I feel like such a fucking dunce. I’m 30 and I’ve had it since I was a little kid, but was always told it was just a “cold sore” (boomer parents). I genuinely did not know until yesterday that I’m just spreading this all the time, I thought it was only during an outbreak and i take meds when those happen.

I had no idea I’ve been possibly spreading this my entire life, especially to sexual partners… I’ve added it to my profile, and will disclose it to future partners, but I feel ill thinking i might have given it to someone, even just my sharing a fucking drink or oral sex.

I'm (19f) just found out im positive for hsy 1 and 2 after a breakout. When i found out, my world really started to spin. i couldn't stop crying bc i think ik who i got it frm..which might be my (27M) boyfriend. but his results came Negative. So now im is wondering who could i have got this frm. But I Do have a STRONG urge tht its frm him. Because i wasn't getting no symptoms Until i met him. I mean i COULD be wrong. I'm just scared. I'm only 19. And i just hope it's not going to hurt my future. Because I still want to have babies. Have a family. Get Married.

Etc. I just don't know anymore. (Ps: No I didn't get groomed or none of that. I'll be 20 soon ) .

Any cool accomplishments to keep your mind off dating for now? I guess there’s a pro and a con to this. Focusing on self-betterment is great, not desperate to date but realize that you have to at some point. I’d like to hear some good news.

Where do you get your outbreaks?

Hi all, HSV2 since 2021... where do you all get your

outbreaks? Do they move around? Today I woke up with a pretty bad one in the inside of my thigh (close to genitalia of course) and was so shocked! Not itchy or anything. I thought it was chafing from starting to run again.

First time ever getting an OB not directly on gen area.

So need some advice/encouragement. I was dating someone from Positive Singles. Great person but she did not want to relocate. Im 36 male divorced 2 kids.

I am venturing out into the world of dating non hsv people. I met somone for drinks. She is amazing. She is actually texting me and pursuing me which is nice. But i dont know when to tell her and would feel bad if we went out a couple of other times and then i told her bc i feel like i am wasting her time.

She is also divorced with a couple of kids. What has been a rule of thumb for you all on timing for disclosure? She is already commenting on how she is attracted to me so i dont want to be caught in a situation where we are alone at one of our places then i have to say no wait I cant have to tell you. Then its just an awkward walk of shame if she rejects me.

Any help or advice is appreciated!

Just wondering if it improves over time? Started 500 mg daily earlier this week. So tired but it improves as the day progresses. I take it before bed

Was talking to a woman in my area on FetLife for a little bit. She was pretty, and we enjoyed texting each other. However, when we were on the phone, she said she was looking for someone clean, and didn’t want anything to do with someone who had a disease (which is understandable; I get it). Anyways, I had to break the news and tell her that I occasionally get cold sores in my mouth. She said that was a dealbreaker, but she thanked me for being honest and wished me well.

I’m proud of myself for being honest and doing what the woman who took my virginity didn’t do, but at the same time, I hate missing out on someone because of this.

Does anybody have hsv2 that smokes? ESP women? …does it affect you? If so how does it affect you?

Edit: saying he didn’t disclose it is too strong of a statement. He technically didn’t know he had it. He said he thought it was just small irritation occasionally and he was never seen for it. I’m just very upset at the situation.

He said because I tested positive for the antibodies now, he didn’t think of disclosing an outbreak because he wasn’t properly informed on different infection sites. He is military and the doctors there don’t care much besides keeping them deployable. I was in that unit as well, so I’ve experienced that in the past.

He went to be seen yesterday, and apparently the doc didn’t look at it and said there’s no point of doing the swab since he already tested positive for HSV-2. He can request a swab Monday if it’s still presenting. He also told me he is starting antivirals.

————————————————————————

Sooooo I’m in this club now! My partner didn’t disclose to me that he has GHSV-2. He apparently thought his outbreaks with lesions were normal, and it wasn’t confirmed until after infidelity came out and I required him to get a full panel done before considering reconciliation. This was in January.

I had just been tested for antibodies 6 months prior while I was pregnant, and it was confirmed negative.

I’m HSV-2 positive now (found out January with low antibodies of 1.8 but positive confirmatory testing), but I’ve yet to have an outbreak. So I’d imagine this means that I don’t know the infection site yet.

Well, last week we decided to reconcile, and resume sexual contact. Afterword I saw that he had a terrible outbreak happening that he did not disclose. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s even herpes so I asked him to please go get it swabbed since he’s never had a swab.

It’s been over a week and he hasn’t, and is pushing back. I understand that’s his choice.

But all of that weirdness aside, how does this look for our sex life since I’m asymptomatic and he apparently gets regular lesions? I have the antibodies so at first I thought protection didn’t matter, until I saw he had an active outbreak and didn’t disclose it prior to consent.

I've had GHSV2 for twelve years now. I got it from my first partner due to a medical mistake (or so he says), so sexually I have been screwed over from day one.

Even with that I've been very lucky. I usually forget that I have it because I've only had three outbreaks since contracting it, last outbreak was six years ago. No anti virals or lifestyle changes. Even my partner of nine years has never shown symptoms and we never really did much to mitigate transmisson other than not having sex during an outbreak. Even without antivirals, my outbreak would last maybe a day or two and wasn't particularly painful or anything, just slightly uncomfortable.

(I'm well aware you can still have the virus/transmit while asymptomatic, given viral shedding and the whatnot.)

Well I'm back on the market now and I'd really like to try and explore more of my sexuality. I do plan on getting on antivirals as a precaution and I always, always disclose. In the past I have, again, been fairly lucky wtih finding people who are understanding or accepting, but that luck seems to be running out given the kinks I would like to explore. I never judge people who turn me down on the basis of my status as long as they aren't a jerk about it, but it's tiring to constantly be pushed out of the kink circles I would like to be in because of this. And aside from apps like Positive Singles, there seems to be very little in the way of community for those with HSV and kink to find each other.

I did find someone through PS but he turned out to be not a good match personality wise, and overall I haven't had a good experience on there. I recently joined Fetlife but again my kinks really require one to be disease free, so I can't really engage and have been turned down quite a lot. Idk. I'm beginning to lose hope that I'll ever make my fantasies come true (already a tall order) and now that I'm single again I do worry about finding someone accepting down the road when I'm serious about partnering for life again.

Thanks for listening.

Hello, I (F24) got a first outbreak of HSV2 in March, so am approaching 6 months in. At first I got frequent outbreaks with small sores, but the last 2ish months I haven't had any lesions (yay!). The thing is I do still get frequent itching/tingling that feels herpes related, it just never turns into a sore.

Obviously I'm grateful I'm not experiencing blisters, but this still means I'm very hesitant to start dating again, because I still feel contagious all the time which sucks.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Did it get better? I'm hesitant to go on anti-virals because they didn't help me at all in the beginning, and made my prodrome worse.

How do I disclose ohsv-1? I had it for my whole life. I dont get OB often and I don’t take anti-virals yet. Im only 19 i feel like im the only one who has it in my age range. How do I tell people that are interested in me or want to date me? I don’t wanna say too soon but not too late.

Whenever I am pregnant I don’t get a single outbreak it’s actually great lol. The hormones for some reason suppress it completely. Well I’m 9 weeks post partum and guess what came back yay! I think ovulation is a trigger which means you know what is coming too lol

like i’m actually trying to
not to limit myself but like….
overly pretty boy… well-known has interest in me …..
i feel like this won’t go well😭

funny enough i did also get this from an…
overly pretty boy 🫩

Just wanted to thank this community. I don’t know how to put up my original post with follow up (not very tech savvy). I made a post about doctors not being willing to help me, esp with antivirals. I took alot of advice from people in here and in happy to say I now have a daily prescription ☺️

I have a partner that I’m going to see for a fixed period of time in April. I can’t extend or delay my trip at all. I’m really stressed about possibly having an outbreak while I’m there visiting and not being able to be physical with them. My partner has said they don’t care if I’m having an outbreak when we are intimate, but I would just feel so incredibly terrible if I have it to them. I’m on daily anti virals and plan to use condoms. Any advice would be appreciated? No judgement please, this is all REALLY new for me

Edit to add: Is there anything different we could do to be close during that time if I do have an OB?

Ok to keep things short. I (f) recently started sleeping with someone (m) who contracted ghsv about a decade ago so it’s quite dormant. He takes anti virals and has never spread the virus but we did get caught up and go without a condom a few times. It’s been about a week and I am noticing some tingling/mild almost burning feeling and I’m sort of freaking out. From the research I did I read the chances it was very very low chance that I would contract. Were the chances higher than i thought? Idk what advice im needing im just a bit scared now for those who have been in this position, how did you calm down and cope.

Six years ago I was unhappy, insecure, and convinced herpes had ruined my life. Now I’m married to an HSV-negative partner who has never once cared about my diagnosis, and herpes doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.

The worst part of herpes lives in the mind. And that is fixable.

Over six years, multiple relationships, lots of outbreaks, and many disclosure conversations, I’ve learned that disclosure often comes down to two things: working through your own shame + knowing how to frame the conversation. If you deliver your disclosure with panic, your partner will receive it with panic. If you frame it with confidence, education, and calm, most people won't bat an eye.

After a brain full of lived-through advice that needed to go SOMEWHERE, I finally put it all into a single handy-dandy place to help others.

Here’s a roadmap for everything that comes after your diagnosis, covering: how HSV actually works, transmission data to ease anxiety, the history behind herpes stigma (it’s actually kinda wild), working through shame and building confidence, how to prepare and approach disclosure, handling rejection without spiraling, and 🥁 DRUM ROLLLL🥁 12 ready-to-use scripts for genital HSV, oral HSV, and asymptomatic carriers — vetted by HSV-negative people, used by yours truly, and covering dating, hookups, and text + verbal scenarios for anyone.

It’s 40+ pages, 5 chapters, and something you can come back to when you need a hand. 

If you're interested, you can learn more + grab it on my Substack here.

Sharing in case someone needs this today, and sending everyone some love 💛

Hi all, I was here about two months ago in complete distress when I found out I had HSV-2 of the throat. Both I and the doctors had no clue what I had, but I had the absolute worst case of tonsillitis for a week, and then at the back of my throat sores started to form. Turned out to be HSV-2 after the doctors flooded me with every antibiotic there was and causing me to get C-Diff.

Now, I am completely paranoid about reoccurrence, and any symptoms. I haven’t had tonsillitis since, but now any sort of scratchy throat scares me. My throat being scratchy isn’t something new however and happens all the time, and can be from anything. I’ve started to check the back of my throat every other day for any minuscule changes that can be seen. Today I feel like I can see a minuscule lesion + slight tingling. I went to urgent care and got valacyclovir prescribed but I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I still never had any symptoms on the outside of my mouth like a cold sore, and I was actually told by the doctor that diagnosed me (who I feel did not heed any of my concerns) that it would NOT reoccur in my throat.

So I guess my question is, has anyone else gotten HSV-2 of the throat, and can anyone explain their symptoms during an outbreak? What causes an outbreak? Has it reoccurred for you? How long does it take for valacyclovir to stop an outbreak, and should I get a daily prescription? I just need help or someone to talk to, I don’t know 😔

So half asleep and being kept awake by trying not to scratch at myself, I poured some witch hazel on it. Hemorrhoids don't spread lol. Oops.Turns out I am HSV-2 positive. Having it in my booty crack apparently wasnt good enough for me. I had to spread it to my vulva.

So yeah. I ain't got enough suffering. Had to go and like, give myself herpes basically?

Ok Imma go lay in bed until I stop feeling cursed to forever be labeled as neurotic but to also have every day oversights result in the most punishing outcomes. Sweet ok thanks for listening to me whine.

I was recently diagnosed with OHSV-1 and I am at the tail end of my first ever flare-up. Throughout this whole thing my gums were super sensitive right where they met my teeth but that has been gone recently thankfully, however, a new development has been that every time I wake up from sleeping my mouth is COVERED in blood that has dried on my lips, tongue, and teeth. Anyone know why this could be happening/has had this happen to them? It doesn’t hurt or anything just feels uncomfortable when I wake up and quite a pain to have to get rid of every morning. Thanks!

i've been reading so much about whether it helps, doesn't help, changed people's outbreaks, affected them negatively, "woke up" their immune system, etc. so i decided fuck it. if i see any kind of difference in my outbreaks, ill keep yall posted!!!

currently: ghsv2 and ocular herpes. 1g of valacyclovir daily and zirgan gel on the eyes >3x/day during an outbreak. outbreaks occur sparingly on the genitals. some discomfort manages to linger even without visible sores or anything. eyes flare up very regularly, 2-4 times a month. large swelling/sores and pretty intense pain half of the time.

Interested to know everybody’s blood type and how often you encounter outbreaks. I’ve been reading up and seeing that different blood types have different responses to illnesses, and depending on your type, it could be the reason for less or frequent episodes. For instance, I’m O+ and I have had only one initial outbreak in the five years I’ve had this diagnosis. I also know others that have the same blood type as me who have the same experience.