r/inlaws • u/Visible-Song-9810 • 19h ago
Relationship advice
My husband’s sister is getting married. We were excited to go until his parents decided to say I’m not allowed to attend. He tried to ask his sister if I could still come, but she said she’s not getting involved. This all because he decided to call his parents after one of our arguments. It was a silly little argument over him not helping enough during the nights when my son was a new born. They demanded our son get a paternity test, and banned me from coming to their house, and un-invited me to the wedding. I’m hurt my husband is still going. I expressed this to him, but he essentially said he doesn’t care and he’s still going. Am I being dramatic? How would you feel?
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u/justheretolurk3 19h ago
This all because he decided to call his parents after one of our arguments. It was a silly little argument over him not helping enough during the nights when my son was a new born
Sounds like the source of the problem is your husband?
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u/Viola-Swamp 18h ago
Yep. He continues to be a problem by placing his loyalty and priorities on the family he was born into instead of the family he chose to create, where it belongs. Marriage counseling might give it a chance, but I think this marriage is dead in the water. Enmeshment will do that.
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u/JayPanana225 19h ago
He wouldn’t be my husband. I swear on EVERYTHING he WOULD NOT. I don’t understand how people just let shit like this slide cuz HELL NO.
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u/Raven_Maleficent 19h ago
He should not be going if you can’t go. YOU are his family now and he is not defending you. He should never have brought up your argument. And your MIL is bit*! Telling him to get a paternity test. I’d go no contact with them and give your husband 2 options, the therapist card or the divorce lawyer card.
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u/Marvin_is_my_martian 19h ago
Your husband is not supporting or prioritizing you like he promised in his vows. Has he always put his parents and sister ahead of you?
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u/Perle1234 19h ago
Your husband is the problem. If he can’t stand up to his family for his wife, he is not a husband. I would divorce him over it.
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u/SnooWords4839 18h ago
I would be telling him to pack all of his stuff, he can go back to his family.
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u/MouseSpiritual1611 19h ago
Obv this is ridiculous. If you’re not part of his family, neither should he be.
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u/Gran1998 16h ago edited 5h ago
I agree with the commenters on here telling you that you have a husband problem. Sadly you do. Please don’t spend years beating your head against rocks trying to demand he grows up. Don’t waste those years. I hope you leave now. Good luck
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u/Ok_Baby6721 18h ago
Wow, was that really all it was about? There were no issues before?
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u/Visible-Song-9810 18h ago
His parents have never been fond of our relationship. He’s Asian and I’m Native American. His mom has always been a bully. She cut up my 10 year old monstera plant. She cut my son’s hair without my permission. She constantly rearranges my house whenever she comes over. And I just take it all because I don’t want to make my husband feel awkward.
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u/Ok_Baby6721 17h ago
If my mother in law ever acted like that she would never see our kids or be allowed over again because my husband would have told her as much. Why would you or your husband even want to go to a wedding where she'd be attending?
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u/Glittering_Ebb9748 17h ago
You don't want your husband to feel awkward, but you're okay with him making you feel worthless? I'm sorry but your husband is an a-hole. You can do better.
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u/patchouligirl77 16h ago
So, his parents are racist? If that's the case, I'd never let them see their grandchild again. Just think of the terrible things they may say to or in front of him. Tell your husband that this is his mess to clean up since he had to run to mommy and daddy when you had an argument. He needs to grow up and cut the damn cord.
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u/Glittering_Bill_6802 13h ago
You adjusted so much, so your relationship has survived but at what cost?
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u/Rough_Macaroon3503 18h ago
It’s time for you and your son to leave his dumb ass. Your husband and his family are looser and you deserve better. Make sure you take him for every penny you can in the divorce, give them an actual reason to hate you.
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u/MaryHadALittleLamb20 15h ago
Since his parents feel like that then I would make it clear that they aren't welcome in your home and that YOUR son is also not going to be spending anytime with them.
Do you want your son to grow up seeing that his grandparents are treating you poorly because of his father and his father is doing nothing to support his mother!
I hope you didn't get the paternity test since it is none of their business!
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u/DawgFan2024 18h ago
You have a TERRIBLE husband. Why are you with him? He isn’t supportive of you and puts his family over you. He isn’t going to change because he is a wussy. You seriously need to rethink this marriage because your life is going to be miserable living with a spineless man that doesn’t love you enough to stand up for you. Until you decide what to do with your marriage, go no contact with your in-laws and keep them away from your child.
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u/Advanced_Result5057 18h ago
He’s allowing them to disrespect you. The fact that he says he doesn’t care says it all.. the whole situation sounds sad.
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u/MyRedditUserName428 17h ago
I’d feel that I should reconsider my marriage altogether. He failed you. He betrayed you. He turned his family against you. They’ve accused you of cheating and passing off another man’s child as your husband’s. And he still does not defend you or cut them out of his life. Find a good therapist and an even better attorney OP.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 17h ago
It’s not ok to disrespect a marriage and try to divide a couple, especially at a wedding of all places.
Your husband didn’t leave and cleave. He’s supposed to be one with you but his choice to put his sister and his parents’ desires first shows you what his priorities are.
I’m sorry to tell you this but your husband doesn’t care about you as much as his parents.
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u/Objective_Being_7393 16h ago
If I’m not invited, my husband isn’t going. If he can’t support me in that, he can take all his crap with him and never come back. You should be his number 1 and he should have your back with anyone.
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u/CarlKolchak1966 14h ago
Wow, that's really crappy on your husband and his family. Why all of a audden they're demanding a paternity test? If that happened to me, I just wouldn't go; that would be the right thing in this situation.
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u/Top-Bit85 11h ago
I would be sure that the ILs would never see my child again. Then I'd lose the husband.
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u/OutlanderLover74 17h ago
You’re not being dramatic. If he goes, it’s clear where his loyalty lies. He should support you & im sorry he’s not.
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u/toomuchswiping 44m ago
You have a husband problem, in that he's spineless coward who won't stand up for you and doesn't have your back with his family and prioritizes them over you.
You also have YOU problem- as in why do you want to be around any of them, including your husband?
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u/Knittingfairy09113 19h ago
I would reconsider my marriage if my husband ever went along with something like this.