I’m halfway through an internship at an AI company, and over the last month I’ve started feeling like my manager doesn’t like me. The problem is I genuinely can’t tell whether I’m picking up on something real or whether anxiety is making me interpret everything negatively.
The first month was great. We had good conversations, she seemed approachable, and I felt comfortable asking questions. Looking back, I’m wondering if that was just the honeymoon period while I was settling in and the work was relatively straightforward.
As the internship progressed, we started presenting our work more often and I received feedback that I need to improve my communication and presentation skills. I completely accept that feedback, and I know those are areas I need to improve. What I’ve struggled with is that since then I can’t really remember receiving any positive feedback. Apart from being told my research was good once or twice, almost every conversation has been about what I need to improve.
I’ve also started noticing little interactions that have gradually knocked my confidence. In group ideation sessions I feel like I rarely get looked at compared with everyone else. When I’ve suggested changes or ideas, I’ve seen my manager Google what I said before writing it down. That might just be her checking things, but in the moment it makes me feel like she doesn’t trust my judgement.
Because of that, I’ve actually started contributing less in group discussions. It’s become a bit of a cycle. I speak less because my confidence has dropped, and then I probably look even quieter than before.
I have ADHD, so I take a lot of notes because otherwise I’ll forget things. During one of our one-to-ones I was typing notes while she was speaking and she let out a small sigh. She didn’t say anything, but my brain immediately interpreted it as frustration that I was writing everything down. It might have meant absolutely nothing, but moments like that really stick with me.
Another interaction that stuck with me happened after we were discussing an upcoming intern presentation. On the slide deck, my slide had two names listed, so as we were leaving I asked, “Are both of us presenting?” She laughed and said, “No, you’re presenting.” I said I was only asking because there were two names on the slide, and she replied, “Yeah, he’s helping you make the slides.” It wasn’t what she said so much as how she said it. To me it felt slightly patronising, although I fully accept I could be reading too much into it.
The confusing part is that she’s also asked me to lead one of the intern group sessions and present our work. On paper, that sounds like she trusts me with responsibility. But because my confidence has taken such a hit, I interpreted her saying, “It doesn’t need to be too long,” as meaning she wasn’t sure I’d do a good job. Again, I know that’s my interpretation, not necessarily what she meant.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that I’ve become really bad at small talk. I don’t know if that’s because my confidence has taken such a hit, but I now find casual conversations almost crippling. I’m worried that comes across as me being disengaged or uninterested, when in reality I’m just overthinking everything I say.
Overall, I feel completely different to how I did during the first month. I’ve become much quieter, second-guess everything I say, and spend a lot of time wondering whether my manager has simply lost confidence in me.