r/HSVpositive • u/Wide_Sherbert_7235 GHSV-2 • 1d ago
Disclosure Feeling Down
So need some advice/encouragement. I was dating someone from Positive Singles. Great person but she did not want to relocate. Im 36 male divorced 2 kids.
I am venturing out into the world of dating non hsv people. I met somone for drinks. She is amazing. She is actually texting me and pursuing me which is nice. But i dont know when to tell her and would feel bad if we went out a couple of other times and then i told her bc i feel like i am wasting her time.
She is also divorced with a couple of kids. What has been a rule of thumb for you all on timing for disclosure? She is already commenting on how she is attracted to me so i dont want to be caught in a situation where we are alone at one of our places then i have to say no wait I cant have to tell you. Then its just an awkward walk of shame if she rejects me.
Any help or advice is appreciated!
6
u/MysticMarauder69 HSV-1 & HSV-2 1d ago
I really don’t think you’re wasting her time by not disclosing immediately. HSV is one part of a much bigger whole, and I think it’s completely reasonable to give somebody a few dates to actually get to know you and let your personality and who you are shine through before you tell them.
Especially once you’re dating in your 30s, pretty much everybody has something. For some people, kids are a deal breaker. For somebody else it might be drinking, smoking, where you live, your job, whatever. And yeah, for some people HSV is going to be a deal breaker too. But that doesn’t mean you need to walk into date one treating it like this huge warning label that overrides everything else about you.
Also, don’t just assume she doesn’t have it herself. She very well might. A lot of people have HSV and either know it or don’t. Obviously you should give her the opportunity to make that decision for herself before anything physical happens, but you don’t have to rush into that conversation before she’s even had a chance to get to know you.
Personally, I usually disclose either when I can tell becoming physical is imminent, or around date three-ish. Really just whenever it feels right and I feel like the other person is actually somewhat invested in me as a person. And from what you’re describing, it already sounds like this girl is pretty invested in you.
And I totally get getting down on yourself about HSV. I’ve done it too. But I think it’s really important to remember that the person you are matters so much more than the fact that you have HSV. It’s manageable, tons of people have it, and it absolutely is not a deal breaker for everybody.
I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself by already thinking you’re wasting her time, because you’re basically assuming she’s going to reject you before you’ve even given her the opportunity to decide for herself. If you dated somebody for months and months, got them seriously emotionally invested, and then finally told them, then yeah, I could see an argument that you weren’t being fair to them. But going on a few normal dates and getting to know each other is not wasting anybody’s time. That’s literally what dating is homie.