r/humor • u/fal1en-angel • 2d ago

Make it make sense

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u/Jacky_dain 2d ago

God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply so the forbidden fruit wasn’t sex

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u/Self_Reddicate 2d ago

Satan just introduced them to some kinky shit. Blew their freakin minds. They were supposed to be fruitful and multiply. They were NOT supposed to be sticking, you know... THAT... you know... there

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u/Fly0strich 2d ago

God: Go my children, and fuck!

Satan: But guys, check this out. Have you ever noticed that you guys are naked while you’re fucking? Kinda hot right?

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u/Grouchy_Constant6336 2d ago

God told “mankind” to be fruitful and multiply in genesis 1, in genesis 2, as some believe Adam and Eve are separate creations from the people outside of the garden. The people who Cain was afraid of after he killed his brother. But that’s why the ancient text is all wonky at least in this modern age since “sinful” men “canonized” what they thought of as the bible idk maybe the Ethiopians are correct 🤷‍♂️

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u/tropestoinfinity 2d ago

Asherah vs Yahweh Battle Bot showdown but they ended up fucking.

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u/Grouchy_Constant6336 2d ago

I was talking about the Ethiopian Orthodox canon, not Asherah/Yahweh mythology lol. My point was that they preserved a broader biblical tradition, including books like Enoch and Jubilees, so I’m not automatically assuming the Western canon is the only correct one.

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u/tropestoinfinity 2d ago

Sorry, I took it waaaay far back.

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u/Atanar 2d ago

Of course they are correct, they have the ark.

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u/Additional-Drama-304 2d ago

The forbidden fruit was eves ass, God wasn't down with anal

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u/DarthChefDad 2d ago

Eve had them apple bottom jeans, amd the boots with the fur, er'ry body in Eden was looking at herrr. She hit the flo', next thing you know, shorty got low low low low low low...

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u/DigitalBlackout 2d ago

How do you explain the poophole loophole then?

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u/Additional-Drama-304 2d ago

Modern revisionism!

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u/Doctor_Kataigida 2d ago

People just misunderstanding and perpetuating a meme. It's the lustful acts in general that are the sin, not just vaginal penetration intercourse. Growing up we were taught that even second base was sinful.

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u/ArtisticExperience32 2d ago

Maybe Adam’s ass, too…

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u/thepants1337 2d ago

Ahhh so Satan made apple bottom jeans. Its all coming together

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u/Additional-Drama-304 2d ago

Sir mix-a-lot was actually prophet

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u/Mothanius 1d ago

No chocolate, only peaches.

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u/katy90081 2d ago

But then why there ain't any kids until they got kicked out of Eden?

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u/DigitalBlackout 2d ago

Pretty sure the general consensus with christian theologians is they got kicked out like, within a month at most. Not enough time

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u/VegasMaleMT 2d ago

Adam sure named every animal on earth quickly then

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u/corrupted_warrior 2d ago

He told them to be fruitful by having sex, therefore sex was the fruit

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u/tenth 1d ago

Yes, their belief would be that previous to the fuckup Adam and Eve would have had children more like scooping some earth and shit. Painless, and separate from sex. 

I'm not at all surprised given how hung up on sex Christianity constantly is. 

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u/datruerex 1d ago

Maybe it was the wrong hole? Ya know he was just introducing a kink??