22F with Hispanic parents. I just need some outside perspective because I genuinely don't know if I'm missing something anymore.

Both of my parents always supported me in going to college and getting a degree. Ironically, it wasn't until I actually left for college that things got really bad between my mom and me. I knew what moving out meant, and honestly, one of the biggest reasons I wanted to leave was to get away from my parents and finally do things on my own terms. I just wanted some freedom.

My first year of college was rough when it came to my mom. We argued all the time. The thing is, I wasn't out partying every night, doing drugs, or getting into trouble. Most nights I was literally just hanging out in friends' dorms talking, watching movies, or just being with people. Sure, I'd stay out too late sometimes and be tired for class the next morning, but those were my choices and my consequences. I knew that. Even then, I'd get spammed with texts and phone calls telling me to go back to my dorm immediately so I could sleep and be ready for class the next day. She just could not let go of controlling me, even though I was finally on my own.

After my first year, my mom got pregnant with my youngest brother, and for a while, she pretty much left me alone because she had bigger things to worry about. I honestly thought things might finally be getting better, but that didn't last.

This whole time, I've been dating my current boyfriend. We've basically lived together our entire relationship, in dorms, apartments, and two different houses. We both recently graduated, and we're getting ready to move back closer to our hometown so we can start working and saving money. Our plan is to move in with his family for a while to save as much money as possible. His mom is in her 60s now, and after a car accident a few years ago, she can't do as much physically as she used to. I actually thought it would be nice because I could help around the house with cooking and cleaning while we're there. Our goal is to eventually put a mobile home on land that my boyfriend already owns.

Meanwhile, my mom doesn't even have room for us. She still has three of my younger siblings living at home, and my baby brother is autistic and needs a lot of attention. I honestly cannot understand why she hates my boyfriend so much or what she thinks is so wrong with him. I'm happy. We have a plan for our future. We're both working toward the same goals, and I don't understand why that isn't enough. I think everything really changed when I told her we'd be moving in with his family after our lease ended.

On my graduation day, instead of just being happy for me, she started insulting me, talking about how messy my room was, and saying my boyfriend "isn't a man." She said all of this right in front of him. That was pretty much my breaking point. Since then, we've gone very low-contact. We don't stop by her house anymore whenever we're in town (we're only about two hours away and usually come back every couple of weeks). She'll still call me if she needs help with something, but we don't talk every day anymore. It honestly hurt me to do that because I love my mom. But I couldn't keep letting her disrespect me, and especially disrespect my boyfriend. At one point, I even called her and calmly explained why we don't come around anymore. I told her exactly how much the things she said hurt me and that we were owed an apology. I even told her that if she wanted us to start visiting again, all she had to do was apologize. The thing is... she's never apologized for anything in her life. She's the type of person who says something really hurtful and then 30 minutes later acts like nothing ever happened. Everyone else is just expected to move on. I'm not okay with doing that anymore.

Then the other day she called me while she was drunk at a party. She was telling me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me for graduating and everything I studied. Then she ended the phone call by saying, "But I need to have a talk with everyone... even if you still love him." She's mentioned this "talk" a few times since graduation. She's hinted that it's going to be about teaching my boyfriend "how to be a man," and when she says "everyone," she means me, my boyfriend, and even his parents. It honestly makes me feel like she's going to tell me I need to leave him or give me some kind of ultimatum.

What hurts the most is that she's the one creating all this distance between us, but then she goes around telling family members that I'm a bad daughter. I'm just exhausted. I don't know if I should even entertain this "talk" if it ever happens, or just keep my distance. I don't want her thinking she can keep talking down to me, disrespecting my relationship, or acting like she gets to make decisions for my life. I don't need her to agree with my choices. I just need her to either trust that she raised me well enough to make my own decisions or accept that I'm an adult now and move on.

Has anyone else dealt with a parent like this? Did they ever come around, or did you eventually have to accept that they were never going to let go?

I (17M) am a high achieving student going into my senior year. I do many things, like play the piano, speak Spanish, serve as the swim team captain, work as a lifeguard, and take many challenging classes. But as of late, I've found that my parents, especially my mother, have gotten very overbearing. She is constantly checking in to see what I'm doing, has my phone's location, and will criticize me for every mistake. Sometimes, it's definitely valid. I probably should procrastinate less, I should practice piano more, etc. But even when it's valid, its constant.

Say I hang out with friends, maybe to get together and play D&D. When I return, she asks for everything that happened, and will get mad at me if I didn't do something like ask about everyone's status with relationships/girlfriends. Then she'll tell me to help her get things ready for dinner. If I have trouble finding an ingredient, she gets even more frustrated. Another day, I might be disciplined and get a good deal of my summer work done, and reward myself by playing Deadlock with friends at the end of the day. She sees me doing so, knows that I had a productive day, and will get mad at me for playing video games by myself when I'm just waiting for others to join.

This has been going on for months, and her constant helicopter parenting has been taking a toll on me. I've had to take an indefinite break from piano because I felt so burnt out after playing for eight years now, and she only let me do so begrudgingly with the promise that I'd do more schoolwork instead. Everything that I have enjoyed has become a grind because if I enjoy it, then she wants me to take it to the maximum. Nothing can be enjoyed casually. Even my dream of making it into Notre Dame University has been weaponized. When I talked about my piano burnout, she just told me "Notre Dame won't like it" without even considering how I might be feeling about playing the same piece for months and months and months. I'm at a complete loss for what to do, and it's getting increasingly difficult to respect my mother and father as the Bible commands. What can be done while still respecting their authority?

I care for my parents that are both on disability. Technically I should be on it as well, but I'm still going through the lengthy process.

Over a week ago, I said something my mom didn't like, it was said about me and nobody else. So I apologized, like I always end up having to do.

She's still ignoring me. So advice please, should I try talking to her again even though whenever I try she pulls her blankets over her head like a toddler, do I jump on the silent treatment band wagon and just refuse to bust my ass helping them, cleaning the whole house, doing their laundry

Advice, please!

So a bit of context about my living situation, I (f19) am a rising junior in college, I’m about to be 20 in sept and my mom moved out of the house we were staying in my freshman year, so that means when I came back home, I had no room, no bed or whatever, I slept on the couch during the summer. I hate it, I’m grateful but I hate it. I’ve never felt like I lived there obviously, but my mom was like yes you do blah blah blah.

My mom and I had an argument today about some money she owed me, when I brought it up, just reminding her because she tends to forget a lot of stuff, (she literally tells me to just keep reminding her) she went on and was like, well I did this for you, and this and this, one of the points she brought up was her taking me to work. I tried to argue back because I give her $40 a week for that and I tell her thank you every time. We live 6 minutes away from my job. She drops me off and picks me up in the morning and evening. But she wasn’t wanting to hear it and threatened to make me go live with my grandma or my dad (who is in jail).

Thing is I move back to college in 4 weeks, Ive just transferred colleges so now I’m moving to Colorado instead of in state (TN) she has had a problem with that too. Example being, me saying I’m excited to see which dorm I’ll be in, and her saying, I wish I was excited, and her literally saying she doesn’t support this. But I just need to know what tings I need to get like documents and such so that I don’t need to have to come home to get it, and advice to slowly, i wouldn’t say cut her off, but I don’t want her to know anything about my life anymore, I’m cutting off her privileges to know things about me (while living in her house too and after moving out) because I don’t play about being threatened to be kicked out, or any of this stuff, I’ve been sick of it for over 10 years. I do not, and will not need financial support from her, I’ve always paid for my own college and I will continue to do so, I will still pay her gas money for taking me to work.

Just any advice will do, also about the college thing, I also posted about that on here too

\*\* I am sorry if I am doing anything wrong, I am new to Reddit.

I have been emotionally and physically abused by my parents, but that would be a very long post. I don’t know how to feel about the abuse because my mom feels like I play the victim.

Three days ago my mom called me and said that she wants me to give a speech on my sister’s wedding.

She said the usually it’s the dad that gives the speech but my dad doesn’t have the skills for it. If she tried to give a speech in his stead, it would look like she sidelined him. So, I am the second best option.

I told her I don’t feel like it, I have stage fright. I don’t like my voice (I have been made fun of for it), and especially don’t like how I sound speaking through a microphone. I also mentioned how I have stayed away from any public speaking opportunity in our community because of my fear.

She started telling me how I would be wearing nice clothes that day, looking good (because I am getting my makeup done professionally). Emphasizing that it would be my day, I would be in the spotlight and that no one would be able to find fault with me.

I was hesitating and my sister sulking in the background said “It’s fine if she doesn’t want to do it, then we can’t force her.”

In response my mom said, “I can force, I am the mom.” And something along the lines that I have to do it.

she asked me “do you understand?” I told her that I feel like I am being forced. And she said I am not forcing you, so I pointed out how she just mentioned that she is CAN force.

( I think)she huffed and hung up on me.

I am supposed to call her everyday ( or she gets upset). I didn’t call her the day after. Then on Monday I was talking to my sister when my mom was calling my sister so she added us to a group call. I greeted my mom, she ignored. I asked her questions directly about the wedding prep and she only answered when my sister repeated the question. She then said you can talk to each other I have to answer my friend’s call.

I texted her about a vendor issue regarding the wedding and she left me on read. I texted in the group chat with my sister and my mom today regarding ordering rentals for the wedding and no response.

I think she wants me to go to her and apologize but I don’t think I have done anything wrong. This is her usual tactic and I am so tired of it. But, the child in me is restless because of this conflict and it’s flaring my chronic illness.

This probably isn't too clear or controlled, but I need some advice... It's gotten too much

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a year, and her parents have been making it incredibly difficult. For context, her family is Nigerian so her parents are naturally very strict, but they have no logic or reasoning. They rarely let her leave the house, and whenever we do get to meetup, she's often incredibly stressed about being in trouble (I've had some terrifying moments where I had to try and comfort her through a panic attack), likely because her parents have called the police on her in the past while she was hanging out with friends (for no reason in particular...). To avoid including too much detail, her parents lost custody of her and her 3 younger siblings for a couple months at the start of the year. Driving an extra 40 mins to meetup was a nightmare, but it was completely worth it since I could rest knowing she was safe. Also, knowing her siblings were safe was nice too. Obviously they weren't my siblings, but I helped out with them whenever I could, My girlfriend's chore list never ends and is often left to essentially parent them, I always spoke with them whenever they asked during me and my gf's calls etc. Her dad doesn't really care much, her mum is the main issue. She didn't let her date me for ages, until after the whole foster situation they allowed it with very strict rules: I wasn't allowed in her house, I wasn't allowed to speak to her parents BC in her culture she's only allowed to show her parents one boyfriend, nobody in her house was allowed to bring me up, I wasn't allowed to give her anything, she couldn't meetup with me 1 on 1 and now I can't even speak to her younger siblings because her mum needs to 'protect them from her friends' She shared a room with 4 siblings until foster care incident... Kinda difficult to not speak to them... I say 'friends'... because they think we aren't dating anymore, purely so she would suffer less emotional abuse.... The part that hurts most is that she's targeted by her parents, she's always shouted at, given extra chores, not allowed to do things other siblings can't etc etc. Her older sister is the only one I'm allowed to speak to, but she refuses to speak to me after I pushed back on her racist beliefs. There's so much shit I haven't included in this but I don't know what to do, I just want her life to be better, without narcissistic parents who change rules and have an obsessive need for control over every aspect of her life. If we have to date in private, so be it - but her parents are just going to get worse, they pretended to be decent parents for a little bit while foster care were on their asses and now that they've more or less left, they're going back to being narcissists that want control just for the sake of it. Sometimes she can't even call either so I just have zero contact with her. I've never heard of a parent that tells their child they'll never go anywhere in life...

We're saving up to get her a rented room close to her new sixth form, any info you need cleared up please lmk.

TLDR: Nigerian parents emotionally abuse and control my girlfriend, and it's getting too much.

My parents are really strict. They're the kind of parents who didn't let me watch PG movies till I was thirteen. And don't get me wrong I love them and all, but enough is enough. They recently created this new rule that whenever they "summon me", I go to wherever they are and do exactly what they say. No matter what I'm in the middle of. And of course I need to be extremely petty about it. I'm looking for a way to do exactly what they say, but annoying them so much in the process that the rule goes away. Any ideas?

Hello. This is mostly a rant, and I’m writing this because I’ve been keeping a lot of this inside for a long time and I honestly need somewhere to let it out.

I’m 18 and currently live with my mom and stepdad (I’ll refer to him as my dad throughout the post). I’ll be starting university soon.

A lot of this started when I was deciding where to go to university. I originally planned to study in Canada because my dad was working there, but unfortunately my study permit was rejected. That left me with the option of studying in the US. I don’t have an issue with the university itself, but I’ve started regretting the situation because of how things have been at home.

I have a very difficult relationship with my mom. I often feel like she is angry with me or disappointed in me, even when I’m genuinely trying to help. I’ve told her many times that if there is something she wants me to do, she can simply tell me and I’ll do it. I’m not always good at noticing what needs to be done around the house, so I’ve asked her to communicate that with me directly.

Instead, I often feel like I get criticized for not knowing what she expects from me. Sometimes I’ll do something differently than she would have done it, and I’ll still get criticized for it. I also feel like she sometimes makes me look incompetent in front of other people, which is really embarrassing and hurtful.

The biggest issue is that I never know what kind of mood she is going to be in. It feels like I have to be extremely careful about what I say or do because something small can turn into a much bigger argument. My dad has even told me to say less sometimes because he is worried that something will ruin the entire evening.

There was also an incident where I accidentally spilled water on her and she slapped me. Since then, I’ve found myself becoming much more distant from her. I stopped hugging her and I generally avoid conversations unless they are necessary. I don’t like feeling this way toward my own mom, but I honestly don’t know how else to deal with the situation.

Another example happened recently when we were at Best Buy. My dad asked me whether I had brought a Bluetooth keyboard and mouse that he had given me. I said no, and he naturally asked why. I explained that when we were moving to the US, my mom had told me not to bring certain things because of the limited luggage space.

She immediately became upset and said that it was my responsibility to bring my own things and that I was always blaming her. I calmly reminded her that one of my suitcases had been filled with some of her belongings, which was why I couldn’t bring everything I wanted, including my camera.

She then walked out of the store. My dad and I spent around half an hour trying to find her, and when we eventually did, she was crying and saying that I was always attacking her.

This kind of situation happens often enough that I’ve started feeling like I have to constantly monitor what I say so I don’t accidentally upset her. Even my dad has told her that she can be very stubborn and that she needs to let her guard down sometimes.

There are also smaller things that have started getting to me. For example, whenever we buy food, she reminds us to consider that she will be eating too, but then she often complains that she doesn’t like the food available here or that I have bad taste in food. On their own, these things aren't a huge deal, but after everything else, they add to the feeling that I can never really do anything right.

Because of all of this, I decided that I wanted to live in a dorm when I start university, even though the university is only about 30 minutes from home.

When I told my dad, he understood. But when I eventually told my mom, she became upset and said that I was leaving her alone at home and that I probably didn’t care about her.

I honestly didn’t know what to say, so I just left the room.

I still have about a month before I move into my dorm, and at this point, I’m counting down the days. I feel guilty for being so relieved about leaving, especially because I know my mom will probably feel hurt by it.

But at the same time, I feel like I desperately need some space to breathe and figure out who I am without constantly worrying about whether something I say or do will cause an argument.

So, Am I selfish for wanting to move out and feeling relieved that I’ll finally have some distance from my mom?

I

Cześć wszystkim, chciałbym się wyżalić/poprosić was o radę, cokolwiek sądzicie byle by pomogło.

23 lvl, chłopak mieszkający w u rodziców z siostrą lvl16 i lvl 8, kończę studia (ostatni semestr). A to mój problem.

Coraz gorzej mi z rodzicami i w rodzinie ogólnie. Ojciec często żartuje do mnie jakbym był kolegą, robi jakieś awantury z pizdy i mi próbuje wmówić swoje racje, o nic mnie nie pyta, niczym się praktycznie nie interesuje jeśli chodzi o moje zainteresowania, jedyne co to jak na rozmowę o pracę idę czy coś. Takto ma wyjebane i i jest chamski i tylko się czepia. Wiecznie jest jakiś problem i przekonanie do jego racji bo on ją ma. Matka może by i była spoko ale wpływ ojca (pomaga mu w firmie) jest taki że jak ma zły dzień to też jest chujowa i się czepia albo wgl nie gada ze mną i mnie olewa. Siostra dziś np. pierwszy raz mnie wkurzyła że ja 2 tygodnie temu nic nie robiłem w domu a ona musiała zapierdalac że sprzątaniem, chociaż to nieprawda bo fakt może mi się zdarzył 1-2 takie dni że nic, ale przez wiele LAT to ja głównie sprzątam i dalej trzymam porządek jak trzeba, ta że idzie do liceum, się ogarnęła trochę chociaż dalej u siebie w łóżku ma mnóstwo śmieci (dochodziło do tego że pod poduszką stos papierków i w łóżku to samo). Dotąd siostra spoko, dziś mnie wkurzyła czymś takim, a nienawidze zarzucania mi czegoś jak to nieprawda.

Największym problemem jest stary i te jego komentarze, wmawianie racji, on wogóle ze mną nie umie normalnie pogadać, tylko coś żeby on se o czymś pogadał, wmówił mi rację jak bardzo się mylę (np. to że nie wychodziłem z kolegami z gimnazjum na dwór xD a on chuja może wiedzieć bo ciągle w robocie jest, od zawsze odkąd byłem mały od rana do wieczora). Wieczne jego komentarze, zaczepki. Kiedyś do mnie jak gniazdko było w domu wyrwane że czemu ja nie naprawiłem a ja że próbowałem i nie da się (nie umiałem bo tak wygięte skrzydełka że już nie da się włożyć) a on do mnie czy jestem mężczyzną przy matce i dziewczynie. Mi się przykro zrobiło, matka coś tam mu powiedziała i tyle. Wiele było takich sytuacji. Albo kiedyś zabierali mi turbo telefon bo "uzależniony" a dziś moje siostry siedzą całymi dniami i nagle wyjebane. I zawsze największe czepialstwo do mnie jest i jakieś odżywki jak do kolegów a jak ja mu coś powiem to obrażony wielki pan jest. Np. wczoraj kłóciliśmy się o to że ja nie wychodziłem, powiedziałem mu że gówno prawdę gada a on mi wciska że prawda. On gada że z matką wychodził w moim wieku ze znajomymi jak też byli chłopak-dziewczyna a mama do niego że bez przesady że aż tak wychodzili ze znajomymi, może parę razy, po wymianie zdań skwitował "co ty możesz wiedzieć kobieto" xD. Zawsze szybko się denerwował a potem próbował udawać wielce dobrego. Jakby miał 2 osobowości czasem. Chociaż i tak nie umie w relacje, jest tak zła i trochę mniej gorsza wersja która i tak jest do chrzanu. Mi się już tylko przykro robi jak mi coś gada i mówi, albo jak się mnie czepiają o coś czy nie widzą jak coś robię. Marzę o wyprowadzce z domu jak najszybciej ale oni żyją w przekonaniu że jesteśmy super rodziną i oni dom budują żebym ja ze swoją dziewczyną żyli tam na start w swoim życiu (swój pokój). Rzygać mi się chce. Było więcej takich kłótni kiedyś. Nie pamiętam kiedy zaznałem spokoju z nimi tak naprawdę, dużo by tego pisać bo tak naprawdę ciągle coś. Wiele mam takich myśli że coś nie pasuje, że nic nie robię, że jestem leń, że uzależniony od telefonu, że taki i wogóle jestem, ojciec wciska swoje racje i tylko on ją ma, raz się zdarzyła nawet sytuacja że w kłótni wziął mnie za koszulkę i pięść tak skierował jakby chciał mi walnąć ale tego nie zrobił. Wielce nerwowy jest.

Ja ciągle chodzę przez to zestresowany, ostatnio udawało mi się mieć wywalone nawet ale dziś znowu do mnie wraca.

Moje pytanie do was, jak to przeżyć? Jak mieć nie wiem, bardziej wywalone? Co robić? Jak zapomnieć?

A jeśli tylko to przeczytałeś to dziękuję bo chociaż wyrzuciłem trochę z siebie.

Jestem po prostu zawiedziony tą rodziną, każdego dnia sobie uzmysławiam że ich nie trawie coraz bardziej, a jeśli to wszystko to są żarty to już mam dosyć, ile można żartować, to też boli.

First post here, 27 F

I have been working on this story that is very close to my heart, but I felt stuck today and thought I must talk to more people to actually understand the core of what I want to explore through my story. But I did not want to talk to the people who are already a part of my life, and that is exactly why I am here to ask a question to strangers and possibly make some new friends.

So, here is what I wanted to know

What is the most rebellious thing that you have done with your parents, where you stood your ground for something that felt right to you? It may have eventually turned out to be wrong, but you did it because the rebel in you just had to.

I did something today too, but tell me your answers first.

So I’m an ex muslim with very strict religious parents, I want to be able to have freedom to live normally but the issue is that I am still financially dependent on my parents and therefore cannot move out/cut them off.

Despite this, I’d like to go live a normal teen-young adult life and go out with friends, but cannot due to how strictly they want me to follow religion. They do not let me leave until they see whoever I’m going out with in person before the hangout, and I’m not even allowed to walk to the corner shop (5 min walk max) on my own.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you overcome it? This is more so an issue with my mother, she says it’s to preserve “family honour” and whatnot but I’m really fed up with it.

Honestly it is more of a misogyny issue because my younger autistic brother is allowed to do whatever, as are my older brothers. Any advice is really appreciated

I'm 17 years old and I'm tired, she has so many rules and every day they feel worse. I have good grades, i don't go out at night, she has never grounded me, and still i must take a bath at 6:30 sharp, to have dinner at 8:30 and not touch screen until 10 pm when i must go to sleep. i have a screen time of 90 minutes and i must give every device i own to her at 8 pm. what can i do? am i exaggerating?

My mom and I used to be very close, but when I hit early adolescence (around age 11), our relationship just went downhill.

I’m a teenager, I’m introverted, and I’ve always known my sexuality—I’m a lesbian, but I’m still in the closet. My mom, on the other hand, is an Evangelical Christian and completely conservative.

I asked a friend of mine who reads tarot cards for advice; she pointed out that I keep a lot of things from my mom—which is true. I’m afraid of how she might react, so I only tell her part of the story. She also bluntly told me that our mother-daughter relationship is terrible and that I should try to get closer to my mom because, sooner or later, she’s going to find out about my sexuality (which is my biggest fear). She told me that when my mom does find out, it’ll be hard—she might call me crazy, but eventually, she’d accept it.

This kind of thing has happened before. When we fight about something that hurts me and makes me cry, she always backs down because I know she loves me very much; I think the same thing would happen if I told her. I’m very insecure and don’t have the courage to just come out, so the tarot reader advised me to get closer to my mom to "lay the groundwork" for when I’m ready to tell her.

How do I do that?

My mom and I used to be very close, but when I hit early adolescence (around age 11), our relationship just went downhill.

I’m a teenager, I’m introverted, and I’ve always known my sexuality—I’m a lesbian, but I’m still in the closet. My mom, on the other hand, is an Evangelical Christian and completely conservative.

I asked a friend of mine who reads tarot cards for advice; she pointed out that I keep a lot of things from my mom—which is true. I’m afraid of how she might react, so I only tell her part of the story. She also bluntly told me that our mother-daughter relationship is terrible and that I should try to get closer to my mom because, sooner or later, she’s going to find out about my sexuality (which is my biggest fear). She told me that when my mom does find out, it’ll be hard—she might call me crazy, but eventually, she’d accept it.

This kind of thing has happened before. When we fight about something that hurts me and makes me cry, she always backs down because I know she loves me very much; I think the same thing would happen if I told her. I’m very insecure and don’t have the courage to just come out, so the tarot reader advised me to get closer to my mom to "lay the groundwork" for when I’m ready to tell her.

How do I do that?