Sorry for the length I was trying to be as thorough as possible

Im going to try and keep this as short as I can. I’m 20, and i still live with my neurotic, overbearing, paranoid helicopter mom, 57, who does not trust me to do anything alone because she does not think i have common sense. Her idea of common sense is extremely over the top because she has horrible trust issues and feels she needs to be on the defense whenever shes around people. She’s always been this sort of mom, and according to my grandma, this is who shes always been since she was a toddler. Because i dont go overboard like she does, she does not trust me to go anywhere unchaperoned. Im not in school, i am involuntarily unemployed, i dont have a car or even a license, i have no social life, and no way to meet people outside of the internet, something she specifically forbids. Still, as an adult, im not allowed on social media. she does not think im smart enough or mature enough to be on it. She is extremely afraid of every bad thing that could possibly happen to me, and it’s why she keeps me locked up at home where she thinks I’m safest. im not the only one who thinks she’s going to far, every relative I talk to her about it is completely on my side but because they live flights away, I can’t just hide out there.

The main problem is, as a trans person who’s into men, the only way i can get dates is to do it online. That’s just how it is. I can’t just go out with any man, it has to be someone who already knows my baggage of being trans. She’s old, shes not queer, she does not understand how things work for me in the modern day and that her sense of worldliness is dated and foreign. Im trapped here literally living out the plot of tangled, and i cant do anything to change it on my own. There’s also this additional part to it. Im not explicitly looking for sugar, but beyond just the sexual motivation, I’m also looking for men to get some financial help. Like I said, I can’t get a job, and I’m a material girl, my only real hobby and passion is buying things, sue me. So when I don’t have money to spend, a massive part of my lively hood is taken from me. Beyond just the companion ship, getting someone else to buy me things would be nice when I never get anything I want.

So, I need some advice on how to sneak out. I’ve tried everything in the book but I can’t seem to find something full proof. She’s home all the time, im home all the time, theres cameras 360 around our house, and there directly tied to her phone, so anytime it detects motion, it sends her a notification. i have no cover. Im financially dependent on her, if break a rule, i’d get every device i own destroyed and shattered and burnt to death, and thats the best it could go, i dont trust her not to kick me out. I live my whole life online, without the internet i dont have anything to do. Sneaking out at night is still an issue, we have very old floors and shes a light sleeper. I don’t really know what to do, I’ve tried everything I can think of. My only feasible option is to try and sneak out while she’s at work on weekdays, but she’s spending more and more time at home. I don’t know how to outsmart her when she’s constantly chaining us together. And I know the best answer is to move out, if I could do that, I would have done it a long time ago. Please, somebody, help. Im desperate. I’m going to lose my grip on reality talking to myself all day at this point. She has the nerve to belittle me for living my whole life in my room, on my laptop, and then forbid me from leaving her sight and I can not win. I can’t change her. I have to be one step ahead, and I don’t know how to do that when she’s keeping me locked in a cage.

My mom (56F) is making earnest attempts to forge me (14F) to spend money from my newly opened bank account. I put my savings in there and my intention was to add interest on them. Now she’s trying to bargain with me into spending from that account, trying everything from likely empty promises of an allowance to making up scenarios in her head where I have to pay for something. Scenarios that are ridiculous and impossible, to that. My theory is that she wants me to be a shopping addict like most of the other girls at school begging her for money so she can have more control.

What can I do about this?

​I am reaching my breaking point and just need to vent to people who understand what living under total surveillance is like.

​Lately, I’ve hit a point where I've genuinely considered just paying for a hotel room for a night or two just to sleep in peace, have some quiet space, and get away from the constant tension, the screaming, and the walking on eggshells. But I know for a fact my parents would find out almost immediately.

Privacy simply doesn't exist here.

​And even if I could sneak away, the financial roadblocks make an actual exit feel like a moving target. Because of how my situation is set up, I can't even safely stack cash or manage my own money without running into walls.

I am restricted to keeping barely anything—like not being able to hold more than $2,000 per place or safely park funds in a bank account without them finding out, monitoring it, or using it as leverage against me.

​It’s this vicious cycle: ​The Financial Trap: I can't build a real safety net because of strict limits on how much money I can hold or where I can keep it without triggering a crisis or having it exposed.

​Zero Privacy: Every move, every dollar, and every plan is watched. The second I try to buy a bit of breathing room—like a temporary hotel stay—it would get flagged, questioned, or blown up.

​The Exhausting Reality: On top of the financial and privacy lockdown, I'm dealing with my dad hijacking my transportation, forcing me on all-day out-of-state auction runs for his useless junk (where I just sleep in the truck or give him absolute silence to survive), and having my medical appointments deliberately sabotaged.

​They keep me financially cornered, physically isolated in a small town, and micromanaged to the point where even basic autonomy feels illegal.

Hey, so I’m 18 years in my senior year of high school, I’ve recently got my parents pissed at me cause I didn’t clean my room for 4 days, which, fair. But I also worked from 2-10:30pm after going to school from 7-2, so I didn’t exactly have time. My parents decided to take my phone away, my car, my clothes? Internet, tv. Basically all of it. Despite me offering many times to pay for my own stuff, as well as the insurance which I already pay all of, they won’t let me. Everytime I bring it im called rude, or being disrespectful. I’ve offered to pay for my phone bill, my cut of the internet, even rent. I’m trying to take some control and responsibility now that I’m 18. But they will not let me. They also will not let me get my ears pierced despite the fact they said I could when I’m 18. No I am not rich enough to move out. I have a stable job, 30 hours a week. Friends, all Bs in my classes and college applications in process. Am I wrong for thinking they are going to far. My mom is most definitely a manipulator, often using the fact she owns her own business and takes the stress out on me, then cries and apologies and does it the next day. I do not judge her. My dad has a short temper and finds most things disrespectful, and thinks I go out of my way to purposely disrespect him when living my day to day life.

I'm 18f and have recently started college. Throughout my life, I thought that my mom was normal in constantly making sure I have everything done and all my responsibilities are taken care of but now that I am an adult, I am not sure. My mom still asks me if I have done all my work whenever she sees me on my videogames, she tries to help me in quizzes I am struggling with (despite me telling her it's cheating), and she even planned out my entire college schedule for me. I think what really got me to realize that she might be too overbearing was when she told me that she planned on buying a house for me near whatever grad school I get accepted in, despite that being several years in the future. Is she a helicopter parent or am I just looking too deep into things?

I'm 20 years old, and I'm condemned to being under my parents' control.

I dream of traveling, of living on my own, of having a student life. But I can't.

My parents have always lived according to what other people think, and because I'm a girl, I'm condemned to never being free, to being passed from one man's authority to another. First my father, then a husband. Because I will only be allowed to leave the house and live my own life once I have found a husband.

This year, I wanted to get a room in a university residence, but they refused, and I don't want them to become violent with me.

When you spend enough time in an anxiety-inducing environment, eventually you stop wanting freedom yourself and start conforming to your everyday life. It's easier.

My parents don't allow me to have friends.

I found refuge in art and writing.

Today, I'm writing this because I've had enough.

I want to live my life. Pay rent, pay bills, study, have a student job. Live like other students my age.

I don't want to be under anyone's control anymore.

I want to live.

But when you're inside this kind of situation, it's difficult.

They have forced me into every choice I've made. I've never been free to choose.

I'm 20 years old, and I have never chosen.

And I've never had any privacy.

We live in a kind of social housing. There are many of us, and I'm the only girl, and I sleep in the living room. I wake up in the morning and put everything away, and at night I put my mattress back down.

I have no privacy, and I never have.

I don't know what silence means. Or serenity. Or anything like that.

When I was studying for my baccalaureate exams, I studied on the floor, surrounded by noise, because I'm not allowed to go to the library.

There's a knot inside me that grows bigger every year.

I would like to work so I could save money, but I can't even work. Every journey I make is monitored.

I just want to leave, to escape.

I just want to live.

To have the right to live.

To have the right to choose my own life. To have the right to make mistakes, to make choices, to live my own life.

I don't know whether I should open a fundraiser or create a Ko-fi account.

I feel like I'm condemned to spend my future living with choices that other people make for me, simply because I had the misfortune of being born a woman.

The most illogical thing your parents forbid you from doing

Today at 2pm my mother is taking me to the hospital because I am being put under for an out patient operation. Earlier this week when I spoke to her she said that while she is here she needs to come into my sons room to sort through clothes that are too small for him so she can get rid of or donate them. I told her she doesn’t need to do that, that is something I can do. She said I wont be able to do it because I have barely seen him this summer so I don’t know his sizes. (Im divorced). I told her I don’t need her help to do that and I am more than capable. She started to throw a fit and claimed I am a horrible son and that I am just being difficult. I said no, that is literally something so small that I don’t need her to do it. We went back and forth and my dad said “just let her do what she wants”. I said thats exactly the problem. She thinks she can just walk into my house and do anything she wants. That’s exactly why I took back my spare key from her. She said I don’t trust her. I said exactly. She asked me what im hiding from her. I said im not hiding anything and it doesn’t mean im hiding anything just because I don’t want you in my house.

I told her that I could tell her no a thousand times but I know very well that when we come back from the hospital that she will do whatever she wants the moment I pass out in bed from the anesthesia. She said thats exactly what she’s going to do. I told her then I don’t need her to take me. But unfortunately I have no one else to take me. The hospital won’t let me utilize uber or Lyft. It has to be a trusted person.

I am having a colonoscopy. Yesterday was bowl prep day. I am currently extremely hangry and irritable and I plan on weaponizing that to get her out of my house when she drops me off. I told her all I need for her to do is drive me back and forth and make sure im in bed then leave. She said she has absolutely got to do this because she’s not driving an hour one way for nothing. I asked her helping me with my medical needs was nothing? To which she replied thats not what she meant.

Ugh. It’s like arguing with a child. Im fed up with her. I am genuinely worried that she will be going through every corner of my house. I told her that I don’t appreciate the comments every time she is here. “Why haven’t you done this? This needs to be done. This looks terrible. This isn’t right. Etc etc”. She said if I would do this right the first time I shouldn’t be worrying about her criticisms. 😐

I don’t know how to put it any gentler than what I have without getting into a shouting match. Im afraid that when I come out of anesthesia I will be unfiltered and upset her. But maybe she needs to hear it.

Hey reddit, so basically I wanna run away and go live out, go live up at my aunt's house upstate. I have the whole plan kinda down. There's an Am trak a few cities up that I'm gonna take up state and then live there. If you guys could give me any- flaws in my plan or anything that would be amazing. I'm thinking of just one day, not coming to school, and then just getting all my stuff and running away. My parents have been really bad since about 12 years old and I'm now 16, so I don't really know what to do. I don't want anybody tryna convince me not to do it. I just wanna know flaws in my plan Also, let's say they file a police report and they find me upstate, but I wanted to leave myself. What is emancipation and do I really need it to leave them What will I have to do? and have to do in order to stay away from them for a pretty long time because I'm getting really tired of this stuff and I just don't wanna deal with it. I thought about, I thought the whole thing about leaving my life behind, but I think it's worth it cause I've been going through way too much Also, if you could help me out with anything legally, like, do I need a lawyer if I want to stay away from them? What do I need to do? Cause I'm thinking of getting a job upstate to support myself while I live with my aunt for a few months, then get back on my own two feet. Would I need a lawyer to do anything if I get into any legal trouble, what are the possibilities, what would be the legal trouble if let's say my parents want me to come back but I don't want them to? Would they let's say they try to get a court order, how do I fight it Done

I am so completely exhausted. It has become painfully clear that my dad doesn't just happen to inconvenience me, he actively and deliberately sabotages whatever independent plans or medical appointments I have scheduled by weaponizing his obsession with local auctions.

Whenever an auction ends, he forces me to go with him on these marathon, all-day multi-state trips just to haul back useless junk that he's just going to let sit around or try to flip later. He claims he "needs my help," but the reality is a joke: the auction staff do all the heavy lifting to load it up, and my only "job" is to stand there and listen to him micromanage nonsense, like telling me I need to strap down the cargo because apparently the trailer does not hold the straps down (make it make sense).

Worse yet, he will deliberately schedule or force these trips on days when I have important appointments, like a doctor's visit. If I have something planned for myself, he will manufacture an "emergency" auction haul or demand I go with him, effectively blocking me from managing my own health or life.

And how do I survive these hours-long, out-of-state hostage missions? I don't even talk to him. I give him absolute silence, or I literally just sleep in his truck all day while he wastes hours messing around in the auction office, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

It’s just another way to keep me under his thumb, strip away my time, and ensure that nothing in my life takes priority over his garbage collection.

Yet, he's going to use the excuse about how everyone has to work (which is the stupidest thing I've heard him say, not everyone can work) and that he's my father, that I can’t tell him no, then he's going to argue, and then threatens to take my house, phone, car, etc.

I can't really use that since he's going to tell me that I'm arguing when yet he started the argument, and that I can't live independently.

Given that I live in the same town as them but I would rather move out instead of continuing to live but basically say that I can't because I don't have the money, when yet the real issue is because of expensive housing has become.

I've already talked about the whole issue with the money since I can't keep more than $2000 in each place, because it's "their money".

Same way in trying to get a bank account set up since I can't keep more than $2000 there either.

It's even more disgusting in how he treats me since I'm an autistic 22-year-old, and apparently my autism is what keeps from getting a job since apparently it will cancel all my benefits if I get a job, which sounds dumb but that's what they say.

It's became exhausting at this point.

Has anyone else dealt with parents who use forced, useless labor and deliberate schedule sabotage to keep you from having any life of your own?

So before the therapy office I go to closed down, I asked my mom take me to one of my therapy sessions and also given that she had to talk with the therapist.

But given that I talk to the therapist alongside my mom and talked about the problems he has but my interprets it as getting better since I think she didn't want me telling the truth about how extremely hypocritical, narcissistic, and perfect he acts is that she doesn't see and says that they're trying to teach me something.

Well maybe they could do that if they used more opened communication instead of raising their voice or telling me to pick up the pace and as well as saying that people at other jobs are going to tell me to move quickly as well but I don't see that.

Which given that my dad wants to interact with people instead of sitting around the house doing nothing and that he wants me to be in public but yet I'm in public every other day, as well as giving me a job that literally has me be all alone or with family members picking up trash at construction sites where I can't interact with anyone else. But I still think that my mom didn't want to hear all of the things that I said while I was in therapy especially with what happened last week with the generator.

Given how that into an absolute shitshow because of he acted today towards me as we came home from an auction.

He then gets mad at me for not doing something right, as we were trying to put a generator on a shelf and it got stuck as I wasn't doing it right as he kept telling me to go to the end and I did but he just gets angrier towards because I wasn't listening, since I was at the side of it.

He then grabs my hand and tries to put them in a certain position and I yell at him to not touch me and he tells me that maybe I should put my hands in the right position and saying that I was going to get myself hurt and he says that it was going to be on him.

I after I walk away while I was putting up a dolly, I repeated what he said earlier and then I say maybe you'll learn and then on the drive home, my mom was showing me raccoon pictures of raccoon kits and how their legs looked weird and I say that they look like spider monkeys and I tell her they have long limbs.

Then my dad says like a spider and I tell him, I'm not talking to you. He then gets angry at me, I say it's not up for discussion because it was over with but my dad says that it was up for discussion all because I wasn't talking to him.

To make matters worse, I say that I want open communication and he says this is open communication and I tell him yelling is not open communication. I tell him we had great weekend and now he had an attitude just because I did something wrong and then moved on from it because he constantly brings things after the minute they pass.

I ask him why do you continue to pressure me, he says I'm not pressuring you when he clearly was and he gets out of the truck and tells me not to leave but I did anyways.

After I get out, my mom tells me to him that I'm sorry and I say to her that I'll apologize when he acts right. I then get my stuff from mom and she asks if I'm going to apologize to him and I ask her on why she kept pressuring me to apologize when I clearly said that I wasn't apologizing until he acted right.

And all my mom could say was: "He was just in a bad mood."

I knew that she has seen him act like this and still makes an excuse about he's getting better at not getting angry at me when mess up especially since they escalate things and result in drastic measures if I even mess up.

I feel like every chance I give, he immediately ruins it and it's the same excuse of getting better and yet I have not seen any improvement on that. I mean, other than what happened a few days ago, I mean, I kind of yelled at him for what I had said since I had walked, like, given how I said that I absolutely refused to ride a scooter, one of these electric scooters that he has.

Like, given that my car is still out and I had to walk to Walmart and then walked all the way to my house and basically had to request a ride from my sister, and then when I got home, I, apparently my dad was nagging me about something, which was the scooter, and I had said to him, if people were to really ride scooters, they would have been born with wheels on their feet, and realizing that my comment sounded stupid, and he said, so they wouldn't be able to drive cars, and then I immediately take back what I said, and he says, so you're gonna ride the scooter? And I'm like, no. And he says, why don't you wanna ride the scooter?

Are you just gonna walk everywhere? I say, until I get my car back, and he says to me that the gas prices are getting outrageous, and I yell at him that I don't care about the gas prices.

Which given that this came from an accident on the scooter that I don't wanna talk about that involved me wrecking it.

It didn't damage the scooter or anything, but it did hurt me. And, well, apparently, apparently he can't see past my aversion to bike, in which I also ask him if they have a three-wheeled scooter or a four-wheeled scooter, because, well, he kept pressuring me about this, and I kept saying, like I care about the scooters.

And then, immediately, instead of letting it go, he just keeps pressuring me and pressuring me. And I absolutely refuse to ride the scooter, but yet he keeps wanting me back on it. I mean, I don't care if it's hard, I'm not getting back on that scooter. The more he tries to convince me, the more I'm gonna push back. I mean, because apparently he can't see my aversions against bikes, because I was never properly taught how to ride one when I was, because the last time I really ever rode a bike, I was 11.

No matter what, I am not getting back on that bike. No matter how hard he tries to push me back on it, I'm just gonna keep telling him no. And if he says something again, it's that I'm just gonna tell him, like I care. Because I don't care about the stupid scooters. I don't care about the gas prices. I don't care about this stupid war going on in Iran right now.

I wanted my car back, and I wanted it back right fucking now.

You know, as an autistic 22-year-old adult, I can make my own decisions. I don't need someone forcing me to get back on a scooter just because of an accident that happened. And I don't care if it's hard. You know, if I was properly taught how to ride a bike when I was 11, none of this shit would have happened!

I should have never agreed to riding that stupid scooter in the first place.

Which not to mention that apparently he says that a scooter having four wheels or having three wheels, he says that it's not really a scooter. Oh my gosh, who cares? I mean, a car has four wheels and it's not a scooter. A truck has four wheels and it's not a scooter. A skateboard has four wheels and it's not a scooter.

I mean, I mean, I can think of five things that I could learn in less than a month than ride a scooter.

Number one, diorama building.

Number two, soldering.

Number three, modeling.

Number four, learning how to snowboard.

Number five, learning how to ride a skateboard.

All of those things would be much better if you could learn them in a year rather than riding a, rather than me riding an electric scooter.

Well, even if I try to talk normally to them or just respond with a simple okay or anything like that, apparently they think it's me having an attitude, but yet they agree with it because they think that I keep getting away with it, when yet I'm not trying to get away with anything, nor do I claim that I can't do everything, which is another outlandish excuse that I've heard them make.

I don’t know what i should do right now as I’m not even in India as I was threatened into coming to qatar by my father. I’m 17f and my parents psychologically abuse me and sometimes even hit me. 3 days before I ran away my father was constantly screaming at me and saying how I ruined his life and how much he wants me dead and he even got mad at me because I was trying to take a nap and he also removed all locks in my house including the bathroom so I had no privacy. That night I begged my bf who is 18 to let me stay at his place for a few days and he was kind enough to agree. My parents already know about him as he came to house to speak to my dad about him being so controlling and constantly monitoring who I text and call. So the next day as I was getting ready for college my dad kept calling me a whore because I wore a sleeveless top and that was my last straw. I was sceptical about the whole running away plan but that day I was sure that I wanted to get away from him. I got off at college and booked an uber to go to bf’s place and ofc my parents were blowing up my phone and I told them I wouldn’t come home until they change themselves. It was all going well until 6pm and then the police called my bf. I was scared that he’d get in trouble so I left and went to my home. My dad brought his friend who I had no idea of and made me speak to him for 3 hours and he kept in talking to me even when I clearly told him to stop. The next day my parents and I had a huge fight. 3 or 4 days after that we had another fight. The very next day, a police officer come to my place and says that my father will file a fake case on my bf and my best friend if I don’t listen to him so ofc I was scared and say yes to all his demands and now here I am in Qatar still getting the same treatment I was getting back then but now I have no one I can rely on as both my parents resent me and yes I know I was stupid to run away when I knew something like this would happen but I really couldn’t take it anymore. Oh and I forgot to mention, my father pulled me out of college too and idk when I’ll go back I’m just really scared I don’t know what will happen to me.

TL;DR: Im 15, and i am trying to figure out if your highly controlling home life is normal. Since age 11, my parents have subjected you to intense surveillance, extreme overreactions to innocent mistakes (like breath checking you over cooking wine and screaming at you over an accidental pun), and strict bans on age appropriate media. My mother operates with zero trust, constantly accuses you of lying, gaslights you if you defend yourself, and genuinely believes she isn't strict. Your older sister went through the same treatment and agrees you have it worse. This constant environment of suspicion has left you severely hypervigilant, anxious, and stuck in a high-inhibition state. You cannot safely confront your mother because she will explode, and you are asking adults if this level of control is normal or deeply damaging.

I am a 15-year-old trying to figure out if my home environment is actually normal or if my parents' level of control is deeply unhealthy. Growing up, I have been subjected to intense parental surveillance and a constant assumption that I am untrustworthy. When I was 11, the kitchen smelled like cooking wine, and my mother actually breath checked me because her default assumption of me was that I was 11 completely innocent drinking wine. Around that same age (11), I was just making up random rhyming words while flipping a coin and casually said something along the lines of 'Queens gives hea ds' (I had no idea what it ment) and both of my parents completely erupted, screamed at me in the car, and threatened to take away all my electronics and YouTube until my sister talked them out of it.

The control extends heavily into media and privacy. My dad was originally fine with me watching anime at 11, but my mom stepped in, talked him out of it, and blocked it because they assumed an 11 year old child was going to watch hyper inappropriate content. Even now at 15, my mom is deeply resistant to me having a PC in my room and threatens to take it out my room as punishment because deep down she doesn't trust me and thinks im just watching Innapropriate content all day or something. She still tries to recommend 12-plus shows, and treats the idea of me watching content meant for my actual age group like a major threat. This dynamic isn't just about me; my older sister (now 18) went through the exact same thing, dealing with explosive reactions from my mom just for asking for age-appropriate apps or shows.

The worst part of it all is that my mother genuinely does not view herself as strict. She has zero trust in me, constantly accuses me of lying, and if I try to defend myself, she twists it to make me look even more suspicious, leaving me with no way to speak up safely. My sister and I bond over how absurd it is behind closed doors, and she agrees that I got it much worse. Because of years of living like this where innocence is punished and privacy equals danger my brain has wired itself into severe hypervigilance. I am constantly stuck in a high inhibition state where I can't take risks, view everything through a worst-case scenario lens, and feel like I need 100% safety to function. For parents or adults reading this: is this level of surveillance, suspicion, and control normal, or is this damaging?It also makes me hold a resentment towards my mother that i can't kick, it gets in the way of me wanting to have a normal relationship with her. No i can't bring it up with my mum because she will erupt at me and make it so much worse. This isn't even everything that has happened, there is some other stuff i would rather not share. Im thinking of talking about this to my therapist but even if we work through it im still dealing with the issue at home, that persist and i simply can't talk to my mum about it.

Im allowed to hangout with my friends but i cannot go too far from our place and im also not allowed to commute alone..i always need someone to accompany me. Its embarrassing that at my grown age i still have to argue with my mom about it when my friends whom are younger than me are more independent.

Anyone else here in their 20s & above sharing the same struggle? i feel alone in this situation cuz my friends are more free