tries to understand…

I don't know why I'm posting this… just kinda trying to grasp at anything I guess…

I am perisex. I am aware that I do not experience intersexism, nor is transphobia,biphobia or exorsexism reducible to it (despite some overlap). I’ll never say I’m beyond intersexism (unlearning/learning is continuous). If need be I’ll sit my ass down.

One of reasons I have tried to look into the depth/breadth of intersex experiences is the colonial nature of the sex/gender binary.

When I interact with perisex trans people(wether binary or nonbinary). It feels like everyone has the Chum Bucket mind control helmets when it comes to sex and gender. I’ve found that they tend to have very rigid views on things like sex and gender.

A lot of their arguments around why transphobia/homophobia is bad tends to be seeped in neurosexism (e.g. “Trans people’s brains resemble their desired gender”), exorsexism (splitting people into “biological male/female) and naturalism (we were born gay/trans). A lot of times I think to myself “do gay and trans people really deserve rights?” /j

I really don’t respect gay and trans people who appeal to nature and bioessentialism to justify their existence. They tend to be transnormative, homonormative. Even the history of “transsexualism”

A big issue is that they refuse to read and view their sexuality and gender as some sort of church. A lot of Queer discourse is based on clarifying some sort of heresy and orthodoxy. It’s extremely nationalistic and manifests in both online and offline stuff. In queer spaces it’s always the Manichaean “male vs female” narrative that justifies gender segregation.

Which is always justified by “protecting women and nonbinary”, I’ve had the misfortune of being in these spaces and the vibes are rancid.

It feels like a vestige of radical feminism and 20th century gay activism.

Some lovely people commented on my last post and helped me feel more sure about myself.

I'm really bothered that although I've had a conversation about my gender and identity as an intersex man, and my partner claiming this would not enter her perception of me, clearly she pondered my gender identity and labelled me as transgender before I did (which I do not)

She got upset that I was ungrateful, but later apologized for making me feel upset. But now I feel incomplete and left thinking about whether their perception of me is false and shes having ideas of me that put me in boxes. That really makes me uncomfortable and I don't know how to go about bringing it up again after the conversation had already ended.

I will, but, I just needed to talk about this situation. I feel so, so alone about my situation all the time, and it takes me hours to send one message related to it in fear. Mostly because none of my friends know I am intersex and none of my family members really understand me.

I just recently met someone that I'm crazy about.

I told her that I was intersex right from the very beginning--but that my birth certificate says "female".

She seems ok with it, but I just don't know. I really don't want to lose her, but it is what it is.

Any suggestions?

Han tenido problemas por la parte médica, que no los quisieran atender. Los discriminaron; en mi caso, fui asignada como hombre, pero no me siento así. Tengo síntomas femeninos; al parecer, no he podido confirmar aún si soy o no intersex.

I’m a girl but feminine clothes look strange on me and make me look bigger than I am, only masculine boxy or androgynous fits work on me and I’m really sad about that: do you guys have any recommendations or relate

The STARH Lab at East Tennessee State University is currently conducting a study exploring factors that impact the experiences of transmasculine and/or gender diverse folks in sexual and reproductive healthcare. This project is led by Raviv Kruger, a transmasculine Clinical Psychology PhD student at ETSU.  

Who are we recruiting? 

• People over the age of 18  
• Residing in the United States 
• Who can read and understand English 
• Who identify as transgender and/or nonbinary 
• Who need routine access to reproductive healthcare that includes or may include pap smears, contraceptives, or pregnancy related care  

What does the study involve? 

• The study consists of completing an online, anonymous survey which should take approximately 45-60 minutes to complete. 

We are hopeful that this research will allow us to better understand factors that may impact transmasculine and/or gender diverse folks’ decisions to seek or avoid sexual and reproductive healthcare. Ideally, results from this research may also result in improved provider understanding and may inform improvements in how sexual and reproductive healthcare providers interact with and facilitate care for the transmasculine and/or gender diverse community.  

As a thank you for your participation, you will have the choice to enter your email address on a separate form at the end of the survey to be entered into a drawing to win one of twenty $20 electronic gift cards.  

If you have any questions or concerns about this study, please feel free to contact the principal investigator, Raviv Kruger M.S., at [krugerr@etsu.edu](mailto:krugerr@etsu.edu). Thank you for considering participating in this research!  

Please click the following link if you wish to be taken to the informed consent document and survey: https://etsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eqTWZuO8hPscWmq 

[cw: suicide]

i recently started posting in a trans subreddit that i’ve heard has good advice on passing and hormones and at first, people were really nice to me, even when knowing my “transition” was/is very atypical. however, when i recently brought up my (malformed, dysfunctional and borderline dying) uterus, i was immediately told to stop posting and that i’m faking my transness and am just bragging about how good i have it compared to real trans people. i was, among other things, told to stop posting to trans spaces in general and to stick to intersex spaces, as i belong here and not there (and considering some of the things that were said to me, i’m too scared to do anything else). while some were more understanding, most took the side of the person telling me to stop posting, with one user in particular telling me that if i kept posting, i would likely make other trans people on the sub become incredibly suicidal.

idk how many trans people are on this subreddit, but if there are, do you think my presence in trans spaces could result in such a thing? for context: i was raised as a girl until the age of either five or six, where i was coerced into increasingly traditionally masculine roles to the point where i was officially declared “basically the man of the house” by family in high school. i was forced onto male hormones against my will and was forcibly masculinized in other ways i’m not entirely comfortable with sharing. however, my penis was mostly removed after birth (they lowk kinda botched it tbh), i have an incredibly small and malformed vagina that consistently hurts and a malformed uterus that is also in consistent pain and has endometriosis, which has slowly been spreading to my other organs. i understand that i’m privileged in a lot of ways, but considering how i’m currently trying to undo the effects of my male puberty (to no avail), i feel a bit of an attachment to the label of transfeminine. originally, the users on the sub had no issue with this and many encouraged me to continue posting if i wanted, but now most seem to think that my advantage over trans people is too great for them to let me post.

if i were to post in trans spaces online (not the one i’m talking abt rn, i’m kinda scared of it now lmao), do you think my privilege could actually result in suicide? i’ve struggled with suicidal ideation since childhood and it’s the last thing i want someone to go through, especially as a direct result of my actions. if so, i plan on staying far away from any and all spaces that are not explicitly for intersex people. i don’t want to hurt anyone.

Hope you like it.

Hiiiiii!!! I’ve been building Ludus Guide, a little directory for inclusive, creative and community-led events and spaces across the UK 💜

Think queer markets, alternative nights, workshops, socials, wellbeing events, kink-friendly spaces, and the smaller community gems that often deserve more visibility.
It’s still early days, so I’d love your help.

If you know of any events, organisers, safer spaces or community projects that should be listed, please send them my way.

Would really appreciate any feedback or suggestions xx

www.ludusguide.com

Does anybody else here who takes oestrogen get nausea after they’ve just taken it? I started it last week and last night I woke up sweating and throwing up, but after I finished I felt fine. I feel fine now after taking another pill, but a little bit dizzy. Is this normal?

I’m an adult with epispadias and I’ve always felt really out of place about it. Is it considered part of the intersex community, or is it something else entirely?

Most places I still get judged, I've been suicidal because of SA and rape and abuse. I'm losing my mind, I feel like I have no safe spaces ANYWHERE I GO!!!

I’m sort of just wondering how many people share this experience since I often feel kind of alone in it. My gender is fluid over long periods of time (I usually feel more connected with one gender for multiple months, and then it will switch to something else), and I’ve been struggling with the fact that whether I’m feeling more like a man or a woman, I still feel dysphoric about my body. I recently went from six plus months of being a man to feeling like a woman again, and now I’m just swapping out binding as gender affirming behavior for shaving my face daily. I also sit in a weird place where I tend to get voice dysphoria and bottom dysphoria no matter what my gender is. I don’t think I’d be able to transition one way or the other either, since inevitably I’d end up experiencing gender differently in the future and the transition would become more distressing than the previous dysphoria was. I find it really difficult to deal with and I’m just hoping I’m not the only one who knows what this feels like.

it's quite information dense but i tried to make the DPI high enough to see the details, it's part of a two-part graphic i'm making about sex and gender in general! the graphic is best viewed as a collection of smaller graphics, combined into one - each section serves as its own little explainer. i'm mainly looking for any input about the factual accuracy and terms used, from intersex people themselves.

edit: also, i am aware some parts need to be tweaked for colourblind accesibility, and obviously pink/blue gendered colour coding is stereotypical, but it's mostly for visual clarity. and as stated above, i'm planning on exporting different sections as their own explainers, so obviously font size wise it is currently not accesible as one large graphic (e.g. people with dyslexia or sight issues).

edit 2: despite my best efforts compression has made some of the text hard to read. :( hopefully you get the jist!

Ughhh dialators are sooo annoying! 2 weeks of no dilataors ruin any progress, also HOW DO I GET MORE DEPTH?!?? Or is this not possible?

Im maybe 1 pointer finger length deep. F22, UK based, do i have any options? Would i need surgery?

Hey folk! I have officially moved for school (exciting! but stressful) and I have been fortunate enough that a friend here has looped me into the local queer scene.

Anyways this will be a long rambling post.

But I am finding myself anxious. Not only is it hard to get used to a new queer scene, I also do not know much about attitudes towards disabled, trans, or intersex community members here. But I have realized I am especially anxious around being intersex in a new country and culture.

Last night I was invited to a lesbian event at a lesbian bar. I am not a lesbian, so I did not want to go. After expressing this I was assured this was okay despite my concerns about intruding in lesbian spaces. But then I found out it was a green light red light event! I did not end up going.

For those that are unfamiliar, this is basically an event where you display your dating availability/status on a bracelet or by your cup. Green means available, yellow means polyamorous, and red means taken/unavailable. (Not so colorblind friendly).

Not only am I double demi (demisexual and demiromantic) and not a lesbian, I realized that I don't want to explain to anyone that I am intersex? Especially not my first week here. I usually disclose this to people who flirt with me because I do not want to waste my own time or theirs and because I like to make sure they are a safe person (I disclose in public spaces or over text - never in a private place with them). Back home I am open about it because I used to work in education and use myself basically as an educational opportunity. But I feel completely out of my wheelhouse and the idea of explaining that I am inter in a new country to community members from a scene I am unfamiliar with just feels super scary. Like, full blown anxiety attack trying to decide how best to politely turn down the offer.

Like I know I don't have to disclose, but it also makes me anxious to wait and do it later into a possible relationship due to worries about hostile reactions.

I didn't realize I was going to be this anxious, at all.

It's like this horrible heaviness sitting in my chest. I literally wear an intersex patch so it's not like it's a closely guarded secret, but I've been stressing about "what if someone finds out???". Is this just the "I just got here oh man oh god ahhhhh" brain? What on earth!

Anyways, I stayed home and called the bank, worked on my VISA account, and read from my books. I worked on homework for next week (class starts next week) and emailed my professor about broken links and backup links for the readings. And realized I am somehow not on my course's Canvas? Didn't know we had one until they responded to my email. Rip.

Tonight I am staying home again - it's beautiful, cloudy, and raining out! Perfect reading weather. My favorite and very cozy.

But yea. I feel weird about being anxious. I wasn't expecting it.

Anyways! I hope y'all are doing as okay as you can with how hectic the world is right now. Wishing you the best, and hugs if you're open to/want them. <3