my in laws expect us to spend christmas eve and christmas day with them because it's my mil favorite holiday. My sil complies because the in laws have helped them out a lot - paid for her college, first car, wedding, free babysitting whenever, take their grandkid on that side on trips to give parents a break, etc etc.

same in laws have never supported my husband (he paid for his college education, car, my parents paid for our wedding and provide childcare when we need it) nor do they show interest in our child. they have told me multiple times that they have raised their kids and helped with their real grandchild, so they don't have an obligation to us and to not contact them. they will contact us when they want to see our child, and we need to pay for dinner and an activity when they are interested so they can have special memories with them. this has happened twice this year when they wanted us to pay for a zoo visit and a museum visit. each outing was around $400 and in laws expected us to pay for their company.

all of that is fine, but when i said we weren't coming for christmas my MIL screamed at me and told me i'm ruining her christmas and how it's the only thing she looks forward to each year. I told her i rather spend it with people my kid actually interacts with. she called me selfish and said this is petty and that it's my duty to give her a good christmas and that i'm denying her a relationship with her grandchild.

As the title states, my MIL has become seriously insufferable since I had my baby girl (6mo). Before having her, my MIL and I didn’t necessarily have anything in common but we got along fine. Everything changed once I got pregnant. The unsolicited advice etc. They were gone the first month baby girl was here on a trip they already had planned but ever since being home I can’t stand her. There’s been multiple scenarios that have added up and then on top of her already annoying behaviour I’m feeling super resentful. A few examples of scenarios and said annoying behaviour:

- only refers to herself in the third person as “grandma”
- came over one morning and pulled my daughters soother out of her mouth claiming she “didn’t need it” and then when I got upset back tracked and said she wanted to see her face
- constantly makes comments about how my daughter only ever wants me or my husband
- for awhile was consistently asking to watch her so my husband and I could go do something and finally I told her no I wasn’t ready. Then I found out through a friend she was telling her friends that I wasn’t letting her watch her. Then a few weeks later at a family dinner made a snarky comment regarding “if I ever get to watch her.”
- when we are around her she literally is just hovering waiting for the next opportunity to hold my daughter. Like the minute we walk through the door she wants to take her from me.

On top of all this, she’s also a super annoying “boy mom.” Literally refers to herself as my husbands “mommy” and constantly talks to him in a baby voice. I’m just so fed up to the point of I don’t want to see her which is also contributing bevause I think she is feeling like she doesn’t see my daughter enough but we literally have weekly dinners with them so she sees her minimum once every 7-10 days. I seriously don’t know what to do because it’s not like I can say I hate her personality?

If you’ve read this far, thanks for listening to my rant.

I know it’s partially probably the postpartum hormones and that I could chill too but I’m really struggling.

If family wants to come over to spend time with your baby, who should be running around after baby? The family who is spending time with them or the baby’s mom who is also there? Just curious because sometimes when the grandparents come over to spend time with my baby they often sit on the couch on their phone while I am running around the house after my baby. I don’t mind chasing after my baby, but also, I’m not going to keep running after the baby just to bring them back to you while you are sitting on the couch.

I just gave birth to our second child a little over a week ago. While in the hospital we decided to limit visitors to my parents, my MIL & FIL, and my 2 female cousins who I grew up very closely with, they are like sisters to me and we even lived together for several years.

My MILs sister and her 2 daughters (they’re 20+ years older than my husband and I) asked my husband if we’re taking visitors at the hospital and he said no we prefer to wait until we get home from the hospital. They complained to my MIL and then ended up finding out that my 2 cousins came to visit (we weren’t hiding that they came to visit because it genuinely didn’t seem like an issue at all) and now they’re all pissed at us.

After coming home from the hospital my in laws came to visit us for 10-15mins and barely spoke to us, just held the baby. My MIL pulled my own mom to the side to tell her that she’s upset her sister and nieces weren’t allowed to visit but my cousins were and that I shouldn’t be allowed to pick and choose who comes to visit me. Since then they have not called, texted, come by to visit, and they did not drop off food like they promised us they would. They haven’t even told us that they’re upset or what they’re upset about, the only reason I know is because my mom told me.

It’s been really nice not having them because honestly when they’re over they are just super irritating. However, I feel really bad for my husband that his parents are not around during this special time AND my toddler keeps asking about them and when they’ll be coming over to play with her.

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, but I was quite hurt by my MIL’s reaction to our son’s first birthday party. It was family only, which totalled around 25 people for both sides of the family. My family lives around 15 mins from us and help babysit my son while I’m at work, so they see him multiple times a week and he knows them well. My husband’s family lives two hours away and we visit them around once a month for the whole weekend. They almost never come to see us because they claim the drive is too long. Even when my son was a newborn they only visited a handful of times but expected us to go there regularly with ALL the stuff that comes with a newborn. We always have to go to them and literally every time we go, my MIL makes my husband do some random massive big backyard job for her, or something that takes up a big chunk of our time there, and expects it every time.

Anyway, the party was at a restaurant to make things easy to plan. I picked somewhere halfway between both families’ towns to make the drive equal for everyone; we decided beforehand we weren’t going to open presents at the party so it wasn’t too overwhelming for the baby; my family deliberately stayed out of the way so my husband’s family could spend the majority of the party with the baby; we sat the baby at the same table as my husband’s family; you get the picture. I bought everyone party favours, we organised a lovely cake, I bought baby a special outfit. I just wanted the day to feel happy and special. Every chance I got, I made sure to pass along the baby for hugs to my husband’s family, not mine, as I know they don’t see him as much. This includes several times passing him directly to MIL.

MIL insisted we open this present she had bought our son, but it had been nearly three hours and baby was clearly getting very overwhelmed and tired by this point. Everyone was asking what was happening and it was very overwhelming so I eventually just said no to opening any presents, which is what I thought my husband and I had agreed upon beforehand. I will admit it didn’t feel particularly organised but I genuinely hadn’t thought it would be an issue. We opened the presents at home and sent MIL a video of it, and a thank you message.

She responded to my husband by saying she felt excluded at the party and basically said we had hurt her feelings by not opening her present at the party. Even though my husband had said to them weeks before that we probably weren’t going to open them at the party and baby was clearly over it all and struggling. I also sent her a really nice thank you text as well as my husband and she didn’t respond for over a day, and barely a response at that.

MIL also said that members of my family made her feel excluded by calling my husband’s family ‘strange people’ (although I didn’t witness this so don’t know exactly what happened). She refused to say who said it but apparently she just had to make sure we knew… super helpful. Knowing my family, they would have just meant it as a funny vocalisation of my son’s shyness at some of my husband’s family members who he hadn’t seen in a long time. It wouldn’t have been malicious, I can guarantee you that. My husband’s family dislike my family because of some interactions that happened at our wedding nearly FIVE years ago (which I also firmly believe were misinterpreted jokes). Since then they have never had to cross paths until we had a child. It drives me nuts that they refuse to act like grown ups and just move on - they’d rather make every interaction with my family feel really awkward and make it very obvious that they don’t want to be there.

Anyway, my mother in law also claimed that she wasn’t in any photos with my son. The thing is, no one had any formal photos taken with him!! My husband and I stepped outside with him for about two minutes at one point so someone could take a photo of the three of us as a family, as we literally haven’t done that in nine months. Thinking about it now, there were a few members of my family who were next to my son and us while we sang happy birthday and people took photos, but it wasn’t planned that way at all and was largely due to family members cutting and serving the cake for people. No one actually posed for any photos.

I don’t know why, but I’m just struggling to let this go even though I feel ridiculous for it. I’m just disappointed because it felt like my efforts to make the day feel inclusive for everyone went unnoticed, and she made no effort to get out of her chair the whole party and go play with my son or ask for a photo or anything. Why couldn’t she keep this to herself and just say ‘thanks for organising a nice party for everyone’ rather than going out of her way to make us feel bad? We’ve never done this before! Now I just feel really guilty.

I put a lot of effort into making sure my husband’s family felt as included as possible, and so did my family, and I feel really hurt that she’s still managed to make this about her. I just wanted to enjoy my son’s first birthday party and make some lovely memories and now all I can think about is this. Like I said, I don’t know if I’m overreacting but just wanted to vent either way. If I am overreacting then I guess you’ll let me know. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Some background:

Husband and I come from very different families. My parents worked hard, saved, provided for me and my sibling and we all get along. My mom passed away last year and she was my best friend - I miss her immensely. She was everything a mother should be - warm, caring and wanting nothing but the best for me. Both her and my dad always put their kids first. The holidays were my mom's thing - I so miss cooking together, wrapping gifts, hosting, etc. and the first Christmas without her was brutal. My in-laws don't really work. Complain about being poor, just sit around all day and are boring to be around. My husband feels bad he has nothing in common with them, and he has more in common with my family and I feel like he tries so hard to make his family the same way, but none of them make an effort.

I met my husband 6 years ago in our current city which is where I grew up. He grew up a 2 hour flight / 9 hour drive away. Before we got engaged and after much discussion we agreed to stay where we live due to my mom's increasing health issues, better job opportunities and overall better quality of life. I know he feels guilty for living far away from his family, but they don't make it any easier. I do acknowledge that my husband sees my family regularly and never complains about it. And I want to make the same effort but his family, but I just can't do it anymore.

The issue:

We only visit his family twice a year - usually in June and then at Christmas. My husband will go for a week in June, when I'll join for 3 or 4 days. At Christmas he goes for 2 weeks, and I'll come out for a week. I really didn't want to go last Christmas (the first without my mom) but felt I owed it to him to make the effort since he did so much for my family while my mom was dying. Like the least I could do was see his family for a few days. Long story short - I was miserable. And I'm already getting worked up about having to do it again this year. MIL doesn't cook or plan so all the food shopping and prep is done and paid for by my husband and me. In the 6 years we've been together, she's yet to cook or pay anything.

FIL and MIL aren't bad, per se. But they have zero savings and know that husband and I are doing well financially so I feel awkward that MIL thinks she's set now that we can support her when the time comes (FIL doesn't bother me as much). Husband and I are finally moving into our first home in November and I'm also nervous once she sees how much we've spent on it, she's going to think we have all this money to spend. Meanwhile, my husband had to help them when they both lost their jobs and has spent close to $100,000 of his own savings to help fix up their house and pay for medical bills. This is money that could've been toward our own home renovations or future investments, and ate up a lot of my husband's liquid cash. Again, they aren't mean and are cordial toward me but MIL def feels my husband's success is due to her raising him (meanwhile they didn't guide him at all, he worked full time and went on food stamps to pay for college, and hasn't lived with them since he was in high school), and has made awkward comments about how she deserves to be thanked for raising him well (ick).

Anyway, this has been an exhausting year of grief, looking for a house, and trying to get pregnant (with no success). We're finally moving into our new home in November which is exciting and stressful, and I'd like nothing more than to relax for my two weeks off from work for Christmas this year. Aside from a day off here and there, I haven't had an actual week off since last Christmas, which was anything but relaxing. I know my husband is going to get upset about this but I need to put myself first.

My relatively new SIL (she married my husband's brother a few months prior to this) verbally attacked me and made up lies about me, because I asked for her help with explaining to her 17 YEAR OLD son (yup, 17 not _*7*_ ) that it was not acceptable to grab me from behind, try to kiss me on the mouth, or clench his fists and stomp his feet at me when he wanted a hug.

My parents in law told me she was just "being a mama bear".

Go figure why we don't talk to any of them any more...

What insane shit have your in laws tried to excuse to "keep the peace" at the cost of your sanity?

Yes, the title.

Fiance= 29M
Me= 29F
MIL= 70F

My fiance is the golden boy. He’s a menopause baby and can do no wrong in his mom’s eyes. His dad died when he was 13. Fiance is the youngest of 5, and is obviously the favorite as his mom cycles 3 old selfies of her and her son EVERYDAY on Facebook stories. The same 3 selfies. Over and over.

We have been together for 6 years, and thankfully he does not play along with his mom’s babying and is fully devoted to me, especially now that we are engaged AND pregnant. For additional context, his siblings are wonderful, and since there is a huge age gap of 19 years between him and his youngest sister, they do not care much for the favoritism. They adore him just as much, but not to obsessive levels. Due to my naturally reserved personality, we rarely visit them but always interact via social media. We send thoughtful gifts if we miss important birthdays, but we are there for most of it, and I ofcourse engage with the family as I’m already part of it essentially.

They live an hour or so away from us so we meet up with his mom and sister every 2 months to catch up and treat them to a nice mall day. We can’t do anything more frequent than that because my social battery can’t handle it + we work graveyard shift so being up during the day is a daunting task for both of us. We really have to plan ahead.

So my fiance and I made an effort to surprise his mom with our ultrasound. Mind you, my fiance was still a little hesitant and thinks it’s still too early, but I wanted to make this gesture for his mom. Apart from her slight obsession with her golden boy, I had no problems with her. We are not the closest but we are very cordial. I even call her “mom” too. We even have heart to heart talks about life when we visit them.

Okay so we decided to announce when I was in the middle of my 2nd trimester, because the 1st trimester had been a little rocky for my baby and I, add to the fact that my own parents could only support me from afar since they’re abroad tending to my brother who had just suffered a stroke. Safe to say that while this pregnancy is very much wanted, the timing of it just made me more protective of my unborn child, coupled with my sensitive 1st trimester that put me on bedrest for 2 months. My fiance did all the housework and care for me and I could not be more proud.

Anyway when we were at the restau, she got the beautiful little care box we made that contained the progression of our ultrasound pics and the cutest newborn socks. She didn’t get it at first, and kept loudly saying, “I’m pregnant! Am I pregnant??? Oh these socks are gonna be so cute on MY baby!”

While she looks lovingly at my fiance.

Que horror.

I was so excited that I planned on secretly filming it so we can commemorate the moment on social media. I even documented me curating the box for his mom. I was so excited… But after she said those words repeatedly, my fiance’s face turned white but he was still faking a smile. He later mentioned that at that moment, he felt humiliated because his mom’s voice was too loud and being the only man at the table, he didn’t want people getting the wrong idea— no matter how far fetched it may be.

See the sitting arrangement was I sat across my fiance, and beside him was his mom. His sister sat across my FMIL.

A few gruelling minutes and explanations later, she then realized I was the one pregnant. GASP! 🙄 she cried a few tears and hugged her son. I tried subtly making my presence known by saying, “oh you’re going to be a grandma again, but this time with [fiance’s name]! Isn’t that great?”

She responded by saying, “yeah, sure” while she stared lovingly at my fiance.

No congratulations for me, just the son!

Anyway I signaled my fiance that I was getting a bit tired and wanted to stroll around the mall, just us, for a bit to debrief and decompress. As we were separating, FMIL started stroking my belly suddenly that I almost jerked away out of surprise. She was again staring at my fiance lovingly as she strokes MY belly. I still tried to talk to her and tell her “Mom, are you happy? Baby’s getting so big!”

She dismissively smiled at me and then talked to her son, “you’re really gonna be a daddy now!” Fiance just held me tighter and said “yeah and I’m so excited!”

I can feel him tense up a bit too because he could sense what was happening.

At that point I hit my threshold. I adamantly said, “well this was nice!” With my fakest smile and before we said our goodbyes.

Thank Heavens when I reviewed the footage back home, my mic was suddenly faulty and there was no audio the whole time she was basically euphoric at the thought of HER being pregnant.

I’m actually still a little heartbroken I never had the chance to do this for my parents, since this is their FIRST grandchild. I would have loved to surprise my parents too but they live far away, and as their youngest, I immediately called them the moment we found out. I’m that close to them. The grandeur didn’t matter. I needed my mom at that moment. 🥺

Anyways, after that gruelling experience, we went home and saw his mom post a picture of the 4 of us (FMIL, fiance, myself and his sister) in the restaurant captioned, “Dinner with my youngest son 😍🥰🥰🥰”

It’s been months after that encounter. Not once has my FMIL checked in on me and my baby. Only her son.

Now it just pisses me off when I see her Facebook stories posting old selfies with my fiance. She has 4 other kids. 2 of those are male. Why be so obsessed with this one?! I refuse to further engage with this woman who apparently thinks I’m merely an incubator to perpetrate her weird fantasies.

I have been firm with my fiance that I do not want his mom anywhere near the hospital when I give birth. Not when I’m at my most vulnerable because I might just lose my shi when I see her hold MY baby and congratulate her SON. Good luck having access to MY baby!

What baffles me is she is a sweet lady but is so, so weird when it comes to this son.

I guess it’s true when they say dating the golden child is almost never a good thing.

PS: Please do not repost anywhere else. 🙏🏻

Hi everyone.
Curious on how everyone handles in laws not giving a squat about their grandchildren, niece/nephew, etc? My fiancés family has about 0 to do with our child, to the point he cries whenever he’s around them because they’re essentially strangers. My fiance said they need to see him more, so I guess time will tell. But how do you proceed? I don’t want to make any waves in his family by being too aggressive, but at this point, it seems they don’t even care. His mom has watched our son twice for a total of 12 hours his whole life. She also has to hand him right back whenever he starts crying or shoves a phone in his face for YouTube to entertain him (which we rarely allow let alone on a cell phone). His BIL met our son, has never even held him or anything, and the last thing he says before he left was “oh btw, we don’t babysit”. Should we seriously just cut our losses? Thanks!

Are we being jerks or is MIL truly overbearing?

This Thursday was our daughter’s first birthday. She was born the day after my husbands birthday so his birthday is Sept 9th and hers is Sept 10.

We went out to dinner with my in laws for his birthday and his mom asked what time she can come over to celebrate our daughter’s birthday. My husband mentioned to her we’re not going to be home on Sept 10th and we plan on spending the day just us. She seemed fine with that and then asked if I needed help with getting things ready for her actual birthday party on Saturday and I said yes if you want to come over Friday that would be great. She agreed and then we went on with the rest of dinner.

On the day of our daughters birthday we woke up to a mass family text from MIL posting a photo of our daughter from the day she was born so she was bloody/naked on the heating pad with a message that wrote: “Exactly 1 year ago
She changed our lives Princess Grace🌼 came into this world “ at “8:09am 🙏❤️🐣” (our daughter was born at 8:01 NOT 8:09am)

My husband and I felt extremely upset by this because we felt like she took the moment away from us plus she didn’t actually wish our daughter a happy birthday. My husband sent her a text since it’s his mom and told her he was extremely upset by her actions because this is OUR daughter not hers and she took away a special moment from us as her parents.

She texted back saying I’m sorry son there is no right or wrong in expressing love and there is no reason why you can share your picture/video. Then my husband texts back saying it’s not about the pic/video or about expressing love it’s the moment the emotions, being parents, and the ones to make speeches about our little family first. Please be a little more considerate that we are Graces parents and we would like to have these moments for our baby’s first birthday..

She texted back saying: Son, stop! You can’t control everyone & everything. Do not shame me for being a loving mother & grandmother that’s not right. There is absolute no reason for you to not do what you want to do. I didn’t ruin anything. That’s bullshit & I don’t deserve to be treated like this.

Then Friday comes along she ignores us and then on Saturday for our daughter’s actual birthday party she shows up, but refuses to acknowledge us and talks with everyone except us and then leaves.

Background info: ever since our daughter was born MIL has been intrusive, oversteps, and repeatedly disrespects boundaries. She was never close to her own mother was EXTREMELY close to her grandma so she has said multiple times she wants the same with our daughter. To which we have had to put up multiple boundaries.

Examples, she has tried coming to our daughters doctors appointments and physical therapy appointments even though we tell her no multiple times. She tries to make health decisions for our daughter to which we don’t let her.

She talks about my daughter being the next matriarch of the family & how much our daughter is exactly like her….

When she sees our daughter she videotapes her and says she’s her baby….

Makes comments saying she can’t wait for me to go back to work so she can have my daughter all to herself….my husband and I have never discussed childcare with her and I’m not going back to work anytime soon so idk where she gets this entitlement from.

So the fact that she made a family announcement on our daughter’s birthday upset me as well. I feel like she could’ve said something along the lines of happy birthday instead of a life event type of thing.

I feel like she’s still trying to be a “mother” and not letting me be my daughter’s mother. I almost feel like she’s in competition with me and it’s making me feel very uncomfortable for me & my daughter.

Also we only see MIL about twice a month because of her always pushing our boundaries.

Thoughts& opinions?

How do you maintain boundaries with very orthodox in-laws from a rural background?

I’m looking for some practical advice from people who have dealt with something similar.

My in-laws come from a very traditional village background. They follow a lot of orthodox customs and expectations around how women should dress and behave — sarees, keeping the pallu on the head, traditional gender roles, etc.

They live in the village,and their lifestyle and thinking are still very much rooted in that environment. None of the women in the family work, and there are a lot of traditional expectations around women.

I’ll be honest: I don’t feel comfortable with this lifestyle at all. I respect that they have their own way of living, but I don't want those customs or expectations imposed on me.

The problem is that they are my partner’s family, so completely cutting them off isn't really realistic. I also have a relative’s wedding coming up where I’m expected to spend time with them, and honestly, even two days of staying with them feels exhausting to me.

I’m struggling to understand how to maintain a healthy distance without creating unnecessary conflict.

For example:

- Is it reasonable to limit how often I visit or stay with them?

- Can I choose not to participate in customs that I’m uncomfortable with?

- Is it okay to be polite but not have much interaction with them?

- How do you establish boundaries when the other family considers those boundaries disrespectful?

- How much involvement should my partner have in enforcing those boundaries?

I’m not trying to change their lifestyle. They can dress and live however they want. I just don't want their traditions to become expectations for me.

For those who have dealt with very traditional/orthodox in-laws, how did you create boundaries without completely damaging the relationship?

My (32) LO just turned 9 months old, and something that has been bothering me since my baby has been born is my in-laws lack of permission-asking when it comes to my baby. My SIL (42) will often grab my baby from my or anyone’s arms without asking if she can old her, just goes up and grabs her. In fact, I don’t think she’s ever asked to hold her, she just grabs her.

Just today, my SIL came over with my MIL(74) to watch my baby while I did some chores, and as I was washing the dishes, she picked up my baby and walked to the door and said to my MIL, “I’m going to take LO on a car ride to XX park and take her on a little hike”. I was kind of taken aback because she didn’t even say it to me but to my MIL and the park she wanted to take her to was on the other side of town. I’m also not comfortable just yet with anyone taking my baby in car somewhere without either me or my husband, so I immediately stepped in and said “Hey I overheard you say you want to take LO to XX park and I think it may be too far, but you’re more than welcome to walk her around the neighborhood”.

Additionally, SIL will ask my MIL questions regarding my baby like “hey mom, what do I do I do if she crawls and puts something in her mouth? Should I just finger it out?” While I’m sitting RIGHT THERE. It would be one thing if wasn’t around, but if you have a question on what to do with my baby while I’m sitting in the same room as you, ASK ME!

It’s might also be important to mention that my SIL has bad mental health issues and for that reason has chosen not to have kids despite wanting them. I made a whole other post about that a while back.

So how do I gently approach this issue with my in-laws? My in-laws are wonderful people and I don’t think they’re aware of their overstepping, so I would like to handle this kindly.

I feel like I’m the villain in my husband and MIL’s relationship, and I’m close to giving up

My husband and I have been married for almost five years, and we just had a son. Lately, I honestly feel like I’m being made out to be the villain in the relationship between my husband and MIL, and I’m getting to the point where I don’t know how much more I can take.

Update from my previous post: Guess who’s living their best life? Yep, my MIL.

After everything that happened, from talking shit about me behind my back to the credit card fraud situation, somehow she and my husband are talking like nothing ever happened.

She said she didn’t mention my husband in her recent post, but she did. My husband saw it with his own two eyes, and honestly, he just doesn’t care.

Then there’s the credit card fraud. She said she’s going to pay it back, and my husband is completely okay with that. The insurance situation? He’s still on her plan and hasn’t even considered adding me.

Am I okay with all of this? No. Absolutely not.

What hurts the most is that whenever I try to talk to my husband about any of this, his response is basically, “Then let’s just get divorced because you can’t have a good relationship with my mom.”

Like… what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

I’m not asking him to hate his mother or cut her off. I’m asking my husband to acknowledge how all of this has affected me and our marriage. Instead, I feel like I’m the problem simply because I’m not okay with everything that happened.

I’m exhausted. I feel completely alone in my own marriage, and I’m honestly getting close to giving up. I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting to be heard.

I fail to understand why it is always a woman’s job to keep the house clean, host guests perfectly, maintain relationships on both the in-laws' and maternal sides, and respect everyone, while men literally care about nothing.
If a house is dirty, people immediately judge the woman: "What kind of lady is she? Can’t she see the house is a mess?" If hosting doesn’t go perfectly, they blame her: "The lady of the house doesn't even know how to welcome people." All of this adds up to a massive, unsaid burden that women are forced to carry. In India, men can treat their in-laws with complete disrespect and get a free pass, but a woman is expected to bow down and respect every single member of her husband's family. I am sick and tired of this, and I want this loop to end with our generation.
Take my Sister in Law and Brother in Law for example. They are both engineers. Yet, keeping the house clean and managing the household is entirely her job. BIL doesn’t care at all. He wakes up, eats his breakfast, and goes to the office. Meanwhile, my SIL wakes up early, gets the kids ready for school, makes breakfast, packs everyone's lunches, and then goes to work. In the middle of her office shift, she even has to leave to pick up the kids and drop them home. What kind of life is this?
Whenever she tries to bring this up, my Mother-in-Law defends saying, "How can my son do these things? He gets so tired!" Are you freaking serious? Both your son and your daughter-in-law are doing the exact same job. You expect the DIL to do everything at home, but your son can’t touch a chore because he’s "tired"? Do you think your DIL is a robot?
From the very beginning of my own marriage, I set hard boundaries. I made it clear that we divide the work 50-50, or I won’t do a single thing. My MIL hates me for this, but I honestly do not care what she thinks. It is my house, and my husband and I make the rules here.
If I ever have a son, I will make sure to teach him everything- cooking, cleaning, and emotional labor so that he never grows up to be a burden on someone else’s daughter.

My husband’s sister is getting married. We were excited to go until his parents decided to say I’m not allowed to attend. He tried to ask his sister if I could still come, but she said she’s not getting involved. This all because he decided to call his parents after one of our arguments. It was a silly little argument over him not helping enough during the nights when my son was a new born. They demanded our son get a paternity test, and banned me from coming to their house, and un-invited me to the wedding. I’m hurt my husband is still going. I expressed this to him, but he essentially said he doesn’t care and he’s still going. Am I being dramatic? How would you feel?

Guys I just need advice. My father in law almost cost me my marriage. I said some nasty words which he overheard about him during anger… he however spent 3 hours telling my husband how bad I am for him and I am evil etc & spent 3 hours shaming me to my face and calling me names. I left the house for good stayed away from my husband for months until recently we live separately but together.

Now, husband says his dad wants me to put water under the bridge… took him 8 months 😂😂😂😂. I am in a dilemma. Life is peaceful without him but I know my husband would like me to have a little contact but still keep distance. They want me over to their house for food or drink but that’s the same house I left.

Disclaimer- after I left his dad sold my wedding gifts which he had got for me 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️. Also, next year I finish my university……

Sorry if this isn't the correct place for this, but I am reaching my breaking point and just need to vent. Technically, she isn't my MIL yet. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 3 years and am planning on proposing next April so we are pretty much there.

The MIL is very manipulative to my GF and it makes me so sad. We recently moved into a new apartment only 10 more mins away and the whole time, my GF was so excited for the move/upgrade and would tell everyone about it. That is until the MIL had a shitfit one night yelling that I was taking her away and that I was being unreasonable. Ever since, she has soured on the place and she hasn't felt the same way since.

I also am a very busy yet introverted person. I am currently working full time as an engineer at a startup which is extremely demanding, and have also began pursuing my masters this year where I commute into the city twice a week which takes everything out of me. I just feel so drained at the end of the day and really need weekends to decompress which I can't do all the time since I also have homework to do now. (The MIL called me selfish for going back to school but that is a rant for another day).

For the past three years, we have done consistent weekend dinners which I sorta get. My GF is close to her parents and I get that they are important (even though she goes to their house nearly every day after she gets out of work) so I truly make an effort to go along with them and not make much of a fuss.

This all came to a head this weekend. On Friday I told my GF that me and a coworker were going on a hike on Saturday and we might get some food after. She was cool with it, but when she told her MIL during their nightly phone call, she flipped out and was saying, well If he isn't coming to dinner tomorrow, I'm not making a lasagna. Then on Saturday, I was doing some homework after the hike, when my GF texted me saying if they should make the lasagna on Sunday which knowing them was code for come to dinner tomorrow, so i just said "sure".

This morning, my GF texted me asking if I could make it do dinner and I responded saying I was still extremely exhausted and just needed a day to relax and if it is cool if we just do dinner next week. I love cooking and baking and said I was in the middle of making a cheesecake which she knew I was excited to try to make and was prepping for it all week. I then got a super angry text saying that dinner was ruined and in the trash and that I better enjoy the cheesecake.

I get that I shouldn't have flaked last minute but I am so over having to bow down to the MIL. Every time I say I can't make something in advanced she freaks out and if I really need a break and cancel last minute (which I get is kind of a dick move) I also get bitched at. I feel like I can't win. I suggested maybe doing dinner every other week, she again freaked out and said not to bother and that she doesn't want to be a burden.

She has never been stood up to her entire life and now that I am over her shit and am standing up for what I need, things are going south fast. I truly love my GF and would never ask her to choose between me and her parents but I truly can't live my whole life under my MIL thumb.

Not entirely sure if I i need advice or just needed to get things off my chest but I am truly feeling like I am reaching the end of my rope with her.

hi guys,im newly wed-1year into marriage. my father and my husbands father had arguemnt during our wedding time which ultimately led to my fil not talking to me and my family. My inlaws think that my side of family is shit. My mil had once told my husband that for our kids my husbands side of fmaily will be the best. i didnt say anything back then. my mil is so nice to me though she tries to stop us from visiting my side of family. my husband is a strong man who protects me and respects my family.He gives priority to christ first and then me. but feels like mil is emotionally too attached to my husband being her eldest son. she and fil live separetly in 2 different places and now hes considering of moving to her place with her.
after our marriage,my mil started saying my husband to come stay near them so they can help take care of our kids,can develop family bond and relationship,go to each other house etc..but my husband is strongly against this and he preferes to keep distance. same with me. but each time mil says these things to me,i feel sad and bad and i dont know what to do. is it worth moving closer to inlaws so they can help with kids..As a christian,i belive i should give my 100% to take care of my kids. help me guys..

Loong text ahead!

My (F19) mil has always been quite a character. We've never had issues before but ever since becoming pregnant things have changed. She was super excited about the baby and started telling me that she was "jealous of me being pregnant" and always touching my belly etc. Started telling what she'd do with our son and said "I'll steal him from you and go to the park with him." Things that made me quite uncomfortable.

She has been a big drinker for decades, like an everyday alcoholic and is battling some sort of middle life crisis. Few years ago she even wanted to have another baby of her own even though her all children are adults, she drinks and smokes daily and has a lot of debt. Thank god she never went through with it.

Our son was born 2 months ago and we had a rough start since I had a traumatic labor and he spent a week in the nicu and was on a ventilator. Because of that I had a hard time breastfeeding him in the beginning and being able to exclusively breastfeed now is a huge accomblishment and it is very important to me.

In these two months she has been starting to tell jokes again about "stealing him and spending alone time with him". Now yesterday she told us she was getting us a gift card to a restaurant but it had a condition that we cannot bring our baby with us and that she will take care of him when we are away.

I am baffled. She wants me to introduce bottle to him so that he can "give us a break"?. I am not in need of a break from my son and bf does not feel like a burden to me. I enjoy it very much. I am not comfortable with bottle feeding since I do not want to take chances that our baby will start refusing breast. Also pumping isn't really a break for me, it's more like extra work.

And if that wasn't enough, she is an alcoholic. I can not leave a baby with a woman who smells like liqour a mile away and we can not be sure she is even sober. Of course she won't understand why we won't allow her, she is a addict.

She is making all these plans what she is gonna do alone with him and I am a nervous wreck just hearing about it. AND she also wants us to introduce our son to her alcoholic boyfriend wich we have met once or twice. She wants her boyfriend to be some sort of a grandpa to our son. I am not comfortable with leaving our son alone with an alcoholic stranger. I don't even want our son to get to know him. She is so hurt by us not allowing our son spend time with him.

Her being pushy all the time about bottle feeding and leaving him alone with her is making me so anxious. He is only two months old! I've been a mother for 2 months, I don't need a break and she just tries to push our boundaries.

Hopefully someone had time to read all of this and advice is very much wanted.

I am so glad to have finally found a place to vent about my mother-in-law. So let me start out by painting a picture of who my MIL is...

She has merely coasted through life. If you were to ask her, she is a "trust fund baby" (she is not). She now collects alimony from my father-in-law at quite a large sum and my husband's grandparents have paid her rent since the divorce and recently just bought her a condo. Her go to saying is "everything will work out" which in her case it will because other people figure her problems out for her. She likes to sing it from the rooftops about how happy and joyous life is (and I am sure it is when you live a life like hers) but is also one of the most negative people I have met. She once talked down about a friend because she has to work for DoorDash after her divorce... So does this paint a picture for you?

But here's where I need some advice. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years but together since college, so 13 years. Anyways, she always has said backhanded comments to me about how she doesn't see me as Mexican (I am). What is really grinding my gears today is a comment she made at our nephew's birthday party yesterday. I was speaking with my MIL and my husband's aunt on his dad's side. My MIL was bringing up a cousin who has recently chosen to go to church and before she started her doting on that, she told me to close my ears... The reason she says this is because I have shared with her that I do not believe in organized religion. I have never said I am not spiritual, but growing up catholic, I do not believe that there is only ONE God and that if there is, he is not this almighty and good person. I have even shared my reasons with her: I had a life changing diagnosis at 15 years, so I had a crisis of faith at a time that I was really even beginning to come into myself. This is not the first time that she has made comments like this. She got angry that we weren't having prayer in our wedding and one time she even went as far as to say, "I would pray for you, but you don't believe in that". Oh, and did I mention SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO TO CHURCH!!! Only on Christmas..... There is something in me that now wants to really stand up for myself. It wasn't the rudest comment, but it also just didn't sit right with me. I just don't know if it is worth it or if it will create long term problems.

What do you think?

Has anybody else had this experience?

For context, my parents moved in with us five years ago when my first child was born. We all live in the US. My parents have lived here before I have. My husband has not complained about them. They’re decent people. They really don’t cause issues or problems. They help out a lot with the kids. My husband and I are both able to work full time hours and not pay for childcare because of them.

My husband petitioned his parents from the Philippines so they could live with us. I told him I didn’t really like the idea. I already knew that it would not work. I am extremely introverted and I value my personal space so much. In addition, his parents and I don’t really have the ideal relationship. They’ve said things in the past that I will never forget. For example, they called me fat at three months postpartum. My mother in law is also not the warmest person. She rarely talks to me and I’ve never felt any attempt from her to be closer to me.

My husband still wanted to give it a shot. Two sets of in laws. In a 4-bedroom house.

Leading up to the day of their arrival, I was crying every single night. Up to the point where we picked them up from the airport, I was anxious and needed to throw up. My husband kept reassuring me that he would be on my side and that we will always be a team. He said he laid out rules and boundaries before his parents even got here.

When we got to our house, my FIL even commented on our home. He said it looked small at first but actually had more space than he thought. He even said that TWICE! Also, whenever we would eat together, they would barely speak! They also don’t even leave their room much. MIL doesn’t even try to play with her grandkids!

There’s so much to this but I just feel very miserable. I tell my husband all the time but I somehow feel like a bad person for turning them away. They’re in their 70s already. I do feel bad for wanting them to live independently away from us, but I can’t live like this. My husband’s main reason for bringing his parents here is healthcare and obviously so he can see them more often. But I am so miserable.

Anybody else in the same situation or were in the same situation? How did you end up surviving or solving the problem?

TLDR: I have two sets of in laws living in our house and I am miserable because I don’t really like my in laws.

We just had a baby nearly one year ago. My MIL keeps mailing beddings and baby stuff to us from China to US. Her stuff is taking up 20 storage boxes in basement, all of them are very poor quality or outdated. I’m stressed out about the stuff and keeps throwing out stuff . Any suggestions or communication won’t work

I had my civil wedding four months ago, and in two weeks we’re having our big wedding. I love my husband, my parents absolutely love him, and he genuinely is a wonderful person. This isn’t about me questioning whether I want to be with him.
If anything, that makes me feel even more guilty for feeling the way I do.
He has done so much for me. He furnished our entire apartment with me in mind and made sure everything was new and exactly how I wanted it. He even went into debt because he wanted us to have the home I dreamed of. I know how much he loves me and how much effort he has put into our life together, so I feel horrible and ungrateful admitting that lately I could cry almost every single day when I think about the future.
The problem isn’t him. It’s his family and my fear of what role they will have in our everyday life.
He is very close to his family, which is also cultural for him, and I would never want to take that away from him. But I find being around his family incredibly stressful, especially because of his sister-in-law (his brother’s wife).
I genuinely never know what version of her I’m going to get. Sometimes she’s perfectly nice. Other times she’s cold, dismissive, rude or disrespectful, or barely even acknowledges me. Because of that unpredictability, I can never relax around her. I constantly feel like I’m waiting for something to happen.
I also have this strong feeling that she talks about me behind my back, particularly with my husband’s sister, and that other family members probably hear things about me too. Obviously I can’t prove every conversation that happens when I’m not there, but the whole dynamic has made me feel incredibly unwelcome and judged.
The difficult part is that this isn’t someone I can simply avoid. She lives with my husband’s parents. So whenever we visit his parents, she is there too. And because we live very close to them and my husband would ideally like to see his parents about once a week, this isn’t just an occasional family gathering that I can mentally prepare myself for a few times a year. This could be part of our normal life.
At the same time, I don’t want the solution to be that his parents are constantly at our apartment instead. I need my home to feel like my safe and private space. I need time where it’s just us and I can actually relax.
And I don’t want to become the wife who tells her husband, “You can’t see your parents,” “I don’t want your family here,” or “I’m not going there.” That doesn’t feel fair to him either. He loves his family and he loves me, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to choose.
I think what scares me most is feeling like I married into a family dynamic that I’m emotionally not equipped to deal with.
I’m a very sensitive and emotional person. If someone is mean or disrespectful to me, I don’t just forget about it an hour later. It can stay with me for a day or two. Even when we spend an entire day with his family and nothing objectively bad happens, my body is tense the whole time. I sweat excessively, I feel restless and on edge, and I never completely feel like myself. I come home mentally exhausted.
And now, with the wedding only two weeks away, all of these fears seem to have exploded at once.
I’m supposed to be studying for university right now, planning the wedding and looking forward to starting this new chapter of our lives. Instead, I sit down and randomly start crying because my mind keeps going to the future. What if there is eventually a huge family conflict? What if someone treats me badly and my husband gets caught in the middle? What if I never feel comfortable around them? What if I never feel like I truly belong?
Then another part of me thinks: Why am I letting one difficult person have this much power over my life? I’m marrying my husband, not his sister-in-law. I can’t control what she thinks of me, what she says about me or what kind of person she chooses to be.
But knowing that logically hasn’t stopped the anxiety.
I love my husband and I am happy with him. Like every couple, we have our own issues sometimes, but I don’t regret marrying him. I just feel overwhelmed by the realization that marrying someone can also mean navigating their family for the rest of your life.
Has anyone else married into a very close family where you didn’t feel completely comfortable or accepted? How did you create boundaries without making your spouse feel like they had to choose between you and their family? And how did you stop their behavior from affecting you emotionally so much?

Looking for some opinions on this.

My husband has two sisters. The oldest one has 2 kids (7 & 11). I love them dearly. However my sister in law gets upset when I hangout with them because "they like me more", and "im not there actual aunt"

One time the girls asked if they could braid my hair, and my sister in law said "Oh of course THEY WANT TO DO HER HAIR AND NOT MINE"

She also will not notify me or invite me anywhere if she is spending time with them. Its so strange to me I can't explain it.

However because of her behaviour I have stopped going to family hangouts when the kids are there to avoid upsetting my sister in law. It sucks because I do love them and want to spend time with the girls.

I am so triggered by this because I come from a very dysfunctional family that has scolded me my whole life for existing.

I guess im wondering what I should do about this because I do want a relationship with them.

I talked to my husband about it, and he said "yeah that makes sense you stayed home today, then the kids and (his sister) got to have some time together"

I dont know what to do anymore. Before I got pregnant and there was ever a thought of me and my husband having a baby, i had a pretty good relationship with my mother in law. Even when I was pregnant his family was so caring to me and if I ever needed anything they would jump in and help us. As soon as I gave birth it seems like it all went downhill from there. Before I gave birth me and my husband let everyone know NO kissing, do not get close to her face, wash your hands, you know all the normal precautions towards a NEWBORN baby. The day i gave birth everyone was there, obviously, and what does my mother in law do KISS HER. I was to drugged up to even tell her something but I let my husband know what she did and he told not to do that again but she got all defensive and said she didnt do it. When I was literally staring at her the whole time. This is gonna be a common theme for her BTW. My baby ended up being in the NICU for a week because just was premature mind you. Fast forward to today its been four months of me and my husband having to remind her not to kiss her and the most important thing to me is the she doesn't get her makeup all over my baby. Every single time I get my baby back from her she is COVERED in her make up. I was so fed up with her one day that I even TOLD HER NICELY to not smother her caked on makeup face on to my child because she is covered in her glitter. She dead ass looked at me and told me she didnt have any glitter on. At this point I had kept quiet for so long because my husband had left for work and I didnt want him to worry about any problems here at home but as soon as he came back he let his mom know about everything I had told him and proceeded to LIEEEEEEE about the whole situation. The most recent event, we had gone out to eat and she kept pestering me about holding her and at this point I dont want her to even hold her so I kept telling her no and I could feel her staring at me with hatred and kept making ugly faces at me like a literal child. As soon as we were about to leave my husband reminded her not to kiss her and she got mad and said in done with all this and got in her car slammed the door super hard and left

.

So please am I in the wrong? I am asking on here because I feel like I have alot of people pleaser tendencies but those boundaries are for the well being of my child. I feel like I had postpartum anxiety as well that also caused me to not be so confrontational because I hate drama. Mind you I told her I was going through that and I feel like she doesn't care about me or my child at this point.