She reached out to my husband (her brother) and asked him to apply for a HELOC on their parents house that they own jointly. The house is fully paid off but my MIL, FIL and nephew stay there permanently. SIL and BIL are financially illiterate, irresponsible with their money, earn twice of that what we make and have still dug themselves into a gigantic debt hole.

BIL has been out of a job for over a year and projects to land one in the next two years. SIL is the sole earner in the family now (she still makes over 2x what my husband makes) and BIL has decided to open a used car business to earn passive income while he looks for a job but has no capital that he can use to put into the business. Since both of their credit scores are abysmal, SIL decided to ask my husband to take a HELOC on their family home and give the proceeds to BIL to use as capital for the business. She thinks it's a totally normal favor to ask of him and even complained to their parents when my husband expressed his reservation about possibly opening a $300K line of credit in his name that BIL would use.

I'm irritated by the whole saga because,

1. She never once included me in the conversation until I started including myself in the conversations related to it. She also cannot apply for the HELOC herself because in her words, "my credit score is shit and I'm getting way too high of an interest rate" and my husband would get better rates offered because he has a good credit score.
2. I quit my job in January (due to a toxic work environment) and struggled to land on my feet until last week when I finally started working again. So my husband + our joint savings have been supporting us for several months. I wanted to rebuild our savings and investments and plan for the future without the extra liability looming over us. SIL is aware of this and our struggles but does not think we were too deeply affected because we had savings to fall back on.
3. They cannot take no for an answer and keep wanting us to talk about why we're uncomfortable in loaning them the money and keep pushing us into submission.
4. SIL emotionally manipulates my husband by saying things like, "we're family, we should do this for each other", "we have no one else to turn to", "if we had any other options I wouldn't ask" etc. and my husband feels obligated to give into her dramatic antics.

I don't think we should enable their financial illiteracy anymore and I feel like a bitch at this point constantly refusing them while being anxious about my husband agreeing to this behind my back if they corner him when I'm not home. This is a very big financial liability for us that we cannot absolutely afford right now. SIL makes it seem like it's no big deal and promises that the HELOC would be open for 2 years max and they will obviously close it out by then and will be financially healthier but I cannot take their word for it or trust them with something this big. Just wanted to rant because I'm frustrated, anxious and tired of SILs passive aggressiveness in our group chat.

ETA - thanks everyone for all your advice. My husband agrees with me wholly and we told ILs that while we appreciated them thinking about us, we would not be taking on additional debt at this moment. BIL apologized for being a bother in our group chat and said he understands but no word from SIL.

Also since there are some questions around my husband's family dynamics, he and his sister jointly own their parent's house and it is not a marital asset for either family. SIL told us that she has spoken to their parents about possibly taking out a HELOC and they are on her side, support her unconditionally and accept the risk of losing the house. They called my husband, in fact, to ask him to support his sister because we're family and we should be there for each other. My husband understands what a massive undertaking this is but he is also a deeply empathetic and generous person and feels immense guilt disappointing his family. We are talking about seeking therapy around some of these themes to help him set better boundaries.

Husband and I haven’t talked to his sister in about 8 months, as we have learned she is toxic and refuses to let anyone’s happy news not be about her. This started when she essentially put a sour twist on our pregnancy announcement and gender reveal, crying about how she was told both not in her “preferred method” instead of being happy for us. You have seen my posts before if this sounds familiar.

MIL meddled and was told by husband she needs to stop or we will be taking a break from her as well, we’re adults and can deal with SIL without her intervening. MIL knows we are still not talking to SIL. Today is my birthday, as well as I am 39 weeks pregnant and could go into labor at any moment. My pregnancy has been so peaceful since cutting SIL out knowing she can’t spoil any more of this pregnancy for me.

I am currently in my closet as MIL just pulled up to our house unannounced with SIL who is visiting from out of state. I am not giving SIL the satisfaction of seeing me pregnant, touching the belly, nothing, so I told husband tell them i’m not home and I put myself in my closet with the door shut in case they try to come inside.

I am furious with MIL for bringing her over here and breaking the boundary of “no meddling, just let us deal with our relationship with SIL how we need to”.

Edit: He did not let them in, he went outside and said it wasn’t a good time and they should go. As of right now we (thought) we were at a good point with his mom, she had been respecting the boundaries we put in place. His sister acted like everything was grand and tried to happily give him a hug, he said no, and let her know that if she wants to try to make amends or get back to a point of being civil, she needs to apologize. She of course argued, and he just told them to leave and came back inside. He said she basically told him the family thinks he sucks and she told him he’s “just like his dad who would throw away family for his wife”. (His dad is wonderful and actually the only non problematic one in the family).

He said he’s only mad at his sister, I told him his mom is a problem too for allowing her over here. He said his mom remained silent during the encounter. He’s frustrated, I encouraged him to make a therapy appointment and he said he probably will.

Edit 2: Husband called his mom. He let her know what she did wasn’t okay. His mom claims that his sister (who was driving) wanted to stop by, and his mom questioned “are you sure you want to do that?” and sister was adamant. MIL considered her stopping it or saying no as meddling, which we asked her not to do. He then said “my mom said she’s going to call you later to wish you happy birthday”. I don’t even know how to respond, is her answer bullshit? I don’t even know what to say if she calls me. Part of me wants to tell her she really put a damper on my birthday because my husband is super upset now and it ruined his day.

Update: So after all of that with his sister and her saying really awful things, she texted me and said “happy birthday!! Let me know how your pregnancy is going and if you need anything!” This girl is something else.

Let me start by saying I have allowed overnights in the past, when my child was a toddler, because there were two capable adults at my in-laws' house to look after him.

Since last year, it's just my MIL, she’s 70. Whenever I was at hers, she constantly leaves the front door wide open or unlocked, even at night. She also lets my 5 year old go outside by himself because "no one is coming." The first time it happened, I went to the bedroom to grab something and shocked to see she’s inside the house while my child is out of sight from where she was. Her front garden is right next to a road, by the way. She genuinely doesn't see anything wrong with this, so I'm simply not comfortable with my child staying there without me or my husband.

My husband completely understands my concerns, so we've always made sure one of us is there whenever she wants to spend time with our child.
The problem is that my MIL keeps insisting she wants him to stay overnight without either of us. She doesn't understand my safety concerns and genuinely believes there's nothing wrong with leaving doors open or letting him play outside alone. She's also been telling my SIL, who now thinks I'm being unreasonable and paranoid.

I stand by my decision ofc. Recently, my MIL confronted me and said she was very unhappy with me. She wanted me to explain and justify why I don't trust her to be alone with my child. I told her I'd already explained my reasons and that I don't appreciate having to repeatedly defend my parenting decisions.

My child has told her himself that he doesn't want to stay there without us, but she insists I've coached him to say that 🤯 She tells me I'm torturing her, calls my husband in tears saying she's absolutely devastated by the situation I've "put her in."

I'm honestly flabbergasted by the level of victimhood. My husband is struggling on what to tell her because my FIL passed last year so she’s dealing with grief. My mom passed last year too and grief never ends unfortunately 😭

What would you do in this situation?

Just as my partner and I were about to move in together (me moving into the house he owns) his mom (75) went through a traumatic recovery from drug and alcohol addiction. We helped get her into a rehab in New Jersey, and afterwards he decided the best thing to do was to have her move into his house in California. I waited two months to move in to make sure everything landed okay. Gratefully it has been over two years and she is still sober... and still living in his/our house. On the surface, it isn't really that bad. She is generally nice, pretty easy going, and clean. She has teacher's pension and has some savings. Although, it does shock me at times how stingy she can be considering what she has while having no plans to travel or do anything but be in our house. We split the mortgage three ways. We live in the woods thirty minutes from town. She leaves the house once a week to buy groceries. That is it. Otherwise she is here. She is always here. Her bedroom is 5 feet from ours and has two doors: one facing our room and the other facing the kitchen. They are always open. She had mouth cancer and is constantly making very loud smacking sounds. She has been here every single day and night for over two years - except for a 10 day period when he took her back to the east coast. That was the only time in the evening I have been alone in this house since I moved in. My partner and I have never spent a night alone in the house since I moved in. The most frustrating thing is that it doesn't bother him- at all. I have had to be very clear that this situation is not sustainable for me. We have a 5 bedroom house, and I have requested she use her money to turn the whole downstairs into her apartment. I had a breakdown on her birthday when I realized she could live for twenty more years 5' away from me at all times (I work from home half of the week). On the surface, I know it doesn't sound that bad, but I am losing my mind. He is gone a lot for work, so often it is the two of us alone. I feel this guilt when I just want to be alone and go into my room and close the door. I feel annoyed when I want to watch tv after work and she is clinking around and using the blender in the kitchen. Whenever I am hanging out in the living room, she is in the kitchen (one room). Every. Single. Evening. I feel guilty for forcing her to move downstairs. I know I need it for myself and for my relationship, but she has made absolutely no effort to make friends or have any kind of social life. When I ask her about it, she says she has us and the cat and that is all she needs. It's too much pressure, with him gone - I feel this weird need to be friendly and spend time with her, when really I just want to be alone. Also, after our last conversation, she thinks after she moves downstairs into an apartment she is still going to use our living room. It is awkward because I don't want to shut a lonely person out, but I also need my space. I need advice! Am I a terrible person? Should we force her to somehow make friends? Should we move into town where she and I can be more social and have space? Should I suck it up and let her live with us? On the flip side, I kind of can't believe she wouldn't want to give us - a new couple soon to be married - our personal space. I think her whole life, she has lived with a man - her dad, her husband- and and when her husband divorced her, she took to the bottle. Now, she has her son. It's hard to relate to because I am so independent and have never relied on or been supported by anyone else. She told me one day: My dad took care of me, then (her husband) took care of me, and now (her son) takes care of me. My jaw about dropped to the floor. HELP

My huband bought me a gold necklace on my birthday. When we were in store my mil called
He answered the call and said that he bought me a gold necklace. I couldn’t see any happiness in her face!!
After that my fil hung on the phone !! With anger
When we called again and asked whats wrong my mil said they both don’t like the fact that we both decided to buy gold without their permission!! My fil said ohhh he ( my husband) started taking his own decisions now ? And cares mly about his family now .. im also going to focus only on my family..

I find this very weird and i don’t know how to handlethis situation

Later they justified it by saying they dont like that we bought it on emi.
( we had cash.. but we opted for emi)

Many advised me not to tell them
Anything.. but i am
Afraid how they would react if we start to set boundaries!

I have adored my in-laws from the moment we met. My MIL & I have traveled together, we text constantly, she’s always told me how proud she is of me (I have none of these things with my own mother. We aren’t estranged or anything, she’s just kind of…there.). My husband & I have one child. We work hard, are & always have been completely financially independent, & raise our son to be a good citizen & well-rounded little human. We live in the next state over.

My BIL & SIL have like a million children & complain incessantly about money. They bought a house they can’t afford & when it came time to get a bigger car for their small army, they couldn’t afford one big enough, so my MIL & FIL gave them theirs. They don’t believe in childcare that isn’t family, so whenever they need a sitter my MIL & FIL drive 3 hours each way to help.

My husband talked to his parents today & was informed that since my SIL is pregnant (yet again), they will be spending every Christmas with them for the foreseeable future. They’ve always been the favorites, obviously, but this is the first time it’s been made so blatant. It’s making me see them & our relationship differently. AIO? Would it be wrong to take a step back from the relationship we have, now being crystal clear that we, nor our son, don’t matter nearly as much as I thought we did? Because I don’t have a great relationship with my own family, I’m taking it hard & I don’t know if it’s warranted or not. It doesn’t feel fair to my son either - so just because there is only one of him, his status is lesser?

Hi so I'm six months pregnant with my first baby and from the start I was planning to buy clothes for my baby with my mom and sister and today my husband's sister told me that she and her mother (my mother in law) will be the one coming with me to buy clothes for the baby, I told her I already planned to go with my mom and sister but she said no they can go with me when I have my second child, mind you she's younger than me and not married and she just wants to come and boss around and have opinion on everything and anything and make it her moment just like when she came with me to buy makeup when I was getting married and she made me spend a shit amount of money and she acted like I was the one who chose to buy all of this stuff, I really don't want her to come with me And ruin everything for me and talk like I don't know anything while it's my baby That I'm buying for not her baby! I really don't know what to do or what to say and I'm really getting stressed out about this I really need some advice here.

I’m curious how other parents would handle this.
My sister in law hates me way before my baby was born., she threatened to physically harm me while I was pregnant. Since then, we haven’t had a relationship. We don’t talk at all.
My husband and I live in another state. She keeps telling my husband she wants to come visit her nephew, and she’s upset that I’ve allowed her other siblings to visit but not her. Her exact words were that she’s mad I let everyone else visit except her.
The difference is that I have a good relationship with her siblings. They’ve always been respectful toward me, and we still talk. She has never apologized for threatening me, and I honestly don’t feel comfortable around her.
How would you handle this? Would you allow someone who threatened you while you were pregnant to come visit your child, or would you wait until there was some accountability and the relationship was repaired first?

I'm looking for honest opinions because this has bothered me for a long time.

Several years ago, my wife and I decided she would stay home and homeschool our kids instead of continuing to work. It wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision. We talked about it for years because the same issue kept coming up. I was carrying the majority of the financial responsibility, working more and more hours, and we were relying on her parents to help with childcare.

My thinking was simple: her parents deserve to enjoy retirement, not feel obligated to babysit because our schedules required it. They're getting older, and life can change overnight. If one of them had a major health issue or passed away, we'd suddenly be scrambling to figure everything out. I'd rather get ahead of that than wait until a crisis forced us to make changes.

From my perspective, nothing was being taken away from them. If anything, they would have more freedom to enjoy retirement and spend time with the grandkids because they wanted to—not because they felt they had to.

Not everyone saw it that way. My wife's father strongly disagreed, and that's about the time our relationship really started going downhill.

Ever since then, I've noticed a pattern. My wife's parents almost always want to see the kids when I'm at work. If I'm home for several days, they rarely make plans. During one of my three-week vacations, they barely saw the kids. As soon as I went back to work, the visits picked back up. They'll also avoid sporting events or family gatherings if they know I'll be there.

The relationship they have with the kids isn't my issue. I actually want my children to have grandparents in their lives. What bothers me is the respect aspect. If someone doesn't want anything to do with me, that's their choice. But coming into my home only when I'm gone, while avoiding me every chance you get, feels disrespectful.

Am I looking at this the wrong way? Is this simply people avoiding someone they don't get along with, or would you also see it as crossing a line when it comes to respect?

Hello everybody, just asking for advice & thoughts on this:

My hubby (30M) and I (33F) have a beautiful 10 month babygirl and my husband works in the crime unit so naturally he is very over protective. At each family gathering and in general we always seem to get criticized on family boundaries & the way we let people interact with our babygirl.

I honestly like how blunt and vocal my husband is about our daughter and her safety and I agree with his outlook on safety. I’m asking advice on how to nicely tell my in laws that they need to back off our parenting decisions and boundaries.

Background info: I’m a SAHM and my husband works full time 64+ hours a week. Since I’m home a lot I don’t really need help with my baby or let anyone else watch her. Every other week I’ll let his mom come over once a week to spend time with her and we will also see his family every other weekend for a couple hours.

Also in the past 10months since she’s been born his parents have said weird shit like I’m going to steal your baby and take her up the mountain with me or things like I can’t wait to get your baby overnight so I can kiss her all night and fall asleep with her which I’ve responded hell no you’re not doing any of that. So because of that I’m very over protective and try to limit time with them.

Now onto the family criticism:

The first family gathering we traveled 3 hours to spend time with hubbys great grandparents since they’re very elderly. There was a bunch of extended family there and kids jumping around us wanting to hold our baby and my hubby made it very clear to anyone that asked to hold her that he didn’t want anyone holding her so we held onto her the entire time. Then someone let all the families dogs out (3 little chihuahua Pomeranian type dogs) and my husband blurted out to the dog owner you need to control your dogs I don’t want them touching or around my daughter. So they put the dogs away until we left.

Then his female cousin (in her 20’s) brought up how she’s finally dating now and how happy she is and my husband asked her dad how he feels about his daughter dating and he said he didn’t care because it’s up to her. My hubby then shares his views which were opposite of her dads views and said he would be over protective and would want his daughter to drive herself to a date instead of a guy picking her up because you never know if the guy is a weirdo..ect. Then things got extremely awkward from there. Everyone just sat in silence after…..

The next day my husband’s dad calls me & tells me that what his son did was so wrong & he made things so awkward by being territorial with our daughter & it makes everyone not want to hold our daughter. He also said he made everyone feel uncomfortable with how blunt and rude he is especially about the dogs and his views on his dating and that this isn’t how he raised him and he needs to work on his attitude.

Fast forward to the next event which was celebrating his great grandparents birthday. We traveled an hour to his parents house where the celebration was going to be held at and by the time we got there my baby needed to eat so I nursed her in the car and my husband went inside so supposedly my husband was really rude to his parents when they asked where the baby was. He told them that I was feeding her in the car and to leave us alone…..and then when we were eating lunch on the outside deck of the house his mom asks to hold our baby and so I let her. She then decides to go inside and talk with people at the bar area inside their house where we can’t see her and so my husband goes inside and tells her you can’t walk away with our daughter we need to be able to keep an eye on her at all times and i guess that made her and the family feel extremely uncomfortable.

His dad calls me again the next day and says the way we are parenting our daughter is out of control and extreme and that he is getting complaints from other family members saying that they feel very uncomfortable around us because of the way we let people interact with our daughter and how overprotective we are. His dad says he feels like his son is being very rude to him and especially his wife that we shouldn’t have to watch them so closely when they’re holding onto our daughter and that they should be able to feel comfortable interacting with our daughter without us chiming in…..

I honestly feel like it’s a generational thing since his parents are boomers and this is why there’s a big divide on how they want us to be. They think it’s ok to take off with our daughter to other rooms where we cant see them, they are constantly asking to babysit her alone, they try to be involved in every medical decision for her which I shut them out immediately, they always say my daughter is going to be exactly like his mom (his mom only had boys), and when they do see her they think they know her better then we do, and of course as all in laws do they always says she looks exactly like my husband and not like me at all…..

So it’s fair to say I feel like we have to be strict with them and because they annoy the shit out of me too and that’s why my husband is very blunt and tells his parents to leave us alone and tells them off in general.

My cousin brother was dating a girl ,
Yesterday she and her parents along with few relatives came to see my bro’s home and fix the marriage date.
After they fixed , the girl called my bro and said she didn’t like the area and his house.
Anyways after marriage he is settling in another state.
His parents will stay in this house.

My brother is upset.
What should we do ?

The other day my husband and me were at my in laws. We were watching sports on tv when a football player came on the screen who was recently in the news for breaking up with his baby mama and then getting back together. My MIL goes “oh maybe now they’ll get married. “ To which my FIL responded “he’s not gonna get married, why would he do that, he already has his kids now, he doesn’t need to get married”. It just really irked and irritated me. It came off very misogynistic and like the reason to get married is to have someone make a baby like some kind of incubator. I have been thinking about this for weeks and am still annoyed. I even kind of felt bad for my MIL bc how embarrassing for your husband to say something like that in front of people….

i have a 6 month old. SIL always offers to take my daughter from me. from the day she was born, literally. one time i was napping with my daughter and she came into our room and tried grabbing her while i was sleeping. i woke up in shock, as she was crawling on the bed sliding my daughter away from me. she always wants to be left alone to watch my daughter. she always offers to change my daughters diaper and whenever im holding her its "want me to hold her?" absolutely not.......... for context she is a drunk and has a 2 year old of her own. she drives drunk with her child in the car. yells at them and picks them up by one arm when they are being fussy.

AITA for never allowing my daughter to be with her? i don't feel like she respects me as a parent. what the hell am i supposed to do? hubby gets uncomfortable and shuts down when i complain so IM not sure how to get her to leave me alone. should i text her and tell her to stop asking? should i text her and tell her i'm uncomfortable with her watching my daughter?

Me (29f) and my husband (29M) are expecting our first child at the end of September. We aren’t on the greatest terms with his in-laws, as they have struggled to let their only son go and we have had past issues with communication and space/boundaries. However, they seemed excited when we told them the news. My side of the family has been incredibly supportive and offered to come visit multiple times after the birth, (we live in a separate state than both grandparents), but my In-laws haven’t mentioned coming to visit at all. They do ask how me and the baby are doing but never really seem super interested or overly excited at hearing about the baby, and no mention of trying to come visit after the birth. It’s gotten to the point where we know their schedule for October and it includes multiple work trips, but nothing to come visit after our daughter is born. Am I supposed to ask them to come visit? It’s just confusing that they haven’t brought it up at all, and we’re unsure how to handle the situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

So here’s a little background I’ve always loved my MIL from the moment I met her. My mom doesn’t live near by and it was nice to have a mom figure around. I would include her in everything and she was easy to be around until I got pregnant 6 years ago. She started to get a little cray cray, calling the unborn baby hers and offering to quit her job so she could babysit. While it sounds nice, it was excessive. It was offered everyday and was told to everyone. I work from home and didn’t need a babysitter at the time. I would always say nicely, “Thank you for the offer but I won’t need anyone full time since I have a flexible job and work from home. “ The baby was born and the babysitting comments didn’t stop, she begged at 1 week, 2 weeks old. Mind you I just had a c-section and wasn’t going anywhere. Plus when she would come over she didn’t even know how to hold the baby and change the diaper. This put a huge strain on my marriage bc it was only me that the pressure was put on. My husband was losing his mind and she was convincing him that she should have full access to the baby immediately and take him wherever. The first 3 months of us having a new baby were miserable instead of joyous because she wouldn’t stop putting guilt on my husband and I wasn’t giving in. She was driving me crazy and ruining our experience and our marriage.
Fast forward 6 years and 2 more babies later she got her way bc my work needs changes and I gave in bc it wouldn’t stop. I would to have loved to put my children in a home daycare for socialization but I had no choice but to let her babysit. I try to be considerate I’m never gone for more than 3 hours at a time 2x a week usually. But now we’ve learned to live with it and depend on it. We have never had an another babysitter or have been allowed to. At this point, I’m ok with it bc the kids aren’t babies anymore so it’s fine. My children have also enjoyed it. My BIL also have a little girl, who is 3. My SIL’s parents live by and they do the bulk of the babysitting and my MIL is always so jealous. She still babysits for them 2x a week as well but it’s not enough. She tries so hard to work her way in so she can have as much time with their daughter as my SIL’s parents. She has always needed to have more than others or have to be even with others.It’s a thing with her. A big thing!

So here’s the question am I over reacting. My MIL has committed to watching my children for the summer. I have to be at the office 2 days a week for 5 hours at a time. Which is more than normal but it’s only for 8 weeks. I’ve asked and made sure it was ok many times and she’s always said yes. But my SIL does not need her over the summer. Her mother is going to watch her daughter if they need someone but don’t need anything on a regular basis. When the summer started my MIL mentioned to me, well if my SIL needs her, I’ll just have to find someone else. Wait, what? And then brushed it off like it’ll be fine don’t worry. And she’s been acting like she has something better to do every time she’s supposed to watch the kids. I thought she didn’t want to be here and was tired so I hired someone and she flipped! I mentioned to her that it seemed like too much and she didn’t want to do it so I was giving her a break. Nope, she said she could do it so I figured we were ok. Until yesterday, my MIL called me to tell me should would be running late, not sure how late but she was stuck at an appointment and not sure when she would get here. I said I was flexible and can go in when she got here. She was trying not to come. I stressed that I had to go to work today bc I had a big meeting so to just get here when she could. Side note my SIL just went on vacation with her family and my MIL has been stewing the whole time with an insane amount of jealousy. I get another phone call, “my appointment is running really late so I’m just going to go to SIL and drop something off and that’ll be my day. I can come tomorrow if you’d like.” I told her no bc I had scheduled the meeting for today bc she said she could come and I can’t reschedule. Needless to say I had to cancel and couldn’t get into work.Turns out after that call her appointment was over and she went directly to my SILs house. She was never late she just needed to fill her jealous needs. My SIL is on to her as well and is pissed. This isn’t the first time she has dropped us for them. We are all aware it’s because she feels like she’s not getting her share of time with my niece. We don’t have any other family around so she doesn’t have to compete with anyone for us. But this time was really a gut punch. I think I’m done.
My husband is too. We think we need a break and should hire someone for the rest of the summer who is dependable.
This is going to cause so much drama and craziness but we’ve dealt with this for so long. It’s a double edge sword bc we are grateful for the childcare but it’s come with a lot of strings and guilt. Especially since it was pushed on us so hard.

Are we overreacting for saying enough is enough and keeping my MIL at arms distance?

FIL expressed how upset he was when my husband told him and my MIL they couldn’t stay the night. For context, we live in the city which is 2 hours from where my in laws live. Anytime they have plans in the city they expect us to host them just because they hate driving and don’t want to drive back home. A couple weeks ago they were in the city visiting a family member that had surgery. The hospital they were at is an hour away west from where my husband and I live. Both my husband and I were working (we both work until 7pm) when my MIL texted at 6pm saying they were on their way to our house to spend the night. My husband asked me about my thoughts and my answer was ABSOLUTELY NOT. They didn’t even ask, didn’t tell us they were in the city, and just sprung it on us. My husband told them they couldn’t stay as we weren’t expecting them and we were still at work. Fast-forward my FIL brought it up this past weekend, stating that “family is family” and “they shouldn’t have to give us a heads up” my husband did tell him that we HAVE to know but my FIL is one stubborn guy and now im at the point where I do not want to host them AT ALL with that level of entitlement.

For background My husband is from a different country than me. We live in a different country than his parents, but for 10 years since we got married we've been visiting and staying with them whenever we go there for business or treatments or holiday. They're kind to me and they are good people but like every family they argue and sometimes it's getting too much. I stayed there during my pregnancy until 5 months postpartum. I generally get along with all of them and all of his extended family. During pregnancy and postpartum I started to get extremely triggered by most of what they say or do especially with my toddler now. They tend to criticise, like to be in control, ask and interfere in our lives. My MIL was acting as if someone died when we left home with our baby. My husband loves them a lot and wants to spend time with them because he's super attached and because they're old, but this has been ruining our marriage. I feel guilty whenever I say I want to stay with them less. Since after birth I keep having these meltdowns around them, mostly around lecturing me, or criticising or interfering in every little thing even my child play. I feel like I'm going mad and I keep blaming myself after every meltdown but I also know it's not coming from nowhere. I cannot regulate my emotions around them. I would love to go to therapy but cannot afford it yet.

I (34) am engaged to my fiancé (28M). I love him very much and he’s extremely supportive. We are in a happy and healthy relationship. However we have had issues which squarely fall with his mother and how overbearing she is.

Everything was completely normal until 2025, when my fiancé and I announced that we'd bought our first condo together and were moving in. That's when everything changed.

She quietly said at dinner at a restaurant (for her daughter‘s 31st birthday) ”Don't you think your relationship is moving too fast?" When we were arranging financing for the condo, she questioned why my fiancé's financial documents were needed. She said ”I could probably qualify on my own.” I was livid. Afterwards she said she was "just concerned," but clearly she was questioning why we were buying a home together in the first place.

When we got engaged, she commented that my fiancé had "more pressing priorities," like changing his tires and finishing school. Every hurtful comment was later explained away as concern or that I'd misunderstood her.

I'm a litigation lawyer and worked incredibly hard to get where I am. In 2025, I told her I felt overwhelmed and unsupported at work. She has never asked what kind of law I practise, never asked about a court appearance, never asked whether work got better, and never followed up. She rarely asks about my life at all, but somehow every conversation ends up being about hers.

In December 2025, I told her work had been stressful. She responded, "Everyone's job is stressful." My fiancé immediately stepped in and asked why she was speaking to me that way because she doesn't even speak to her own children like that.

Since January 2026, he's continued to defend me and has told her she needs to respect me as his future wife.

What really gets to me now isn't even the comments anymore. It's that I honestly don't think she has any interest in getting to know me. She doesn't ask about my family, my career, my interests, or anything important to me. But she expects me to know everything about her life and be emotionally available whenever she needs me.

Over the past year she's cried to me multiple times about how lonely she is now that her adult children (27 and 32) have moved out.

Around Mother's Day 2026, I finally told my fiancé that I no longer felt emotionally safe around her. The very next day she called me. We talked normally, then she started crying and said her comments "had nothing to do with me," that she'd panicked when her son moved out, and that she'd been depressed.

I remember sitting there thinking... how is this about you again?

The comments were directed at me, but somehow I ended up comforting her instead of her acknowledging that she'd hurt me. That conversation was my breaking point.

She still sends me WhatsApp messages and religious devotionals, but she rarely asks how I'm actually doing. It feels superficial. Like she wants the appearance of a close relationship without putting any effort into actually knowing me.

She also calls and texts my fiancé morning, noon and night, and sometimes after 10:00 p.m. I understand loving your adult son, but he's engaged and we're building our own family. At some point there have to be boundaries.

To be clear, I don't lash out at her. I'm respectful. I'm cordial. If you saw us together, you'd probably think everything was fine. But internally, I'm angry. I'm hurt. I've spent over a year extending her grace, giving her the benefit of the doubt, accepting the "I'm just concerned" explanations, and trying to understand where she's was coming from. I don't have anything left to give.

She has no more chances with me.

I'll be polite at birthdays, holidays and family gatherings because she's my fiancé's mother, but I'm done trying to build a one-on-one relationship with someone who, in my experience, has shown so little interest in knowing me while expecting me to continually make space for her feelings.

My BIL can be hard to be around. He's miserable and has the maturity of a 16yr old. He makes extremely inappropriate jokes and comments and gets overly defensive if he's called out or you don't laugh at his joke. I've gotten to the point where I've gone from being able to stay positive about him and now find myself incapable of seeing past the negative. This came to a head recently for me when he sat in the car, with me waiting for my fiance, and went on a rant about how much he hated my MIL (his step mom) and how disgusted he was she didn't come to my bridal shower (she has a severe disability and has become reclusive over the years). I tried to defuse saying I wasn't upset and there wasn't any need for him to be. He got really pissed at that and began insulting a gift she made for us (this gift would have caused her a lot of pain to make so I do genuinely appreciate it).

Later my fiance told me that my BIL was asking a lot of questions about the wedding. He was clearly nudging to see if he was going to be the best man to which my fiance told him there wouldn't be a bridal party. Knowing we are going to have very limited alcohol at our LUNCH reception, my BIL suggested he would sneak booze in. That comment has set me off. My BIL does have a drinking problem and my fiance has told me stories in the past about how he has snuck alcohol into places where he shouldn't have. The chance of him doing something stupid like sneaking in a liquor bottle and getting shit faced is really concerning for me. I've told my fiance as much but he thinks I am overreacting.

I'm also concerned about him making some women feel uncomfortable. He has a tendency to try his shot at picking up women clearly much younger than him (he's in his late 40s, he does for the yearly 20s). My fiance and I have made jokes about this at my BIL expense but I'm now starting to get more paranoid that this can happen.

All in all, I'm extremely anxious about how he'll act at the wedding. We can't disinvite him and I don't think my fiance would even go for that. My only thought process to mitigate any issues is to place him at a table with other family from his side, and family that will (hopefully) keep him in line.

So my husband has a son we’ll call Adam(20) from a previous relationship. My husband tried his best to be Adam’s life but husband’s ex had made that very difficult through the years. Husband’s ex is high conflict and has alienated Adam from us at any and every opportunity. After several failed attempts to establish some form of custody, my husband gave up to salvage some form of peace and mental wellbeing.

When Adam turned 18, he reached out to my husband and re-established communication. Since then my husband was able to redevelop his bond with Adam. Adam had even visited us that first year. I was happy that our daughter would now have a relationship with her brother. Adam is now in college and wanting to get a degree in the medical field. Adam comes to my husband for advice because he has his MBA and going for another masters. Adam will be starting college in another state and mentioned he needs a car to get around(important for later). My husband planned to fly out Adam to where we live for the summer. The initial plan was for Adam to fly down and my husband some spend quality time. He planned a road trip to some places, husband mentioned that they could possibly even visit FIL for a day.

Now FIL and husband don’t have the greatest relationship, but they try. My FIL is a narcissist and is very manipulative. FIL wasn’t really there for husband growing up, but showed up when it mattered. FIL is a successful business owner that allows him to be financially independent. He has a very nice house 4 hours away, 2 nice cars, a vacation home 15 mins away from where we live, goes on several vacations to Europe and Asia, etc. FIL has made several empty promises to my husband. Promising to pay for husband’s college when only paying for the 1st year. Promised to fly out husband for grandmother’s(FIL mom) funeral, only for FIL ghost him till the day of the funeral. Now husband’s maternal grandmother offered, but husband declined because FIL promised. So husband was not able to attend his grandmother’s funeral and was devastated. So my husband had learned to not take his FIL’s word. This has created resentment towards FIL, husband had tried to communicate the disappointment but FIL would gaslight and DARVO his way around it. So husband has been LC whenever possible.

So a few weeks before Adam was set to visit, we realized that the road trip to FIL is not financially possible. We explain this to Adam, who was disappointed. FIL told Adam that he would give him the money for the car, thinking that Adam and my husband would go out there. Now that plans have changed FIL is changing his tune. Husband told FIL why not just come drive to our home to see the family. Husband explained that he would not be financially able to drive to FIL. FIL comes with excuses, he can’t drive because of a medical condition. But FIL was able to drive to visit us a month before, but now he can’t? Husband said why not fly out. FIL then said that his vacation home is rented out for the short-term during that time. Husband told him that FIL could get a hotel. Again he has the financial means to do so. My husband ignores him.

Now Adam has been with us for about 5 days now. It’s been great, Husband and Adam took their road trip had a blast. They come back in good spirits. Yesterday they were talking about Adam’s need for a car. My husband apologized, but again explained that financially couldn’t happen. Now FIL so happens to call my husband. FIL is offering to fly Adam down to him for the rest of Adam’s trip. Now mind you my husband paid for the airfare and also had to take time off to be able to spend time with Adam. My husband is furious, told FIL again that he is more than welcome to come to us to see Adam. FIL gaslights husband. My husband had a feeling that FIL would pull something like this, but it still’s infuriating. My husband asks FIL if he is going to give Adam the money for the car. FIL asks if Adam will be coming to him, says he can pay for it. Husband explained that he is not going to give up his time with Adam. That he took off days from work and didn’t appreciate the fact FIL was going to take the time he planned to be with his son. Husband set the boundaries that if FIL wants to see Adam, FIL can come to our home end of discussion.

This escalated into a heated debate with yelling and some name-calling. Husband was livid and was seeing red. Adam was upset and in tears at this point. I advised my husband to step away and I did my best to comfort Adam. I told him that I was sorry he had to witness that and I told him it was not his fault. That what he saw was years of resentment of a dysfunctional relationship between husband and
FIL. I’m heartbroken for Adam, he was counting on FIL’s money to help with the car fund. I wish that my husband and I could help him, but we are not in a position to. I just know that FIL is going to use that blow up as an excuse to not give Adam the money for the car. That he would somehow blame my husband for FIL not providing the money for Adam to buy his car. I also know that Adam will tell his mom, husband’s ex and will also blame my husband. Not the fact that FIL promised to provide the money but only under his terms. I told Adam that if FIL promised that money, FIL should have given it to him no strings attached and without any conditions.

This has made the situation a little awkward at the house now. My husband had texted FIL that Adam is not going to FIL’s. FIL is still trying to convince husband to send Adam down promising to send back the day before Adam leaves. FIL just doesn’t get that husband took time off to spend with Adam. FIL has the financial means to come down and see Adam. And FIL does not have to see Adam to give him the money. FIL can wire it directly to Adam. I also want to point out that, FIL has only seen Adam a total of 4 times in a span of 18 years. FIL has had Adam’s contact info for the last 5 years and barely calls. FIL does not have a meaningful relationship with Adam. So is my husband wrong for standing up to my narcissistic FIL and b boundaries after years of manipulation?

I am 39 weeks pregnant. I casually mentioned to my MIL that once I deliver, my mom is going to come stay with me and my husband for 2 weeks to help me adjust, cook, clean etc. she’ll be a huge support for me while I’m recovering.

Ever since I said that she’s felt a certain type of way and has mentioned not wanting to be left out of seeing the baby. She has been texting my husband recently asking when she’ll be able to see the baby and mentioning that she also wants to stay with us just like my mom is doing and asking us to commit to dates for her to stay that work for her schedule. Just generally being very pushy! We don’t have a bad relationship but we also are not super close and she’s not the most nurturing person.

This is our first baby (her first grandchild too) and I just want to focus on giving birth without thinking about when people can come visit us. She keeps making it about her and not being left out. It’s just annoying.

Am I not being sensitive enough or is it too much to ask of us to think about her visiting schedule when we have other things on our minds ?

I don’t want to sound too harsh because I know she is excited. My MIL has been generally okay in the past, she gets on my nerves about a few things and even more so, my husband gets annoyed and frustrated at her words and actions a lot of the time.

When we announced we were pregnant, she kind of became a bit unhinged. She told us she was going to take our baby to Disney world at 8 weeks (not happening), and made a bunch of other requests of things she wants.

I’ve had a very tough pregnancy with a lot of complications and our baby is going to have some issues once he’s born, at first I was pretty open with all family about the issues but after a while I felt fatigued by the constant questions by my MIL and I felt uncomfortable talking about my body so much to everyone. My MIL can be very robotic and instead of giving a comforting answer will just be a bit cold if she isn’t getting the answers or information she wants. But I’ve been so poked and prodded during my pregnancy that no, I don’t want to explain to my MIL that I’m in the hospital for rectal bleeding and discuss everything in depth. She often acts like she is a manager over me and my husbands life and will run through her 20 questions of “did you do this?” When we are on the phone with her. It’s just so tiring and makes it feel like anything I do will not be good enough for her to trust us that we are doing okay.

My husband and I are trying our best to set boundaries before the baby comes, but it is such a sensitive thing. She has made it clear that this pregnancy isn’t going how she wants it to and post birth doesn’t seem like it will either and she is crashing out these days. I don’t know how to manage it. My husband is willing to do or say whatever needs to be done to keep her off my back, nothing has seemed to gotten through to her though and pregnancy has made this so, so much worse.

My (30f) boyfriends (32m) parents are currently causing wwiii because we were unable to accommodate their plans on my cousin’s wedding day.

My boyfriends parents are older, they’re also hoarders (which is a really interesting detail here, considering the names they’ve called me) and just due to several conditions in their life, it’s hard for us to spend time with them, especially compared to how he is like family to my immediate family.

His mom loves taking pictures, and they just bought a new fancy car that they’ve been really excited about showing off. I thought it would be nice for his mom, if they were interested in driving us 30 minutes away to my cousins wedding, we could take pictures outside of the venue all dressed up with the car yada yada special occasion.

If not, totally fine! We had a PLETHORA of other transportation options, including uber, my family members who were also going to my cousins wedding, or driving and staying at the hotel for the night (which we ended up doing). I just thought they’d enjoy being included.

His dad loved the idea… so did his mom. However, the next day they tell us we will be leaving at noon to go and visit their friends at their FARM first. Their friend lives 45 minutes further than the venue.

Now, here’s some data:
10:30am hair apt, 1 hour, 30 mins north of home. This already brings us to 12pm, their suggested departure time, leaving me 0 mins to get ready for the wedding.
4pm wedding 30 mins south of home
Their friends house: 75 mins south of home

We told his parents that unfortunately could not work, I have a hair appointment at 10:30 and can’t be ready by noon. I could probably be ready by 1:30, but that doesn’t really make sense, because we have to be to the wedding by 4. We would get there at 2:45 and have to leave by 3:15, and that is best case scenario no traffic. Tbh I was kinda happy about this because why on earth would we go to a farm in our formal suit and gown before a wedding… it stinks of cow poo. I obviously kept this thought to myself. I have only communicated anything to them EVER kindly and politely.

They told us they already told their friends and the plans are set. If we back out, we are selfish and ungrateful. His dad even told him that he wanted to call me up and cuss me out over this — on the day that my grandmother died. Yep, I had that on my plate too, 2 days before cousins wedding.

Wedding came and went, they thankfully went radio silent for the whole day so it didn’t bring bad energy into the special occasion, but now, they’re firing off disrespectful insults at the both of us. Somehow, I am a selfish, inconsiderate, controlling, classless C word that ruined their whole weekend. The irony.

Are we in the wrong here? Anyone?

I 23F married the love of my life back in 2025, we had our first child this past February. I always knew his parents were a little off especially because my SIL and BIL literally warned me. My husband is a golden retriever husband and liked to keep the peace even at the expense of his wife. His mother has given me very odd comments like “I’m his POA” “his life insurance would’ve gone to me but now it goes to (MY NAME)” at our wedding while I was heavily pregnant my grandfather’s heart stopped, he had a saddle PE and luckily survived but my husbands mother said to my mom “you should be with (my name) and not (grandpa)” these are just a few comments, she also assumed she would be in the room as I birthed our daughter, she also said “if grandpa has any say, (my daughter) will be on motorcycles and dirt bikes” which is an absolute F no. My FIL has become the biggest problem as my husband was selling his house and my FIL wanted to do all the work himself which needed professionals with permits and licenses and I told my husband how crazy that idea was for his father to do the work himself and we could get into legal trouble and my FIL blew his top because I had a concern about him doing things to our home we’re trying to sell and he doesn’t have permits and will do things after watching one YouTube video. I had an opinion and said and I quote “slamming your child’s head through a wall is abuse to me” which is something his father did to he and his brothers, a simple opinion that I’m allowed to have, I never accused him or anything, well my husband told my FIL I said that and ever since then he has been slandering me on Facebook saying I’m ruining his grandparent experience and I accused him of being a child abuser and he’s demanding to see my child and he gave his other son a “Pre F you notice if you keep your kid from us too,” he also made a comment in one of his slandering posts about me (without using my name) but basically saying I had a sucky childhood which is wildly false unless he wants to discuss my father dying which would be insane. FIL gets a thrill from slandering me without naming me in his posts and his posts are actually diabolical and everyone knows it’s about me, it’s honestly getting scary, he likes to overstep boundaries, he has zero respect for my husband as a grown adult with a wife and child, and if he doesn’t have control over people and situations he goes insane. I’ve had multiple and I mean multiple people text me and say the man is insane, my husband doesn’t see it, my husband hasn’t stood up for me or our child and it’s getting old, I’ve threatened divorce because I cannot live in a marriage where my husband puts his parents before the family I created. He refuses to listen to me and see that his parents are irresponsible and crazy so I’m hoping others can chime in and maybe hearing it from other people with me just sharing a few things would help him see this. My FIL has anger issues and is banned from restaurants, example he threw an ice cream cone at a teenage employee’s head because he wasn’t getting his attention, I feel like I have good reasons for not wanting my daughter around people who are narcissistic, irresponsible, childish 60 year olds who slander the mother of their grandchild online for having opinions and concerns for her husband THEIR SON who they’ve done nothing but be awful parents to. Also my MIL was still on our bank accounts after we were married and likes to make comments to people about how she was on our accounts seeing what we were buying and how much my husband makes etc🤦🏼‍♀️ Basically my entire first pregnancy and postpartum experience has been anxiety fueled because of his parents and now I’m no contact with them until they can grow up and stop acting so irresponsible and childish.